Dates and paying bill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

I thought you were 29?

OP here. Is 29 too young to have a child in daycare...?

OP again. I have a 4 year old AND 6 year old, if that makes you shake in your boots even more. But at least they have the same father I guess, if that makes you see it as less trashy?

I mean, it's pretty bad to be divorced with two kids and not even out of your twenties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On all of my Dates, I request completely separate checks In Advance. I find the only women who object to it are Liberals. Isn't that interesting.

That is interesting, considering conservative women typically have more traditional values and appreciate gender norms more. I highly doubt they are fine splitting the bill with you (and frankly I agree with them - gentlemen always pay on a first date).

Then again, you're probably an internet troll whose most recent date was his hand, so.

I am “a liberal woman” which means I believe in equity.equality I guess. Part of equity in male/female is recognizing our unequal economics and also I happen to sort be dating in a transition era from “men earn and pay” to “women are starting to earn more”. I don’t happen to be a high earner so it’s kind for the the other person to extend themselves as a gesture of appreciation warmth respect for my existence. If I was the much higher earner I would pay. In fact when I’m out with friends who i know earn less than I do, I often treat for lunch/coffee break etc. it’s just normal warmth and etiquette that’s hard to quantify. It’s just being nice!!! Sheesh people.

I’m a higher earner female PP. I do treat my friends who I know make less. But I won’t pay for a man on dates unless we are exclusive. It’s just no way I’ll open my wallet and offer to cover the dinner. It’s his expense dating a variety of women, period. I know that I’m not dating any other men by the time he invited me for a dinner. But he (in my experience) might be still in active search well into 2-3 months with me (even if already physical with me ). Men play dating dirty particular on OLD. Most of them have a “backup” lady or I’m the “backup”. Thus I won’t cross subsidize this behavior. This is totally different from treating friends. Men you date are not your friends, by far! Many I seeking to use your good gestures and it takes time to separate seeds from chaff.

Btw my first dates are always free to men (a coffee, a park walk, a board game etc). I never accept dinner invites right away as I want him to decide on options first.

This is just dumb. You should always keep your options open; men certainly are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any update OP? It's been a few days, what happened?

I haven't completely cut him off, our kids go to the same daycare so I'll be seeing him around. He did seem hurt that I'm not texting or wanting to hang out, even said that he would stop texting me if I'm bugging him. I probably should have ended it right there since he kind of opened the conversation, but I was too chicken and felt bad.

I thought you were 29?

OP here. Is 29 too young to have a child in daycare...?

OP again. I have a 4 year old AND 6 year old, if that makes you shake in your boots even more. But at least they have the same father I guess, if that makes you see it as less trashy?

I mean, it's pretty bad to be divorced with two kids and not even out of your twenties.

Red flags. Actually penalty and ejection

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On all of my Dates, I request completely separate checks In Advance. I find the only women who object to it are Liberals. Isn't that interesting.

That is interesting, considering conservative women typically have more traditional values and appreciate gender norms more. I highly doubt they are fine splitting the bill with you (and frankly I agree with them - gentlemen always pay on a first date).

Then again, you're probably an internet troll whose most recent date was his hand, so.

I am “a liberal woman” which means I believe in equity.equality I guess. Part of equity in male/female is recognizing our unequal economics and also I happen to sort be dating in a transition era from “men earn and pay” to “women are starting to earn more”. I don’t happen to be a high earner so it’s kind for the the other person to extend themselves as a gesture of appreciation warmth respect for my existence. If I was the much higher earner I would pay. In fact when I’m out with friends who i know earn less than I do, I often treat for lunch/coffee break etc. it’s just normal warmth and etiquette that’s hard to quantify. It’s just being nice!!! Sheesh people.

How dare you use logic on DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On all of my Dates, I request completely separate checks In Advance. I find the only women who object to it are Liberals. Isn't that interesting.

