Need an African American to Explain this Behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I am a black mother, but I can't answer why this teen did this to you I'm not really sure why we're discussing "youths" when one person did this really nasty thing.

From my experience of growing up in the ghettos of DC:

-Some Asians who run convenience stores/carry outs/beauty supply stores are extremely rude and extremely suspicious of their black patrons. They set up shop in black neighborhoods and proceed to act like having them for a customer is a bother. This creates distrust between the two groups.
-Many (not just black people) see Asian males as weak and/or not that masculine. This might have especially been true in your case if you were making baby noises as you walked with your child. This does not excuse their behavior, but sometimes assholes will prey on people they perceive as weak.
-You say you noticed this boy as you walked with your child (noting the walking pattern, etc). This suggests that you were "watching" the youths. Perhaps they took this as fear and took offense? Not saying it's right, but some teens are incredibly immature and don't know how to deal with graciously handling a "diss".

Bottom line. This was a terrible act. I'm sorry it happened. I don't know if the teen did this because he didn't like Asians, because he thought you were weak or because he thought you had dissed him. Either way, it was wrong. I hope you don't blame and/or attribute certain behavior to all black people as a result of an unruly and disrespectful black teen.

+1 From another black mother. I have tried to break things down here before for people (that Brazilian thread) and just gave up. It's too tiring for me. You are better than I.

There is so much that goes into these microaggressions - it's not just personal perception but societal perceptions of Black and Asian men that are going into it.

I have never had a black teenager try to intimidate me in DC. I treat them politely, say excuse me, and I am not afraid of them, and nothing untoward has ever, ever happened to me. Especially with my child. If anything, they are more polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:-Some Asians who run convenience stores/carry outs/beauty supply stores are extremely rude and extremely suspicious of their black patrons. They set up shop in black neighborhoods and proceed to act like having them for a customer is a bother. This creates distrust between the two groups.

As an Asian woman, I find that many Asian immigrants can come off as rude and surly even to their own Asian customers. I guess it's a cultural difference, but I still find it abrupt and jolting. And, in my opinion, Asians who speak English as a second language can sound clipped and aggressive to my native English speaking ears. Add that to the fact that we all have prejudices and biases to some extent and I can totally understand why there can be problems btwn these two groups.

[Anonymous]

A 10 year old kid was goofing around with his gum and nearly spat it on me as he walked by. His parents were horrified, he was horrified; I just kept walking, and out of pure instinct said "YUCK" as I walked by.

I don't think it was racist. Some people are just gross and some people are gross and angry at the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is just reprehensible. I don't know why everyone wants to jump on here claiming it's not representative of young black male behavior, but I have seen this sort of behavior from young black males, too -- and have never seen it from any other race in this country. I don't think this act was racism against OP, but I do think it's a deep cultural and social issue that many urban black males grow up behaving this way, but get a pass because it's "racist" to call them out. I'm calling them out: this is not the way a human being in a civilized nation should ever treat the mother of a baby in front of that baby, and PPs are fooling themselves if they think it doesn't cause people like OP and me to associate those behaviors with the whole group. I know this is an unpopular thing to say and think.

+1

[Anonymous]

Teen males in groups tend to make fun of anyone. It could have been a group of skater kids who were white and they could have called you names or spit.

In this country teen boys in groups tend to be troublemakers and this is with all races. "Group think" has been an issue forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, may I ask your background? Do you think you may have prompted it in any way? I am NOT saying this behavior is excusable.

Maybe they were jealous? Is it a nice car? This behavior could have been from anyone - including my uptight white neighbors who get jealous if they think someone has more than them

Are you saying your uptight neighbors will spit on your car right in front of you???

Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and call bullshit on that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a race problem. It is typical behavior for a$$hole boys between those ages. Don't you remember being that age and knowing guys who were a$$holes? I knew frat guys who would do stupid things like this. It isn't a function of race but rather age and sex!

I wouldn't call that typical young male behavior. Spitting at someone is outside the norm. It's especially disrespectful and hateful.

Agreed. I've known plenty of disrespectful white kids, but never known them to spit. I think spitting is about the most disgusting and hateful gesture someone could make. I hope these kids get the shit kicked out of them one day b/c it sounds like they are punks who deserve it.

[Anonymous]

9:54 - you'd be surprised what some people do, how people act, and what I have seen in my friends "white" neighborhood. She actually had to install cameras because you would never believe it without actually seeing it. It's about having good parent/s and about class. It has very little to do with race!

NO ONE can demand respect by acting like an a&&hole. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is only racism if the victim is black. had a black person posted that a white or Asian person had spit on their car as they approached, racism would have been the first word thrown out there. If it happens to any other race it is an example of individuals acting poorly, if it happens to an AA, it is racism.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a race problem. It is typical behavior for a$$hole boys between those ages. Don't you remember being that age and knowing guys who were a$$holes? I knew frat guys who would do stupid things like this. It isn't a function of race but rather age and sex!

I wouldn't call that typical young male behavior. Spitting at someone is outside the norm. It's especially disrespectful and hateful.

Agreed. I've known plenty of disrespectful white kids, but never known them to spit. I think spitting is about the most disgusting and hateful gesture someone could make. I hope these kids get the shit kicked out of them one day b/c it sounds like they are punks who deserve it.

BS on you never seeing a white kid spit. Even as adults, I have seen white men spit, Asian men spit, Black men and Latino men spit.

