Do you think we will see a massive uptick in women choosing to stay home after this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, you don’t think it’s better for a young SN child to have a non-abusive parent or grandparent at home with them?

No. Many sn kids do intensive therapies. Their parents can be involved but for everyone’s mental health, no. Also, having a child with sn is wildly expense. We’ve spent at least $120k a year since our child was 2. We both have to work. We need to set up a trust for him. What you do need to do is find the very best child care the best schools and the best therapists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, you don’t think it’s better for a young SN child to have a non-abusive parent or grandparent at home with them?

No. Many sn kids do intensive therapies. Their parents can be involved but for everyone’s mental health, no. Also, having a child with sn is wildly expense. We’ve spent at least $120k a year since our child was 2. We both have to work. We need to set up a trust for him. What you do need to do is find the very best child care the best schools and the best therapists.

If you don’t have a special needs child you have no idea how intensive parenting them is. They need around the clock care and supervision often. It’s best for everyone if parents are very involved but have a lot of support and breaks. Working has been key for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, you don’t think it’s better for a young SN child to have a non-abusive parent or grandparent at home with them?

Again, you can't generalize. I don't know why you keep in trying to find specific situations where you can say that universally SAH is better. There are just too many nuances in life and to me it's a little weird that you want to be so reductionist.

I have a friend who was a SAHM with an SN toddler. She was specifically advised that for her child's specific issues, a small good daycare might help her child's issues, so he could observe other kids and interact with them. So she found a good daycare, and went back to work in part to pay for it. I have another friend (WOHM) whose toddler had SNs and she was advised that daycare (even a good one) was detrimental for her kid's specific issues. So she pulled him out and became a SAHM.

By your logic, the first mom was a bad mom but the second was a good one. Yet they both did was they were advised, and years later as teens, both kids are doing very well.

I just don't get the desperation that so many of you seem to have to find a single childcare formula that is the BEST for the entire population of children in the world. Maybe it's because my kids are teens and I have done it all as far as SAH or WOH, and maybe it's because I am around a lot more teens than most people on this thread, but the insistence of a lot of the posters here that there is One True Way just sounds pretty silly to me. SAH or WOH is just so irrelevant in the large scheme of things.

Now emotional instability, meanness (looking at you, several SAHMs and WOHMs on this thread - you can't tell me you don't take that nastiness out on your kids), alcoholism, emotional withdrawal, rage, anger, etc., -- that stuff matters. But that's agnostic of family structure and childcare.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, you don’t think it’s better for a young SN child to have a non-abusive parent or grandparent at home with them?

Depends on the parent. My SIL is a SAHM and my ILs basically raised all four of her kids because she does nothing. If one of her kids was SN, that kid would have been way better off in the care of someone who was actually a good caretaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, you don’t think it’s better for a young SN child to have a non-abusive parent or grandparent at home with them?

No. Many sn kids do intensive therapies. Their parents can be involved but for everyone’s mental health, no. Also, having a child with sn is wildly expense. We’ve spent at least $120k a year since our child was 2. We both have to work. We need to set up a trust for him. What you do need to do is find the very best child care the best schools and the best therapists.

+100

I think that PP doesn't have a lot of experience with SN children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am already a SAHM but this has definitely quashed any thoughts I may have had of returning to work any time soon. My kids are early elementary and DH and I have been very thankful I’m not juggling working at home like he is.

Funny, I'm having the opposite experience as a working mom. My 2 kids are 8 and 11, and I have so.much.time. in this pandemic. I was WFH 2x a week before all this, so now I have like 5 hours a week non commute back. DH was going in most days, so he has like four hours non commute time back. We didn't travel a lot, but obviously now, all trips have been canceled for both of us. Normally this time of year, we would have two kids doing sports, so those hours of practice and games and organizing etc. have gone. I'd be doing the school fundraiser and going to PTA meetings, and that has stopped. I'd be volunteering at school, going on field trips, and those are off the table now. We have no social engagements taking up our weekends. We are now having most groceries delivered. Instead of driving to barre or yoga I'm doing them on zoom.

House cleaning is the ONE category where I suppose we were doing less of before this, since we are not having our 2x cleaning crew come. But overall, we have TONS more hours available to us. With online learning and kids old enough to read, play, etc on their own, we've found we've had a lot less to juggle since all of this.

Not judging whether people work or stay home, but I honestly am puzzled that people with older kids would find this time more trying in terms of juggling (I get why it is frustrating for other reasons). Maybe since I was WFH so much before it was easier to adapt? But I definitely wouldn't call it a juggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am already a SAHM but this has definitely quashed any thoughts I may have had of returning to work any time soon. My kids are early elementary and DH and I have been very thankful I’m not juggling working at home like he is.

