Can we talk about parents buying their adult children luxury homes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I caught a lot of grief in another thread for saying that I bought a house in a highly desirable inner suburb for all cash and with no contingencies so my kid and spouse could rent from me. I did it because they were having trouble finding the perfect rental house (harder to find than apartments/condo rentals) but aren't looking to buy yet for a variety of reasons. I view it as a win/win situation -- a good investment for me, and a nice place with a good landlord for them. I'm not sure why people think people that others with a little bit of money are not supposed to help their kids out when they can. There's this assumption that if you do that you're spoiling the kids and that they don't appreciate it or understand "real life." That's a generalization that certainly doesn't apply to my family.

Simply put, why would parents with plenty of money sitting in the bank and with good relationships with hardworking and responsible adult children want/need to sit back and watch those children struggle to get into good housing when they can easily help without even feeling it? To build "character?" That assumes that the kids don't already have character, which is a very big assumption.

You got grief because you went into a thread about how heartbreaking it is not to be able to compete for properties in today’s market, due in a large part to all-cash investors, and helpfully shared the story of… how you bought an investment home for cash.

That wasn't my intent, but it doesn't even matter. Posters turned on my kid with stereotypes and insults.

I thought it was because your kid kept getting rejected and losing out on rentals? At least thats what you said previously. I actually was one of the posters who didn't think you deserved all the heat you did, but you just keep changing the framing of your story, lol. Originally you simply said you bought your kid a house (winning an all-cash bidding war), then you said it was an investment that just happened to be in the neighborhood that they kept losing out on rentals in. Now it's an investment that just happened to be in the neighborhood where they were looking but just couldn't find the "perfect" rental?

Listen, your family business is your family business, absolutely. But if you put all this out there (especially on DCUM, in a bit of a callous reply to a person losing out on bids to buy her family a home all on her own), any reasonable person would expect to get some..."questions." I get your family has a different mindset and I guess you don't want anonymous internet strangers thinking less of your kid they don't know at all, but I would really let this go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

When you guys say these people represent themselves in a certain way, what do you mean? Like how does it even come up?

The people who brag at school pick up about spending the summer at "our summer house" when it is really their parents. I could never figure out why my husband and I were such losers that we worked full time at good jobs and could barely afford a weekly rental andall these stay at home moms could afford nannies and owned summer houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if the parents are planning to leave substantial inheritances to their kids after they die, it’s probably better for them to gift it to them earlier in their children's lives when it will make a difference. Buying them a house is a totally reasonable thing to do if that’s the financial situation they’re in. And giving their children the flexibility to stay home and raise their kids if their kids want to chose to do that is a much better use of their money than waiting until they die and passing it on to retired children who have worked and possibly struggled their whole lives.

It is also better to gift them earlier because it saves on inheritance tax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

When you guys say these people represent themselves in a certain way, what do you mean? Like how does it even come up?

The people who brag at school pick up about spending the summer at "our summer house" when it is really their parents. I could never figure out why my husband and I were such losers that we worked full time at good jobs and could barely afford a weekly rental andall these stay at home moms could afford nannies and owned summer houses.

Many summer houses are passed through families; especially those from new england/upper midwest. Great grandpa bought a cabin 120 years ago. Family has been slowly upgrading it over the years. The original house was a shack with a separate outhouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting class study in this thread. It’s very middle class to think you have earn something. Upper class doesn’t view nepotism and social capital as a character flaw but rather a sign that you’re smart and successful and worthy of the benefits this gives you.

This. I have only seen people here talk so much about making it on their own with parental help and such. My parents love me and want to help me. I appreciate it. And then you pay it forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:800k is now a starter home cape

That was exactly my starter home here in the DMV in 2004! Cape for $856k. Crazy but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

When you guys say these people represent themselves in a certain way, what do you mean? Like how does it even come up?

The people who brag at school pick up about spending the summer at "our summer house" when it is really their parents. I could never figure out why my husband and I were such losers that we worked full time at good jobs and could barely afford a weekly rental andall these stay at home moms could afford nannies and owned summer houses.

Vast majority of Americans today have NO ancestors that were in America 100 years ago.merely being in the US in order to buy cheap property, etc 100 years ago is a form of privilege that most of us don't have. How foolish of my in laws not to have had the foresight to "buy a little cabin" while they were in a refugee camp.