That is interesting, considering conservative women typically have more traditional values and appreciate gender norms more. I highly doubt they are fine splitting the bill with you (and frankly I agree with them - gentlemen always pay on a first date).

Then again, you're probably an internet troll whose most recent date was his hand, so.

I am “a liberal woman” which means I believe in equity.equality I guess. Part of equity in male/female is recognizing our unequal economics and also I happen to sort be dating in a transition era from “men earn and pay” to “women are starting to earn more”. I don’t happen to be a high earner so it’s kind for the the other person to extend themselves as a gesture of appreciation warmth respect for my existence. If I was the much higher earner I would pay. In fact when I’m out with friends who i know earn less than I do, I often treat for lunch/coffee break etc. it’s just normal warmth and etiquette that’s hard to quantify. It’s just being nice!!! Sheesh people.

What if your date is not a high earner, either?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On all of my Dates, I request completely separate checks In Advance. I find the only women who object to it are Liberals. Isn't that interesting.

That is interesting, considering conservative women typically have more traditional values and appreciate gender norms more. I highly doubt they are fine splitting the bill with you (and frankly I agree with them - gentlemen always pay on a first date).

Then again, you're probably an internet troll whose most recent date was his hand, so.

I am “a liberal woman” which means I believe in equity.equality I guess. Part of equity in male/female is recognizing our unequal economics and also I happen to sort be dating in a transition era from “men earn and pay” to “women are starting to earn more”. I don’t happen to be a high earner so it’s kind for the the other person to extend themselves as a gesture of appreciation warmth respect for my existence. If I was the much higher earner I would pay. In fact when I’m out with friends who i know earn less than I do, I often treat for lunch/coffee break etc. it’s just normal warmth and etiquette that’s hard to quantify. It’s just being nice!!! Sheesh people.

I’m a higher earner female PP. I do treat my friends who I know make less. But I won’t pay for a man on dates unless we are exclusive. It’s just no way I’ll open my wallet and offer to cover the dinner. It’s his expense dating a variety of women, period. I know that I’m not dating any other men by the time he invited me for a dinner. But he (in my experience) might be still in active search well into 2-3 months with me (even if already physical with me ). Men play dating dirty particular on OLD. Most of them have a “backup” lady or I’m the “backup”. Thus I won’t cross subsidize this behavior. This is totally different from treating friends. Men you date are not your friends, by far! Many I seeking to use your good gestures and it takes time to separate seeds from chaff.

Btw my first dates are always free to men (a coffee, a park walk, a board game etc). I never accept dinner invites right away as I want him to decide on options first.

This is just dumb. You should always keep your options open; men certainly are.

That’s ok. I’m looking for a man with integrity, just like myself. It’s ok if he’s dating others as long as he’s not sleeping with me yet.
If I agreed to go out of a dinner it means I liked him a lot and at that point want to focus on him, and not interested in seeing others by my own choice. I do make them wait for sex 2-3 months so most “players” would be out of my game by then.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a low-earning profession and I'm always appreciative when a man with a high-paying job picks up the check. Yes, it's old-fashioned but it also recognizes the salary disparity...When I date a guy who doesn't earn a lot (my husband was unemployed when we started going out--we met at a religious function), then we either did free things like walks on a trail, or I paid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On all of my Dates, I request completely separate checks In Advance. I find the only women who object to it are Liberals. Isn't that interesting.

That is interesting, considering conservative women typically have more traditional values and appreciate gender norms more. I highly doubt they are fine splitting the bill with you (and frankly I agree with them - gentlemen always pay on a first date).

Then again, you're probably an internet troll whose most recent date was his hand, so.

I am “a liberal woman” which means I believe in equity.equality I guess. Part of equity in male/female is recognizing our unequal economics and also I happen to sort be dating in a transition era from “men earn and pay” to “women are starting to earn more”. I don’t happen to be a high earner so it’s kind for the the other person to extend themselves as a gesture of appreciation warmth respect for my existence. If I was the much higher earner I would pay. In fact when I’m out with friends who i know earn less than I do, I often treat for lunch/coffee break etc. it’s just normal warmth and etiquette that’s hard to quantify. It’s just being nice!!! Sheesh people.

