How are kids supposed to address professors? Dr., Professor, first name? Daughter got rude reaction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a good life lesson for both OP and her DD. I don’t know how you go through life as a decently socialized person without realizing that you default to formal address for those higher in command than you. This includes superiors at work and professors/teachers at school. Always wait until you are invited to address them casually; never assume. It’s offensive.

Did you even read the OP? She said most of the faculty preferred to be on a first name basis.

Well, she says that her daughter says most faculty prefer first-name basis.

But we know her daughter doesn't understand academic norms and boundaries. Moreover, we know the daughter's behavior to be so egregious that an advisor was involved. We also know OP blew off that involvement.

There's enough here to presume the daughter is mistaken.

Brilliant analysis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew a few professors in my department I’m undergrad who preferred to be called by their first names. In retrospect I realize this was probably an effort to make them seem more approachable to the students who they always seemed to be dating.

Good point.

[Anonymous]

When this daughter does not get an impressive internship or grad school admission, the mother will post on here that it must be because of under-represented minority preference....instead of realizing that none of her professors felt comfortable writing her a very enthusiastic recommendation.

[Anonymous]

It's a professional formality that can be waived but should not be assumed to be waived, and the person to decide is the person to whom the courtesy is owed.

[Anonymous]

How are we 13 pages into this?

The OP lacks basic respect and basic common sense

The End

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When this daughter does not get an impressive internship or grad school admission, the mother will post on here that it must be because of under-represented minority preference....instead of realizing that none of her professors felt comfortable writing her a very enthusiastic recommendation.

Bingo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daughter claims basically all of her professors and faculty prefer first name basis. And that same majority are casual about emails, i.e. just say what you have to say, no need for the formal business format each email "Dear Dr. so and so, ... blah blah ... Best, kiddo."

But she casually called one professor by their first name and was sort of pulled to the side and chastised face to face. She did the same in an email response to an advisor and the advisor literally told her to meet her in the office later in the week. At the office she told her she needs to conduct herself with more professionalism. Calm down, Ms. Advisor.

Are the two outliers just obnoxious jerks or do they have a point?

There is a lot in the language of this post. And OP is getting information second hand from daughter - always need to take a step back and think when this is the case. "Daughter claims" "majority of casual about emails" - how do you know this is in fact true - 13 pages of thread would suggest not true.

"chastised face to face" - really? or simply informed she was in the wrong.

"Outliers" who are "obnoxious jerks" - just because someone takes the time to give your daughter negative feedback, does not make them a jerk.

I have three kids at various stages of getting college and graduate degrees at a variety of schools - SLAC to large university. Just polled them about how this works at their schools - about 50/50 first name - more so at the SLAC, but the professors usually indicate preference at the start of a class and if not, the default is Dr. or Professor X until invited to say otherwise. They are never informal in emails - that would only make them seem immature and unprepared which I am guessing the advisor was trying to help her with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Default should always be professor/Doctor until the person in question makes clear he/she call be called by their first name.

+1

Same as if at work your name is Michael, I call you Michael until you introduce yourself as Mike, I see that’s how you sign your emails, or I check if you go by Michael (if I had to include their name on something). Even though 90% of the folks may go by the nickname, the 10% that don’t, likely feel strongly about it so why not start off on the right foot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the bigger point is she's learning to adjust. Talking to you, and I'm going to guess complaining to you, and you posting this shows this is too much on your radar. This should only be on your daughter's radar.

+1

[Anonymous]

My guess is the daughter was pulled aside by the professor rather than being corrected (and embarrassed) in front of the entire class.

Perhaps she was called in to advisor's office so they could have a more in depth conversation and understanding rather than an email which may have been interpreted MORE harshly without any ability to hear tone.

Rather than being obnoxious jerks, these may be people trying to help the daughter navigate life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agreeing with what an earlier pp mentioned earlier - this is especially important for female and minority scholars who are frequently not addressed by their title even while their white male colleagues are. I (female professor) experienced this a few years ago when an email to myself and a colleague was addressed as Dr. XXX and Mrs. XXX (the student had no reason to know whether I was married or not).

I will never forget when, as a young assistant professor, a ran into a student of mine who said in a friendly but patronizing manner, "Sooooo, you got your Masters of Sociology!" He thought I was an adjunct. I decided to laugh it off and not mention that, yes, I also had my PhD in sociology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is now in the world of academia. This is how academia works: You err on the side of respect until you are invited into a more informal relationship.

Don't like it? You don't have to stay in academia.

I have a master's degree and have worked as an administrative staff member at four universities and a law school. This is how academia is. Now you know, too.

What exactly is disrespectful about using someone's first name?

It assumes a peer relationship that hasn't been earned, and a level of informality that has not been invited.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreeing with what an earlier pp mentioned earlier - this is especially important for female and minority scholars who are frequently not addressed by their title even while their white male colleagues are. I (female professor) experienced this a few years ago when an email to myself and a colleague was addressed as Dr. XXX and Mrs. XXX (the student had no reason to know whether I was married or not).

I will never forget when, as a young assistant professor, a ran into a student of mine who said in a friendly but patronizing manner, "Sooooo, you got your Masters of Sociology!" He thought I was an adjunct. I decided to laugh it off and not mention that, yes, I also had my PhD in sociology.

Another female prof here. When I, not even that young, attended a work conference the lady checking me in said “Staff, right?”

[Anonymous]

"Professor [Last Name]"

How is this hard? lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there aren't any schools where most/many faculty prefer to be called by their first names? You think OP's DD was just wrong about that?

No, that’s not what we are saying. We are saying you err on the side of formal-Dr, professor, Mr or Mrs until they specifically tell you otherwise. And you do it with every professor and advisor, etc. I really don’t understand why this is so difficult to understand.

Um.. because the OP's DD said most of the faculty wanted to be called by their first names?

You really are struggling with seeing the full picture here.

DD said this. 14 pages of posters are confirming that DD is wrong, and offering speculation about how DD might have arrived at this erroneous conclusion. DD needs to become more aware of social and professional boundaries and protocol. This will probably involve realizing that Mom is not a good guide in this.