How are kids supposed to address professors? Dr., Professor, first name? Daughter got rude reaction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there aren't any schools where most/many faculty prefer to be called by their first names? You think OP's DD was just wrong about that?

No, that’s not what we are saying. We are saying you err on the side of formal-Dr, professor, Mr or Mrs until they specifically tell you otherwise. And you do it with every professor and advisor, etc. I really don’t understand why this is so difficult to understand.

Could it be because OP said: "Daughter claims basically all of her professors and faculty prefer first name basis."?

[Anonymous]

DD is a twit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So there aren't any schools where most/many faculty prefer to be called by their first names? You think OP's DD was just wrong about that?

No, that’s not what we are saying. We are saying you err on the side of formal-Dr, professor, Mr or Mrs until they specifically tell you otherwise. And you do it with every professor and advisor, etc. I really don’t understand why this is so difficult to understand.

Um.. because the OP's DD said most of the faculty wanted to be called by their first names?[/quote]

OP's daughter is incorrect. She almost certainly attends a school where the majority of her first or second year courses are taught mainly by TAs, who are grad students, not professors. One or two grad student TAs told her to call them by their first names, and she failed to understand the difference between a grad student and a professor, so assumed that everyone teaching a class at her university, or anyone interacting with students, was OK with first names.

And her mother's attitude did her no favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is a twit.

+1 So is her mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So there aren't any schools where most/many faculty prefer to be called by their first names? You think OP's DD was just wrong about that?

I am a professor who has posted here. Once a student has been in personal contact with me (office hours, email) I tell them to use my first name. I still expect those students to write me emails that are professional in nature but they can use my first name. If I have never communicated with a student, then first name use assumes a level of familiarity that isn't there. It likely wasn't just the title, it was likely also the tone or style or content of the email - writing to a prof in the same way you would write to your friend isn't the right style for prof-student communication.

[Anonymous]

Here's an article from the New York Times about this very issue:

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/13/opinion/sunday/u-cant-talk-to-ur-professor-like-this.html

This would be a good article to show kids just before they go off to college, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's an article from the New York Times about this very issue:

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/13/opinion/sunday/u-cant-talk-to-ur-professor-like-this.html

This would be a good article to show kids just before they go off to college, I think.

Excellent article.
I spent most of my life as a professional nanny, and I never allowed children to address me by my first name. It was always Miss X.

[Anonymous]

This is a good life lesson for both OP and her DD. I don’t know how you go through life as a decently socialized person without realizing that you default to formal address for those higher in command than you. This includes superiors at work and professors/teachers at school. Always wait until you are invited to address them casually; never assume. It’s offensive.

[Anonymous]

Hi Robert,
...
Sincerely,
Becky

vs.

Hi Dr. Smith,
...
Sincerely,
Becky

vs.

Hi Professor Smith,
...
Sincerely,
Becky

All of these are perfectly cordial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a good life lesson for both OP and her DD. I don’t know how you go through life as a decently socialized person without realizing that you default to formal address for those higher in command than you. This includes superiors at work and professors/teachers at school. Always wait until you are invited to address them casually; never assume. It’s offensive.

Did you even read the OP? She said most of the faculty preferred to be on a first name basis.

[Anonymous]

Something is wrong with the previous poster.

THey are being told, repeatedly, that this style of communication is NOT appropriate for the undergrad academic setting.

Dense/stubborn and unaware that their poor social skills have probably been alienating important others for decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a good life lesson for both OP and her DD. I don’t know how you go through life as a decently socialized person without realizing that you default to formal address for those higher in command than you. This includes superiors at work and professors/teachers at school. Always wait until you are invited to address them casually; never assume. It’s offensive.

Did you even read the OP? She said most of the faculty preferred to be on a first name basis.

Doesn’t matter. Formal until an individual person - teacher or professor or neighbor or doctor or whatever - instructs you otherwise. And if you are corrected, apologize and do better going forward.

[Anonymous]

I knew a few professors in my department I’m undergrad who preferred to be called by their first names. In retrospect I realize this was probably an effort to make them seem more approachable to the students who they always seemed to be dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a good life lesson for both OP and her DD. I don’t know how you go through life as a decently socialized person without realizing that you default to formal address for those higher in command than you. This includes superiors at work and professors/teachers at school. Always wait until you are invited to address them casually; never assume. It’s offensive.

Did you even read the OP? She said most of the faculty preferred to be on a first name basis.

Well, she says that her daughter says most faculty prefer first-name basis.

But we know her daughter doesn't understand academic norms and boundaries. Moreover, we know the daughter's behavior to be so egregious that an advisor was involved. We also know OP blew off that involvement.

There's enough here to presume the daughter is mistaken.

[Anonymous]

This is highly school specific. At my SLAC, first name was standard but there were some exceptions. At my Big 10 grad school, first name was standard as well but there were (more) exceptions, and the rules were different for undergraduates, who nearly universally addressed professors as ‘Dr So and So.’