Many summer houses are passed through families; especially those from new england/upper midwest. Great grandpa bought a cabin 120 years ago. Family has been slowly upgrading it over the years. The original house was a shack with a separate outhouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please.

My parents did this, and it helped us build equity in a good investment. After a while we sold our first home and bought our second without any additional help.

It’s not different than any other advantages the well off have.

God, I'm so tired of these worthless adult children who cannot manage to eke out a living for themselves. It's so infuriating. My younger brother is the same way and it's definitely a generational crutch. I don't know how the boomers allowed their kids to make it into 30s and 40s while still supporting them. These "kids" are such a drain on the workforce because they cannot actually do things for themselves. They have no residency, no ingenuity, no resolve. They simple just ask mom and dad to open up their wallets and all their issues solved.

This is precisely why in hiring I look at where these kids went to HS. I want to know if they're part of the man-child class of kids who grew up with substantial wealth and privilege and are unable to leave the nest and make a living on their own. I don't want that class working for me.
Parents, we must do better by our kids. I know it's hard, but teach them how to make it themselves. Your kids will learn a lot through hardship. Even if you can afford more, make them work for it themselves. They will thank you for it in the end - and so will society.

What are you even talking about? Nobody puts their high school on their resume..especially in their 30s and 40s...

Also- many of my peers have had parental help w down payments because they went to grad school and have high paying jobs but didn’t start in them until late 20s / early 30s. Could they have waited and saved up? Sure. But parents chose to help out so their kids would be comfortable. So what? Also, it’s in part cultural. For many Asians, it’s a thing to buy your kids a house.

You clearly don’t know the elite private school crowd. Their HS is always on the resume/LinkedIn . It’s a sign of social class

really? this is a thing?

Uh no it’s not. You list your college but not your high school if you’re in your 30s/40s. I went to a top prep school on the west coast (think Harvard west lake) no one has this on their LinkedIn. I also just looked at friends who went to sidwell and other top east coast schools - no mention of HS. It comes up in conversation if you’re talking to someone from your area but this is not a normal thing that people do. But then again, we have real jobs so no one at this point gives two f’s what high school you went to.

+1. Have a friend who is actually European royalty and went to one of the best known boarding schools in the world. It's nowhere to be seen on his LinkedIn.

I went to one of the best private high schools in the country and the only reference of it on my linkedin (which I almost never use) is the school alumni user group. If that what PP is referring to, I don't see anything wrong with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please.

My parents did this, and it helped us build equity in a good investment. After a while we sold our first home and bought our second without any additional help.

It’s not different than any other advantages the well off have.

God, I'm so tired of these worthless adult children who cannot manage to eke out a living for themselves. It's so infuriating. My younger brother is the same way and it's definitely a generational crutch. I don't know how the boomers allowed their kids to make it into 30s and 40s while still supporting them. These "kids" are such a drain on the workforce because they cannot actually do things for themselves. They have no residency, no ingenuity, no resolve. They simple just ask mom and dad to open up their wallets and all their issues solved.

This is precisely why in hiring I look at where these kids went to HS. I want to know if they're part of the man-child class of kids who grew up with substantial wealth and privilege and are unable to leave the nest and make a living on their own. I don't want that class working for me.
Parents, we must do better by our kids. I know it's hard, but teach them how to make it themselves. Your kids will learn a lot through hardship. Even if you can afford more, make them work for it themselves. They will thank you for it in the end - and so will society.

What are you even talking about? Nobody puts their high school on their resume..especially in their 30s and 40s...

Also- many of my peers have had parental help w down payments because they went to grad school and have high paying jobs but didn’t start in them until late 20s / early 30s. Could they have waited and saved up? Sure. But parents chose to help out so their kids would be comfortable. So what? Also, it’s in part cultural. For many Asians, it’s a thing to buy your kids a house.

You clearly don’t know the elite private school crowd. Their HS is always on the resume/LinkedIn . It’s a sign of social class

really? this is a thing?

