I'm a SAHM and my husband won't let me send money to my teen son. Who's right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:This is why I"m so glad that I work. All prospective SAHM's should read this thread a couple of times.

All prospective SAHMs should understand what they are legally entitled to in a marriage.

It is not his money. It is their money. If he doesn't like that, he shouldn't have gotten married.

Exactly and how the court sees it.

OP send him items he needs and some money. He's your child for life. If you need to debit your groceries, do the cash back option until you have enough to send him. You shouldn't have to ask your cheap o husband period.

Actually, that is not true.

A person can have income that goes into an account in their own name and the spouse has no right to touch or access that money.

They only have the right to 1/2 assets after a divorce, but during a marriage there is not law that says each spouse gets 1/2 the money.

Hahahahaha.

False.

^^ You don't have to get divorced to assert rights over assets that legally belong to you.

They don't legally belong to you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you. When I was in college I worked 10 hours/week freshman year and it was really tough. This was after working all through high school and once clocking 40 hours during a holiday season on top of school. I am very worried about your husband's attitude regarding the finances in your marriage. I am a SAHM now and in our 30 years together have never had DH refer to money as his. I do agree with others that you should plan on going back to work ASAP so you can have some financial independence. Your daughters will survive daycare and a sitter. And their father will likely not scrimp on what they need. You do need to make sure you are able to help your son launch successfully because I have a hard time seeing your DH allowing him to come back to your place to live after college. Protect yourself OP. And your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this thread has devolved into a blame game about OP and her DH. Both sound less than exemplary to me. OP has a child from a prior marriage and became a SAHM without any plan for setting aside money for this child. I bet OP knew of suspected that her DH didn't want financial responsibility for her older child but did it anyway.

In what world would a man want to undertake financial responsibility for someone else's kid? It's unfair and based on OP's posts, I feel sorry for her DH. If she wants to send money to her son, fine. But it shouldn't have to come from her non-bio dad DH. His money should go toward their two DDs.

It depends on the agreement. If they agreed that OP would stay home to care for the kids and DH's income would be treated as joint income because OP was giving up her income, then her DH does have a moral obligation to follow through and treat the money as equally OP's.

[Anonymous]

I work at a college. Many, many students work during the term and many don't get any money from their families beyond tuition/dorm/ meal plan costs. Some students don't even get that and rely on their own funds and financial aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work at a college. Many, many students work during the term and many don't get any money from their families beyond tuition/dorm/ meal plan costs. Some students don't even get that and rely on their own funds and financial aid.

Many parents who don't send money don't send it because they can't afford it. Are you getting nothing from your parents? Is it because they can't afford it?

[Anonymous]

Most families give their college kid some spending cash. College kids ARE going out to birthday dinners, dates, games, etc. plus who knows what's acceptable to wear.

Is OP's son both of theirs or just hers from an earlier marriage?

If you can avoid the stress of "working a job" in college your GPA, life, and focus will be better. They are age 18-22 in college.

We told each kid to write out their monthly budget and propose what figure they needed/wanted. It was reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work at a college. Many, many students work during the term and many don't get any money from their families beyond tuition/dorm/ meal plan costs. Some students don't even get that and rely on their own funds and financial aid.

I went to NYU. Half of the ugrad student body was loaded international students. driving 911s, buying condos in the village, weekend travel. Doesn't mean I wanted to do - in fact I had a blast at all their parties and tables at the clubs - but I needed $300/month to live life.

[Anonymous]

My parents didn't give me spending money, or even pay much of my tuition. I worked all summer (2 jobs) and had another job at college. All of my spending money was spent on beer and fast food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Are you able to get a part time job?

No, we have two young daughters.

Is this a second marriage?

Are the 2 girls your DH's daughters and the son is from a previous relationship?

Correct.

Two predictions: I guaran-freaking-tee his two daughters get a comfortable allowance when they head off to college. And I guarantee the petty scumbag husband takes all the credit if the step-son turns out successful.

Attention men: this is why you never marry a single mom. You work your ass off at a job while she sits at home, and the hens on DCUM all cluck about what a scumbag you are for being financially responsible and for trying to teach the rest of the family what responsibility is about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you able to get a part time job?

No, we have two young daughters.

Is this a second marriage?

Are the 2 girls your DH's daughters and the son is from a previous relationship?

Correct.

Two predictions: I guaran-freaking-tee his two daughters get a comfortable allowance when they head off to college. And I guarantee the petty scumbag husband takes all the credit if the step-son turns out successful.

Attention men: this is why you never marry a single mom. You work your ass off at a job while she sits at home, and the hens on DCUM all cluck about what a scumbag you are for being financially responsible and for trying to teach the rest of the family what responsibility is about.

*implying men that marry single mothers can do better*

[Anonymous]

Is birth father alive? Have him send the monthly allowance.

[Anonymous]

My best semesters were always the ones where I had a job. Same for law school. I wouldn’t assume that not working = more studying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you able to get a part time job?

No, we have two young daughters.

Is this a second marriage?

Are the 2 girls your DH's daughters and the son is from a previous relationship?

Correct.

Two predictions: I guaran-freaking-tee his two daughters get a comfortable allowance when they head off to college. And I guarantee the petty scumbag husband takes all the credit if the step-son turns out successful.

Attention men: this is why you never marry a single mom. You work your ass off at a job while she sits at home, and the hens on DCUM all cluck about what a scumbag you are for being financially responsible and for trying to teach the rest of the family what responsibility is about.

I agree as a woman. It's not a bad thing to draw boundaries with one's money. The DH needs to protect his wealth for his own daughters.

[Anonymous]

Okay, what if she decided that instead of spending money on herself she would send it to her son. Is that okay? It would have no impact on the DHs budget and money. For example what if instead of buying herself a new coat, she kept the old one and sent her son $300?

If that’s not okay with the husband then this is truly about controlling the DW and isolating her son from her.

She needs to get a job and make a plan. I don’t necessarily mean divorce but she needs to stop being delusional that her marriage is a real partnership. Her DH is not all in, it’s stupid for her to be.

[Anonymous]

I went to MIT, played a division I sport and held 2-3 jobs plus leadership positions. He can do it, give him faith and confidence.