Can we talk about parents buying their adult children luxury homes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:News flash: life is easier when you have wealthy family.

More power to them, but if I hear one of these types going on and on about “bootstraps” I’ll punch them in the throat.

I don't want to ever hear someone who grew up wealthy with all the opportunities and a good education talk about how they are high achievers and self made success stories. What a joke!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I caught a lot of grief in another thread for saying that I bought a house in a highly desirable inner suburb for all cash and with no contingencies so my kid and spouse could rent from me. I did it because they were having trouble finding the perfect rental house (harder to find than apartments/condo rentals) but aren't looking to buy yet for a variety of reasons. I view it as a win/win situation -- a good investment for me, and a nice place with a good landlord for them. I'm not sure why people think people that others with a little bit of money are not supposed to help their kids out when they can. There's this assumption that if you do that you're spoiling the kids and that they don't appreciate it or understand "real life." That's a generalization that certainly doesn't apply to my family.

Simply put, why would parents with plenty of money sitting in the bank and with good relationships with hardworking and responsible adult children want/need to sit back and watch those children struggle to get into good housing when they can easily help without even feeling it? To build "character?" That assumes that the kids don't already have character, which is a very big assumption.

You got grief because you went into a thread about how heartbreaking it is not to be able to compete for properties in today’s market, due in a large part to all-cash investors, and helpfully shared the story of… how you bought an investment home for cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it's not new for parents to help their adult kids out with their first home financially but the number of parents I know buying their adult kids luxury homes is astounding. Has this become a new trend? I recently reunited with a few old friends from high school (we are now all in our early 30s and yes we grew up in expensive homes in a HCOL area) and a number of them have managed to buy 800K plus homes with their parents co-signing the mortgage because they would never be approved for it on their own. These people include a lawyer who put out a shingle and ekes out 65k a year, a friend who went to dental school and has the loans to prove it but upon graduation got married and pregnant and never practiced while her husband is a middle school teacher and an HR assistant at a fortune 500 company making 55k a year. I get helping your kids but why buy them such expensive houses when there salary would never justify it?

Not your kids, not your problem. You sound a little jealous! Not a good look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:News flash: life is easier when you have wealthy family.

More power to them, but if I hear one of these types going on and on about “bootstraps” I’ll punch them in the throat.

I don't want to ever hear someone who grew up wealthy with all the opportunities and a good education talk about how they are high achievers and self made success stories. What a joke!

I appreciate your lack of nuance.

Growing up wealthy and working hard aren't mutually exclusive. However, it's completely tone-deaf for people described in this thread to wonder out loud, "gee, what do you mean upward mobility is incredibly difficult without generational wealth and support? People just need to work harder!"

I don't mean going from growing up in the trailer park to a $100K/year job with health insurance and 401K. I mean making the moves required to become a member of what is essentially the ruling class in the U.S., the type of person who can drop 6-7 figures on homes for their children and grandchildren and not bat an eye.

It's easy to say "why not work harder?" when one didn't have to work and/or take out student loans to pay college tuition. Easy to say when you have family connections, or at minimum, family who can help you learn and navigate social and professional cues. Easy to say when you had a "normal" family (I know there are troubled wealthy families, too).

Wealth offers advantages beyond the financial, and it's disingenuous to pretend otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I caught a lot of grief in another thread for saying that I bought a house in a highly desirable inner suburb for all cash and with no contingencies so my kid and spouse could rent from me. I did it because they were having trouble finding the perfect rental house (harder to find than apartments/condo rentals) but aren't looking to buy yet for a variety of reasons. I view it as a win/win situation -- a good investment for me, and a nice place with a good landlord for them. I'm not sure why people think people that others with a little bit of money are not supposed to help their kids out when they can. There's this assumption that if you do that you're spoiling the kids and that they don't appreciate it or understand "real life." That's a generalization that certainly doesn't apply to my family.

