In laws lifestyle 'hobby' vis a vis our children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is definitely hurt. Even though she claimed in another post she doesn't care that much.

I would let my kids do the activity with their grandparents- unless it is truly dangerous and then let them know a parent needs to come along. I agree with others that they may be uncomfortable inviting you without DH,since he isn't interested, no invite for you.

Sure, fine. That is true. To me, they've taken something I've loved, told me I didn't really "do" it, and are now using it to exclude me, when it would be one of the **very few things***, other than sitting down to a meal, that all of us could do together. Do you see? But I've realized that I am completely naive, they would never want to do it out of a shared love, but more to teach a social status and techniques from back in the day, that are no longer relevant. Secret handshakes if you will.

Could I get over it, yes. But their whole approach is soooo off-putting. Its like walking into a business meeting and the other person says, "Who the hell are you?!" and proceeds only to talk about themselves and never even get to the goals of the meeting.

At one time, I thought there would be some connection over a shared love of the activity EVEN IF the way I participated wasn't fancy enough for them...Its not like its soccer! I am struck by the fact they've taken something we could have had in common, and something that could have been a meaningful bridge and shared activity with children, and made it into this.

So it turns me off so much that we simply will not be part of this. It would be a stretch for us financially, and our feeling is the money is best spent elsewhere. I don't see my children as deriving ANY benefit from this activity, other than a chance to spend time with their grandparents. There are plenty of other activities they can do together, and I can't think of one other one that I wouldn't be fully supportive of.

OP, here's the thing. If you did it the way you described -- at a falling-down barn, fixing your own bridles, leasing out your ponies -- you did it even more than they possibly could. I've been around horsey people my entire life, and the ones who breed/groom their own horses, hold for the blacksmith, muck the stalls, scrape money together to enter shows, stay up with a sick horse, etc. etc., they are the real horsey folk. I'm disturbed by your comment that you find your family's efforts to enable you to ride growing up "embarrassing."

Anyway, just saying I would reframe it in my mind as you are the real horsewoman and they're the fakers. (They probably already know that.) Take your kids to the barn yourself. If the inlaws invite your kids, just say, "They don't really know what they're doing yet, so I'd rather come along since I grew up riding." If they balk, tell them they can come out for a hack at the falling-down fire hazard barn down the road.

Thanks

The thing is, our ponies died, our property is gone, the barn no longer exists. So essentially its with them, on their terms, which seems to exclude me, or doing it at a equestrian center + club, which is something else I don't really love the idea of. Essentially I am ready to let it be something I enjoyed in my youth, but not a key thing in our family life moving forward. For the record, I am NOT embarrassed by my background or how we did things. I let them embarass me, though, more than once, and that is why I used the term.

When someone asked how they could mock me when I had never even participated, they invited me once, and when we went to saddle up - OOPS! they were one pony short!!! How did that happen??!!! off they went. Including someone WHO HAD NEVER ridden before.

And yes, there was a snicker or two. It was so painfully pathetically mean spirited.

I got to hang out in an empty barn on a wet cold day nowhere near anything and just sit on the floor. Evenutally after an hour or so, I got up and just walked a couple miles til I hit a road, and then found a gas station and a payphone, went to a restaurant to have a cup of soup, and finally got the courage to call my husband and ask him to come pick me up. We left their farm that day before they came back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

yeah. pretty much.... This is how relevant I feel this other activity is to my kids. Thanks for posting this. Helpful reminder.

so fox hunting then. references to middleburg, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is definitely hurt. Even though she claimed in another post she doesn't care that much.

I would let my kids do the activity with their grandparents- unless it is truly dangerous and then let them know a parent needs to come along. I agree with others that they may be uncomfortable inviting you without DH,since he isn't interested, no invite for you.

Sure, fine. That is true. To me, they've taken something I've loved, told me I didn't really "do" it, and are now using it to exclude me, when it would be one of the **very few things***, other than sitting down to a meal, that all of us could do together. Do you see? But I've realized that I am completely naive, they would never want to do it out of a shared love, but more to teach a social status and techniques from back in the day, that are no longer relevant. Secret handshakes if you will.

Could I get over it, yes. But their whole approach is soooo off-putting. Its like walking into a business meeting and the other person says, "Who the hell are you?!" and proceeds only to talk about themselves and never even get to the goals of the meeting.

