Dates and paying bill

[Anonymous]

I’m married now but I cannot imagine dating a guy, any guy at any income or age like this. I don’t need the guy to pay for everything. Dutch is bad enough. This seems way worse than Dutch. Venmo a date? No way.

As others said, you are prime dating years. Drop this loser. He sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move on. 29 is prime dating years. Target men 28 to 34 who are well employed and not cheap.

This

+1

Don’t waste your time on this guy.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think men should pay for dates and I also think his comment is rude and you should move on.

You’re 29 and you are “dating down” because you think your clock is ticking, it isn’t. Stop it!

If u went to a restaurant and order $15 drinks and a bottle of wine you might be the rude one but a burger and a beer, nope.

[Anonymous]

I would have covered everything and then broken up with him.

Honey, I’m 45. You don’t need a 41 year old guy. Find a nice guy closer to your age who will feel lucky to be out with you in the first place, and who won’t think twice about paying for a (reasonably priced) meal.

[Anonymous]

I'm a year older than you so I think I can add some generational perspective here. He's cheap for accepting your offer to pay - most men who are gentlemen would turn you down - but you are making it needlessly awkward. Venmo? It needs to be a little smoother than that. Let him pay for dinner and then you suggest a round of drinks somewhere that you can pay for.

However, I did pay for a fourth date recently and that was because he had to step outside for a work call and I thought it was tacky to just sit there with the bill in the middle of the table until he was done. And when he came back in and realized I had already paid he was mortified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been going out with a guy for a little while now. He's 41 and I'm 29 if that matters. He's the oldest guy I've dated, I'm usually into guys my age. He makes more money than me (I'm guessing 3x) but he's still middle class, I'm in the low income bracket at the moment.

We have hung out maybe 8-9 times now. I always try to help out when I can when it comes to funding dates, though I'm more thrifty. I've paid for both our movie tickets on discount day, cooked dinner for him twice, etc. When he took me to a baseball game he bought tickets and I bought food. He has paid for drinks at a bar before and I thanked him and told him how much I appreciate it.

So anyways, would this situation be weird to you? He invited me out, picked out the place. He did not compliment me even though I put effort into my looks. This wouldn't normally bother me, but he did compliment the hostess on her nails.

Then we order, I order a burger and fries and so does he. No apps or anything extra. He gets a large mug beer and I do too. When the bill comes, he picks it up so I assume he's paying. I offer to cover the tip with a Venmo. He laughed at me saying "only the tip?" Then suggested I pay for the drinks and he pays for the food. I agreed and sent it to him, but I felt weird about it.

He's never had a long term serious relationship, so I keep that in the back of my mind. He hasn't had many hookups/short term ones either from what he told me (he seemed embarrassed about it). A few one night stands plus a 8 monthbrelationship. Now I'm wondering if this kind of thing is why, or if he just doesn't get the social norms because he hasn't been dating.

What does this have to do with him being a cheapskate?

[Anonymous]

Move in, for a variety of reasons.

I cannot believe he allowed you to Venmo him for the drinks. It would’ve made more sense for you to arrange the next date and treat him - but the way this went down is so awkward and just - unromantic, joy kill and off. My attraction to him would’ve completely dried up, what a tool. And no relationship at 41? Red flag.

Just break up with the guy.

[Anonymous]

Move ON, not in ^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move in, for a variety of reasons.

I cannot believe he allowed you to Venmo him for the drinks. It would’ve made more sense for you to arrange the next date and treat him - but the way this went down is so awkward and just - unromantic, joy kill and off. My attraction to him would’ve completely dried up, what a tool. And no relationship at 41? Red flag.

Just break up with the guy.

Oh I missed this detail. Lmao. I just broke up with a guy who had no history of relationships at 30 and that was bad enough. I told myself all the things I'm sure you're telling yourself: He's just shy, men don't really feel a need to date until they're in their late 20s, etc. Nope! I now know it's a huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

I think it's interesting that you refer to it as "hanging out." Are you hanging out? Or are you going on dates? If you're trying to seem "chill", no wonder he lets you Venmo him for two beers. Oy vey.

[Anonymous]

Women are all about equality until they date, then they expect the man to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are all about equality until they date, then they expect the man to pay.

Ladies, quick translation for you. When men say snarky comments like this, they are really saying "I'm broke."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are all about equality until they date, then they expect the man to pay.

I think more people operate under the following principle:

-- Whoever issues the initial invitation pays. Since this is typically the man, he is expected to pay.
-- As a relationship develops, the bills tend to get split proportionate to income. Usually on a reciprocal basis. This is equity, not equality, btw.

In this instance, it sounds like it's what happened. What made it painfully awkward was offering to Venmo piecemeal portions of a small bill instead of just reciprocating in some other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are all about equality until they date, then they expect the man to pay.

I think more people operate under the following principle:

-- Whoever issues the initial invitation pays. Since this is typically the man, he is expected to pay.
-- As a relationship develops, the bills tend to get split proportionate to income. Usually on a reciprocal basis. This is equity, not equality, btw.

In this instance, it sounds like it's what happened. What made it painfully awkward was offering to Venmo piecemeal portions of a small bill instead of just reciprocating in some other way.

ITA, her offering to do it that way was weird, and I feel like she's calling him cheap when SHE OFFERED TO PAY. If you don't want to pay (I don't blame you, I wouldn't pay either) don't offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a year older than you so I think I can add some generational perspective here. He's cheap for accepting your offer to pay - most men who are gentlemen would turn you down - but you are making it needlessly awkward. Venmo? It needs to be a little smoother than that. Let him pay for dinner and then you suggest a round of drinks somewhere that you can pay for.

However, I did pay for a fourth date recently and that was because he had to step outside for a work call and I thought it was tacky to just sit there with the bill in the middle of the table until he was done. And when he came back in and realized I had already paid he was mortified.

Why offer to pay at all?