Simply put, why would parents with plenty of money sitting in the bank and with good relationships with hardworking and responsible adult children want/need to sit back and watch those children struggle to get into good housing when they can easily help without even feeling it? To build "character?" That assumes that the kids don't already have character, which is a very big assumption.

You got grief because you went into a thread about how heartbreaking it is not to be able to compete for properties in today’s market, due in a large part to all-cash investors, and helpfully shared the story of… how you bought an investment home for cash.

That wasn't my intent, but it doesn't even matter. Posters turned on my kid with stereotypes and insults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

I don’t really think this is true, it’s more that when do you bring up an inheritance? You have to be pretty close to someone to tell them about your finances. Unless they lie about their job, it’s not misrepresenting anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

I don’t really think this is true, it’s more that when do you bring up an inheritance? You have to be pretty close to someone to tell them about your finances. Unless they lie about their job, it’s not misrepresenting anything.

If you know someone’s job and it doesn’t seem to match their spending or whatever, you can assume either they inherited it, they hit big on some investment (I have an uncle who’s rich just from his Apple stock), or they got some kind of settlement from an accident or something else bad. But they wouldn’t tell you about any of those unless you were pretty close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:800k is now a starter home cape

I know I’m like what luxury home can you buy for 800k?!?

Maybe if the down payment is 800k...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:800k is now a starter home cape

I know I’m like what luxury home can you buy for 800k?!?

Maybe if the down payment is 800k...

I paid 1.325 million my home. Which was a 45 year old home in good shape but still replaced most windows, sanded floors and painted a few rooms before move in. I put 750k down which qualified me a confirming mortgage and a somewhat reasonable mortgage payment.

My kids still call certain kids at school the “rich kids” you know 1.7 million to 3 million homes.

I am solidly middle class. I had rare occurrence of a large severance package (11 years with company) and a new job with relocation package. Stars aligned.

I only make 165k a year now. I am back to middle class.

Crypto, tech stocks, ipo money, parental money often ends up in real estate trade up homes.

My most funny one my friend took a job at Answerthink a late 1990s consulting IPO. He was a nobody.

Feb 2000 he sold 700k worth of shares and bought a beautiful home!! Answerthink went bankrupt one year later and his old job took him back. He paid cash.

Real estate for the middle class is considered safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

I don’t really think this is true, it’s more that when do you bring up an inheritance? You have to be pretty close to someone to tell them about your finances. Unless they lie about their job, it’s not misrepresenting anything.

I have a friend that is pretty open about the fact that he begged his grandparents for money for his ridiculously expensive house. In contrast my DH has a friend that bought a $3M house and sent out the Zillow link in an email to the entire friend circle and implied that it was all due to him being a SV hot shot. When it was actually an inheritance from his wife’s family. How is it tacky to not talk about inheritance but not to talk about how expensive your home is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I caught a lot of grief in another thread for saying that I bought a house in a highly desirable inner suburb for all cash and with no contingencies so my kid and spouse could rent from me. I did it because they were having trouble finding the perfect rental house (harder to find than apartments/condo rentals) but aren't looking to buy yet for a variety of reasons. I view it as a win/win situation -- a good investment for me, and a nice place with a good landlord for them. I'm not sure why people think people that others with a little bit of money are not supposed to help their kids out when they can. There's this assumption that if you do that you're spoiling the kids and that they don't appreciate it or understand "real life." That's a generalization that certainly doesn't apply to my family.

Simply put, why would parents with plenty of money sitting in the bank and with good relationships with hardworking and responsible adult children want/need to sit back and watch those children struggle to get into good housing when they can easily help without even feeling it? To build "character?" That assumes that the kids don't already have character, which is a very big assumption.

You got grief because you went into a thread about how heartbreaking it is not to be able to compete for properties in today’s market, due in a large part to all-cash investors, and helpfully shared the story of… how you bought an investment home for cash.

