He’s not a breadwinner

[Anonymous]

OP, have you considered encouraging him to pursue career opportunities, especially those that don’t require an advanced degree, such as specialty apparel?

DH is of a non-traditional bent with limited interest in traditional ways of generating income. He has an idea around a specialty apparel item. He says it flips the script on a commodity product and recasts it in a new and innovative way that thrills and delights consumers (That’s what his investor materials says anyway lol. So far, there has been no incoming money, but the skies unlimited.

Anyhoo, maybe a similar effort could or would work. Wishing you luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered encouraging him to pursue career opportunities, especially those that don’t require an advanced degree, such as specialty apparel?

DH is of a non-traditional bent with limited interest in traditional ways of generating income. He has an idea around a specialty apparel item. He says it flips the script on a commodity product and recasts it in a new and innovative way that thrills and delights consumers (That’s what his investor materials says anyway lol. So far, there has been no incoming money, but the skies unlimited.

Anyhoo, maybe a similar effort could or would work. Wishing you luck!

T-Shorts poster is back! Let us know when the dollars start rolling in!

[Anonymous]

Glad our life is a joke to you. Unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered encouraging him to pursue career opportunities, especially those that don’t require an advanced degree, such as specialty apparel?

DH is of a non-traditional bent with limited interest in traditional ways of generating income. He has an idea around a specialty apparel item. He says it flips the script on a commodity product and recasts it in a new and innovative way that thrills and delights consumers (That’s what his investor materials says anyway lol. So far, there has been no incoming money, but the skies unlimited.

Anyhoo, maybe a similar effort could or would work. Wishing you luck!

T-Shorts poster is back! Let us know when the dollars start rolling in!

Oh yeah, the T-shorts. That DH has a vision.

[Anonymous]

OP, tell us more about his living situation since you don’t live together.

Parents? Roommates? Clean bathroom and kitchen?

What is his credit score like? Similar to yours?

Does he come from poor background? College degree?

Is his family like him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I come down on the side of OP is having to crowd source this. If she has to ask, she really already knows the answ

That, or she's a troll.

Bingo!

[Anonymous]

Please don’t do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend is an amazing man. He’s very smart, hilarious, gentle, kind, emotionally available, and very loving.

His one bad trait is that he’s not a breadwinner. His career is unorganized, he hates his job, is underemployed, and has no ambition.

We are mid-late 30s and want kids asap.

I have a good career and make pretty good money. I never planned to be the primary breadwinner though. I think I could financially swing it, if he remains supportive and I rev up my career more. if you’ve taken a similar path, any regrets?

I'm a 50-year-old married woman who dated someone just like this in my late 20s. We broke up because his underemployment and lack of ambition eventually became a significant strain, holding us back from the life we (really, I) envisioned. The truth is, raising kids is stressful and expensive, with much of that burden often falling on moms—whether they're the breadwinner or not. Why add to this stress by choosing to bring children into the world with someone who can't or won't contribute financially, either now or in the future? Unless you have a bottomless trust fund, resentment will creep in and you might not see it now, but it will impact your marriage. That breakup was hard though because he was great in so many ways and he truly did love me. Love is not enough though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glad our life is a joke to you. Unkind.

Also, the incoming money is barely anything, DH has some promisory lines in the fire. He/we have elected to avoid online sales. This product is about human interaction (friend2friend marketing.) DH sez Way batter, better up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad our life is a joke to you. Unkind.

Also, the incoming money is barely anything, DH has some promisory lines in the fire. He/we have elected to avoid online sales. This product is about human interaction (friend2friend marketing.) DH sez Way batter, better up!

Please start your own thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend is an amazing man. He’s very smart, hilarious, gentle, kind, emotionally available, and very loving.

His one bad trait is that he’s not a breadwinner. His career is unorganized, he hates his job, is underemployed, and has no ambition.

We are mid-late 30s and want kids asap.

I have a good career and make pretty good money. I never planned to be the primary breadwinner though. I think I could financially swing it, if he remains supportive and I rev up my career more. if you’ve taken a similar path, any regrets?

I'm a 50-year-old married woman who dated someone just like this in my late 20s. We broke up because his underemployment and lack of ambition eventually became a significant strain, holding us back from the life we (really, I) envisioned. The truth is, raising kids is stressful and expensive, with much of that burden often falling on moms—whether they're the breadwinner or not. Why add to this stress by choosing to bring children into the world with someone who can't or won't contribute financially, either now or in the future? Unless you have a bottomless trust fund, resentment will creep in and you might not see it now, but it will impact your marriage. That breakup was hard though because he was great in so many ways and he truly did love me. Love is not enough though.

This. Life is unpredictable, OP. Choose wisely or your future kids may hate you. A lazy father and not enough money to do what the other kids do is not going to make them feel kindly towards you. It’s not about earning, it’s about him being lazy, unmotivated and liking playing the victim. If not, he’d find something else. He’s looking for a sugar mama deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be thinking about marrying and having kids with him if you were 6-10 years younger?

It’s okay if the answer is no and you do it anyway. But be honest with yourself about it, because he isn’t going to change.

OP here. This is a good question. I think I’d still consider it. We have a strong emotional connection and I find that hard to come by.

To add more info. He’s a great cook, frugal shopper, and does take out the trash (he takes out my trash without me asking and we don’t live together). I think he can be depended upon to shuttle kids around and get them to their appointments.

When I say he’s not ambitious I mean in his career. He has no plan for achieving career goals, and doesn’t seem to be passionate about his career.

I wouldn’t want him to be a SAHD. I’m envisioning him continuing to work but picking the slack up with kids, because I will have to be in overdrive to earn more.

Strong emotional connection includes good sex? If yes, keep him, marry him.

Many women on this board are complaining about sexless marriages. Men who can satisfy women in the bedroom are hard to find. You have one, keep him.

Until she starts to resent his lack of contribution outside of the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glad our life is a joke to you. Unkind.

No unkindness intended, you are the greatest most long term deadpan troll on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad our life is a joke to you. Unkind.

No unkindness intended, you are the greatest most long term deadpan troll on DCUM.

TIA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend is an amazing man. He’s very smart, hilarious, gentle, kind, emotionally available, and very loving.

His one bad trait is that he’s not a breadwinner. His career is unorganized, he hates his job, is underemployed, and has no ambition.

We are mid-late 30s and want kids asap.

I have a good career and make pretty good money. I never planned to be the primary breadwinner though. I think I could financially swing it, if he remains supportive and I rev up my career more. if you’ve taken a similar path, any regrets?

What is his job or occupation at the moment