What if your date is not a high earner, either?

A man still pays for dates until exclusive even when lower paid. Actually, a much lower paid guy two-timed me (170k vs my 380k ). I regret covering theater tickets should have made him pay for everything. Men value the most what they invested in a woman, not the woman herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On all of my Dates, I request completely separate checks In Advance. I find the only women who object to it are Liberals. Isn't that interesting.

That is interesting, considering conservative women typically have more traditional values and appreciate gender norms more. I highly doubt they are fine splitting the bill with you (and frankly I agree with them - gentlemen always pay on a first date).

Then again, you're probably an internet troll whose most recent date was his hand, so.

I am “a liberal woman” which means I believe in equity.equality I guess. Part of equity in male/female is recognizing our unequal economics and also I happen to sort be dating in a transition era from “men earn and pay” to “women are starting to earn more”. I don’t happen to be a high earner so it’s kind for the the other person to extend themselves as a gesture of appreciation warmth respect for my existence. If I was the much higher earner I would pay. In fact when I’m out with friends who i know earn less than I do, I often treat for lunch/coffee break etc. it’s just normal warmth and etiquette that’s hard to quantify. It’s just being nice!!! Sheesh people.

I’m a higher earner female PP. I do treat my friends who I know make less. But I won’t pay for a man on dates unless we are exclusive. It’s just no way I’ll open my wallet and offer to cover the dinner. It’s his expense dating a variety of women, period. I know that I’m not dating any other men by the time he invited me for a dinner. But he (in my experience) might be still in active search well into 2-3 months with me (even if already physical with me ). Men play dating dirty particular on OLD. Most of them have a “backup” lady or I’m the “backup”. Thus I won’t cross subsidize this behavior. This is totally different from treating friends. Men you date are not your friends, by far! Many I seeking to use your good gestures and it takes time to separate seeds from chaff.

Btw my first dates are always free to men (a coffee, a park walk, a board game etc). I never accept dinner invites right away as I want him to decide on options first.

You have such a weird hang up about "subsidizing" men to date other women or being a "back-up". OLD is a numbers game, and just because you choose to put all your eggs in one basket doesn't mean thats the right move for everyone. They aren't cheating on your or using you as a backup if they are going out on multiple dates early on. If you arent exclusive, it's not abnormal for men AND women to be seeing a few people early on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On all of my Dates, I request completely separate checks In Advance. I find the only women who object to it are Liberals. Isn't that interesting.

That is interesting, considering conservative women typically have more traditional values and appreciate gender norms more. I highly doubt they are fine splitting the bill with you (and frankly I agree with them - gentlemen always pay on a first date).

Then again, you're probably an internet troll whose most recent date was his hand, so.

I am “a liberal woman” which means I believe in equity.equality I guess. Part of equity in male/female is recognizing our unequal economics and also I happen to sort be dating in a transition era from “men earn and pay” to “women are starting to earn more”. I don’t happen to be a high earner so it’s kind for the the other person to extend themselves as a gesture of appreciation warmth respect for my existence. If I was the much higher earner I would pay. In fact when I’m out with friends who i know earn less than I do, I often treat for lunch/coffee break etc. it’s just normal warmth and etiquette that’s hard to quantify. It’s just being nice!!! Sheesh people.

I’m a higher earner female PP. I do treat my friends who I know make less. But I won’t pay for a man on dates unless we are exclusive. It’s just no way I’ll open my wallet and offer to cover the dinner. It’s his expense dating a variety of women, period. I know that I’m not dating any other men by the time he invited me for a dinner. But he (in my experience) might be still in active search well into 2-3 months with me (even if already physical with me ). Men play dating dirty particular on OLD. Most of them have a “backup” lady or I’m the “backup”. Thus I won’t cross subsidize this behavior. This is totally different from treating friends. Men you date are not your friends, by far! Many I seeking to use your good gestures and it takes time to separate seeds from chaff.