That wasn't my intent, but it doesn't even matter. Posters turned on my kid with stereotypes and insults.

DP. Doesn't actually matter what your intent was. This is an anonymous forum on the internet - no one cares about understanding your inner motivations. You came in, posted something tone deaf, and got dragged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please.

My parents did this, and it helped us build equity in a good investment. After a while we sold our first home and bought our second without any additional help.

It’s not different than any other advantages the well off have.

God, I'm so tired of these worthless adult children who cannot manage to eke out a living for themselves. It's so infuriating. My younger brother is the same way and it's definitely a generational crutch. I don't know how the boomers allowed their kids to make it into 30s and 40s while still supporting them. These "kids" are such a drain on the workforce because they cannot actually do things for themselves. They have no residency, no ingenuity, no resolve. They simple just ask mom and dad to open up their wallets and all their issues solved.

This is precisely why in hiring I look at where these kids went to HS. I want to know if they're part of the man-child class of kids who grew up with substantial wealth and privilege and are unable to leave the nest and make a living on their own. I don't want that class working for me.
Parents, we must do better by our kids. I know it's hard, but teach them how to make it themselves. Your kids will learn a lot through hardship. Even if you can afford more, make them work for it themselves. They will thank you for it in the end - and so will society.

What are you even talking about? Nobody puts their high school on their resume..especially in their 30s and 40s...

Also- many of my peers have had parental help w down payments because they went to grad school and have high paying jobs but didn’t start in them until late 20s / early 30s. Could they have waited and saved up? Sure. But parents chose to help out so their kids would be comfortable. So what? Also, it’s in part cultural. For many Asians, it’s a thing to buy your kids a house.

You clearly don’t know the elite private school crowd. Their HS is always on the resume/LinkedIn . It’s a sign of social class

really? this is a thing?

Uh no it’s not. You list your college but not your high school if you’re in your 30s/40s. I went to a top prep school on the west coast (think Harvard west lake) no one has this on their LinkedIn. I also just looked at friends who went to sidwell and other top east coast schools - no mention of HS. It comes up in conversation if you’re talking to someone from your area but this is not a normal thing that people do. But then again, we have real jobs so no one at this point gives two f’s what high school you went to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please.

My parents did this, and it helped us build equity in a good investment. After a while we sold our first home and bought our second without any additional help.

It’s not different than any other advantages the well off have.

God, I'm so tired of these worthless adult children who cannot manage to eke out a living for themselves. It's so infuriating. My younger brother is the same way and it's definitely a generational crutch. I don't know how the boomers allowed their kids to make it into 30s and 40s while still supporting them. These "kids" are such a drain on the workforce because they cannot actually do things for themselves. They have no residency, no ingenuity, no resolve. They simple just ask mom and dad to open up their wallets and all their issues solved.

This is precisely why in hiring I look at where these kids went to HS. I want to know if they're part of the man-child class of kids who grew up with substantial wealth and privilege and are unable to leave the nest and make a living on their own. I don't want that class working for me.
Parents, we must do better by our kids. I know it's hard, but teach them how to make it themselves. Your kids will learn a lot through hardship. Even if you can afford more, make them work for it themselves. They will thank you for it in the end - and so will society.

What are you even talking about? Nobody puts their high school on their resume..especially in their 30s and 40s...

Also- many of my peers have had parental help w down payments because they went to grad school and have high paying jobs but didn’t start in them until late 20s / early 30s. Could they have waited and saved up? Sure. But parents chose to help out so their kids would be comfortable. So what? Also, it’s in part cultural. For many Asians, it’s a thing to buy your kids a house.

You clearly don’t know the elite private school crowd. Their HS is always on the resume/LinkedIn . It’s a sign of social class

really? this is a thing?

Uh no it’s not. You list your college but not your high school if you’re in your 30s/40s. I went to a top prep school on the west coast (think Harvard west lake) no one has this on their LinkedIn. I also just looked at friends who went to sidwell and other top east coast schools - no mention of HS. It comes up in conversation if you’re talking to someone from your area but this is not a normal thing that people do. But then again, we have real jobs so no one at this point gives two f’s what high school you went to.

