Do you think we will see a massive uptick in women choosing to stay home after this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

Since this is anonymous, yes I do. I would never tell you to your face though.

NP, and no, I don't. In this specific, current situation, I think I have it much harder than they do, but that doesn't make me superior to them. Grumpier, perhaps. On balance, I think there are enough trade-offs either way to make them relatively equally difficult. I guess if you're independently wealth SAH is an easier option, but that's not many people.

Do you think it might be much harder because you aren't as used to be around you kids for that many hours a day? Aside from the actual working part? It can be a little shocking if you aren't used to being around children for 12+ hours a day weeks on end.

NP. This is incredibly condescending. I work full-time, as does my husband, but it’s not the being around my kids all day that’s hard, it’s having them around plus having to work at the same time. I mean, we both take liberal leave during the year and spend time together as a family all day. And also weekends. And many school holidays we’ll take off. Also, we’re fortunate enough that our kids are in school or at an activity right after school pretty much the whole time we’re working, so it’s not like we don’t see our kids during the week. Your attitude is a reason why people hate SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

Since this is anonymous, yes I do. I would never tell you to your face though.

What is your job? And how much do you make?

I’m an engineer. I make roughly $210k

An engineer who can't state her exact income, lol.

Not the engineer, but as someone who gets bonuses every year, I can’t tell you exactly what I make either. Sorry you can’t wrap your head around the way that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

Since this is anonymous, yes I do. I would never tell you to your face though.

NP, and no, I don't. In this specific, current situation, I think I have it much harder than they do, but that doesn't make me superior to them. Grumpier, perhaps. On balance, I think there are enough trade-offs either way to make them relatively equally difficult. I guess if you're independently wealth SAH is an easier option, but that's not many people.

Do you think it might be much harder because you aren't as used to be around you kids for that many hours a day? Aside from the actual working part? It can be a little shocking if you aren't used to being around children for 12+ hours a day weeks on end.

NP. This is incredibly condescending. I work full-time, as does my husband, but it’s not the being around my kids all day that’s hard, it’s having them around plus having to work at the same time. I mean, we both take liberal leave during the year and spend time together as a family all day. And also weekends. And many school holidays we’ll take off. Also, we’re fortunate enough that our kids are in school or at an activity right after school pretty much the whole time we’re working, so it’s not like we don’t see our kids during the week. Your attitude is a reason why people hate SAHMs.

It’s not meant to be condescending. I have noticed too many WOH saying “This is so much harder for me! If I didn’t work this would be so easy. You don’t understand the demands of a career” I’m talking about moms with young children. (5 and under with hardly any independent that cannot be left unsupervised). It’s hard for everyone right now. It is also exhausting being around small children for that long for weeks on end whether you choose it or not and for many it might be the first time outside of maternity leave they have experienced this long of a stretch. I know exactly how stressful a career can be too, I did that for 13 years after grad school and worked since I was 15 and I will in a few years at all when my son is in kindergarten. It doesn’t have to be a competition over who has it harder and who is superior. If you’re a decent mom you made a conscious decision over what made the most sense for your specific family.

[Anonymous]

Can’t we just trust other women they thought about this for themselves and just support one another instead of comparing, judging and criticizing? There is not one right decision. Often it is not a decision at all.. you may not fully realize your own privilege in your circumstance and this goes both ways, for SAHM or WOH parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

Since this is anonymous, yes I do. I would never tell you to your face though.

What is your job? And how much do you make?

I’m an engineer. I make roughly $210k

An engineer who can't state her exact income, lol.

Not the engineer, but as someone who gets bonuses every year, I can’t tell you exactly what I make either. Sorry you can’t wrap your head around the way that works.

Sure Jan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

Since this is anonymous, yes I do. I would never tell you to your face though.

NP, and no, I don't. In this specific, current situation, I think I have it much harder than they do, but that doesn't make me superior to them. Grumpier, perhaps. On balance, I think there are enough trade-offs either way to make them relatively equally difficult. I guess if you're independently wealth SAH is an easier option, but that's not many people.

Do you think it might be much harder because you aren't as used to be around you kids for that many hours a day? Aside from the actual working part? It can be a little shocking if you aren't used to being around children for 12+ hours a day weeks on end.

Nope. Before my kids were school-aged (they're currently 8, 6, and 4), I had a position where I balanced FT work and PT childcare. I know exactly what it's like to be around my kids for long periods of time. Also, let's not pretend that most SAHM aren't out and about and doing things various classes or PT preschool with their kids when they're old enough. They're not in the house with kids, not socializing, and needing to limit outdoor activity for weeks on end.

Also, "aside from the working part?" Huh? That *is* what makes it so much harder. I'm being put on COVID-19 response committees right and left and being given requests with very tight deadlines, in addition to my regular workload. Many of us lucky not to be furloughed right now are experiencing a big jump in workload because of all the uncertainty. I love my job and am grateful to still have it right now, but come on. If our family had a SAHP right now, things would be much, much easier.

You've had the experience of being home in your own situation (FT work, PT childcare) but most working moms just have not had the experience of staying at home with kids for that many hours a day. The difference is most SAHM's have worked outside of the home and had careers prior to making the decision to stay home so are pretty tuned in on what it is like to have a career.

