Dating at gender-lopsided universities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has been in school for a month and she has been asked out a couple of times by different guys. The same thing has occurred to two of her roommates. It is not as bleak as it sounds.

What kind of school? And how did she meet the guys? Can you share more? This has not been my daughter's experience at all and she's sort of bummed because she went to a girls' high school and hoped college would be a bit different.

She goes to a midsized school of 8k. The school had 5 days of orientation and she was able to meet numerous people during the various events. She also lives in a coed dorm and they had various activities. Being an active participant and engaging people, I think goes a long way.

Is this Northwestern? It sounds like my older child's experience.
My younger child goes to UVA and all the dorms are single gender by floor, they had 2 days of summer orientation in June etc. It's been really had to meet the opposite sex and no one they know is dating or really interacting with the opposite gender at all outside of parties which aren't great because everyone is drunk.

So a hundred years ago, I went to UVA -and the dorm set up was the same. Are you saying that no one grabs a bunch of same-sex friends and visits other floors? No one keeps their room or suite door open anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has been in school for a month and she has been asked out a couple of times by different guys. The same thing has occurred to two of her roommates. It is not as bleak as it sounds.

What kind of school? And how did she meet the guys? Can you share more? This has not been my daughter's experience at all and she's sort of bummed because she went to a girls' high school and hoped college would be a bit different.

She goes to a midsized school of 8k. The school had 5 days of orientation and she was able to meet numerous people during the various events. She also lives in a coed dorm and they had various activities. Being an active participant and engaging people, I think goes a long way.

Is this Northwestern? It sounds like my older child's experience.
My younger child goes to UVA and all the dorms are single gender by floor, they had 2 days of summer orientation in June etc. It's been really had to meet the opposite sex and no one they know is dating or really interacting with the opposite gender at all outside of parties which aren't great because everyone is drunk.

We need to have a DCUM UVA parents group to arrange friendships for their kids who don't drink (or don't drink a lot). This is a pretty common problem. It's all very well to say "stop helicoptering, the kids need to figure it out themselves" but many of them are not figuring it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has been in school for a month and she has been asked out a couple of times by different guys. The same thing has occurred to two of her roommates. It is not as bleak as it sounds.

What kind of school? And how did she meet the guys? Can you share more? This has not been my daughter's experience at all and she's sort of bummed because she went to a girls' high school and hoped college would be a bit different.

She goes to a midsized school of 8k. The school had 5 days of orientation and she was able to meet numerous people during the various events. She also lives in a coed dorm and they had various activities. Being an active participant and engaging people, I think goes a long way.

Is this Northwestern? It sounds like my older child's experience.
My younger child goes to UVA and all the dorms are single gender by floor, they had 2 days of summer orientation in June etc. It's been really had to meet the opposite sex and no one they know is dating or really interacting with the opposite gender at all outside of parties which aren't great because everyone is drunk.

So a hundred years ago, I went to UVA -and the dorm set up was the same. Are you saying that no one grabs a bunch of same-sex friends and visits other floors? No one keeps their room or suite door open anymore?

Hallway doors are locked at least in the Old Dorms. Only residents of that floor can unlock the hallway doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is better. Women should be free to study, go to class, work, go to the gym, and attend social events without the risk of being harassed or labeled a b- when we reject clumsy (and they are always clumsy) advances.

If I want to date someone, I am perfectly capable of asking. And I’m confident that when I do, whether or not I’m successful, it won’t be inappropriate.

No, it is not better.

It is the mean girl social media equivalent of the stereotypical guys taunting the "fat" girl.

+1
Girls/women like that are truly mean. They live for shaming and humiliating nice guys who get up the courage to ask them out. I truly despise girls like that - and I have both daughters and sons. I would be furious if I found out my daughters had treated a guy like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has been in school for a month and she has been asked out a couple of times by different guys. The same thing has occurred to two of her roommates. It is not as bleak as it sounds.

What kind of school? And how did she meet the guys? Can you share more? This has not been my daughter's experience at all and she's sort of bummed because she went to a girls' high school and hoped college would be a bit different.

She goes to a midsized school of 8k. The school had 5 days of orientation and she was able to meet numerous people during the various events. She also lives in a coed dorm and they had various activities. Being an active participant and engaging people, I think goes a long way.

Is this Northwestern? It sounds like my older child's experience.
My younger child goes to UVA and all the dorms are single gender by floor, they had 2 days of summer orientation in June etc. It's been really had to meet the opposite sex and no one they know is dating or really interacting with the opposite gender at all outside of parties which aren't great because everyone is drunk.

So a hundred years ago, I went to UVA -and the dorm set up was the same. Are you saying that no one grabs a bunch of same-sex friends and visits other floors? No one keeps their room or suite door open anymore?

No, the floors are locked so there is no mixing. The single gender housing really seems to impact male-female friendship and dating when compared to other schools. My daughter has made some wonderful female friends but has barely talked to a boy and the same is true with her friends. Meanwhile many of her friends at other colleges live directly next to boys, see them in the hallway daily, etc and have mixed gender friend groups. I'm not sure why UVA does it this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do agree with some of the conclusions here. I have both boys and girls, so you won't catch me bashing either.

