When you didn’t “do enough” as a host

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone makes a good-faith attempt at hosting, the only polite response is something along the lines of “Thank you for having us.” If a relative wants things her way, she can host. Simple as. Also, I don’t do things for people who complain. Hated the meal? Then I’m not inviting you back to insult me again.

OP here, thank you! It’s not like I put bags of Doritos (!!!) out and called it good. There were hot and cold options, a mix of dips, mini sandwiches, meatballs, taquitos, cheese balls, salad, ham and cheese roll ups, charcuterie and I’m not even sure what else at this point. Not to mention multiple desserts. And drinks for everyone.

Personally, I hate a Turkey dinner. Despise it. But I would never, ever complain about it because I understand the effort that was put into it and someone opened their home to me.

Also, I know the food wasn’t the real issue since our family has done this before (including other people hosting that weren’t me).

That's not a meal. That's a snack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone makes a good-faith attempt at hosting, the only polite response is something along the lines of “Thank you for having us.” If a relative wants things her way, she can host. Simple as. Also, I don’t do things for people who complain. Hated the meal? Then I’m not inviting you back to insult me again.

OP here, thank you! It’s not like I put bags of Doritos (!!!) out and called it good. There were hot and cold options, a mix of dips, mini sandwiches, meatballs, taquitos, cheese balls, salad, ham and cheese roll ups, charcuterie and I’m not even sure what else at this point. Not to mention multiple desserts. And drinks for everyone.

Personally, I hate a Turkey dinner. Despise it. But I would never, ever complain about it because I understand the effort that was put into it and someone opened their home to me.

Also, I know the food wasn’t the real issue since our family has done this before (including other people hosting that weren’t me).

That's not a meal. That's a snack.

It’s an appetizers dinner. That’s a meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone makes a good-faith attempt at hosting, the only polite response is something along the lines of “Thank you for having us.” If a relative wants things her way, she can host. Simple as. Also, I don’t do things for people who complain. Hated the meal? Then I’m not inviting you back to insult me again.

OP here, thank you! It’s not like I put bags of Doritos (!!!) out and called it good. There were hot and cold options, a mix of dips, mini sandwiches, meatballs, taquitos, cheese balls, salad, ham and cheese roll ups, charcuterie and I’m not even sure what else at this point. Not to mention multiple desserts. And drinks for everyone.

Personally, I hate a Turkey dinner. Despise it. But I would never, ever complain about it because I understand the effort that was put into it and someone opened their home to me.

Also, I know the food wasn’t the real issue since our family has done this before (including other people hosting that weren’t me).

That's not a meal. That's a snack.

Would you serve all of the items OP served and then serve whatever you consider to be “dinner?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone makes a good-faith attempt at hosting, the only polite response is something along the lines of “Thank you for having us.” If a relative wants things her way, she can host. Simple as. Also, I don’t do things for people who complain. Hated the meal? Then I’m not inviting you back to insult me again.

OP here, thank you! It’s not like I put bags of Doritos (!!!) out and called it good. There were hot and cold options, a mix of dips, mini sandwiches, meatballs, taquitos, cheese balls, salad, ham and cheese roll ups, charcuterie and I’m not even sure what else at this point. Not to mention multiple desserts. And drinks for everyone.

Personally, I hate a Turkey dinner. Despise it. But I would never, ever complain about it because I understand the effort that was put into it and someone opened their home to me.

Also, I know the food wasn’t the real issue since our family has done this before (including other people hosting that weren’t me).

That's not a meal. That's a snack.

I cannot imagine the world where all of OP’s spread is dismissed as a snack. I’m dying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

This sounds terrible. I also don’t understand the “heavy apps” substitute for an actual meal. It feels more like a 2nd grade bday party. If I knew that I was going to a party like this, I’d most definitely feed the family before arriving so that we wouldn’t be hungry. If I didn’t know, it’d be annoying bc then we’d be hungry and stranded.

I do think this is just cultural though. If I ever hosted with just apps, I’d be mortified and laughed out of the family. In some parts of the US, this is totally the norm. My dad is from the Midwest and on rare occasions that we visit his family we don’t eat bc there’s never food! Or there might be a bowl of something but it’s doused in mayonnaise

I thought the dinner verses appetizer part of this thread was so interesting. At our house, we always make sure to serve plenty of food if the event is at a mealtime, and we communicate the plan to guests on the invitation so they know what to expect (buffet dinner, heavy appetizers, casual bbq, etc). If someone did not wish to eat heavy appetizers, I would expect that they would eat whatever meal is “dinner” to them prior to arrival. I would also expect that they wouldn’t share this information! That being said, I don’t think I have ever seen a guest do anything other than fill their plate and glass at any event we have ever hosted.