Having a career and having a career with children are two different things. So now, SAHMs who quit when they had their first kid don't know what it's like. Also, working now, at home, with kids also home, is a totally different ballgame, so for you say that SAHMs "are tuned in" to that is laughable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you sah, do you feel your children have a superior childhood?

Not at all. I easily see both sides. There are benefits and drawbacks to working or staying at home. It is also a very personal decision that depends on so many factors- partner’s career, their salary, how often they travel, special needs of the children, aging parents, flexibility of career options, how accessible family or emergency childcare is, preschool or childcare option, family budget, overall net worth, who the breadwinner is, long term goals, etc. I’m just shaking my head at working moms who feel superior. It is too bad women can’t just support women making the best choice for their own family.

Honest Q, do you shake your head at SAHMs who feel superior? Because there's no shortage of them either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

Since this is anonymous, yes I do. I would never tell you to your face though.

What is your job? And how much do you make?

I’m an engineer. I make roughly $210k

An engineer who can't state her exact income, lol.

Not the engineer, but as someone who gets bonuses every year, I can’t tell you exactly what I make either. Sorry you can’t wrap your head around the way that works.

Sure Jan

I guess your husband doesn't get bonuses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you sah, do you feel your children have a superior childhood?

A resounding NO. I’m not giving my kids anything that kids of two working parents don’t have.

But, I’m giving myself and my DH something: me, more time with my kids, and more space to care for myself, as I have a chronic medical issue that requires some extra attention. And for DH, the ability to focus on his work, and have our home and kids cared for.

But I hate that some WOH moms think SAH moms judge them. No, no, no. Not from me.

Maybe I just don't understand this, but my husband and I both care way more about our kids than we do our work. And honestly, I wouldn't want to be with a man who wanted to focus more on his work. Then what's the point of having a family? I feel superior to stay at home moms whose husbands are so focused on their work. I think kids benefit from having both parents equally involved in their lives. The whole dad comes up to say goodnight to them is distasteful to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you sah, do you feel your children have a superior childhood?

actually yes. But I know the reality is that they have a superior childhood because my husband makes a lot of money. So that means private school, college is taken care of, we take them on fabulous vacations all over the world, they get private tennis, ski, swim, and music lessons, cool summer camps, all the tech they want, etc. And they have a mom at home who greets them at the door, runs them around to activities, hosts the play dates, volunteers in their schools, makes a home cooked meal every night, makes sure the house is nice and tidy, keeps on top of their homework schedules, etc.

I mean, yeah it's better. It's definitely better than what they had when I was working, which was a harried mom juggling too many balls.

I hope you're not raising boys, because they'll be a real treat to be married to. Or girls, for that matter, since then they'll think that's what they have to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you sah, do you feel your children have a superior childhood?

A resounding NO. I’m not giving my kids anything that kids of two working parents don’t have.

But, I’m giving myself and my DH something: me, more time with my kids, and more space to care for myself, as I have a chronic medical issue that requires some extra attention. And for DH, the ability to focus on his work, and have our home and kids cared for.

But I hate that some WOH moms think SAH moms judge them. No, no, no. Not from me.

That’s the thing, it is usually the WOH moms that judge and criticize (emotionally unstable, small lives, etc.) . I’ve never really heard SAHM’s judge working parents. I don’t understand why we can’t just support each other’s choices. It’s not a one size fits all choice. You don’t really don’t know what you would do if your own situation changed and your husband tripled his salary or you had to travel 50 percent of the time to advance or your child has autism?

Are you delusional?!? There are thousands of posts from people saying why did you even bother to have kids if you were going to dump them on someone else to raise, and you're not a real parent, and you shouldn't have had kids, and I could go on and on. You are impossible to take seriously if you think this. Honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only on DCUM is 210K "cringeworthy" I'm not saying the engineer's attitude is OK, but I make half of that and live a lovely and comfortable life. Also, I don't think that anyone who is income earning should be turning their nose up at people who earn a living outside the home, anyone who is doing an honest day's work. For me, this time has only increased the value I see in an honest day's work.

Perhaps your value system needs a reboot? There is value in earning money; there is also value in the work many, many peopled do in this world for which no money exchanges hands. Neither is more or less "honest."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

Since this is anonymous, yes I do. I would never tell you to your face though.

NP, and no, I don't. In this specific, current situation, I think I have it much harder than they do, but that doesn't make me superior to them. Grumpier, perhaps. On balance, I think there are enough trade-offs either way to make them relatively equally difficult. I guess if you're independently wealth SAH is an easier option, but that's not many people.

Do you think it might be much harder because you aren't as used to be around you kids for that many hours a day? Aside from the actual working part? It can be a little shocking if you aren't used to being around children for 12+ hours a day weeks on end.

NP. This is incredibly condescending. I work full-time, as does my husband, but it’s not the being around my kids all day that’s hard, it’s having them around plus having to work at the same time. I mean, we both take liberal leave during the year and spend time together as a family all day. And also weekends. And many school holidays we’ll take off. Also, we’re fortunate enough that our kids are in school or at an activity right after school pretty much the whole time we’re working, so it’s not like we don’t see our kids during the week. Your attitude is a reason why people hate SAHMs.

