Dates and paying bill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it absolutely extraordinary that women expect men to pay for dates in 2023. Period. It should be 50/50 every single time.

If he's inviting her out on a date, he should be the one to pay.

And vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are all about equality until they date, then they expect the man to pay.

Ladies, quick translation for you. When men say snarky comments like this, they are really saying "I'm broke."

Not broke. Rich or poor, everyone has a budget, and you are below the cut line. There's *someone* he's pay for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

OP, you keep talking about "hanging out" - what does that mean? It sounds like you two are buddies. It does not sound like you are dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are all about equality until they date, then they expect the man to pay.

I think more people operate under the following principle:

-- Whoever issues the initial invitation pays. Since this is typically the man, he is expected to pay.
-- As a relationship develops, the bills tend to get split proportionate to income. Usually on a reciprocal basis. This is equity, not equality, btw.

In this instance, it sounds like it's what happened. What made it painfully awkward was offering to Venmo piecemeal portions of a small bill instead of just reciprocating in some other way.

Equity is both donating all their income, and splitting costs on the rest.

What you are describing is tag-team inequity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are all about equality until they date, then they expect the man to pay.

I think more people operate under the following principle:

-- Whoever issues the initial invitation pays. Since this is typically the man, he is expected to pay.
-- As a relationship develops, the bills tend to get split proportionate to income. Usually on a reciprocal basis. This is equity, not equality, btw.

In this instance, it sounds like it's what happened. What made it painfully awkward was offering to Venmo piecemeal portions of a small bill instead of just reciprocating in some other way.

Equity is both donating all their income, and splitting costs on the rest.

What you are describing is tag-team inequity.

*Donating all their excess income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

OP, you keep talking about "hanging out" - what does that mean? It sounds like you two are buddies. It does not sound like you are dating.

I guess that's what other people my age call it. Even when I have a boyfriend I call it hanging out with them when we get together, sometimes call it a date.

[Anonymous]

OP I get the impression you feel like because you're a single mom at 29, you can't do better than this. You can. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

OP, you keep talking about "hanging out" - what does that mean? It sounds like you two are buddies. It does not sound like you are dating.

I guess that's what other people my age call it. Even when I have a boyfriend I call it hanging out with them when we get together, sometimes call it a date.

I am your age and a date and hanging out are two different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

OP, you keep talking about "hanging out" - what does that mean? It sounds like you two are buddies. It does not sound like you are dating.

I guess that's what other people my age call it. Even when I have a boyfriend I call it hanging out with them when we get together, sometimes call it a date.

I am your age and a date and hanging out are two different things.

+1. Hanging out is like, pre-dating at most. Like "talking". "I'm talking to this guy", does not mean dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

OP, you keep talking about "hanging out" - what does that mean? It sounds like you two are buddies. It does not sound like you are dating.

I guess that's what other people my age call it. Even when I have a boyfriend I call it hanging out with them when we get together, sometimes call it a date.

I am your age and a date and hanging out are two different things.

+1. Hanging out is like, pre-dating at most. Like "talking". "I'm talking to this guy", does not mean dating.

Oh, actually meant the opposite. If you're going out for dinner with someone you don't really know, that's a date. Once you're exclusive, that's when dates become more like hanging out. I.e. I meet a guy and we go out for dinner/drinks once or twice a week for a couple months. Those are dates. Then we become exclusive. Him coming over to my house to watch a movie or me going over to his place for dinner - that's hanging out with your boyfriend at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

OP, you keep talking about "hanging out" - what does that mean? It sounds like you two are buddies. It does not sound like you are dating.

I guess that's what other people my age call it. Even when I have a boyfriend I call it hanging out with them when we get together, sometimes call it a date.

I am your age and a date and hanging out are two different things.

+1. Hanging out is like, pre-dating at most. Like "talking". "I'm talking to this guy", does not mean dating.

Oh, actually meant the opposite. If you're going out for dinner with someone you don't really know, that's a date. Once you're exclusive, that's when dates become more like hanging out. I.e. I meet a guy and we go out for dinner/drinks once or twice a week for a couple months. Those are dates. Then we become exclusive. Him coming over to my house to watch a movie or me going over to his place for dinner - that's hanging out with your boyfriend at that point.

Ah, interesting. To me it would be:
talking to
hanging out with
dating
engaged/married/etc

Doesnt really matter of course, as he does not sound like a quality guy for OP. But interesting to see how language is different!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

OP, you keep talking about "hanging out" - what does that mean? It sounds like you two are buddies. It does not sound like you are dating.

