Husband left two-year-old twins home alone

[Anonymous]

Are there good aspects to this relationship? Is he a good father (in some regards)?

If you divorced, do you think he would want a lot of time with the kids? It's tricky based on their ages . . . you're certainly not going to feel good about them being alone with him if you divorce, but on the other hand, if all the issues are when he has you to fall back on, then hopefully when he's single-parenting he'd realize he can't be negligent like this. And I'm guessing he wouldn't fight for much custody.

My husband hasn't always been the best husband but he has always been an excellent father. If he endangered our children like this he'd be hugging them non-stop, saying how grateful he is that they're OK. Your husband doesn't seem to have a normal amount of concern for what could have happened.

[Anonymous]

Where did he go when he left them alone?

[Anonymous]

OP I could not stop thinking about you after reading your posts last night. I think most of us reacted like you did last night with complete outrage. Since last night, I keep remembering things like this that have happened to family and friends. Honestly if it happened to me, I blocked it out, because I'm already mental. A wonderful couple I know left their infant in the car when they went into a restaurant - they realized it 5 minutes in thank God. My ex left our daughter in the car when she was 4 months old - I noticed right away, thank GOD. And your DH is a dum dum who left his two kids at home alone and took off - and you were there in time to ensure their safety. You're not alone OP. Like a PP said - this happens to a lot of people and they don't go out and tell their friends and family about it. Of course not - it's shameful. I hope you are feeling better today, and I hope you find the strength to make the best decision for you and your children. FWIW - if you did tell your DH to leave the house, he doesn't seem like the type of guy who would want a lot of custody of 3 very, very young children...there are also other options like a trial separation - maybe some time for him to figure out his $hit. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shaking with rage. He said he thought I was in the bedroom with my preschooler with the door closed. I was picking her up from school like I do every day at that time. We are never home at that time. Why would he think that? Toddlers were just roaming around the house on their own. Probably about a half hour and I completely lost it when I realized what he had done. My mind is spinning. I don't want him to set foot in this house again. Is this divorce worthy. Am I overreacting.

Brain fart.

If he has a pattern of them, then he’s an idiot.

He also needs to start communicating. Pop in and say he’s leaving. Or pop in and check if you’re in.
He especially needs to do this if he’s making zero effort to know the basic family schedule or routine (ie time school ends, kid needs a pick up).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am shaking with rage. He said he thought I was in the bedroom with my preschooler with the door closed. I was picking her up from school like I do every day at that time. We are never home at that time. Why would he think that? Toddlers were just roaming around the house on their own. Probably about a half hour and I completely lost it when I realized what he had done. My mind is spinning. I don't want him to set foot in this house again. Is this divorce worthy. Am I overreacting.

My kids would have been crying nonstop if they noticed no one was home. Even at age 7 or 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think he's lying about believing you were home or do you think he actually thought you were there?

Good question. Nothing like a terrible mistake followed by excuses and backing in to fake rationales made up once the error is discoverer. Lose all trust and reliability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO, you're overreacting. The kids were not harmed. He made a mistake thinking you were in the house. If it happens again, then I would get upset.

His actual mistake is not k ie what time it was, when a kids school ends or how said kid gets home.

Dumb and dumber here.

So preventable. And it’s not like it’s the first week or two of school. It’s day 175 of the school year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a reason to stay married. Most divorces are 50/50 custody. I would not feel comfortable leaving my kids alone with him. Stay married.

It might have been a one-time mistake.

I solved this problem by not ever letting him be alone with my kids until much older. He was not capable.

Puke. So inept

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

So no common sense or judgment. Bad for a parent of kids. And anyone dependent on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless there is a pattern of neglect of course not divorce worthy. Your anger is really out of hand. When I see posts like this I think about the hot car threads. You have people seething with anger at the idea that someone could make a mistake, positive it could never be them. Personally I live my life knowing I'm human, knowing I'll make mistakes, and trying my absolute hardest and hoping my absolute hardest that my worst moment of absentmindedness doesn't result in something tragic happening.

If your husband is apologetic and this has never happened before, then your rage is misplaced. I would however agree on the air traffic controller approach described above for leaving the house. My husband and I never leave kids alone in the house without confirming with the other parent. It is common courtesy. But if something like this happened, I would assume it was a momentary lapse and that he was beating himself up about it worse than anything I could say, and we'd just try to get a system in place to prevent it happening again.

In a ton of those cases the parent who did it had a Dx of adhd or asd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

This plus the recent event would make me never leave the kids alone with him again. There is too much that can go wrong, especially with toddler twins. Is he sleep deprived? Is he just inattentive? How did he explain this? Other than blaming you because he thought "you were paying attention" or "you were home"?

I would get a therapist so you both can talk this out with a neutral party. He needs to get his act together! I would be livid too.

I'm guessing he probably lacks in other areas of parenting as well, and in your marriage?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Mistakes happen. My dad was once tasked with keeping an eye on my 2yr old (while we were in the same house but on a different level) while she played in the playroom and he was right there on the couch. Well, he got distracted with something on his phone or the tv and she let herself out and wandered off!!!!! We lived on a busy street. Thankfully she had just walked around the house and got distracted with the mud or something. But it caused about 10mins of panic.

And the. You never left him alone with a young child again.

Same as if a nanny did that; she’d be fired. Negligence. Carelessness. Mindlessness.

And if they don’t take responsibility and apologize pronto, issues get worse. And if they gaslight and argue then things get toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you divorced then he knows with certaintity he is the one responsible when they are in his care. Currently if something happens, it looks like he will pin it on you saying you were the one responsible.

True but losers like this have a bag of excuses at the ready for every mistake and mishap they cause. Nothing is every their fault. They’re delusional like that; it’s a negative coping mechanism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you two spoken about it yet? How did he react? Has anything like this ever happened before? Need more info...

Yes. I once lost my preschooler in the wilderness for an hour. I screwed up, I knew I screwed up, my wife knew I screwed up, etc. Was she angry? Of course. Did she consider divorce? Of course not.

I have also made a few parenting mistakes that, if literally everything went wrong, would have been catastrophic. I still cringe when I think about it years later. I think most of us have been there. It’s hard to always make the exact right decision 100% of the time. Kids wear you down mentally as well as physically.

So what did OPs husband do or say about this incident?

I’m sure he felt awful and vowed to never forget the kids school schedule or leave the house with kids in it alone. He was probably distraught and beside himself. Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMO, you're overreacting. The kids were not harmed. He made a mistake thinking you were in the house. If it happens again, then I would get upset.

Even if she was in the house why would you leave two 2-year-olds roaming around alone without checking with the person behind a locked door?

Dum dee dum dum