I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I would not say they are entirely blameless, but I think the point is to stop focusing on them. I have known so many women who passionately hate their DH's AP yet they stay with their DH. The DH did the cheating on his wife. The OW had no duty of loyalty to the wife other than, as some have said, a general golden rule sort of thing. But the DH was likely to cheat with someone else if not that OW. And the last thing I would want is for my DH to be faithful to me only because of lack of opportunity.

Most men are only faithful because of combination of lack of opportunity and fear of losing money and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not the AP's responsibility to keep a marriage together or prevent it from falling apart. That responsibility lies entirely with the married couple.

The AP is responsible for their own morality and behavior. You are not completely blameless when you are engaging in a "relationship" that intentionally undermines another and is hurtful to them. Same reason stealing, physically assaulting someone or animals, cheating on taxes, driving over the speed limit, DWI or without a license, is not acceptable socially. Stop being obtuse about why the AP has responsibility and fault in this.

It’s not “stealing” if the DH is giving it away.

I'm not sure if you're deliberately misinterpreting the PP's comment . . . they weren't saying that cheating IS stealing, but that it's like stealing, cheating on taxes, DWI, etc. . . doing something reckless and/or selfish with a high probability of harming others. Of COURSE the people who do those things have a litany of deflections and excuses. And sure, nobody has to be a good person; it's not a requirement. But some of us like to live by the golden rule knowing that if we're there for others, they'll be there for us when it's our turn to be in need.

Still not equivalent. Those are illegal.

It may be indirectly hurtful (or supporting someone else to be hurtful) but the actual hurt is done by the cheating spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not the AP's responsibility to keep a marriage together or prevent it from falling apart. That responsibility lies entirely with the married couple.

The AP is responsible for their own morality and behavior. You are not completely blameless when you are engaging in a "relationship" that intentionally undermines another and is hurtful to them. Same reason stealing, physically assaulting someone or animals, cheating on taxes, driving over the speed limit, DWI or without a license, is not acceptable socially. Stop being obtuse about why the AP has responsibility and fault in this.

It’s not “stealing” if the DH is giving it away.

I'm not sure if you're deliberately misinterpreting the PP's comment . . . they weren't saying that cheating IS stealing, but that it's like stealing, cheating on taxes, DWI, etc. . . doing something reckless and/or selfish with a high probability of harming others. Of COURSE the people who do those things have a litany of deflections and excuses. And sure, nobody has to be a good person; it's not a requirement. But some of us like to live by the golden rule knowing that if we're there for others, they'll be there for us when it's our turn to be in need.

Still not equivalent. Those are illegal.

It may be indirectly hurtful (or supporting someone else to be hurtful) but the actual hurt is done by the cheating spouse.

Whatever helps you sleep at night

Personally, engaging in scumbag behavior like screwing married men would make me hate myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not the AP's responsibility to keep a marriage together or prevent it from falling apart. That responsibility lies entirely with the married couple.

The AP is responsible for their own morality and behavior. You are not completely blameless when you are engaging in a "relationship" that intentionally undermines another and is hurtful to them. Same reason stealing, physically assaulting someone or animals, cheating on taxes, driving over the speed limit, DWI or without a license, is not acceptable socially. Stop being obtuse about why the AP has responsibility and fault in this.

It’s not “stealing” if the DH is giving it away.

I'm not sure if you're deliberately misinterpreting the PP's comment . . . they weren't saying that cheating IS stealing, but that it's like stealing, cheating on taxes, DWI, etc. . . doing something reckless and/or selfish with a high probability of harming others. Of COURSE the people who do those things have a litany of deflections and excuses. And sure, nobody has to be a good person; it's not a requirement. But some of us like to live by the golden rule knowing that if we're there for others, they'll be there for us when it's our turn to be in need.

Still not equivalent. Those are illegal.

It may be indirectly hurtful (or supporting someone else to be hurtful) but the actual hurt is done by the cheating spouse.

You're right; I forgot you can only blame people for things that are illegal. Silly me.