Funny, I'm having the opposite experience as a working mom. My 2 kids are 8 and 11, and I have so.much.time. in this pandemic. I was WFH 2x a week before all this, so now I have like 5 hours a week non commute back. DH was going in most days, so he has like four hours non commute time back. We didn't travel a lot, but obviously now, all trips have been canceled for both of us. Normally this time of year, we would have two kids doing sports, so those hours of practice and games and organizing etc. have gone. I'd be doing the school fundraiser and going to PTA meetings, and that has stopped. I'd be volunteering at school, going on field trips, and those are off the table now. We have no social engagements taking up our weekends. We are now having most groceries delivered. Instead of driving to barre or yoga I'm doing them on zoom.

House cleaning is the ONE category where I suppose we were doing less of before this, since we are not having our 2x cleaning crew come. But overall, we have TONS more hours available to us. With online learning and kids old enough to read, play, etc on their own, we've found we've had a lot less to juggle since all of this.

Not judging whether people work or stay home, but I honestly am puzzled that people with older kids would find this time more trying in terms of juggling (I get why it is frustrating for other reasons). Maybe since I was WFH so much before it was easier to adapt? But I definitely wouldn't call it a juggle.

I am very happy for you. I have young kids but what I’ve heard from friends and family with older kids is that online learning is a joke and they are having to homeschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am already a SAHM but this has definitely quashed any thoughts I may have had of returning to work any time soon. My kids are early elementary and DH and I have been very thankful I’m not juggling working at home like he is.

Funny, I'm having the opposite experience as a working mom. My 2 kids are 8 and 11, and I have so.much.time. in this pandemic. I was WFH 2x a week before all this, so now I have like 5 hours a week non commute back. DH was going in most days, so he has like four hours non commute time back. We didn't travel a lot, but obviously now, all trips have been canceled for both of us. Normally this time of year, we would have two kids doing sports, so those hours of practice and games and organizing etc. have gone. I'd be doing the school fundraiser and going to PTA meetings, and that has stopped. I'd be volunteering at school, going on field trips, and those are off the table now. We have no social engagements taking up our weekends. We are now having most groceries delivered. Instead of driving to barre or yoga I'm doing them on zoom.

House cleaning is the ONE category where I suppose we were doing less of before this, since we are not having our 2x cleaning crew come. But overall, we have TONS more hours available to us. With online learning and kids old enough to read, play, etc on their own, we've found we've had a lot less to juggle since all of this.

Not judging whether people work or stay home, but I honestly am puzzled that people with older kids would find this time more trying in terms of juggling (I get why it is frustrating for other reasons). Maybe since I was WFH so much before it was easier to adapt? But I definitely wouldn't call it a juggle.

We've been pretty happy with the online learning. I grew up with a mom who was a teacher and later a school administrator and she always laments the time that is wasted during the school day. My kids are avid readers though, and they love writing stories, poems, journaling, etc. so I don't think they are missing out on much. They are also doing tons of art, and my older child is learning Spanish on her own - going much faster than the school curriculum. So I don't think at this point it's a big deal.
I am very happy for you. I have young kids but what I’ve heard from friends and family with older kids is that online learning is a joke and they are having to homeschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, you don’t think it’s better for a young SN child to have a non-abusive parent or grandparent at home with them?

My mom was non-abusive. She was also an awful SAHM because she didn’t like it. She was a fantastic doctor though, because she loved that. I was raised by nannies/babysitters who were absolutely terrific at their jobs because they loved it.

Why did your mother become a mother? Have you ever asked her that? You admit she did not raise you. You were pretty much a foster child of your nanny.

[Anonymous]

^^

Agree. Some occupations do not lend themselves to being a parent.

Did you have a dad? Could he not have stayed home to take care of you? Surely your mom made enough money to support her family --nearly all doctors do.

Or would your dad have been a terrible stay at home dad?

I am beginning to think you were really an orphan.

[Anonymous]

Because of job losses, many people will have no choice but to be at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, you don’t think it’s better for a young SN child to have a non-abusive parent or grandparent at home with them?

No. Many sn kids do intensive therapies. Their parents can be involved but for everyone’s mental health, no. Also, having a child with sn is wildly expense. We’ve spent at least $120k a year since our child was 2. We both have to work. We need to set up a trust for him. What you do need to do is find the very best child care the best schools and the best therapists.

+100

I think that PP doesn't have a lot of experience with SN children.

THIS. My friends with SN needs are saying their kids are regressing at home without their teachers and therapists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because of job losses, many people will have no choice but to be at home.

But some will also have to go back to work, if their partner lost their job

[Anonymous]

For many that have the choice (non job loss situation) I think it will depend on how long this goes on. Some will not be able to balance work and lack of school/childcare over the long haul. Others will be afraid to send kids back if/when things do open up and will have to quit if they want to remain at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because of job losses, many people will have no choice but to be at home.

But some will also have to go back to work, if their partner lost their job

You can go back to work if people are hiring. Across the board job losses means that if you lose your 100K job, you will not find another in a hurry. It is across the board global job losses. The people who will be ok are the ones who have enough cash to ride it our for a few years. Going to work as an Amazon delivery man is not going to cut it because the pay is low and it seems that it is the only place that is still hiring.