Dates and paying bill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent hundreds dollars more dating the last guy I was with than he spent on dinners/outings with me. Nail polish upgrade, bedroom lingerie upgrade (he commented smth along the lines if my other lingerie was "enjoyed" by my exH), new outfits for sport that he liked to play together, STD testing kits before we started having sex and after, hair styling, new lubricants for bedroom (I won't ever use the same bottle as I did with previous partner). Women's razors at CVS are double price vs men razors; tampons, hair colorants applied every 2 weeks. Besides, I dress very nicely and go to an expensive gym to look "datable" in my mid 40s.

Women spend more on dating men behind the scenes! Men should pay for dates at all times, it's cheaper and that IS TRUE EQUALITY of expenses in this particular budget area for every single person. Besides, men two-timing women more often in dating than women do. The guy I spent all of it for turned out to have a GF in a different city, dating both of us. I was only sleeping with him. I am NOT subsidizing his dating other women indirectly by buying tickets or dinners. He seemed totally decent from the first glance, but we only lasted for 4 months.

I won't pay ever for any dates or offer to split bills with men after the above experience with OLD.

Men should pay you because... tampons?
That's a new one

Don’t be obtuse you get the point. It costs a lot more to be a woman.

Yes, I have heard this before.
Men should pay because I have to get a facial to look presentable. Men should pay because I have to wear expensive makeup. Men should pay because I have to buy new lube.
Still makes me giggle

It’s basic social economics. Not all that funny, really if you are in the group who bears more/most of the burden. Sounds like you are not! Enjoy your facials etc.

At least facials do something! pp commented about getting fancier nail polish. Like any man cares or knows the difference between cheap nail polish or expensive polish.

High earner man who is in my social circle would definitely pay attention to it. All my exes did.

Sure Jan.

Unkempt nails, feet, grey hair roots, terrible sun burnt skin past age 40, lots of belly fat even when thin - these are very typical looks for a " liberal feminist" DC female crowd that insists on splitting bills. Men in 200K+ income bracket are not minimally attracted by that. Tell me how I know

I'm not sure if you're the same pp, but if you read the quoted post we are talking about fancy nail polish. Not unkempt, gray or belly fat. Nail polish. I'm sure you can stay focused if you try!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I guess people are sort of divided on who should pay for dates and or if things should be split equally or equitably. Maybe this just comes down to your preferences aligning within each couple. I like it when men pay. That’s how I was raised and it shows warmth kindness and respect to me. Otherwise he seems like an a$$hole. Even though I make a decent income.

So if someone isn't showering you with cash they are an a-hole? LOL ok

Not exactly- it’s more like he should always pay for dates trips etc. Or yes, a-hole. Sorry but that’s our etiquette/culture.

YOUR etiquette/culture, maybe. I reject that.

What do you embrace as your culture norm for romantic outings then? What is your preferred financial etiquette for dates? What is your gender (identity?) and preference for the male/female paying dynamic thing? Im wondering as cisgender heteronormative and probably older than you dater. Maybe it’s different in same gender or they/them couples. I have no idea. I’m an older gen X woman who dates men. And I don’t make the huge salary people on this board seem to say they make. So have this kind of expectation that the man earns more than me and also pays for dates. 🦕 🦖

I am a 45 year old straight white woman. Married 19 years, but when I was single, I didn't let men buy me drinks and I preferred to split the bill on dates. I don't see any reason that the financial burden of dating should fall solely on any one gender, and I find the reasoning that "women pay more for grooming/clothes/etc" to be specious. When I was dating, I spent on my personal hygiene and wardrobe exactly what I wanted and could afford; if a man was repulsed by my un-highlighted hair or non-designer purse, he could take a hike, as he and I wouldn't be compatible anyway. Many men prefer the less plastic, "done" look, and I prefer those men.