Btw my first dates are always free to men (a coffee, a park walk, a board game etc). I never accept dinner invites right away as I want him to decide on options first.

You have such a weird hang up about "subsidizing" men to date other women or being a "back-up". OLD is a numbers game, and just because you choose to put all your eggs in one basket doesn't mean thats the right move for everyone. They aren't cheating on your or using you as a backup if they are going out on multiple dates early on. If you arent exclusive, it's not abnormal for men AND women to be seeing a few people early on.

Me again. You also seem to be struggling to find someone. If you stop being so rigid and negative you may find someone without wasting so much time on guys who aren't interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On all of my Dates, I request completely separate checks In Advance. I find the only women who object to it are Liberals. Isn't that interesting.

That is interesting, considering conservative women typically have more traditional values and appreciate gender norms more. I highly doubt they are fine splitting the bill with you (and frankly I agree with them - gentlemen always pay on a first date).

Then again, you're probably an internet troll whose most recent date was his hand, so.

I am “a liberal woman” which means I believe in equity.equality I guess. Part of equity in male/female is recognizing our unequal economics and also I happen to sort be dating in a transition era from “men earn and pay” to “women are starting to earn more”. I don’t happen to be a high earner so it’s kind for the the other person to extend themselves as a gesture of appreciation warmth respect for my existence. If I was the much higher earner I would pay. In fact when I’m out with friends who i know earn less than I do, I often treat for lunch/coffee break etc. it’s just normal warmth and etiquette that’s hard to quantify. It’s just being nice!!! Sheesh people.

I’m a higher earner female PP. I do treat my friends who I know make less. But I won’t pay for a man on dates unless we are exclusive. It’s just no way I’ll open my wallet and offer to cover the dinner. It’s his expense dating a variety of women, period. I know that I’m not dating any other men by the time he invited me for a dinner. But he (in my experience) might be still in active search well into 2-3 months with me (even if already physical with me ). Men play dating dirty particular on OLD. Most of them have a “backup” lady or I’m the “backup”. Thus I won’t cross subsidize this behavior. This is totally different from treating friends. Men you date are not your friends, by far! Many I seeking to use your good gestures and it takes time to separate seeds from chaff.

Btw my first dates are always free to men (a coffee, a park walk, a board game etc). I never accept dinner invites right away as I want him to decide on options first.

You have such a weird hang up about "subsidizing" men to date other women or being a "back-up". OLD is a numbers game, and just because you choose to put all your eggs in one basket doesn't mean thats the right move for everyone. They aren't cheating on your or using you as a backup if they are going out on multiple dates early on. If you arent exclusive, it's not abnormal for men AND women to be seeing a few people early on.

Me again. You also seem to be struggling to find someone. If you stop being so rigid and negative you may find someone without wasting so much time on guys who aren't interested.

If they want to date multiple women then their budget should account for that. I don’t do that, thus my budget has no line for multi-dating.
I have no problem finding a lot of men who want sex and split bills before we are exclusive. My definition of exclusivity is just different. And it’s ok for me to stay alone for some time until I meet a person with similar values who really likes me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On all of my Dates, I request completely separate checks In Advance. I find the only women who object to it are Liberals. Isn't that interesting.

That is interesting, considering conservative women typically have more traditional values and appreciate gender norms more. I highly doubt they are fine splitting the bill with you (and frankly I agree with them - gentlemen always pay on a first date).

Then again, you're probably an internet troll whose most recent date was his hand, so.

I am “a liberal woman” which means I believe in equity.equality I guess. Part of equity in male/female is recognizing our unequal economics and also I happen to sort be dating in a transition era from “men earn and pay” to “women are starting to earn more”. I don’t happen to be a high earner so it’s kind for the the other person to extend themselves as a gesture of appreciation warmth respect for my existence. If I was the much higher earner I would pay. In fact when I’m out with friends who i know earn less than I do, I often treat for lunch/coffee break etc. it’s just normal warmth and etiquette that’s hard to quantify. It’s just being nice!!! Sheesh people.

