Giving teenagers birth-control= Encouraging them to have sex?

[Anonymous]

Oy! I think my intelligent, educated, 32-year old DH must have been shipped straight from the stone age to 2011. He thinks offering a teenager birth-control (pills, condoms etc) is essentially endorsing pre-marital/ pre -mature sex. According to him, all you need to do is talk to them about the repercussions of having sex as teenagers and leave it at that. In other words, just tell them not to do it.

I disagree, I will advise my teenager not to have sex but will offer them birth control at the same, just in case they choose not to listen to me.

Which one of us is delusional here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Oy! I think my intelligent, educated, 32-year old DH must have been shipped straight from the stone age to 2011. He thinks offering a teenager birth-control (pills, condoms etc) is essentially endorsing pre-marital/ pre -mature sex. According to him, all you need to do is talk to them about the repercussions of having sex as teenagers and leave it at that. In other words, just tell them not to do it.

I disagree, I will advise my teenager not to have sex but will offer them birth control at the same, just in case they choose not to listen to me.

Which one of us is delusional here?

You are wrong. Your husband is right.

[Anonymous]

Does DH live in the real world? Abstinence does sound good in theory though.

[Anonymous]

It's pretty clear abstinence education does not work. They're gonna do what they're gonna do. So why not let them have access to condoms and BC pills? Or because they're not "supposed" to be doing it, an STD or teen pregnancy is righteous punishment... is that the thought?

[Anonymous]

Talk to Sarah Palin about this one.

[Anonymous]

Giving teenagers birth control = giving them means to have safe rather then unsafe sex.

Most teenagers will have sex. Teaching abstinence doesn't do much except mean that they are more likely to get STDs or become pregnant when they do.

[Anonymous]

There is a certain amount of permission being given when you give a "I don't want you to do it but if you are going to do it, here is the info you need to do it safely.

Some parents say I don't want you to drink underage but if you are going to, do it here in the house so it is safer.

Same as I don't want you to have sex this young but if you are going to do it, here is the info / contraception you need to do it safely.

I think offering your child condoms / birth control pills is a pretty good sign that you think they are about to be sexually active and you are accepting of that.

[Anonymous]

I'd rather have my DD on the pill than to support her and her child another 18 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd rather have my DD on the pill than to support her and her child another 18 years.

Or more.

[Anonymous]

That's the problem. There's no cookie cutter solution. Each approach will work with a different kind of teen. The deal is to find out what kind of teen you got.

My mom preached abstinence but she also educated me about the options in case I thought I was smarter than her. I followed it until I thought I found "the guy" and went ahead and picked my option. It worked for us and that's how I'll raise my teens.

[Anonymous]

Considering your DH fathered a child at 19 (at the oldest), I'd suggest getting birth control into your kids' hands as soon as possible. Even if it "encourages" him or her to have sex, that's better than being a 34 you Grandpa, isn't it?

(I am assuming here that your 32 yo DH is the father of your teenager.)

[Anonymous]

OP I'm with you I think. I desperately don't want my kids to have sex too young, but I don't plan to bury my head in the sand either. I will be talking about sex early and my views without saying you must not have sex. I will try to be open minded. I will talk about birth control and yes, I plan to demonstrate how a condom is used. It horrifies me to think about my kids being sexually active young, but I'd much rather they talk to me about it and be protected than pretend like it could never happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a certain amount of permission being given when you give a "I don't want you to do it but if you are going to do it, here is the info you need to do it safely.

Some parents say I don't want you to drink underage but if you are going to, do it here in the house so it is safer.

Same as I don't want you to have sex this young but if you are going to do it, here is the info / contraception you need to do it safely.

I think offering your child condoms / birth control pills is a pretty good sign that you think they are about to be sexually active and you are accepting of that.

This makes a lot of sex but how do you effectively convey that you are not giving any kind of permission for them to have pre-mature sex? If I had to choose between my kid having safe sex or no sex, ofcourse, I will choose no sex. How do I make it absolutely clear to them that I'm in the no sex until you're old enough camp?

And what constitutes "old enough" anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering your DH fathered a child at 19 (at the oldest), I'd suggest getting birth control into your kids' hands as soon as possible. Even if it "encourages" him or her to have sex, that's better than being a 34 you Grandpa, isn't it?

(I am assuming here that your 32 yo DH is the father of your teenager.)

OP here, no, we are not there yet, just about to have our first and discussing random parenting styles. I know we have a long way to go still but it's nice to know what we would do should the time come.

He thinks offering choices conveys your ambivalence about pre-mature sex. And there is nothing that sends kids spinning out of control more than a parent's ambivalence. He is a high school teacher so I'm getting the "trust me, I know" statement to back up his opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering your DH fathered a child at 19 (at the oldest), I'd suggest getting birth control into your kids' hands as soon as possible. Even if it "encourages" him or her to have sex, that's better than being a 34 you Grandpa, isn't it?

(I am assuming here that your 32 yo DH is the father of your teenager.)

OP here, no, we are not there yet, just about to have our first and discussing random parenting styles. I know we have a long way to go still but it's nice to know what we would do should the time come.

He thinks offering choices conveys your ambivalence about pre-mature sex. And there is nothing that sends kids spinning out of control more than a parent's ambivalence. He is a high school teacher so I'm getting the "trust me, I know" statement to back up his opinion.

OP - a wise man once told me to never have hypothetical arguments with your spouse. Since you don't yet have any kids, why on earth would you waste time on this now? You will have approximately 259,592 decisions to make in the next year alone, and upwards of 4 million before this becomes a ripe issue. Save your powder. Or, just agree with him, use that as currency in a future argument, and in 10 years or so, change your mind.