Is this appropriate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: has your husband specifically told you that he is sorry, he was wrong, that he loves you, how he was crazy to suggest you move out, that he wants to make it work and will do everything to repair your relationship?

OP - yes he has...So that is all good. it took a while for him to say all that...and the only bad thing is I do think he is still very fond of Jane and I hope he keeps his promise not to communicate with her.

Words. Has he produced all the emails and texts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: has your husband specifically told you that he is sorry, he was wrong, that he loves you, how he was crazy to suggest you move out, that he wants to make it work and will do everything to repair your relationship?

OP - yes he has...So that is all good. it took a while for him to say all that...and the only bad thing is I do think he is still very fond of Jane and I hope he keeps his promise not to communicate with her.

What??" I think he is still fond of her?"



He can say he won't communicate with her- but as long as he locks his phone and computer from you he is being dishonest and still talking to her and god knows what else. Please op Grow a backbone and demand he stop hiding things from you. You are his wife- you have every right to know what is going on. If nothing was going on between them he would have no reason to hide everything from you.

Op- please do yourself a favor and share this with someone you trust- please- get an honest opinion from someone who knows you personally and will tell you the truth no matter what. Clearly you need to hear it from a real person not an anonymous board for it to truly sink in.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP. Reading this is like reliving 2008 with my ex-husband. Amazing how some patterns just repeat themselves over and over with different people. Maybe you'll succeed at being an ostrich and burying your head in the sand about all this. I couldn't, I needed to know what had been said and done. It was exactly as PPs have laid out here. And it definitely didn't stop when he said it did.

I hope for a happier resolution for you ... although I'm pretty happy not being married to that jerkwad anymore. Took awhile to get here, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you so much for all the advice. DH actually keeps saying to me - my friendship with Jane has nothing to do with our marriage problems...they are two separate things and I need to make him understand that to me these things do go together.

His friendship with Jane is the prime example of the huge issue. He's not discussing stuff with YOU. He's getting his emotional needs fulfilled somewhere else. He needs to talk about marriage problems with YOU. And that woman is preying on him. She needs to butt the F out of your marriage. If she's really his friend, she would tell him to talk to you and work on the marriage.

This. There has to be an agreement in a marriage about what is okay to talk about with whom, and what is "just us" stuff.

[Anonymous]

OP, I seriously want to shake you after reading all this. Why do you value yourself so little? Get to a lawyer and protect yourself and your kids. He's not working on your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the one who wrote about a month ago about that my DH suddenly told me he was unhappy and wanted to go to counseling.

Now after two sessions and many questions, he admits that he has been having lunch with an old coworker - a single pretty woman. I do not think this is appropriate. He says they are just friends and have lunch about 1 - 2 times per month. Also, about two years ago, she visited our house with her dogs, which I thought was odd. It was as if she wanted to meet me and our children and "check out" our house and family. Then last fall, she texted him and said she was in our town (she lives an hour away) and asked him to meet for coffee at 9 p.m. I said to my dH - are you going on a date??? in a sort of joking manner. It was odd and I was a little bit upset. I would never ever invite a married family man out for coffee on a weeknight at 9 p.m. and not include the wife. DH says at their last lunch, they confided in each other that he is having marital problems and she and her boyfriend are having problems. I told him this was not appropriate at all and he should not be having lunch with her or confiding in her. Also, he kept these lunches a secret from me.

Are they just friends? It this appropriate?(he is never away on weekends or overnight.)

Absolutely not OP. Not appropriate at all. If nothing is actually going on right now, you can bet that it is being considered. Been there, done that more than once, and do not ever want to be in a relationship where that is happening again. Also, know a woman, whose husband was "friends" with a coworker who befriended the wife, and the three of them would do everything together, and now that girl is married to her husband, living in her house, with things that the two of them had worked for all those years before. Just friends???? No, I don't think so. He should take you to lunch. That is bull.

[Anonymous]

I got news for ya OP...you doesn't have to give two shits about your opinion or your approval if he doesn't want to. If he wants to believe the sky is green and the sun is blue then that's his prerogative and if you adamantly object to such audacious interpretations then don't stay married to him.

[Anonymous]

Op just read everything. I feel so sad for you. You need a plan. Honestly I think you should leave him. My mom went thru this. Stayed. Now at 60 is broken, suffers from anxiety, depression, and highly medicated. Anything apart from staying would've been better. My father has shaped and left the most negative impact on my brother. Remember a child's biggest role model is the same sex parent. Her reasons to stay were, SAHM, no family support, and three children. She buried her head, focused on the positive. Eventually separate rooms. My mother was a light, beautiful (seriously gorgeous!), so witty ( I envied her quick wit and sense of humour). She would've struggled financially.....maybe, but I think she was so scalable younger, she would've made it work.

Eventually holding the pain in, (his ways never stopped), her nerves crumbled, and she's hardly t the woman I recall her to be. There's more to life than a nice house. It's called a peace of mind. Priceless. Having a sense if peace in your home will model to your children what is acceptable and normal and they are worthy. Do not settle. Kick him out and make him Fight for this family. If he doesn't, please move on. He sounds awful, manipulative, and to throw the kids out -disgusting! He's no husband, and worse a fucked up father.

In my own marriage (I'm a mom if a tot and baby) we have fights, (no cheating), but neither of us could or would consider bring away from out kids. We would fight for them no matter what. We wouldn't walk out on them! I hope you don't waste your life on him. Please wake up. He's crazy.