My daughter would love to be "asked out" in the old-fashioned way. Dinner, coffee, whatever. She's sick of "talking to" guys.

My son is definitely a bit afraid to ask out a girl and either be shot down or shamed. He has friends who are gay and bisexual, but he admits to being confused about whether it's OK to pursue a girl who has said she's bi.

I don’t really understand sort of extreme reactions like this.

My two sons attended DCPS and while they shrugged at some of the social engineering, neither felt oppressed or overwhelmed by the messaging. Maybe in the scheme of things DCPS isn’t that crazy.

Neither has ever had an issue reading social cues and asking women out…sometimes a rejection happens but I guess they ask out normal people because there is no public shaming.

I don't think he'd get shamed, either, but HE thinks he would!

I totally agree.

The guys (thanks to social media in my opinion) think they are going to be mocked and shamed if they make a misstep.

Social media has destroyed dating relationships.

Social media, and more specifically influencers and podcasters are feeding your children crap information.

It is the female centered influencers, mostly.

I have boys, and I listen to guy focused social media, which is mostly right leaning.

Almost all of them are telling young men to get off video games, stop watching porn, exercise, get a job, go to church, learn about the world and make yourself worthy of the young women you want to be with, with a bunch of sports and things like aliens and moon landing conspiracies thrown in.


The girl social media is heavily skewed to cutting out any guy from your life who is not hard left.

Just read the Facebook posts of your adult female friends and neighbors. They say the exact same thing. I can't tell you how many times women post here and on their identifiable Facebook pages things like "I would divorce my husband if I found out he was conservative/voted for Trump."

That polarization by women is not good for dating or for society at large.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think some of you have kids in the trenches. My daughter and friends are all freshmen and most of them would be happy to date or hang out with any guy in the top 50% but no one asks them out or really pays them any attention. They go to darties or pre-game events and are ignored by the guys who just focus on the top 5%, STUNNING girls. There are easily 2-3 girls for every guy. Their academic lectures are generally 100+ and it's really hard to meet guys in those because no one talks pre or post lecture and they're not asking random girls out on their way out the door. Places like the gym are also 2:1 female. Then there are social and academic clubs but it's slow going there to meet anyone 1:1 and again a lot of girls. My daughter would say yes to a date with a guy in a heartbeat (and has no interest in the top 10% guys or bro culture at all) but guys don't pay any attention to her because she's just one of a sea of girls. It's the same for her roommate, hallmates, etc. They're getting asked out either. Same for her friends at other schools. There are all large universities private/public (Michigan, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UVA, Wisconsin, Boston College, etc). It's very hard out there if you are pretty, smart, well dressed but not the hottest in the room.

No. From what I have heard guys are not making the effort any more. You can google it and get the usual videos with woman complaining that guys are not approaching any more. Who knows if the videos are really but there seems to be a boatload of videos on the subject.

I guess this is why my skinny STEM kid seems to punch way above his weight with the ladies. He has just never been shy approaching girls since 9th grade.

He probably read (and believed) "The Game" or similar PUA material. Surprisingly (or perhaps unsurprisingly) popular among unattractive STEM guys.

Right, because PUA shtick is all about being friendly and just asking someone out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think some of you have kids in the trenches. My daughter and friends are all freshmen and most of them would be happy to date or hang out with any guy in the top 50% but no one asks them out or really pays them any attention. They go to darties or pre-game events and are ignored by the guys who just focus on the top 5%, STUNNING girls. There are easily 2-3 girls for every guy. Their academic lectures are generally 100+ and it's really hard to meet guys in those because no one talks pre or post lecture and they're not asking random girls out on their way out the door. Places like the gym are also 2:1 female. Then there are social and academic clubs but it's slow going there to meet anyone 1:1 and again a lot of girls. My daughter would say yes to a date with a guy in a heartbeat (and has no interest in the top 10% guys or bro culture at all) but guys don't pay any attention to her because she's just one of a sea of girls. It's the same for her roommate, hallmates, etc. They're getting asked out either. Same for her friends at other schools. There are all large universities private/public (Michigan, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UVA, Wisconsin, Boston College, etc). It's very hard out there if you are pretty, smart, well dressed but not the hottest in the room.

No. From what I have heard guys are not making the effort any more. You can google it and get the usual videos with woman complaining that guys are not approaching any more. Who knows if the videos are really but there seems to be a boatload of videos on the subject.

Guys aren't because they don't want to be me too'd online, for the sin of simply being awkward when asking someone on a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has been in school for a month and she has been asked out a couple of times by different guys. The same thing has occurred to two of her roommates. It is not as bleak as it sounds.

What kind of school? And how did she meet the guys? Can you share more? This has not been my daughter's experience at all and she's sort of bummed because she went to a girls' high school and hoped college would be a bit different.

She goes to a midsized school of 8k. The school had 5 days of orientation and she was able to meet numerous people during the various events. She also lives in a coed dorm and they had various activities. Being an active participant and engaging people, I think goes a long way.

