Why Is My 16 Year Old Son A Raging Asshat?
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Anonymous
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My other children are kind, polite, listen, motivated, hard workers, then there is my 16 year old entitled, lazy, rude, disrespectful, unmotivated, unkind, jerk of a son. He does well in school, he plays a sport here or there that he thinks he's an Olympian at. He isn't humble, criticizes everyone. He refuses to look for a job because "it's summer, man". We don't give him money, he couldn't care less if we take away his phone, xbox, laptop, etc. He just doesn't care.
I am counting the days until the leaves for college, that is if he gets in. His grades are good enough but not the best he can do. I really don't think he has any clue how tough the competition really is. He thinks he's going to slide into Duke or Columbia with his honor roll B's and random A's. Please tell me they outgrow this and he wont turn into some poor woman's lazy husband. I did not raise him to be this way, his brothers are not this way, his father is not this way. I am just too tired to try to work with him anymore. He called me an asshole this morning for asking him to do something small and stupid. I'd rather have 4 insane toddlers than one asshatery teen. |
Anonymous
| I'm assuming that you have taken all the electronics away from for that remark. If you haven't, then it's no wonder he is walking all over you. If you've done this already then my heart goes out to you. Does his father get involved at all? |
Anonymous
| spoiled. |
Anonymous
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Im sorry you are being treated this way...Where is the father when the teenage boy is calling his mom an asshole? Even at his worst, my brother would have never gotten away with that because my Dad would have stepped in and lit him a new one. If you are concerned that he is leaving for ( maybe) college and the next stage of life soon and he is not going to be able to reach his potential with the attitude he has, maybe family counseling or individual counseling is in order. He will NOT slide into Duke or Columbia because that isnt something that ever happens. Even though he is being an asshat you are still his mother and you have to try everything you can to get him ready for the real world.
Could he be depressed? |
Anonymous
We've grounded him, taken away his instruments, his sports practices, his electronics. He does not care. He reads, I take his books away then he naps. It's more than being spoiled, it's like he's just testing us and I am not sure where to go from here. |
Anonymous
| There is no excuse for name calling on his part, and that should be apparent. That said, was he provoked, perhaps a little? Are you sure you are not just showing Tiger Mom tendencies? You seem pretty condescending and rude in the post "he thinks he's an Olympian" "not the best he can do" doesn't have "any clue" - have you said any of these things to him? Perhaps he's mirroring your tone and respect? |
Anonymous
It's not a matter of being spoiled, we don't spoil our children and our other three children do not behave this way. It's more like he's testing us to prove a point, calling out our bluff. |
Anonymous
| He sounds depressed to me. You need to make an appt to see someone and if you arent already, really try to be open to medication. I know teens will test you but this sounds a bit past that. And you dont want him dealing with depression on his own away from home. Better to get a handle on it now or at least rule it out before he goes off to school in a year or so. Not to mention protecting his school performance in his last year in HS ( assuming he is a senior this year by his age) for college apps. |
Anonymous
| Wow. I would not engage with him at all. If you have taken everything away from him, time to give him more responsibility. He should be doing all his own laundry. Does he have a driver's license? Because he would not be driving any car that I paid a dime toward. No gas money. No spending money. No rides anywhere for any reason. I wouldn't cook for him. Seriously, I wouldn't lift a finger for him. I would also leave him out of any planned or fun family outing and tell him specifically that people who are rude and disrespectful don't get rewarded for their behavior. Like if I took my younger three kids for ice cream I would tell him he could not come if he was getting his shoes on to get in the car. |
Anonymous
| Really people? Do you not remember being a teenager? I do. I called my mom a b***, sulked in my room, ran up the telephone bill, generally happy, but ragingly hormonal. Generally good grades, but occasional screw-ups. I'm a happy professional mother of 2 now. If she had put even more pressure on me to "succeed" "live up to my potential" etc. I quite likely would have pushed even farther and done things I really regretted - just to prove I could. Sounds like this kid is actually a pretty good kid - no drugs - no partying - no sneaking out at night - no criminal behavior - good grades - sports - but my gosh - he lashed out at his mother and takes naps. What a crime. Not a reason to excommunicate from the family and treat him like the dirt that came in on someone's shoe. |
Anonymous
I would recommend family therapy--it sounds like you're in a power struggle with him. In your current approach, he holds the cards because you care and he doesn't. I think that upping the punishment may up his resistance--sounds like it would take a lot to get him to "crack." He may be depressed, or he may not be. Did he seem different from your other kids before he hit the teenage years? He may have felt like he didn't fit in to the family. The approach that worked well for your other kids didn't work for him. As far as trying to get him to "wise up" about college, etc., is there an adult he gets along with who you can enlist to talk to him? |
Anonymous
I second the possible depression idea. Also, is he smoking a lot of weed? My DH was very unmotivated in early high school and he says it's because he smoked a lot of pot. Once he decided to stop, his grades improved dramatically. Then again, he talks about high school friends who would go to class high but still make straight A's. . . |
Anonymous
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This post sounds like it was written by a bored teen. Yes it's been a long summer but school is almost starting. Have you done your summer reading yet?
I can't imagine an actual parent posting something like this and yes, I have two teens. |
Anonymous
What about the post makes you think a bored teen wrote it? I'm the mother of four children, one happens to be a teen in high school. Of my four children one is constantly pushing my buttons. What about that says "bored teen" to you? And yes, I do feel he's a raging asshat, I can say that here to vent. He's rude and generally inconsiderate. He isn't a criminal, does not drink, does not do drugs, he does play three sports but is very lazy about practicing even though he thinks he carries the teams and has potential to play D1 college sports. I'm extremely frustrated with him and we are 100% in a power struggle. He's just an unkind person and expects us do to things for him because we are the "parents" and he is the "kid" or his excuse is he only a teen yet he throws how he's so responsible in my face 45 times a day. I'm just sick of it and I'd truly rather have triplet toddlers than a teen son right now. Again, what about this says "bored teen" to you? |
Anonymous
I'm not naive so I can't say for certain he isn't smoking pot, but as far as I know he isn't. I haven't found any in the house or caught any pot smell on it, but it's possible he has when he spends the night out with his friends. He's in AP and Honors courses, typically gets A's and B's with the occasional C. He refuses to do homework but still manages to keep his grades at A's & B's just by doing well on tests which drives me insane. His father and I keep insisting that the competition is tougher than he thinks and even with grades that he feels are "phenomenal" he may have a tough time getting into even UVA or UMD. I almost think he is oppositional, anything I say to him he feels the need to challenge, debate, oppose, it's so tiring I cry some nights after asking him the simplest request. |