I have a certain lifestyle and want to meet men who would fit into my lifestyle. Men at my income level have no problems paying on dates particular given that first couple dates are coffee or a bar. I never agree to go out for dinner until after a month of seeing each other or so. And I also never date two men in parallel (always know after 2-3 dates if I'm interested in seeing the person)

That's all very nice, but I don't see what it has to do with what I wrote, unless it's a backhanded way of implying that I'm less well off. My husband works in the arts, but is independently wealthy and only takes on projects that interest him. And he doesn't require expensive nail polish (?!) or a hairless snatch. This suits my lifestyle very well. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent hundreds dollars more dating the last guy I was with than he spent on dinners/outings with me. Nail polish upgrade, bedroom lingerie upgrade (he commented smth along the lines if my other lingerie was "enjoyed" by my exH), new outfits for sport that he liked to play together, STD testing kits before we started having sex and after, hair styling, new lubricants for bedroom (I won't ever use the same bottle as I did with previous partner). Women's razors at CVS are double price vs men razors; tampons, hair colorants applied every 2 weeks. Besides, I dress very nicely and go to an expensive gym to look "datable" in my mid 40s.

Women spend more on dating men behind the scenes! Men should pay for dates at all times, it's cheaper and that IS TRUE EQUALITY of expenses in this particular budget area for every single person. Besides, men two-timing women more often in dating than women do. The guy I spent all of it for turned out to have a GF in a different city, dating both of us. I was only sleeping with him. I am NOT subsidizing his dating other women indirectly by buying tickets or dinners. He seemed totally decent from the first glance, but we only lasted for 4 months.

I won't pay ever for any dates or offer to split bills with men after the above experience with OLD.

Men should pay you because... tampons?
That's a new one

Don’t be obtuse you get the point. It costs a lot more to be a woman.

Yes, I have heard this before.
Men should pay because I have to get a facial to look presentable. Men should pay because I have to wear expensive makeup. Men should pay because I have to buy new lube.
Still makes me giggle

It’s basic social economics. Not all that funny, really if you are in the group who bears more/most of the burden. Sounds like you are not! Enjoy your facials etc.

At least facials do something! pp commented about getting fancier nail polish. Like any man cares or knows the difference between cheap nail polish or expensive polish.

High earner man who is in my social circle would definitely pay attention to it. All my exes did.

Sure Jan.

Unkempt nails, feet, grey hair roots, terrible sun burnt skin past age 40, lots of belly fat even when thin - these are very typical looks for a " liberal feminist" DC female crowd that insists on splitting bills. Men in 200K+ income bracket are not minimally attracted by that. Tell me how I know

I'm not sure if you're the same pp, but if you read the quoted post we are talking about fancy nail polish. Not unkempt, gray or belly fat. Nail polish. I'm sure you can stay focused if you try!

You just picked on that nail polish sentence and keep exploiting it. The point was different in general: women who are fit and good looking spend more behind the scenes on dating vs men in the same category. And women on average make less. A man in a similar professional field would be making $500k vs my $350k in mid 40s, as his career wasn’t interrupted or stalled by child beating years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent hundreds dollars more dating the last guy I was with than he spent on dinners/outings with me. Nail polish upgrade, bedroom lingerie upgrade (he commented smth along the lines if my other lingerie was "enjoyed" by my exH), new outfits for sport that he liked to play together, STD testing kits before we started having sex and after, hair styling, new lubricants for bedroom (I won't ever use the same bottle as I did with previous partner). Women's razors at CVS are double price vs men razors; tampons, hair colorants applied every 2 weeks. Besides, I dress very nicely and go to an expensive gym to look "datable" in my mid 40s.

Women spend more on dating men behind the scenes! Men should pay for dates at all times, it's cheaper and that IS TRUE EQUALITY of expenses in this particular budget area for every single person. Besides, men two-timing women more often in dating than women do. The guy I spent all of it for turned out to have a GF in a different city, dating both of us. I was only sleeping with him. I am NOT subsidizing his dating other women indirectly by buying tickets or dinners. He seemed totally decent from the first glance, but we only lasted for 4 months.