At one time, I thought there would be some connection over a shared love of the activity EVEN IF the way I participated wasn't fancy enough for them...Its not like its soccer! I am struck by the fact they've taken something we could have had in common, and something that could have been a meaningful bridge and shared activity with children, and made it into this.

So it turns me off so much that we simply will not be part of this. It would be a stretch for us financially, and our feeling is the money is best spent elsewhere. I don't see my children as deriving ANY benefit from this activity, other than a chance to spend time with their grandparents. There are plenty of other activities they can do together, and I can't think of one other one that I wouldn't be fully supportive of.

OP, here's the thing. If you did it the way you described -- at a falling-down barn, fixing your own bridles, leasing out your ponies -- you did it even more than they possibly could. I've been around horsey people my entire life, and the ones who breed/groom their own horses, hold for the blacksmith, muck the stalls, scrape money together to enter shows, stay up with a sick horse, etc. etc., they are the real horsey folk. I'm disturbed by your comment that you find your family's efforts to enable you to ride growing up "embarrassing."

Anyway, just saying I would reframe it in my mind as you are the real horsewoman and they're the fakers. (They probably already know that.) Take your kids to the barn yourself. If the inlaws invite your kids, just say, "They don't really know what they're doing yet, so I'd rather come along since I grew up riding." If they balk, tell them they can come out for a hack at the falling-down fire hazard barn down the road.

Thanks

The thing is, our ponies died, our property is gone, the barn no longer exists. So essentially its with them, on their terms, which seems to exclude me, or doing it at a equestrian center + club, which is something else I don't really love the idea of. Essentially I am ready to let it be something I enjoyed in my youth, but not a key thing in our family life moving forward. For the record, I am NOT embarrassed by my background or how we did things. I let them (meaning my inlaws) embarass me, though, more than once, and that is why I used the term.

When someone asked how they could mock me when I had never even participated, they invited me once, and when we went to saddle up - OOPS! they were one pony short!!! How did that happen??!!! off they went. Including someone WHO HAD NEVER ridden before.

And yes, there was a snicker or two. It was so painfully pathetically mean spirited.

I got to hang out in an empty barn on a wet cold day nowhere near anything and just sit on the floor. Evenutally after an hour or so, I got up and just walked a couple miles til I hit a road, and then found a gas station and a payphone, went to a restaurant to have a cup of soup, and finally got the courage to call my husband and ask him to come pick me up. We left their farm that day before they came back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is definitely hurt. Even though she claimed in another post she doesn't care that much.

I would let my kids do the activity with their grandparents- unless it is truly dangerous and then let them know a parent needs to come along. I agree with others that they may be uncomfortable inviting you without DH,since he isn't interested, no invite for you.

Sure, fine. That is true. To me, they've taken something I've loved, told me I didn't really "do" it, and are now using it to exclude me, when it would be one of the **very few things***, other than sitting down to a meal, that all of us could do together. Do you see? But I've realized that I am completely naive, they would never want to do it out of a shared love, but more to teach a social status and techniques from back in the day, that are no longer relevant. Secret handshakes if you will.

Could I get over it, yes. But their whole approach is soooo off-putting. Its like walking into a business meeting and the other person says, "Who the hell are you?!" and proceeds only to talk about themselves and never even get to the goals of the meeting.

At one time, I thought there would be some connection over a shared love of the activity EVEN IF the way I participated wasn't fancy enough for them...Its not like its soccer! I am struck by the fact they've taken something we could have had in common, and something that could have been a meaningful bridge and shared activity with children, and made it into this.

So it turns me off so much that we simply will not be part of this. It would be a stretch for us financially, and our feeling is the money is best spent elsewhere. I don't see my children as deriving ANY benefit from this activity, other than a chance to spend time with their grandparents. There are plenty of other activities they can do together, and I can't think of one other one that I wouldn't be fully supportive of.

OP, here's the thing. If you did it the way you described -- at a falling-down barn, fixing your own bridles, leasing out your ponies -- you did it even more than they possibly could. I've been around horsey people my entire life, and the ones who breed/groom their own horses, hold for the blacksmith, muck the stalls, scrape money together to enter shows, stay up with a sick horse, etc. etc., they are the real horsey folk. I'm disturbed by your comment that you find your family's efforts to enable you to ride growing up "embarrassing."

