How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the takeaway is men are liars. Well, duh.

Not at all.

The "takeaway", as has been carefully explained to you already, is that OP's "requirements" will select out honest, desirable men, and select for the kind of men who will tell her whatever she wants to hear in order to get into her pants.

Not that ALL men are liars, silly.

OP is so broken by her marriage, that she is deliberately if unconsciously setting herself up to get involved with a man who is very likely to simply lie to her about being "exclusive." Or, she won't be able to determine the difference.

The very fact that she wants a "something" involving 1/2 time sex AND exclusivity with a man, but insists on saying it's "not a relationship," shows how psychologically messed up OP is.

What she's describing that she wants IS a "relationship." She thinks by calling it something else, it's not a relationship? It may be unconventional, it may not be the same relationship with a man that is considered typical, but it's a relationship. She is having regular although 1/2 time sex with a man and demands exclusivity. Either one would constitute a relationship, both together constitute a pretty advanced form of relationship.

IOW OP is delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the one that is admiring you for not dragging the kids earlier.
I'm curious why you're on here asking for a FWB and not testing the waters on sites like bumble? Being transparent goes far on these sites once you start communicating.

OP here: I asked if what I want is possible. I am not asking for a FWB here or going on sites. I am not divorced yet. When I am, I will look into those options.

It is very possible you will find numerous men who will SAY they won't see other women when you are unavailable.

But these very same men who would agree to this in the first place, will also be the same kind of men who would lie about it to get you in the sack.

You don't want to make a commitment, you say there is no chance of a commitment in the future.

No rational man has any reason whatsoever to agree to see you when it's convenient for you, and deny himself at least the option of seeing other women when you're unavailable.

If you don't want to have a relationship with the guy, then you don't get to ask for him to be exclusive, but if you do, and you're naive enough to believe guys who tell you they agree to it, you deserve exactly what you end up with--the bottom of the barrel--players.

I find it interesting that you feel so passionately about this. If you are not a divorced person in the FWB market, what the actual hell do you know about it? The rest of the posters in this thread indicate 1) yes, I've done this or 2) I'd love to do this. So what is your actual real life experience that makes you so certain you are right about what "quality" men will or will not do?

I just love it when a PP who is clearly a failure at relationships becomes indignant at the thought that someone who is not a failure at relationships wants to participate in a conversation like this.

PP, do you think OP should hear only from people who failed at relationship 101? (Like yourself?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I have had this. I've been divorced for ten years and never once introduced a man to my kids. I have long term exclusive relationship, more than FWB but not a "boyfriend" - no real strings or obligations except mutual kindness, respect, responsiveness.... It was supposedly mutually monogamous but who knows, so condom every time.

for those saying a few times a month is not enough to ensure sexual fidelity, LOL. It's more than many people get in marriage, [Uh, sorry, any divorced man knows he does not have to accept such a low level of sexual activity - and why should he? It is very, very easy to get laid.] and what is a single dad going to do when he has his kids half the time too? Not like he has a lot of time to be out trying to get laid either. [The answer is, he has more than one FWB in rotation, and again, it is very, very easy to get laid. This might be a problem for OP, who wants exclusivity, but too bad.]

I have found this arrangement to be a win-win for similarly situated men. [Oh yeah, accepting "slightly more than a marital dead bedroom level of sexual activity" even though he doesn't have to is definitely a big win for the man ]

[Anonymous]

NP. People have different sex drives. Some me. Are happy with a few times a month or week. Rare, but possible. There is a kid for every pot, right?

[Anonymous]

“Some men”

[Anonymous]

I have been reading this thread since OP posted, and I am frankly shocked by the responses in this "age of consent". OP clearly stated on the first page of the thread that she is interested in " monogamous casual thing a few times a month...pretty much sex only or hanging out at home." Then she asks "possible of unrealistic".

The vast majority of replies on this thread not only tell her unrealistic but that she must change her consent to either agree to non-monogamous sex, agree to a "real" relationship or accept that men will just violate her consent by agreeing to monogamous sex but secretly cheat on her. Various PPs cast OP as psychologically disordered or misinformed about her sexual or relational value to man. The whole thread pressures OP to consent to some kind of sex or relationship she has already stated she is not into. This thread is a classic example of #rapeculture.

OP, I guarantee you that there is a guy in the DC area who wants what you want. Your job is simply to put yourself out there, be honest about what you want, and keep saying "thank you, next," to anyone who wants you to consent to something (sex or relationship) that you are not ready for.

#nomeansno

[Anonymous]

I’m pretty sure at least one of those is angry open marriage guy. There is a level of misogyny that is alarming.

As a 41 year old divorced woman looking for the exact arrangement OP describes, I can tell you she will have absolutely ZERO problem finding it. Men will line up like puppies for what she’s offering. The biggest problem she will have is that men tend to fall hard and fast, and will want more and more from her.

I’ve had 2 arrangements like this that I had to end after the men started asking about meeting my kids and talking about taking things to the next level. Sorry, there is no next level in this. Maybe in like 10 years when my kids are grown and gone. The current guy and I have been seeing each other for about 7 months. So far so good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure at least one of those is angry open marriage guy. There is a level of misogyny that is alarming.