I’m a higher earner female PP. I do treat my friends who I know make less. But I won’t pay for a man on dates unless we are exclusive. It’s just no way I’ll open my wallet and offer to cover the dinner. It’s his expense dating a variety of women, period. I know that I’m not dating any other men by the time he invited me for a dinner. But he (in my experience) might be still in active search well into 2-3 months with me (even if already physical with me ). Men play dating dirty particular on OLD. Most of them have a “backup” lady or I’m the “backup”. Thus I won’t cross subsidize this behavior. This is totally different from treating friends. Men you date are not your friends, by far! Many I seeking to use your good gestures and it takes time to separate seeds from chaff.

Btw my first dates are always free to men (a coffee, a park walk, a board game etc). I never accept dinner invites right away as I want him to decide on options first.

You have such a weird hang up about "subsidizing" men to date other women or being a "back-up". OLD is a numbers game, and just because you choose to put all your eggs in one basket doesn't mean thats the right move for everyone. They aren't cheating on your or using you as a backup if they are going out on multiple dates early on. If you arent exclusive, it's not abnormal for men AND women to be seeing a few people early on.

Me again. You also seem to be struggling to find someone. If you stop being so rigid and negative you may find someone without wasting so much time on guys who aren't interested.

Also, dating many women “early on” mess as me for most men f^ing several women early on. That’s just not what I would pay into: someone deeping it into others while he decides on his best f^k and best long term match. Sex early on won’t keep a man for sure.
I used this strategy with a very specific focus on one person to get married first time which worked. Thats what makes dating comfortable for me now as well. I do disclose my approach to a man I see early on: he can visit my place, call anytime without heads up etc. Men who seek a true relationship value this.

[Anonymous]

This thread is getting so effing stupid and you all are starting to overthink it.

If you are pretty and he is rich, he will pay for you.

If he doesn't think you're pretty and he's broke/a weirdo misogynist internet troll, he will not pay for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On all of my Dates, I request completely separate checks In Advance. I find the only women who object to it are Liberals. Isn't that interesting.

That is interesting, considering conservative women typically have more traditional values and appreciate gender norms more. I highly doubt they are fine splitting the bill with you (and frankly I agree with them - gentlemen always pay on a first date).

Then again, you're probably an internet troll whose most recent date was his hand, so.

I am “a liberal woman” which means I believe in equity.equality I guess. Part of equity in male/female is recognizing our unequal economics and also I happen to sort be dating in a transition era from “men earn and pay” to “women are starting to earn more”. I don’t happen to be a high earner so it’s kind for the the other person to extend themselves as a gesture of appreciation warmth respect for my existence. If I was the much higher earner I would pay. In fact when I’m out with friends who i know earn less than I do, I often treat for lunch/coffee break etc. it’s just normal warmth and etiquette that’s hard to quantify. It’s just being nice!!! Sheesh people.

I’m a higher earner female PP. I do treat my friends who I know make less. But I won’t pay for a man on dates unless we are exclusive. It’s just no way I’ll open my wallet and offer to cover the dinner. It’s his expense dating a variety of women, period. I know that I’m not dating any other men by the time he invited me for a dinner. But he (in my experience) might be still in active search well into 2-3 months with me (even if already physical with me ). Men play dating dirty particular on OLD. Most of them have a “backup” lady or I’m the “backup”. Thus I won’t cross subsidize this behavior. This is totally different from treating friends. Men you date are not your friends, by far! Many I seeking to use your good gestures and it takes time to separate seeds from chaff.

Btw my first dates are always free to men (a coffee, a park walk, a board game etc). I never accept dinner invites right away as I want him to decide on options first.