I won't pay ever for any dates or offer to split bills with men after the above experience with OLD.

Well, I would have lied about the lingerie being "used" before, and not using a bottle of lube with a new partner is just weird. What were you doing with the bottle?! I use men's razors because they are better. And I also color my hair, but go every couple months. If you have to go every 2 weeks the color is too far from your natural color, or maybe you should just go grey.

The bottle I had was half empty it's weird to re-use it with a new partner. But no, I'm not going grey in my 40s - that's not going to attract much attention from men out there. Even if they are bold.

Women's shoes, dresses, lingerie, personal hygiene items, maintaining your body is way more expensive for women. No, men's razors are not better me: they have shape that doesn't shave off intimate zones and butt area as well as female shaped razors that are rounder. Women bear pregnancy and thus need to workout way more to maintain thin mid section than men, and be on a high quality diet if you want to look datable into mid life.

Plus, men two-time women on OLD and lie about their relationship status way more than women in middle age. I'm not paying for dinners or splitting anything until I move in with someone and is 99% certain he's single and only sleeps with me

I am a high earner ($350K/year), own house, car etc. When in a joint household, I would split expenses pro-rata our incomes

So you wouldn't be dying your hair or shaving if you weren't dating?
It's truly shocking such a specimen as yourself hasn't found a partner by mid 40s...

Stop twisting, it takes a few years for most people to find a long term partner who is a good match. I was married for almost 20 years and by far not a "cat lady"

Did your husband leave you for a younger woman or something? What's with this chip on your shoulder? You don't sound like someone who was married before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent hundreds dollars more dating the last guy I was with than he spent on dinners/outings with me. Nail polish upgrade, bedroom lingerie upgrade (he commented smth along the lines if my other lingerie was "enjoyed" by my exH), new outfits for sport that he liked to play together, STD testing kits before we started having sex and after, hair styling, new lubricants for bedroom (I won't ever use the same bottle as I did with previous partner). Women's razors at CVS are double price vs men razors; tampons, hair colorants applied every 2 weeks. Besides, I dress very nicely and go to an expensive gym to look "datable" in my mid 40s.

Women spend more on dating men behind the scenes! Men should pay for dates at all times, it's cheaper and that IS TRUE EQUALITY of expenses in this particular budget area for every single person. Besides, men two-timing women more often in dating than women do. The guy I spent all of it for turned out to have a GF in a different city, dating both of us. I was only sleeping with him. I am NOT subsidizing his dating other women indirectly by buying tickets or dinners. He seemed totally decent from the first glance, but we only lasted for 4 months.

I won't pay ever for any dates or offer to split bills with men after the above experience with OLD.

Well, I would have lied about the lingerie being "used" before, and not using a bottle of lube with a new partner is just weird. What were you doing with the bottle?! I use men's razors because they are better. And I also color my hair, but go every couple months. If you have to go every 2 weeks the color is too far from your natural color, or maybe you should just go grey.

The bottle I had was half empty it's weird to re-use it with a new partner. But no, I'm not going grey in my 40s - that's not going to attract much attention from men out there. Even if they are bold.

Women's shoes, dresses, lingerie, personal hygiene items, maintaining your body is way more expensive for women. No, men's razors are not better me: they have shape that doesn't shave off intimate zones and butt area as well as female shaped razors that are rounder. Women bear pregnancy and thus need to workout way more to maintain thin mid section than men, and be on a high quality diet if you want to look datable into mid life.

Plus, men two-time women on OLD and lie about their relationship status way more than women in middle age. I'm not paying for dinners or splitting anything until I move in with someone and is 99% certain he's single and only sleeps with me

I am a high earner ($350K/year), own house, car etc. When in a joint household, I would split expenses pro-rata our incomes

So you wouldn't be dying your hair or shaving if you weren't dating?
It's truly shocking such a specimen as yourself hasn't found a partner by mid 40s...