I guess that's what other people my age call it. Even when I have a boyfriend I call it hanging out with them when we get together, sometimes call it a date.

I am your age and a date and hanging out are two different things.

+1. Hanging out is like, pre-dating at most. Like "talking". "I'm talking to this guy", does not mean dating.

Oh, actually meant the opposite. If you're going out for dinner with someone you don't really know, that's a date. Once you're exclusive, that's when dates become more like hanging out. I.e. I meet a guy and we go out for dinner/drinks once or twice a week for a couple months. Those are dates. Then we become exclusive. Him coming over to my house to watch a movie or me going over to his place for dinner - that's hanging out with your boyfriend at that point.

Ah, interesting. To me it would be:
talking to
hanging out with
dating
engaged/married/etc

Doesnt really matter of course, as he does not sound like a quality guy for OP. But interesting to see how language is different!

I would order:
Talking
Hanging out
Dating
Exclusive/boyfriend
Engagement
Marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

OP, you keep talking about "hanging out" - what does that mean? It sounds like you two are buddies. It does not sound like you are dating.

I guess that's what other people my age call it. Even when I have a boyfriend I call it hanging out with them when we get together, sometimes call it a date.

I am your age and a date and hanging out are two different things.

+1. Hanging out is like, pre-dating at most. Like "talking". "I'm talking to this guy", does not mean dating.

Oh, actually meant the opposite. If you're going out for dinner with someone you don't really know, that's a date. Once you're exclusive, that's when dates become more like hanging out. I.e. I meet a guy and we go out for dinner/drinks once or twice a week for a couple months. Those are dates. Then we become exclusive. Him coming over to my house to watch a movie or me going over to his place for dinner - that's hanging out with your boyfriend at that point.

Ah, interesting. To me it would be:
talking to
hanging out with
dating
engaged/married/etc

Doesnt really matter of course, as he does not sound like a quality guy for OP. But interesting to see how language is different!

I would order:
Talking
Hanging out
Dating
Exclusive/boyfriend
Engagement
Marriage

Whoops - duh haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent hundreds dollars more dating the last guy I was with than he spent on dinners/outings with me. Nail polish upgrade, bedroom lingerie upgrade (he commented smth along the lines if my other lingerie was "enjoyed" by my exH), new outfits for sport that he liked to play together, STD testing kits before we started having sex and after, hair styling, new lubricants for bedroom (I won't ever use the same bottle as I did with previous partner). Women's razors at CVS are double price vs men razors; tampons, hair colorants applied every 2 weeks. Besides, I dress very nicely and go to an expensive gym to look "datable" in my mid 40s.

Women spend more on dating men behind the scenes! Men should pay for dates at all times, it's cheaper and that IS TRUE EQUALITY of expenses in this particular budget area for every single person. Besides, men two-timing women more often in dating than women do. The guy I spent all of it for turned out to have a GF in a different city, dating both of us. I was only sleeping with him. I am NOT subsidizing his dating other women indirectly by buying tickets or dinners. He seemed totally decent from the first glance, but we only lasted for 4 months.

I won't pay ever for any dates or offer to split bills with men after the above experience with OLD.

Well, I would have lied about the lingerie being "used" before, and not using a bottle of lube with a new partner is just weird. What were you doing with the bottle?! I use men's razors because they are better. And I also color my hair, but go every couple months. If you have to go every 2 weeks the color is too far from your natural color, or maybe you should just go grey.

The bottle I had was half empty it's weird to re-use it with a new partner. But no, I'm not going grey in my 40s - that's not going to attract much attention from men out there. Even if they are bold.

Women's shoes, dresses, lingerie, personal hygiene items, maintaining your body is way more expensive for women. No, men's razors are not better me: they have shape that doesn't shave off intimate zones and butt area as well as female shaped razors that are rounder. Women bear pregnancy and thus need to workout way more to maintain thin mid section than men, and be on a high quality diet if you want to look datable into mid life.

Plus, men two-time women on OLD and lie about their relationship status way more than women in middle age. I'm not paying for dinners or splitting anything until I move in with someone and is 99% certain he's single and only sleeps with me

I am a high earner ($350K/year), own house, car etc. When in a joint household, I would split expenses pro-rata our incomes

Earning $350k/yr and whining about the burdensome expense of toiletries.

And you are 40 years old single? And planning to find a man to get pregnant for?

My kids are in college. I’m looking for a partner who understands equality between and woman in a reasonable, fair to women way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

Wait wait wait. This man has KIDS and acts like this?!

Plot twist.