Is this Northwestern? It sounds like my older child's experience.
My younger child goes to UVA and all the dorms are single gender by floor, they had 2 days of summer orientation in June etc. It's been really had to meet the opposite sex and no one they know is dating or really interacting with the opposite gender at all outside of parties which aren't great because everyone is drunk.

It is WashU. I fat fingered my response.

WasU

Washington University in St louis?

St. Louis has a really normal dating scene.

No one is terribly radical or extreme, which helps a lot on college dating scenes and dating at large. I have several young adult and college relatives there, and their dating lives are like it was when we were in college... normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is better. Women should be free to study, go to class, work, go to the gym, and attend social events without the risk of being harassed or labeled a b- when we reject clumsy (and they are always clumsy) advances.

If I want to date someone, I am perfectly capable of asking. And I’m confident that when I do, whether or not I’m successful, it won’t be inappropriate.

No, it is not better.

It is the mean girl social media equivalent of the stereotypical guys taunting the "fat" girl.

+1
Girls/women like that are truly mean. They live for shaming and humiliating nice guys who get up the courage to ask them out. I truly despise girls like that - and I have both daughters and sons. I would be furious if I found out my daughters had treated a guy like that.

Define 'nice' guys. To me if a man said that to me it would be a red flag

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Asked out on dates"

Is she willing to do the asking?

I was going to say the same. Its not 1950.
I've been married over 20 years and I proposed to him...
So lady, some catching up is long over due

You most likely are in the minority. But good on you ( not sacastic)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is better. Women should be free to study, go to class, work, go to the gym, and attend social events without the risk of being harassed or labeled a b- when we reject clumsy (and they are always clumsy) advances.

Yeah what's wrong with these guys who are 18 or so and make these clumsy advances? It's like they're totally lacking in experience or something.

Obviously we need a mandatory "how to make suave advances" class for high school boys.

No, we really don’t. We need to normalize *not* making advances.

DP. I sincerely hope you’re not one of the parents complaining that no one is asking your daughter out on dates.

I have daughters and I ask you why would I complain about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do agree with some of the conclusions here. I have both boys and girls, so you won't catch me bashing either.

My daughter would love to be "asked out" in the old-fashioned way. Dinner, coffee, whatever. She's sick of "talking to" guys.

My son is definitely a bit afraid to ask out a girl and either be shot down or shamed. He has friends who are gay and bisexual, but he admits to being confused about whether it's OK to pursue a girl who has said she's bi.

I don’t really understand sort of extreme reactions like this.

My two sons attended DCPS and while they shrugged at some of the social engineering, neither felt oppressed or overwhelmed by the messaging. Maybe in the scheme of things DCPS isn’t that crazy.

Neither has ever had an issue reading social cues and asking women out…sometimes a rejection happens but I guess they ask out normal people because there is no public shaming.

I don't think he'd get shamed, either, but HE thinks he would!

I totally agree.

The guys (thanks to social media in my opinion) think they are going to be mocked and shamed if they make a misstep.

Social media has destroyed dating relationships.

Social media, and more specifically influencers and podcasters are feeding your children crap information.

It is the female centered influencers, mostly.

I have boys, and I listen to guy focused social media, which is mostly right leaning.

Almost all of them are telling young men to get off video games, stop watching porn, exercise, get a job, go to church, learn about the world and make yourself worthy of the young women you want to be with, with a bunch of sports and things like aliens and moon landing conspiracies thrown in.


The girl social media is heavily skewed to cutting out any guy from your life who is not hard left.

Just read the Facebook posts of your adult female friends and neighbors. They say the exact same thing. I can't tell you how many times women post here and on their identifiable Facebook pages things like "I would divorce my husband if I found out he was conservative/voted for Trump."

That polarization by women is not good for dating or for society at large.

My girls do not want to date maga guys and has nothing to do with social influencers. It affects their lives and they have the right to want to date soneone closer to their ideals rather than soneone who wants five kids and a trad wife. Are you suggesting otherwise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is better. Women should be free to study, go to class, work, go to the gym, and attend social events without the risk of being harassed or labeled a b- when we reject clumsy (and they are always clumsy) advances.

Yeah what's wrong with these guys who are 18 or so and make these clumsy advances? It's like they're totally lacking in experience or something.

Obviously we need a mandatory "how to make suave advances" class for high school boys.

No, we really don’t. We need to normalize *not* making advances.

Are you talking about in the workplace or on a college campus? Because you're an idiot if your position is that a man should never try to talk to a woman who attends the same college. Only a very small (and distasteful) percentage of women would agree with you. And many of them are middle aged women on DCUM.

Why do you label them 'distasteful?'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Asked out on dates"

Is she willing to do the asking?

That's not going to go well

Why not?

I'm surprised you don't know this. Men want to do the choosing. If they want to date you they will ask. If they don't ask they won't want you. And I don't want to hear about the one man who was asked out because this true of the majority of men!

The 1950s have spoken.

Don't you know? With this administration we are going bsck to 1870s