Stop twisting, it takes a few years for most people to find a long term partner who is a good match. I was married for almost 20 years and by far not a "cat lady"

Did your husband leave you for a younger woman or something? What's with this chip on your shoulder? You don't sound like someone who was married before.

No, he did not.

[Anonymous]

Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

If he's bugging me*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

Wait wait wait. This man has KIDS and acts like this?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

I thought you were 29?

[Anonymous]

He has kids but has never been in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has kids but has never been in a relationship?

In fairness this guy sounds like kind of a loser so I could see him knocking up a one night stand and having no relationship with her other than co-parenting. But also OP no wonder he's cheap, homeboy has child support payments!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent hundreds dollars more dating the last guy I was with than he spent on dinners/outings with me. Nail polish upgrade, bedroom lingerie upgrade (he commented smth along the lines if my other lingerie was "enjoyed" by my exH), new outfits for sport that he liked to play together, STD testing kits before we started having sex and after, hair styling, new lubricants for bedroom (I won't ever use the same bottle as I did with previous partner). Women's razors at CVS are double price vs men razors; tampons, hair colorants applied every 2 weeks. Besides, I dress very nicely and go to an expensive gym to look "datable" in my mid 40s.

Women spend more on dating men behind the scenes! Men should pay for dates at all times, it's cheaper and that IS TRUE EQUALITY of expenses in this particular budget area for every single person. Besides, men two-timing women more often in dating than women do. The guy I spent all of it for turned out to have a GF in a different city, dating both of us. I was only sleeping with him. I am NOT subsidizing his dating other women indirectly by buying tickets or dinners. He seemed totally decent from the first glance, but we only lasted for 4 months.

I won't pay ever for any dates or offer to split bills with men after the above experience with OLD.

Men should pay you because... tampons?
That's a new one

Don’t be obtuse you get the point. It costs a lot more to be a woman.

Yes, I have heard this before.
Men should pay because I have to get a facial to look presentable. Men should pay because I have to wear expensive makeup. Men should pay because I have to buy new lube.
Still makes me giggle

It’s basic social economics. Not all that funny, really if you are in the group who bears more/most of the burden. Sounds like you are not! Enjoy your facials etc.

At least facials do something! pp commented about getting fancier nail polish. Like any man cares or knows the difference between cheap nail polish or expensive polish.

High earner man who is in my social circle would definitely pay attention to it. All my exes did.

Sure Jan.

Unkempt nails, feet, grey hair roots, terrible sun burnt skin past age 40, lots of belly fat even when thin - these are very typical looks for a " liberal feminist" DC female crowd that insists on splitting bills. Men in 200K+ income bracket are not minimally attracted by that. Tell me how I know

Because Andrew Tate told you?

If you are claiming you are such a man who rejects these women: don't worry, they don't want you either. No one cares about the standards of a man over 40 who can't get a spouse.

Meanwhile the happily married folks with their flawed bodies and hair are enjoying being on top of each other every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent hundreds dollars more dating the last guy I was with than he spent on dinners/outings with me. Nail polish upgrade, bedroom lingerie upgrade (he commented smth along the lines if my other lingerie was "enjoyed" by my exH), new outfits for sport that he liked to play together, STD testing kits before we started having sex and after, hair styling, new lubricants for bedroom (I won't ever use the same bottle as I did with previous partner). Women's razors at CVS are double price vs men razors; tampons, hair colorants applied every 2 weeks. Besides, I dress very nicely and go to an expensive gym to look "datable" in my mid 40s.

Women spend more on dating men behind the scenes! Men should pay for dates at all times, it's cheaper and that IS TRUE EQUALITY of expenses in this particular budget area for every single person. Besides, men two-timing women more often in dating than women do. The guy I spent all of it for turned out to have a GF in a different city, dating both of us. I was only sleeping with him. I am NOT subsidizing his dating other women indirectly by buying tickets or dinners. He seemed totally decent from the first glance, but we only lasted for 4 months.