What cultures are you referencing when you say some of this is cultural? I’m genuinely just curious at the turn this thread took.

Expecting people to eat dinner before dinner time because you don't want to serve dinner is bizarre. You serve a meal, not appetizers or you host from 2-4 and serve snacks.

Snacks, appetizers, and a meal are all different things. If I hosted from 2-4, I still wouldn’t serve just “snacks.” I would never invite someone over for a snack.

I wouldn't either. Even for kid's parties we had full meals for everyone - kids and parents. But, at least do it during an off time.

What kinds of “full meals” do you serve? Please be specific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone makes a good-faith attempt at hosting, the only polite response is something along the lines of “Thank you for having us.” If a relative wants things her way, she can host. Simple as. Also, I don’t do things for people who complain. Hated the meal? Then I’m not inviting you back to insult me again.

OP here, thank you! It’s not like I put bags of Doritos (!!!) out and called it good. There were hot and cold options, a mix of dips, mini sandwiches, meatballs, taquitos, cheese balls, salad, ham and cheese roll ups, charcuterie and I’m not even sure what else at this point. Not to mention multiple desserts. And drinks for everyone.

Personally, I hate a Turkey dinner. Despise it. But I would never, ever complain about it because I understand the effort that was put into it and someone opened their home to me.

Also, I know the food wasn’t the real issue since our family has done this before (including other people hosting that weren’t me).

When I eat that kind of stuff for dinner, sure it fills me up but it causes me to feel gross. It’s not really a meal, it’s just fat- and carb-heavy snacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone makes a good-faith attempt at hosting, the only polite response is something along the lines of “Thank you for having us.” If a relative wants things her way, she can host. Simple as. Also, I don’t do things for people who complain. Hated the meal? Then I’m not inviting you back to insult me again.

OP here, thank you! It’s not like I put bags of Doritos (!!!) out and called it good. There were hot and cold options, a mix of dips, mini sandwiches, meatballs, taquitos, cheese balls, salad, ham and cheese roll ups, charcuterie and I’m not even sure what else at this point. Not to mention multiple desserts. And drinks for everyone.

Personally, I hate a Turkey dinner. Despise it. But I would never, ever complain about it because I understand the effort that was put into it and someone opened their home to me.

Also, I know the food wasn’t the real issue since our family has done this before (including other people hosting that weren’t me).

That's not a meal. That's a snack.

I cannot imagine the world where all of OP’s spread is dismissed as a snack. I’m dying.

OP here. Agreed, this thread is kind of becoming ridiculous. I never knew this would be so divisive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone makes a good-faith attempt at hosting, the only polite response is something along the lines of “Thank you for having us.” If a relative wants things her way, she can host. Simple as. Also, I don’t do things for people who complain. Hated the meal? Then I’m not inviting you back to insult me again.

OP here, thank you! It’s not like I put bags of Doritos (!!!) out and called it good. There were hot and cold options, a mix of dips, mini sandwiches, meatballs, taquitos, cheese balls, salad, ham and cheese roll ups, charcuterie and I’m not even sure what else at this point. Not to mention multiple desserts. And drinks for everyone.

Personally, I hate a Turkey dinner. Despise it. But I would never, ever complain about it because I understand the effort that was put into it and someone opened their home to me.

Also, I know the food wasn’t the real issue since our family has done this before (including other people hosting that weren’t me).

When I eat that kind of stuff for dinner, sure it fills me up but it causes me to feel gross. It’s not really a meal, it’s just fat- and carb-heavy snacks.

I can think of a lot of meals that are served at holidays or special occasions that are carb heavy. What would be an acceptable meal to you, so that you don’t feel gross?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gave you this feedback? I can't imagine anything more rude than to complain to a host/hostess about any perceived shortcomings. Very strange, and I'm sorry you had to cope with that. Would you be able to have a calm discussion with that person in the future about your efforts and your hurt feelings, or is this typical behavior on the part of family members?

My sister

I would tell her she can F right off and was being an ungrateful Bi---. Next year, when she hosts everyone, also, she can do it perfectly.

What a C----.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone makes a good-faith attempt at hosting, the only polite response is something along the lines of “Thank you for having us.” If a relative wants things her way, she can host. Simple as. Also, I don’t do things for people who complain. Hated the meal? Then I’m not inviting you back to insult me again.

