Seeking opinions on an incident involving another family member disciplining my child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OMG I can't believe some of you people. You are going to find yourselves with teenage kids who feel like they aren't supported by you and can't count on you. I truly feel sorry for them.

+ a million

+ another million

Actually, you are wrong. People who parent like you are going to end up with rebelious teenagers who do whatever they want, or precious snowflakes who melt tue first time they have a coach correct them or a teacher grade them harshly or a boss who lets them know that the world does not revolve around them.

If my kid faces adversity, he will know that he can come to me and he will fell safe and supported and loved. But your kids will not. Your kids are going to end up with kids who feel they can't turn to you. They will need to fend for themselves. They are learning that early, based on what some of you post here. They will not feel close to you, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the thread just the original post. iMO your BIL did nothing wrong. A mountain was made out of a mole hill.

What kinds of households do you people come from that you see nothing wrong with an adult screaming at another adult as he comforts his crying child?

The kind where we question this on the bullshit meter. We dont know the entire story, only what OP has posted. Maybe there is past history, this has happened before and dear BIL got fed up with it. If the house was run military style like i believe she said in the first post, why is she so "scared" at his reaction. I agree with others, I bet the story would be totally different if BIL told his side

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OMG I can't believe some of you people. You are going to find yourselves with teenage kids who feel like they aren't supported by you and can't count on you. I truly feel sorry for them.

+ a million

+ another million

Actually, you are wrong. People who parent like you are going to end up with rebelious teenagers who do whatever they want, or precious snowflakes who melt tue first time they have a coach correct them or a teacher grade them harshly or a boss who lets them know that the world does not revolve around them.

If my kid faces adversity, he will know that he can come to me and he will fell safe and supported and loved. But your kids will not. Your kids are going to end up with kids who feel they can't turn to you. They will need to fend for themselves. They are learning that early, based on what some of you post here. They will not feel close to you, though.

Is it the yelling? I guess it was OP writing about the yelling, that has made you think of BIL as the enemy to be defended against, rather than family who will both enforce boundaries and support and protect you when needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OMG I can't believe some of you people. You are going to find yourselves with teenage kids who feel like they aren't supported by you and can't count on you. I truly feel sorry for them.

+ a million

+ another million

Actually, you are wrong. People who parent like you are going to end up with rebelious teenagers who do whatever they want, or precious snowflakes who melt tue first time they have a coach correct them or a teacher grade them harshly or a boss who lets them know that the world does not revolve around them.

If my kid faces adversity, he will know that he can come to me and he will fell safe and supported and loved. But your kids will not. Your kids are going to end up with kids who feel they can't turn to you. They will need to fend for themselves. They are learning that early, based on what some of you post here. They will not feel close to you, though.

Snort.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your kid falls of your BILs couch and break her neck, will you hold your BIL liable? That's the first thing that comes to mind.

You are raising poorly controlled brats. Kids will be kids, but when something this stupid turns into a family feud, I blame adults, you included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. To clarify about the leg-grabbing--I don't think that he removed her from the couch--I think she got herself down onto the seat part when she saw him moving toward her. She scrambled down, and he grabbed at her as she was scrambling down. By the time I turned around, she was on the seat part face-up with her legs facing him, and he was leaning over the arm rest trying to grab at her legs.

OP, how do you know how it all went down if you had your back to them? You are making assumptions based on your bias.

It sounds as if she was maybe trying to kick him or scramble back up to the arm rest and that is why he grabbed her legs.

Who cares, the right thing to do was for bIl to walk up to the mom and say quietly, "I know u r busy but larva is standing on the couch, can u ask her to get down"

She was not going to break anything is he 16 seconds it takes to bring this to Ops attention.

My niece broke her collar bone at four years old doing exactly what her daughter was doing. My SIL was a few steps away and told her to get down. Had she reached over and removed her quickly she likely would not have broken anything.

BFF... Kids get hurt doing all sorts of things, screaming would have helped?

Physically removing her would have.

[Anonymous]

So many comments here already but agree with how you handled it and agree with not staying over again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OMG I can't believe some of you people. You are going to find yourselves with teenage kids who feel like they aren't supported by you and can't count on you. I truly feel sorry for them.


+ a million

+ another million


Actually, you are wrong. People who parent like you are going to end up with rebelious teenagers who do whatever they want, or precious snowflakes who melt tue first time they have a coach correct them or a teacher grade them harshly or a boss who lets them know that the world does not revolve around them.


If my kid faces adversity, he will know that he can come to me and he will fell safe and supported and loved. But your kids will not. Your kids are going to end up with kids who feel they can't turn to you. They will need to fend for themselves. They are learning that early, based on what some of you post here. They will not feel close to you, though.

I agree. Your job as a parent is to be the child's safe place. Not side with an asshole BIL who yells at your kids for no good reason.

[Anonymous]

I was fine with BIL's actions until you got to the part about hold DD down by her legs. Why not just put her on the floor and let her run off? Why pin her down? Doesn't make sense. Sounds like BIL got mad at a kid for not listening and retaliated by trying to hurt her. Total lack of control on his part.