I won't pay ever for any dates or offer to split bills with men after the above experience with OLD.

Well, I would have lied about the lingerie being "used" before, and not using a bottle of lube with a new partner is just weird. What were you doing with the bottle?! I use men's razors because they are better. And I also color my hair, but go every couple months. If you have to go every 2 weeks the color is too far from your natural color, or maybe you should just go grey.

The bottle I had was half empty it's weird to re-use it with a new partner. But no, I'm not going grey in my 40s - that's not going to attract much attention from men out there. Even if they are bold.

Women's shoes, dresses, lingerie, personal hygiene items, maintaining your body is way more expensive for women. No, men's razors are not better me: they have shape that doesn't shave off intimate zones and butt area as well as female shaped razors that are rounder. Women bear pregnancy and thus need to workout way more to maintain thin mid section than men, and be on a high quality diet if you want to look datable into mid life.

Plus, men two-time women on OLD and lie about their relationship status way more than women in middle age. I'm not paying for dinners or splitting anything until I move in with someone and is 99% certain he's single and only sleeps with me

I am a high earner ($350K/year), own house, car etc. When in a joint household, I would split expenses pro-rata our incomes

Earning $350k/yr and whining about the burdensome expense of toiletries.

And you are 40 years old single? And planning to find a man to get pregnant for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent hundreds dollars more dating the last guy I was with than he spent on dinners/outings with me. Nail polish upgrade, bedroom lingerie upgrade (he commented smth along the lines if my other lingerie was "enjoyed" by my exH), new outfits for sport that he liked to play together, STD testing kits before we started having sex and after, hair styling, new lubricants for bedroom (I won't ever use the same bottle as I did with previous partner). Women's razors at CVS are double price vs men razors; tampons, hair colorants applied every 2 weeks. Besides, I dress very nicely and go to an expensive gym to look "datable" in my mid 40s.

Women spend more on dating men behind the scenes! Men should pay for dates at all times, it's cheaper and that IS TRUE EQUALITY of expenses in this particular budget area for every single person. Besides, men two-timing women more often in dating than women do. The guy I spent all of it for turned out to have a GF in a different city, dating both of us. I was only sleeping with him. I am NOT subsidizing his dating other women indirectly by buying tickets or dinners. He seemed totally decent from the first glance, but we only lasted for 4 months.

I won't pay ever for any dates or offer to split bills with men after the above experience with OLD.

Men should pay you because... tampons?
That's a new one

Don’t be obtuse you get the point. It costs a lot more to be a woman.

Yes, I have heard this before.
Men should pay because I have to get a facial to look presentable. Men should pay because I have to wear expensive makeup. Men should pay because I have to buy new lube.
Still makes me giggle

It’s basic social economics. Not all that funny, really if you are in the group who bears more/most of the burden. Sounds like you are not! Enjoy your facials etc.

At least facials do something! pp commented about getting fancier nail polish. Like any man cares or knows the difference between cheap nail polish or expensive polish.

High earner man who is in my social circle would definitely pay attention to it. All my exes did.

Sure Jan.

Unkempt nails, feet, grey hair roots, terrible sun burnt skin past age 40, lots of belly fat even when thin - these are very typical looks for a " liberal feminist" DC female crowd that insists on splitting bills. Men in 200K+ income bracket are not minimally attracted by that. Tell me how I know

I'm not sure if you're the same pp, but if you read the quoted post we are talking about fancy nail polish. Not unkempt, gray or belly fat. Nail polish. I'm sure you can stay focused if you try!

You just picked on that nail polish sentence and keep exploiting it. The point was different in general: women who are fit and good looking spend more behind the scenes on dating vs men in the same category. And women on average make less. A man in a similar professional field would be making $500k vs my $350k in mid 40s, as his career wasn’t interrupted or stalled by child beating years.

I think you're doing it wrong, hon.