Anyway, just saying I would reframe it in my mind as you are the real horsewoman and they're the fakers. (They probably already know that.) Take your kids to the barn yourself. If the inlaws invite your kids, just say, "They don't really know what they're doing yet, so I'd rather come along since I grew up riding." If they balk, tell them they can come out for a hack at the falling-down fire hazard barn down the road.

Thanks

The thing is, our ponies died, our property is gone, the barn no longer exists. So essentially its with them, on their terms, which seems to exclude me, or doing it at a equestrian center + club, which is something else I don't really love the idea of. Essentially I am ready to let it be something I enjoyed in my youth, but not a key thing in our family life moving forward. For the record, I am NOT embarrassed by my background or how we did things. I let them embarass me, though, more than once, and that is why I used the term.

When someone asked how they could mock me when I had never even participated, they invited me once, and when we went to saddle up - OOPS! they were one pony short!!! How did that happen??!!! off they went. Including someone WHO HAD NEVER ridden before.

And yes, there was a snicker or two. It was so painfully pathetically mean spirited.

I got to hang out in an empty barn on a wet cold day nowhere near anything and just sit on the floor. Evenutally after an hour or so, I got up and just walked a couple miles til I hit a road, and then found a gas station and a payphone, went to a restaurant to have a cup of soup, and finally got the courage to call my husband and ask him to come pick me up. We left their farm that day before they came back.

Holy shit. I would not speak to these people again if this happened to me. Teach your kids about horses on their own terms. Their grandparents are truly horrible people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is definitely hurt. Even though she claimed in another post she doesn't care that much.

I would let my kids do the activity with their grandparents- unless it is truly dangerous and then let them know a parent needs to come along. I agree with others that they may be uncomfortable inviting you without DH,since he isn't interested, no invite for you.

Sure, fine. That is true. To me, they've taken something I've loved, told me I didn't really "do" it, and are now using it to exclude me, when it would be one of the **very few things***, other than sitting down to a meal, that all of us could do together. Do you see? But I've realized that I am completely naive, they would never want to do it out of a shared love, but more to teach a social status and techniques from back in the day, that are no longer relevant. Secret handshakes if you will.

Could I get over it, yes. But their whole approach is soooo off-putting. Its like walking into a business meeting and the other person says, "Who the hell are you?!" and proceeds only to talk about themselves and never even get to the goals of the meeting.

At one time, I thought there would be some connection over a shared love of the activity EVEN IF the way I participated wasn't fancy enough for them...Its not like its soccer! I am struck by the fact they've taken something we could have had in common, and something that could have been a meaningful bridge and shared activity with children, and made it into this.

So it turns me off so much that we simply will not be part of this. It would be a stretch for us financially, and our feeling is the money is best spent elsewhere. I don't see my children as deriving ANY benefit from this activity, other than a chance to spend time with their grandparents. There are plenty of other activities they can do together, and I can't think of one other one that I wouldn't be fully supportive of.

OP, here's the thing. If you did it the way you described -- at a falling-down barn, fixing your own bridles, leasing out your ponies -- you did it even more than they possibly could. I've been around horsey people my entire life, and the ones who breed/groom their own horses, hold for the blacksmith, muck the stalls, scrape money together to enter shows, stay up with a sick horse, etc. etc., they are the real horsey folk. I'm disturbed by your comment that you find your family's efforts to enable you to ride growing up "embarrassing."

Anyway, just saying I would reframe it in my mind as you are the real horsewoman and they're the fakers. (They probably already know that.) Take your kids to the barn yourself. If the inlaws invite your kids, just say, "They don't really know what they're doing yet, so I'd rather come along since I grew up riding." If they balk, tell them they can come out for a hack at the falling-down fire hazard barn down the road.

Thanks

The thing is, our ponies died, our property is gone, the barn no longer exists. So essentially its with them, on their terms, which seems to exclude me, or doing it at a equestrian center + club, which is something else I don't really love the idea of. Essentially I am ready to let it be something I enjoyed in my youth, but not a key thing in our family life moving forward. For the record, I am NOT embarrassed by my background or how we did things. I let them embarass me, though, more than once, and that is why I used the term.