OP here, thank you! It’s not like I put bags of Doritos (!!!) out and called it good. There were hot and cold options, a mix of dips, mini sandwiches, meatballs, taquitos, cheese balls, salad, ham and cheese roll ups, charcuterie and I’m not even sure what else at this point. Not to mention multiple desserts. And drinks for everyone.

Personally, I hate a Turkey dinner. Despise it. But I would never, ever complain about it because I understand the effort that was put into it and someone opened their home to me.

Also, I know the food wasn’t the real issue since our family has done this before (including other people hosting that weren’t me).

When I eat that kind of stuff for dinner, sure it fills me up but it causes me to feel gross. It’s not really a meal, it’s just fat- and carb-heavy snacks.

You, my friend, must be high as a kite. It's called a "buffet" and sounds like there was something for everyone. That is, in fact, dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone makes a good-faith attempt at hosting, the only polite response is something along the lines of “Thank you for having us.” If a relative wants things her way, she can host. Simple as. Also, I don’t do things for people who complain. Hated the meal? Then I’m not inviting you back to insult me again.

OP here, thank you! It’s not like I put bags of Doritos (!!!) out and called it good. There were hot and cold options, a mix of dips, mini sandwiches, meatballs, taquitos, cheese balls, salad, ham and cheese roll ups, charcuterie and I’m not even sure what else at this point. Not to mention multiple desserts. And drinks for everyone.

Personally, I hate a Turkey dinner. Despise it. But I would never, ever complain about it because I understand the effort that was put into it and someone opened their home to me.

Also, I know the food wasn’t the real issue since our family has done this before (including other people hosting that weren’t me).

It sounds like a dream meal to me, especially if I was bringing my finicky kids. Let them pick what they want and call it a day. No sitting around a stuffy table whining about how they don't want green beans and turkey. Thank you!

I want to know more about your sister. What's her deal? Is she normally like this? I would apologize to her. Over apologize, even. Like, I can't believe I made SUCH a faux pas, how gauche of me. I should have known I would f something up, you're always so much better at this kind of stuff. Then let her feel smug and move on. You already know you went above and beyond so who cares? Let her and her shriveled heart live a small life.

Agreed. I prefer heavy apps to a sit down meal. Especially the Thanksgiving slop that passes as a fancy dinner around the holidays. It's gross.

[Anonymous]

In my life, she would be invited to stay home and create the perfect Christmas day without me. The holidays don't have to be stress-filled with edicts and menus and expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your thread title is very misleading. You think you did a lot as a host. Your sister thinks you don't. My suggestion? Aplogize and bow out from hosting in the future. Insist on providing a tasty dish to potluck celebrations and call it a day.

+1. Best response yet. You don’t host after being criticized by a guest.

Disagree...I would host the people that can come and enjoy themselves. She would be uninvited. I want stress-free people at the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your thread title is very misleading. You think you did a lot as a host. Your sister thinks you don't. My suggestion? Aplogize and bow out from hosting in the future. Insist on providing a tasty dish to potluck celebrations and call it a day.

+1. Best response yet. You don’t host after being criticized by a guest.

Disagree...I would host the people that can come and enjoy themselves. She would be uninvited. I want stress-free people at the holidays.

Op here… for those of you that are so decisive like this, how do you do it? I’ve mulled this situation over in my head about 1000x since Christmas and still can’t fully get to the “F you, never come over again” part and also keep questioning if maybe I did indeed do something wrong. I wish I wasn’t the way that I am. And I’m trying really hard not to be…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone makes a good-faith attempt at hosting, the only polite response is something along the lines of “Thank you for having us.” If a relative wants things her way, she can host. Simple as. Also, I don’t do things for people who complain. Hated the meal? Then I’m not inviting you back to insult me again.

OP here, thank you! It’s not like I put bags of Doritos (!!!) out and called it good. There were hot and cold options, a mix of dips, mini sandwiches, meatballs, taquitos, cheese balls, salad, ham and cheese roll ups, charcuterie and I’m not even sure what else at this point. Not to mention multiple desserts. And drinks for everyone.

Personally, I hate a Turkey dinner. Despise it. But I would never, ever complain about it because I understand the effort that was put into it and someone opened their home to me.

Also, I know the food wasn’t the real issue since our family has done this before (including other people hosting that weren’t me).

When I eat that kind of stuff for dinner, sure it fills me up but it causes me to feel gross. It’s not really a meal, it’s just fat- and carb-heavy snacks.

I can think of a lot of meals that are served at holidays or special occasions that are carb heavy. What would be an acceptable meal to you, so that you don’t feel gross?

Lean protein, vegetables, salad, maybe a carb or two.