+1. Have a friend who is actually European royalty and went to one of the best known boarding schools in the world. It's nowhere to be seen on his LinkedIn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please.

My parents did this, and it helped us build equity in a good investment. After a while we sold our first home and bought our second without any additional help.

It’s not different than any other advantages the well off have.

God, I'm so tired of these worthless adult children who cannot manage to eke out a living for themselves. It's so infuriating. My younger brother is the same way and it's definitely a generational crutch. I don't know how the boomers allowed their kids to make it into 30s and 40s while still supporting them. These "kids" are such a drain on the workforce because they cannot actually do things for themselves. They have no residency, no ingenuity, no resolve. They simple just ask mom and dad to open up their wallets and all their issues solved.

This is precisely why in hiring I look at where these kids went to HS. I want to know if they're part of the man-child class of kids who grew up with substantial wealth and privilege and are unable to leave the nest and make a living on their own. I don't want that class working for me.
Parents, we must do better by our kids. I know it's hard, but teach them how to make it themselves. Your kids will learn a lot through hardship. Even if you can afford more, make them work for it themselves. They will thank you for it in the end - and so will society.

What are you even talking about? Nobody puts their high school on their resume..especially in their 30s and 40s...

Also- many of my peers have had parental help w down payments because they went to grad school and have high paying jobs but didn’t start in them until late 20s / early 30s. Could they have waited and saved up? Sure. But parents chose to help out so their kids would be comfortable. So what? Also, it’s in part cultural. For many Asians, it’s a thing to buy your kids a house.

You clearly don’t know the elite private school crowd. Their HS is always on the resume/LinkedIn . It’s a sign of social class

really? this is a thing?

Uh no it’s not. You list your college but not your high school if you’re in your 30s/40s. I went to a top prep school on the west coast (think Harvard west lake) no one has this on their LinkedIn. I also just looked at friends who went to sidwell and other top east coast schools - no mention of HS. It comes up in conversation if you’re talking to someone from your area but this is not a normal thing that people do. But then again, we have real jobs so no one at this point gives two f’s what high school you went to.

+1. Have a friend who is actually European royalty and went to one of the best known boarding schools in the world. It's nowhere to be seen on his LinkedIn.

(P.S. don't come for me, I'm DCUM poor, this is a friend from university)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I caught a lot of grief in another thread for saying that I bought a house in a highly desirable inner suburb for all cash and with no contingencies so my kid and spouse could rent from me. I did it because they were having trouble finding the perfect rental house (harder to find than apartments/condo rentals) but aren't looking to buy yet for a variety of reasons. I view it as a win/win situation -- a good investment for me, and a nice place with a good landlord for them. I'm not sure why people think people that others with a little bit of money are not supposed to help their kids out when they can. There's this assumption that if you do that you're spoiling the kids and that they don't appreciate it or understand "real life." That's a generalization that certainly doesn't apply to my family.

Simply put, why would parents with plenty of money sitting in the bank and with good relationships with hardworking and responsible adult children want/need to sit back and watch those children struggle to get into good housing when they can easily help without even feeling it? To build "character?" That assumes that the kids don't already have character, which is a very big assumption.

You got grief because you went into a thread about how heartbreaking it is not to be able to compete for properties in today’s market, due in a large part to all-cash investors, and helpfully shared the story of… how you bought an investment home for cash.

That wasn't my intent, but it doesn't even matter. Posters turned on my kid with stereotypes and insults.

Someone did the same thing for her (unemployed) son and his (unemployed) baby mama in our neighborhood. They've since trashed the exterior of the house and have made enemies of their neighbors. I'm sure your child is different, but it can be frustrating to have these 'failed to launch' children thrust into our neighborhoods and lives.