But if he had stopped after (1) saying "no, no" and then (2) picking DD up and putting her somewhere else so she wouldn't fall, then I would have thanked him. When it comes to physical danger, I think the nearest adult should do just as BIL started out. He should have stopped though after your daughter was safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was fine with BIL's actions until you got to the part about hold DD down by her legs. Why not just put her on the floor and let her run off? Why pin her down? Doesn't make sense. Sounds like BIL got mad at a kid for not listening and retaliated by trying to hurt her. Total lack of control on his part.

But if he had stopped after (1) saying "no, no" and then (2) picking DD up and putting her somewhere else so she wouldn't fall, then I would have thanked him. When it comes to physical danger, I think the nearest adult should do just as BIL started out. He should have stopped though after your daughter was safe.

I totally agree. I also agree with the mom erring on the side of comforting the kids in the face of a yelling adult.

[Anonymous]

I would not stay over again - not because BIL is a danger, but because you obviously have different parenting philosophies and also because he has anger management issues. It creates an all around stressful environment. Why go through it during a so called vacation? I'm a very relaxed parent and yes my kid acted out when she was young. SIL said to me "If she was my kid, I'd beat her into submission" - we didn't stay at their house again and our relationship was never the same. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear uncle's side of the story.

And I could only imagine what OP's post would have been had BIL been standing there while precious child fell off the couch arm and actually hurt themselves.

If he had just picked her up and put her on the floor, I doubt OP would be here. But instead he pinned her down and started yelling like a maniac.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was fine with BIL's actions until you got to the part about hold DD down by her legs. Why not just put her on the floor and let her run off? Why pin her down? Doesn't make sense. Sounds like BIL got mad at a kid for not listening and retaliated by trying to hurt her. Total lack of control on his part.

But if he had stopped after (1) saying "no, no" and then (2) picking DD up and putting her somewhere else so she wouldn't fall, then I would have thanked him. When it comes to physical danger, I think the nearest adult should do just as BIL started out. He should have stopped though after your daughter was safe.

I totally agree. I also agree with the mom erring on the side of comforting the kids in the face of a yelling adult.

You are not understanding the original post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear uncle's side of the story.

And I could only imagine what OP's post would have been had BIL been standing there while precious child fell off the couch arm and actually hurt themselves.

If he had just picked her up and put her on the floor, I doubt OP would be here. But instead he pinned her down and started yelling like a maniac.

Not exactly what OP said. When I imagine my 4 year old, who does sometimes climb on the arm of the couch, asked to get down and then physically grabbed at, he would squirm, run, jump, cry hysterically. Not the fault of the grabber, just the way he is. But it might look bad to an unsympathetic bystander.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We recently made a weekend visit to my sister and her DH and 2 children. My kids are 4 and 6 and hers are about the same ages. Here is what happened (I was with my back turned, helping my other child with something, so did not see all of it directly): My 4YO apparently climbed onto the arm rest of the couch and was standing on it. My BIL firmly told her "no...no...." and she did not comply. He then moved toward her with the intention of physically removing her from the couch. By the time I realized that there was something happening and turned around, she was on the seat of the couch crying and trying to crawl away, and he was standing over her grabbing at her legs. I picked her up and ran out of the room with her as she continued to cry; as I did so, I heard my BIL yell (to me, I assume) "she needs an attitude adjustment!!" After I had left the room (this next part is what my DH says), my other daughter started crying, presumably because she was scared. My DH said to her "it's okay, it's okay" and my BIL screamed at him (this I heard from the other room) "It's NOT okay!! This is my house, my rules!!" I proceeded to the room in which we were staying and my DH and other daughter soon followed. We did not know what to do but we both wanted to leave that instant. My 4YO was still sobbing and repeating "I want to go home" over and over. My older daughter was also still crying. We began packing up our stuff. We did not know what to do because my nephew's birthday party (the reason for our visit) was later that day. My BIL came up to our room shortly after and apologized. My SIL did, too. We ended up staying through the party, but left immediately after it finished instead of staying over a second night as originally planned.

My main questions are, would you have handled this differently and if so how? Also, what would you do going forward? My DH and I are in agreement that we really should not ever stay at their home again. (I should mention that although this is the worst incident that has ever happened, it is not the first...my sister and her BIL have very different parenting styles than we do. They are very strict and military-like and strongly favor punishments and corporal punishment, whereas we do not).

I don't understand. What he did was fine. He told her no, when she didn't comply he picked her up and put her on the couch. I would have done the same thing with any of my friend's children, just like they have done to mine if I'm out of the room or not looking at the moment. Your child was not happy about being not being allowed to stand on the couch arm rest and cried. Which is also normal, kids sometimes cry when you don't let them do what they want. So far so good. Everything is fine. Then you grabbed your child and ran out of the room, I'm guessing with an attitude or annoyance? That probably annoyed him and it all escalated. I think you over reacted from the start.