When someone asked how they could mock me when I had never even participated, they invited me once, and when we went to saddle up - OOPS! they were one pony short!!! How did that happen??!!! off they went. Including someone WHO HAD NEVER ridden before.

And yes, there was a snicker or two. It was so painfully pathetically mean spirited.

I got to hang out in an empty barn on a wet cold day nowhere near anything and just sit on the floor. Evenutally after an hour or so, I got up and just walked a couple miles til I hit a road, and then found a gas station and a payphone, went to a restaurant to have a cup of soup, and finally got the courage to call my husband and ask him to come pick me up. We left their farm that day before they came back.

Holy shit. I would not speak to these people again if this happened to me. Teach your kids about horses on their own terms. Their grandparents are truly horrible people.

I've never made an issue of it. It wasn't a ton of people there, just four, not including the parents, but they totally do this too. This person had learned from, and was taking their cues from them, after all. But I don't want my children to be around this.

[Anonymous]

Good thing you left it all vague so that nobody would recognize your in-laws. So much for that plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I've never made an issue of it. It wasn't a ton of people there, just four, not including the parents, but they totally do this too. This person had learned from, and was taking their cues from them, after all. But I don't want my children to be around this.

Um, I would be making an enormous issue of it. That is one of the worst stories of MIL insults I have heard in a while. It was public, it was insulting, it involved snickering and it left you in a cold wet barn for hours. Sorry, these people really don't deserve any of your understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good thing you left it all vague so that nobody would recognize your in-laws. So much for that plan.

If her inlaws are on here I hope they read this and hear from the rest of us what assholes they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thing you left it all vague so that nobody would recognize your in-laws. So much for that plan.

If her inlaws are on here I hope they read this and hear from the rest of us what assholes they are.

I am sure they would consider it some sort of badge of sorts and snicker a little more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good thing you left it all vague so that nobody would recognize your in-laws. So much for that plan.

No one is recognizing them from this particular story. I doubt they brag about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thing you left it all vague so that nobody would recognize your in-laws. So much for that plan.

No one is recognizing them from this particular story. I doubt they brag about it.

It's just another weird thing from OP. First she didn't want to name the hobby, now she's vomiting up all kinds of details in order to make them look bad. Despite the fact that she said that she has a good relationship with her in-laws overall.

OP sounds like a nutjob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thing you left it all vague so that nobody would recognize your in-laws. So much for that plan.

No one is recognizing them from this particular story. I doubt they brag about it.

It's just another weird thing from OP. First she didn't want to name the hobby, now she's vomiting up all kinds of details in order to make them look bad. Despite the fact that she said that she has a good relationship with her in-laws overall.

OP sounds like a nutjob.

Oh go away, who are you? Get a life already TROLL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thing you left it all vague so that nobody would recognize your in-laws. So much for that plan.

No one is recognizing them from this particular story. I doubt they brag about it.

It's just another weird thing from OP. First she didn't want to name the hobby, now she's vomiting up all kinds of details in order to make them look bad. Despite the fact that she said that she has a good relationship with her in-laws overall.

OP sounds like a nutjob.

You know what they say about horse people...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thing you left it all vague so that nobody would recognize your in-laws. So much for that plan.

No one is recognizing them from this particular story. I doubt they brag about it.

It's just another weird thing from OP. First she didn't want to name the hobby, now she's vomiting up all kinds of details in order to make them look bad. Despite the fact that she said that she has a good relationship with her in-laws overall.

OP sounds like a nutjob.

Umm no, they did this all by themselves!

She actually sounds like she's managed herself as well as she could without creating perpetual friction in the relationship. The very fact that she HAS a relationship with these people is pretty impressive! There is no way I would let my kids near a horse with these people.

If you want to just needlessly argue innumerable details, it just makes you a troll. Head in the sand? Reminder: You are not required to respond, and are contributing nothing. (But maybe that's your thing in life, huh?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thing you left it all vague so that nobody would recognize your in-laws. So much for that plan.

No one is recognizing them from this particular story. I doubt they brag about it.

It's just another weird thing from OP. First she didn't want to name the hobby, now she's vomiting up all kinds of details in order to make them look bad. Despite the fact that she said that she has a good relationship with her in-laws overall.

OP sounds like a nutjob.

I think we just wore her down.