How To Find A SAHM?
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Anonymous
It’s a hard knock life. What if Yellowstone erupts and we all die within seconds? What if Trump wins and we never have a free and fair election again because he wants to extend presidential terms a la Vlad? |
Anonymous
I missed this too. WtF OP? |
Anonymous
No, because he boiled it down to money. I'm the PP who said I'm what OP is looking for, and my dad owns a real estate company. When I own it value won't be lost. So I guess it depends on what sort of "business" we're talking about, but since OP mentioned multiple businesses I really don't think your thoughts apply here. |
Anonymous
It had to be stringent enough for his girlfriend to dump him. By his own admission, OP loved her, thought she was the one, everything was great. He wanted to marry her. When he brought up the details of his prenup she left. This was a woman in her 30’s who wanted a family and had lived with OP for a year and yet she walked away. That should tell you everything you need to know about how “reasonable” OP’s prenup is. |
Anonymous
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I get what you’re going for here, but at 37, you’re getting a little long in the tooth for it. Think about it. If you meet your ideal woman tomorrow - and she’d be quite a bit younger than you, so she’d have to be into a likely 5-7+ year age gap - you should date for a year before becoming engaged, and be engaged for about a year planning your wedding and moving in together and working out those logistics. If you got pregnant on your honeymoon, you’d be looking at being an almost 40 year old first time dad with a wife in her early 30s. And it’s almost assuredly not going to go that smoothly.
I think you should temper your expectations somewhat. What you want is a lot more difficult at this point in time vs. if you had settled down in your late 20s/early 30s. Women close to your age or even in their early 30s will be settled into decent careers that they’d be reluctant to give up; younger women would want someone closer to their own age or would have married much younger to their college sweetheart. I think it can be done because there are a lot of single women in their early 30s, but finding one who’s willing to become a SAHM will be trickier. |
Anonymous
| Also, OP, I get that your ideal is what your dad did (work a lot when the kids are little and then have more free time later) but consider that that’s probably what he HAD to do and not a intentional lifestyle choice. My H works a lot right now in the hopes of being able to semi-retire in 5 years or so, but if he could scale back now without a big hit he totally would. Our oldest is in second grade, our youngest is due in January, and these are all ages where they need and adore time with their parents. Older kids are a lot less work and a lot more fun to hang out with, but I promise you your imaginary SAHW is going to resent you choosing to work a million hours when she’d love you to run around in the yard with the toddlers after dinner so she can put her feet up for a second, then swooping in time do the fun stuff years later when she actually has the energy for it. |
Anonymous
In another post, OP mentioned he lived with his ex for a year and she worked in a nonprofit.This was a woman in her 30’s who wanted a family and probably was feeling her biological clock loud and clear. Yet, she walked away. I think OP’s prenup is really really one sided. It also says a lot about him that he prioritized the prenup over his relationship. He needs therapy to work on his money issues. |
Anonymous
you want a woman to give up her earning potential and sign a prenup giving up yours? You will not find one. |
Anonymous
it seems like most of the responses here are from the typical DCUM demographics and that is not what you are looking for. The women who want to be SAHM are most likely not on a forum like DCUM. but there are plenty of such women out there. I was in a similar situation as you, just 3-4 years younger. I found the right person, who was well educated, masters degree, spoke 5 languages, had a solid career but wanted to be SAHM. We are almost at the 12 yr mark. Two happy kids. Now my wife does work a few hours a week - doing some basic administrative work for our businesses but is by no means driven by career etc. She does bulk of the household chores (90-95%) although when it comes to kids stuff I think I am putting in 30-50% depending on the week. Especially things like homework, afterschool activities, going to park playing etc. I love to do that and its time my wife takes a break. You need to do this: be very upfront with what you are looking for when you date. Not necessarily first date conversation but definitely bring it up very early in relationship. If you are dating online, include information about what you are looking for in your profile. don't be afraid to put it out there, it will weed out the ones who are not compatible with your point of view but it will likely attract others who are looking for something similar. It might help to work with professional matchmakers who work one-on-one with prospects. The individual matchmakers can have the difficult conversations that you will be uncomfortable with. That will help to bypass the women who have different expectations than yours. Finally, have a reasonable prenup. Not what you think its reasonable for you but what is reasonable for someone who is going to give up a lot and be dependent on you. |
Anonymous
No, pp, your husband could give you class b interests in the llc what would mean you own interests in the business but have no voting power. So yes, you could own it but his investors should not care because you would have no power. Your dh has done a good job a at manipulating you in to thinking otherwise, though! |
Anonymous
I'm not married. What the f do you think you're talking about? |
Anonymous
Wow, you are really rude. Clearly I am responding to the woman who says she is married and that the investors in her DH’s company would not be ok with her owning shares in her husband’s company. |
Anonymous
Do you realize the wealth you brought into the marriage with you is yours upon a divorce, right? It is the money earned during the marriage that is split in half. I would have been willing to sign a prenup, possibly, if the terms were fair. But if you are expecting a woman to give up her career to raise your future kids, it better be fair. I personally would be have okay with your scenario if you earned enough to make it worth giving my my own career. I think you need to explicitly state the familly you envision early in dating or it is going to be hard to find. I was married for 10 years. Early 40s now. My ex and I were never on the same page about a future. I wanted to take just a few years off from work to raise kids IF there were kids. I was not willing to be a full-time worker and a full-time mom. I have a terrible commute. It was sheer misery. I would have liked someone who would have been willing to support a family. I either wanted a more SAHM life or a full-time career. Not both. People like me are out there, but you are going to have to find a practical person willing to sign a fair pre-up. |
Anonymous
That is usual in a divorce. I don't think you need a prenup. It would stupid of you to insist on one if you find someone you love when assets you bring into the marriage would be yours anyway in a normal divorce. |
Anonymous
+100 |