You have such a weird hang up about "subsidizing" men to date other women or being a "back-up". OLD is a numbers game, and just because you choose to put all your eggs in one basket doesn't mean thats the right move for everyone. They aren't cheating on your or using you as a backup if they are going out on multiple dates early on. If you arent exclusive, it's not abnormal for men AND women to be seeing a few people early on.

Me again. You also seem to be struggling to find someone. If you stop being so rigid and negative you may find someone without wasting so much time on guys who aren't interested.

If they want to date multiple women then their budget should account for that. I don’t do that, thus my budget has no line for multi-dating.
I have no problem finding a lot of men who want sex and split bills before we are exclusive. My definition of exclusivity is just different. And it’s ok for me to stay alone for some time until I meet a person with similar values who really likes me.

If you're fine waiting years I guess that works then! I was just thinking if you were seeing different men you can weed out the ones who aren't compatible much quicker. Rather than waiting 2-3 mons for each one to trickle off and disappear. But if you're happy as is and it works for you, that's great. As I said, OLD is a numbers game

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On all of my Dates, I request completely separate checks In Advance. I find the only women who object to it are Liberals. Isn't that interesting.

That is interesting, considering conservative women typically have more traditional values and appreciate gender norms more. I highly doubt they are fine splitting the bill with you (and frankly I agree with them - gentlemen always pay on a first date).

Then again, you're probably an internet troll whose most recent date was his hand, so.

I am “a liberal woman” which means I believe in equity.equality I guess. Part of equity in male/female is recognizing our unequal economics and also I happen to sort be dating in a transition era from “men earn and pay” to “women are starting to earn more”. I don’t happen to be a high earner so it’s kind for the the other person to extend themselves as a gesture of appreciation warmth respect for my existence. If I was the much higher earner I would pay. In fact when I’m out with friends who i know earn less than I do, I often treat for lunch/coffee break etc. it’s just normal warmth and etiquette that’s hard to quantify. It’s just being nice!!! Sheesh people.

I’m a higher earner female PP. I do treat my friends who I know make less. But I won’t pay for a man on dates unless we are exclusive. It’s just no way I’ll open my wallet and offer to cover the dinner. It’s his expense dating a variety of women, period. I know that I’m not dating any other men by the time he invited me for a dinner. But he (in my experience) might be still in active search well into 2-3 months with me (even if already physical with me ). Men play dating dirty particular on OLD. Most of them have a “backup” lady or I’m the “backup”. Thus I won’t cross subsidize this behavior. This is totally different from treating friends. Men you date are not your friends, by far! Many I seeking to use your good gestures and it takes time to separate seeds from chaff.

Btw my first dates are always free to men (a coffee, a park walk, a board game etc). I never accept dinner invites right away as I want him to decide on options first.

You have such a weird hang up about "subsidizing" men to date other women or being a "back-up". OLD is a numbers game, and just because you choose to put all your eggs in one basket doesn't mean thats the right move for everyone. They aren't cheating on your or using you as a backup if they are going out on multiple dates early on. If you arent exclusive, it's not abnormal for men AND women to be seeing a few people early on.

Me again. You also seem to be struggling to find someone. If you stop being so rigid and negative you may find someone without wasting so much time on guys who aren't interested.

Also, dating many women “early on” mess as me for most men f^ing several women early on. That’s just not what I would pay into: someone deeping it into others while he decides on his best f^k and best long term match. Sex early on won’t keep a man for sure.
I used this strategy with a very specific focus on one person to get married first time which worked. Thats what makes dating comfortable for me now as well. I do disclose my approach to a man I see early on: he can visit my place, call anytime without heads up etc. Men who seek a true relationship value this.

Just because men are taking a few women out for coffee doesn't mean he is having sex with all of them. I agree that in your scenario that isn't what youre looking for (nor would I be!). Dating is about finding someone compatible. I personally don't see the point in waiting 3 mons to find out this 1 guy isn't right for you, but I'd rather not waste my time lol.