Uh no it’s not. You list your college but not your high school if you’re in your 30s/40s. I went to a top prep school on the west coast (think Harvard west lake) no one has this on their LinkedIn. I also just looked at friends who went to sidwell and other top east coast schools - no mention of HS. It comes up in conversation if you’re talking to someone from your area but this is not a normal thing that people do. But then again, we have real jobs so no one at this point gives two f’s what high school you went to.

+1. Have a friend who is actually European royalty and went to one of the best known boarding schools in the world. It's nowhere to be seen on his LinkedIn.

I went to one of the best private high schools in the country and the only reference of it on my linkedin (which I almost never use) is the school alumni user group. If that what PP is referring to, I don't see anything wrong with it.

I was under the impression PP was referring to listing one's prestigious high school under education. Maybe I misunderstood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if the parents are planning to leave substantial inheritances to their kids after they die, it’s probably better for them to gift it to them earlier in their children's lives when it will make a difference. Buying them a house is a totally reasonable thing to do if that’s the financial situation they’re in. And giving their children the flexibility to stay home and raise their kids if their kids want to chose to do that is a much better use of their money than waiting until they die and passing it on to retired children who have worked and possibly struggled their whole lives.

It is also better to gift them earlier because it saves on inheritance tax.

If you mean to say estate tax, that represents only a very small number of people as the threshold is around 11M.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting class study in this thread. It’s very middle class to think you have earn something. Upper class doesn’t view nepotism and social capital as a character flaw but rather a sign that you’re smart and successful and worthy of the benefits this gives you.

This. I have only seen people here talk so much about making it on their own with parental help and such. My parents love me and want to help me. I appreciate it. And then you pay it forward.

I have mixed feelings about it. I was raised in a poor immigrant family, spouse in a family that has been well off for a few generations. Nepotism is how all of my in laws got their jobs, and they all had help with housing costs. They definitely don't feel badly about it and I don't think that they should.

However, I'm doing just as well as my spouse's siblings career-wise, if not better, with zero help or connections, and we paid for our own house. I have to admit it does feel pretty good.

On the other hand, I plan to help my own children as much as I can. Including jobs and housing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting class study in this thread. It’s very middle class to think you have earn something. Upper class doesn’t view nepotism and social capital as a character flaw but rather a sign that you’re smart and successful and worthy of the benefits this gives you.

This. I have only seen people here talk so much about making it on their own with parental help and such. My parents love me and want to help me. I appreciate it. And then you pay it forward.

Aw man, guess my mom pissing my dad’s life insurance money away on cruises and gambling doesn’t love me, LOL ::dials therapist::

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting class study in this thread. It’s very middle class to think you have earn something. Upper class doesn’t view nepotism and social capital as a character flaw but rather a sign that you’re smart and successful and worthy of the benefits this gives you.

This. I have only seen people here talk so much about making it on their own with parental help and such. My parents love me and want to help me. I appreciate it. And then you pay it forward.

I have mixed feelings about it. I was raised in a poor immigrant family, spouse in a family that has been well off for a few generations. Nepotism is how all of my in laws got their jobs, and they all had help with housing costs. They definitely don't feel badly about it and I don't think that they should.

However, I'm doing just as well as my spouse's siblings career-wise, if not better, with zero help or connections, and we paid for our own house. I have to admit it does feel pretty good.

On the other hand, I plan to help my own children as much as I can. Including jobs and housing.

This is where my head is at. I didn't get any help from my folks for marriage, house, etc thus far. Have they been helpful in other ways? Of course. But from a money perspective, no and that's because there simply was not that much money. My mother is 75 and she just got an inheritance from her father that just passed away. I sure hope that I am not 75 before I get some passed down wealth. lol I'm not banking on it any time soon, but gosh, it sure would be helpful! In my mom's case, it should so happened that she came into some generational wealth but very late in life. My perspective on this is to help my kids somewhat with college and I'm not so sure how much I would help with a DP on a house. It would depend on how mature they are, etc. That said, I would love to start sharing SOME generational wealth with my kids when they are in their 20s and 30s, if at all possible because I know that although I was able to do it, overall cost of things these days is much higher and I acknlowedge that. I'm in my early 40s, btw.

[Anonymous]

People love comparing themselves to others on this forum. It’s bizarre, and quite sad really. Be happy with what you got and focus on your own life is my advice. There’s more to life than material things.

[Anonymous]

So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.