It’s not meant to be condescending. I have noticed too many WOH saying “This is so much harder for me! If I didn’t work this would be so easy. You don’t understand the demands of a career” I’m talking about moms with young children. (5 and under with hardly any independent that cannot be left unsupervised). It’s hard for everyone right now. It is also exhausting being around small children for that long for weeks on end whether you choose it or not and for many it might be the first time outside of maternity leave they have experienced this long of a stretch. I know exactly how stressful a career can be too, I did that for 13 years after grad school and worked since I was 15 and I will in a few years at all when my son is in kindergarten. It doesn’t have to be a competition over who has it harder and who is superior. If you’re a decent mom you made a conscious decision over what made the most sense for your specific family.

I'm the PP you were responding to earlier, not this one.

Here's the thing: if you have not balanced a career with kids, i.e., worked while you had kids, you have no idea what the specific challenges are. Working before you have kids is not even remotely the same as working once you have them. I'm not even talking about right now in COVID-19 time, I'm talking generally.

As for COVID-19 time, your argument that it's not harder for mothers who have to work *on top of* all the the other things SAHM are doing is ludicrous. That you can't appreciate that you do, in fact, have it easier right now, is what pisses me and many other working moms off. We're not talking about the demands of a career, we're talking about the demands of working full-time WHILE we ALSO have to parent kids at home. If you can't get that, that's on you, not us.

(I don't have anything against SAHM, either. Many of my neighbors do, and I know it's not easy for them right now. But to a one, they have acknowledged that they are grateful they are home and not also having to work right now. That earns my everlasting gratitude because they Get It.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OMG I'm DYING at someone thinking they are superior to me because they make 210k.

Oh honey. Talk about having a small life! You don't even know that is not a lot of money.

I feel sad for her.

Ok I wouldn't have said it like this because it's mean but yes. I cringed at that too.

Hi, I’m the pp you’re referring to!

I never said it was the money that makes me superior. I just can’t imagine feeling fulfilled in life doing...well nothing. I’m sure you get to travel and shop but you are kind of worthless (in my view).

Again I would never say this to your face.

I’m cringing for you.

+ 1

I guess we see how she rates her children though! It's "worthless" to spend time with them!

I agree, but I also have pity for her. I find a lot of ppl in this area (men and women) who define themselves by their jobs. It is the one thing I hate about this area. I grew up on the W Coast where people actually have conversations rather than asking what you do/who you know and losing all interest if you can’t help them somehow. It’s great to have a job that you love, but it’s just as bad to pin all your self worth on your career as it is on your kids. There has to be a balance and you have to be someone outside of work, ideally with a loving family and community involvement. And judging by the vitriol she’s spouting, I’m going to guess she doesn’t have that balance. Sad! I hope for her kids’ sake that they have other positive influences in their lives...

I don't know a single working mom who defines themselves by their job. Not one. And some of them have pretty major jobs. Talking about what you do doesn't mean you're defining someone's worth by their answer. It's an interesting way to learn about someone and about the things that they do that you might know nothing about. So you can be "sad" all you want for PP, but your negative attitude is equally as disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

Since this is anonymous, yes I do. I would never tell you to your face though.

NP, and no, I don't. In this specific, current situation, I think I have it much harder than they do, but that doesn't make me superior to them. Grumpier, perhaps. On balance, I think there are enough trade-offs either way to make them relatively equally difficult. I guess if you're independently wealth SAH is an easier option, but that's not many people.

Do you think it might be much harder because you aren't as used to be around you kids for that many hours a day? Aside from the actual working part? It can be a little shocking if you aren't used to being around children for 12+ hours a day weeks on end.

NP. This is incredibly condescending. I work full-time, as does my husband, but it’s not the being around my kids all day that’s hard, it’s having them around plus having to work at the same time. I mean, we both take liberal leave during the year and spend time together as a family all day. And also weekends. And many school holidays we’ll take off. Also, we’re fortunate enough that our kids are in school or at an activity right after school pretty much the whole time we’re working, so it’s not like we don’t see our kids during the week. Your attitude is a reason why people hate SAHMs.

It’s not meant to be condescending. I have noticed too many WOH saying “This is so much harder for me! If I didn’t work this would be so easy. You don’t understand the demands of a career” I’m talking about moms with young children. (5 and under with hardly any independent that cannot be left unsupervised). It’s hard for everyone right now. It is also exhausting being around small children for that long for weeks on end whether you choose it or not and for many it might be the first time outside of maternity leave they have experienced this long of a stretch. I know exactly how stressful a career can be too, I did that for 13 years after grad school and worked since I was 15 and I will in a few years at all when my son is in kindergarten. It doesn’t have to be a competition over who has it harder and who is superior. If you’re a decent mom you made a conscious decision over what made the most sense for your specific family.

Yes, it's hard for everyone right now. But if you can't see how it is infinitely harder for parents who are both working full-time than for families who have a stay at home parent, I don't know what to say to you. It's not a competition, it's just a fact.