As a 41 year old divorced woman looking for the exact arrangement OP describes, I can tell you she will have absolutely ZERO problem finding it. Men will line up like puppies for what she’s offering. The biggest problem she will have is that men tend to fall hard and fast, and will want more and more from her.

I’ve had 2 arrangements like this that I had to end after the men started asking about meeting my kids and talking about taking things to the next level. Sorry, there is no next level in this. Maybe in like 10 years when my kids are grown and gone. The current guy and I have been seeing each other for about 7 months. So far so good.

I agree completely, beginning to end. Someone on this thread is very angry at women.

I'm 48 and have had no problem finding this sort of setup, other than the two men I have been with trying to move it to something committed after about 6 months. One was in his early forties, one in his early fifties. In both cases they were also professionals, and one with kids part-time, so we mostly got together on the weekends and sometimes once midweek. Neither of us had time for much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure at least one of those is angry open marriage guy. There is a level of misogyny that is alarming.

As a 41 year old divorced woman looking for the exact arrangement OP describes, I can tell you she will have absolutely ZERO problem finding it. Men will line up like puppies for what she’s offering. The biggest problem she will have is that men tend to fall hard and fast, and will want more and more from her.

I’ve had 2 arrangements like this that I had to end after the men started asking about meeting my kids and talking about taking things to the next level. Sorry, there is no next level in this. Maybe in like 10 years when my kids are grown and gone. The current guy and I have been seeing each other for about 7 months. So far so good.

As a man whose been down this road many times, the opposite is true. In my experience, women will ALWAYS develop an emotional attachment when they're getting banged and will want more than that.

ALWAYS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been reading this thread since OP posted, and I am frankly shocked by the responses in this "age of consent". OP clearly stated on the first page of the thread that she is interested in " monogamous casual thing a few times a month...pretty much sex only or hanging out at home." Then she asks "possible of unrealistic".

The vast majority of replies on this thread not only tell her unrealistic but that she must change her consent to either agree to non-monogamous sex, agree to a "real" relationship or accept that men will just violate her consent by agreeing to monogamous sex but secretly cheat on her. Various PPs cast OP as psychologically disordered or misinformed about her sexual or relational value to man. The whole thread pressures OP to consent to some kind of sex or relationship she has already stated she is not into. This thread is a classic example of #rapeculture.

OP, I guarantee you that there is a guy in the DC area who wants what you want. Your job is simply to put yourself out there, be honest about what you want, and keep saying "thank you, next," to anyone who wants you to consent to something (sex or relationship) that you are not ready for.

A fascinatingly stupid and insane tirade. Telling her that her goals are unrealistic is not pressuring her to do anything. She asked for feedback, and she can do whatever she wants with the information she gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure at least one of those is angry open marriage guy. There is a level of misogyny that is alarming. [Yes, telling women that they can't have everything exactly the way they want is totally misogyny. ]

As a 41 year old divorced woman looking for the exact arrangement OP describes, I can tell you she will have absolutely ZERO problem finding it. Men will line up like puppies for what she’s offering.

No divorced man is going to line up for an exclusive commitment to sex on her schedule.

If he agrees to get sex, he will lie to her about it being exclusive.

It is best for her to have no illusions about this.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it's realistic to find what you want. The key is to find a man with a similar hierarchy of priorities. That is, you need to find a man who is very busy with work, activities, children, travel, whatever, and doesn't want or have space in his life for a real relationship, but wouldn't mind companionship with sex every now and again. Men like this exist and would happily give up sexual variety in exchange for low-effort, low-stress sex and companionship. Yes, they can probably have more sex but lining up fresh partners is exhausting, especially post 50, if you're busy. It just takes a similarly minded person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it's realistic to find what you want. The key is to find a man with a similar hierarchy of priorities. That is, you need to find a man who is very busy with work, activities, children, travel, whatever, and doesn't want or have space in his life for a real relationship, but wouldn't mind companionship with sex every now and again. Men like this exist and would happily give up sexual variety in exchange for low-effort, low-stress sex and companionship. Yes, they can probably have more sex but lining up fresh partners is exhausting, especially post 50, if you're busy. It just takes a similarly minded person.

Nope. It's easy.

(53 year old divorced man)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it's realistic to find what you want. The key is to find a man with a similar hierarchy of priorities. That is, you need to find a man who is very busy with work, activities, children, travel, whatever, and doesn't want or have space in his life for a real relationship, but wouldn't mind companionship with sex every now and again. Men like this exist and would happily give up sexual variety in exchange for low-effort, low-stress sex and companionship. Yes, they can probably have more sex but lining up fresh partners is exhausting, especially post 50, if you're busy. It just takes a similarly minded person.

Nope. It's easy.

(53 year old divorced man)

You are just one person, not a movement representative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it's realistic to find what you want. The key is to find a man with a similar hierarchy of priorities. That is, you need to find a man who is very busy with work, activities, children, travel, whatever, and doesn't want or have space in his life for a real relationship, but wouldn't mind companionship with sex every now and again. Men like this exist and would happily give up sexual variety in exchange for low-effort, low-stress sex and companionship. Yes, they can probably have more sex but lining up fresh partners is exhausting, especially post 50, if you're busy. It just takes a similarly minded person.

Nope. It's easy.

(53 year old divorced man)

You are just one person, not a movement representative.

(shrug) I'm not rich or handsome, I'm just an average guy. If I can do it, any 50-something man can.