[Anonymous]

I think the OP is looking for someone in the African American community to come out and acknowledge that there are major, major issues amongst AA youth and in particular young males, not just in this city but across the country. I am the minority in my predominately AA neighborhood, and it pisses me off to no end when my otherwise perfectly lovely AA neighbors will bitch and complain about the young male loafers but absolutely say nothing to them or their parents/guardians. I am white. Why are you bitching to me? Do you think that I would have a ton of success speaking to these kids' parents/guardians about their children cursing in front of my young child, throwing litter in the alley near my house, driving their shitty cars too fast down my one way street full of young children, blaring "gangsta rap" out the windows? I'm gonna go with NO. They would accuse me of being "racist" instead of being a neighbor who is annoyed by this generally disrespectful and thuggish behavior.

Mind you, I have gone out of my way to be friendly and say hello, offer my name, ask for theirs, etc. and these gestures are often met with a non-response or a barely audible mumble. For once, I would like these neighbors who have been in the community forever and claim to care so much about it to actually do something useful. If you've been here forever, do something. Say something. You know these people. I don't. And let's not kid ourselves that as a white newcomer anyone gives a shit about what I have to say or whether I or my family feel respected in our own neighborhood. I'm not painting all of my neighbors with a broad brush - I know these troublemakers are the minority. But nor am I going to pull the wool over my eyes and pretend like there is not an endemic problem when I know full well there is. I've heard these kids' relatives moaning about someone calling the police to shut down their loud drunken parties or to stop them using the street as a drag strip. "Why are they picking on my boy?" Wah wah wah. And I also know full well b/c I've heard the rumors through my neighbors that they always assume that some white family called the cops, when I also know b/c I've been told that some of the AA families near me have done so. Assumptions are made on both sides and the fact that we can't speak about them honestly is the problem. But again, I know that if I were to say something to these people that I'd be putting my family at risk for retaliation. Don't try to tell me that's not the case either.

[Anonymous]

Its racism no matter what, if two different races are involved. One race does not own the term, though they may be disproportionate victims.

Why not teach our children to NOT be angry? Is that too difficult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I am a black mother, but I can't answer why this teen did this to you I'm not really sure why we're discussing "youths" when one person did this really nasty thing.

From my experience of growing up in the ghettos of DC:

-Some Asians who run convenience stores/carry outs/beauty supply stores are extremely rude and extremely suspicious of their black patrons. They set up shop in black neighborhoods and proceed to act like having them for a customer is a bother. This creates distrust between the two groups.
-Many (not just black people) see Asian males as weak and/or not that masculine. This might have especially been true in your case if you were making baby noises as you walked with your child. This does not excuse their behavior, but sometimes assholes will prey on people they perceive as weak.
-You say you noticed this boy as you walked with your child (noting the walking pattern, etc). This suggests that you were "watching" the youths. Perhaps they took this as fear and took offense? Not saying it's right, but some teens are incredibly immature and don't know how to deal with graciously handling a "diss".

Bottom line. This was a terrible act. I'm sorry it happened. I don't know if the teen did this because he didn't like Asians, because he thought you were weak or because he thought you had dissed him. Either way, it was wrong. I hope you don't blame and/or attribute certain behavior to all black people as a result of an unruly and disrespectful black teen.

+1 From another black mother. I have tried to break things down here before for people (that Brazilian thread) and just gave up. It's too tiring for me. You are better than I.

There is so much that goes into these microaggressions - it's not just personal perception but societal perceptions of Black and Asian men that are going into it.

I have never had a black teenager try to intimidate me in DC. I treat them politely, say excuse me, and I am not afraid of them, and nothing untoward has ever, ever happened to me. Especially with my child. If anything, they are more polite.

See, but you are a black mother. Try being a white mother with a child encountering a black male teen, and ask yourself if you think you can expect the same response. Nothing untoward has ever happened to me either, but I have made eye contact and said hello to black teens in my neighborhood who gazed past me, pretended not to hear, and said nothing. I won't call that racist b/c I don't know the motivation, but what is that behavior if not disrespect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the below event to be an act of racism, but I would like a member from the African American community to verify or help me see why I'm wrong.

While picking up my child from daycare today (between Cameron Station and Old Town Alexandria, just off of Duke Street), I encountered four African American males while walking back to my car, 10 month old child in arms. My car was parked in front of the daycare building along the curb. They, the four African American youths (between 18 and 25 of age), were walking parallel to the street, on the street itself. We reached my car at the same time. One of the youths looked at me while I reached for my car door and, without breaking stride, spat on the driver's side of the door while looking me right in the eye.

Racism? Or am I overreacting?

black guy here.

it seems like these AA species you encountered simply spat on your window to inform you that your vehicle needs cleaning. they either spat on your car to provide the water they felt you needed to wipe down your window or they were simply giving you the universal negro sign of "fuck you"

So that's how "Negroes" act? like animals?

I can't believe how angry people are. I don't give a rat's ass what color your fucking skin is. ANY person who spits on someone else or on someone's item is an ignorant low life.

I'm amazed at how some blacks are actually defending that disgusting behavior.

It's always a sign of class to say fuck you by spitting, isn't it?

the absurdity of my passage didnt give you not one indication that it was completely sarcastic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a race problem. It is typical behavior for a$$hole boys between those ages. Don't you remember being that age and knowing guys who were a$$holes? I knew frat guys who would do stupid things like this. It isn't a function of race but rather age and sex!

I wouldn't call that typical young male behavior. Spitting at someone is outside the norm. It's especially disrespectful and hateful.

Agreed. I've known plenty of disrespectful white kids, but never known them to spit. I think spitting is about the most disgusting and hateful gesture someone could make. I hope these kids get the shit kicked out of them one day b/c it sounds like they are punks who deserve it.

BS on you never seeing a white kid spit. Even as adults, I have seen white men spit, Asian men spit, Black men and Latino men spit.

I don't know where you come from, but I've never seen this amongst any kids. Where I grew up your parents would kick the crap out of you for behavior like that, and we knew better.