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Whats the big deal about being old money?
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Anonymous
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I am reading the CCC thread and there are several derogatory mentions of people with new money. What is the deal with that??? To me, it's far more impressive if someone came from nothing and worked their way up than if they inherited mummy or daddy (or grandmother or grandfather's) millions. DH and I moved here six months ago from LA; we founded two software companies, one of which is publicly traded. When I was a kid, my family was on food stamps. DH is not college-educated. We've been very open about how our wealth is self-made because we are PROUD of it. Our kids go private and it freaks me out to think that our neighbors and the parents of their peers are talking shit about us behind our backs and judging us or excluding my kids because we're "nouvies."
Is it a taste level thing? Like the old stereotype of new money, with fountains and statues in the yard of your tacky mansion? Or is it something else? DO people really place that much of a premium on "good breeding" around here? |
Anonymous
| There is no such thing as old money in the US. Nouveau riche trying to pretend they are something they are not. |
Anonymous
Yes, this is quite obvious. I could care less where someone's money came from or if they even have it, but I can pretty much guarantee that people are judging you for being annoying and overly impressed with yourself, not the fact that your money is "new." |
Anonymous
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Old Money has to create its own culture and status. How else can you feel good about something you have not earned? Answer: You ascribe virtues to it that can only come from membership. Therefore old money imparts breeding, taste, reserve, philanthropy, it is not showy, blah blah. And if you aren't old money you don't have/get it.
And yet we all know "new money" people who exemplify these qualities, and spectacular old money flameouts. But the proof is in the actions. If you debate the subject on DCUM, you will see that the supposedly non-showy Old Money cannot resist one-upmanship, which is the very thing it decries. So really it is what you said it is. So ask yourself, why on earth would you care if these people talk behind your back? If you are confident in who you are, it shouldn't matter to you. And as for your kids, they will be treated tons better than you were probably treated as a kid on food stamps. And you turned out fine, so will they. So go about your business, resist the urge to have statues of little cherubs pissing into troughs all around your property, and raise your kids with decent values. |
Anonymous
What is wrong with her being proud of her success? Sounds like someone is jealous. |
Anonymous
| I think there are certain circles in certain parts of the country where this matters. It's just one more way people can use to be snobs. I think it's narrow minded and limiting. The world is way to big and I feel sorry for people who are in the position of having to deal with it. |
Anonymous
| Old money almost always refers to white people who made money off of poor people and slaves. I don't think it's great. White people who are old money and know the history of their wealth are sheepish about it. |
Anonymous
One-upmanship Case in Point: European Old Money is superior to US Old Money. See how easy it is to get "old money" to reveal its true pettiness? Apparently you must be worthless sponges for a dozen or so generations before you can really be old money. I feel sorry for the poor bastard who actually made the money. He may be in heaven, but I bet it feels like hell looking down at the hordes of incompetence that he subsidizes. |
Anonymous
They are all gonna fry in Hell. Judgment day!!! |
Anonymous
Words to live by! For everyone! OP, I'm a DC native, my mom was old money but her family lost it all in the depression; my dad was self-made. I went to one of the private schools with which everyone here is obsessed - it was full of both kinds of money, new and old. FWIW, here's my take: those who have always had money just don't think it's a big deal. They don't talk about it. They don't discuss salaries. They don't point to specific accomplishments and/or sources of the money - you may say that's because they're not responsible for them and you might be correct. They aren't specific about where the country house is or how nice it is. It's just "the summer place" even if it's acres on Gibson Island. The money is just assumed and no one talks about it. Or shows it with flashy cars, garish logos or cherubs pissing into troughs. So yes, if this is something that's not really talked about and you're talking yourselves up like you describe, it makes people like the above uncomfortable because they don't talk about money. Doesn't really make either of you wrong, just different. Huge kudos to you and your husband for your accomplishments, though. And, education level is a much bigger deal here than almost anywhere else. MUCH bigger deal than in LA. |
Anonymous
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I am the OP. And to the nasty PP, I am proud and I don't see why I shouldn't be. I bet you are proud of the things you accomplished in life. It's not like I go around telling people that we are soooo wealthy, but it is kind of obvious from our house/where we live. And when people ask about my childhood, I tell them what it was like and most of the time, they think it's awesome that we've overcome so much, DH and I. And FYI, we have made a lot of friends among our neighbors and the school. It's only that it would hurt to know that people looked down on us for something we couldn't help. That's all I meant in my post!
To the poster who talked about education: yeah, that has been a big deal here. I went to a good college, and I have a grad degree, but DH didn't go to college, he didn't finish high school but got his GED at 18. Among our CA friends, especially in our business, this was not so noteworthy. But here in DC, when people find out DH didn't go to college, they are aghast. It's really weird. College is great if it's an option for you, but it's not the only way! |
Anonymous
It's hard to be proud of being born. That's why they don't understand. |
Anonymous
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The term "old money" is meant to convey the quiet that surrounds families who are accustomed to having wealth. The PP who said it's just not a big deal is spot on. It's not a literal chronology, but a way of relating to material things and how you present yourself. I think key to this "old money" business is the idea of a truly wealthy person being really down to earth about it. Ever been to one of your children's friend's houses only to find early-American artwork and Chippendale furniture? I have. The easy-going nature of the family and the fact that they weren't showy and had the attitude of "we've got nothing to prove" was incredibly impressive. For me, this spirit fills the notion of "old money" no matter when it accrued. "New money" carries with it the idea of desperation, the need to impress, flashiness, and a shallow measure of others. It is NOT about when you earned your money. In some ways, I guess it's about confidence. Maybe some people would say it reflects values. To answer your question about "good breeding"----geesh, no. DC is not that kind of town and anyone who actually says the word "breeding" has just shown you that they are not a true elite. If you look at the lives of, for example, former Georgetown Salon Society, they all had achievements to speak for them, along with whatever family name they carried. Publishing, politics, etc. The PP who mentioned the intense value placed on education was correct. Even among the named families (I mean, really established "old money" families) there's a line drawn between the young women who attend rigorous schools vs horsey schools. Take care of your family, make friends, enjoy life. Please don't get bogged down in this silly madness. |
Anonymous
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10:46 has nailed it: if you want to avoid the label "nouveau riche," just pay attention to how you display your wealth. People will only call you this, and look down on you, if you mention the price of everything and buy flashy cars and jewelry - think Paris Hilton.
If you spend your money tastefully and with restraint, people won't call you "new money" or look down on you - even if your money is self-made. It's not a difficult formula to follow. If you want to go whole hog on the old money thing, another thing people notice is having antique furniture and old rugs, which are about the same price as the new stuff (unless you actually buy chippendale chairs, but not if you stick with the victorian), but suggest you inherited your furniture. Or, buy really good, edgy modern stuff that shows you have taste and you know who the good modern designers are and are buying collectors' pieces. But again, people won't look down on you for buying new department store furniture -- again, unless it's flashy or you talk about how much it costs. |
Anonymous
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OP, who cares? Really. Ignore all of this craziness. You should be proud of what you accomplished. I say buy what you like -- you don't have to have furniture that "suggests it was inherited" or "good, edgy modern stuff that shows you have good taste."
You should buy what you like and not give in to all of the snobs in this town. It doesn't matter how "old" your money is, there are certain people that will never accept anyone not in their circle (or "above") because they are insecure. You don't want to be part of that anyway. IMHO, you're fine as long as you don't brag or discuss what you have or how much it cost. |