In what nuanced ways did you NOT realize you had white privilege?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t driving cross country with my kids and, on a long flat stretch in Kansas, I got pulled over doing 90 in a 65 zone. When the cop came to the window, I rummaged around in the pile of coats and garbage on the passenger seat for my wallet and never though once that he could have pulled a gun on me or hauled me out of the car. I got a ticket for going 75 in a 65 and a kind admonishment to pay attention.

Meant to say “was” driving cross country , obviously. Forgot to mention that I was 6 weeks out from a boob job too, so I had some of that big boob privilege going in addition to the white privilege I was born with.

This is a serious reach. Now you’re just looking for ways to flagellate yourself. Big boob privilege? Please.

I disagree. As a black man, I can say that the chances of me being able to aimlessly rummage around a pile of stuff in my car for my wallet without a cop pulling out his weapon would be low.

Ok but how many white women carry guns and shoot cops, and how many black men do? Prejudice comes from generalizations derived from real statistical differences. I don’t think the prejudice will change until the underlying statistical differences begin to change, sadly.

Agree. This is an uncomfortable fact.

+10000. Until blacks start to change as a community nothing will change, doesn't matter how much people scream in the streets. Unfortunately that means the good black people get stuck being stereotyped with the bad black people but that's who humans work. You know why Indians or Chinese or whoever don't have these issues? Bc when cops or even regular people walking around at night see them -- in their mind they're thinking hmm x% chance this guy is a dr or IT coming home from work, not x% chance this guy has a gun or a warrant out for his arrest or his high so I better be careful. Unfortunate but that's how society works in America if you're not white (which I'm not) -- the behaviors of your community set a perception for your entire community, whether you are engaging in said behavior or not. Not saying it SHOULD be this way, but that's how it IS and no amount of protesting will change that. Maybe consider some focus on education and uplifting your communities and less focus on guns and drugs.

So then you are OK with me lumping you in with the racist white people. Got it.

I'm not white, but yeah lump me in with the racists. We're the only ones how have some common sense on this issue and see some need for personal responsibility. If that's racist, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprisingly tv sitcoms like "Friends" and "Seinfeld" were set it NYC. Yet the cast never had any black or Hispanic friends. Ever. Not even a token black or Hispanic date, since they were all single. They did have a lesbian couple.

I lived in NYC as a single white person during that time period.

There were black clubs like Bentleys, Spanish Clubs like Tropicana, Greek Clubs in Astoria, Guido Clubs in Brooklyn, Irish off the boat bars etc.

Nearly all my friends were white. All my friends lived in a Manhattan. How it was. I had black friends from work or go to game with. But coffee shops and bars full of white girls from Long Island not their think.

We even had Jewish white clubs

NP: I don't think anyone is questioning that it is POSSIBLE to live an almost exclusively white life in NYC during this time period -- I think the "surprise" is that multiple people must have made multiple decisions for two long-running TV shows to reflect this. NYC is an extremely diverse city. It takes willfulness and work to create long-running shows that ignore this characteristic diversity. So, while it is possible -- as you point out -- to lead an ethnically or racially segregated life in NYC, it also makes sense to wonder why and how the decisions to reflect and market this were made

Single Black person who lived and worked in Manhattan for 15 years.

Um it's possible to live an exclusively white life in NYC NOW let alone in the 90s. I lived there from 2005-2015 in Manhattan. Worked in finance, lived in midtown. Not one single black friend from that time in my life. Where would I have met them? I worked 24-7 so the deepest friendships came from work not from hobbies or anything like that; and then there were some friends from college/b school that you'd hang with. No black friends from college/b school as there were minimal #s in both of my ivy schools and those that were there while nice ONLY ever hung out with each other unless they were forced to work on a group project with others; they'd never socially hang out or live outside their black group. In 10 yrs at work in NYC finance had exactly 3 black coworkers. Liked all of them but 1 was very quiet and kept to himself -- would almost never come out for drinks with us etc. and when he did he was politely distant; IDK if he felt uncomfortable or what but no one was gonna ask - hey are we being racist - bc we weren't; he ultimately left the firm after a 3-4 yr stint. The other 2 ended up dating and marrying each other so they ONLY ever wanted to hang out with each other to the point where they'd even sit together during dumb lunch meetings and it felt pretty clear they didn't want other around; they both also left within 5 yrs. Outside of that no blacks in the professional ranks -- not suggesting you couldn't be friends with secretaries but they all tended to be age 50+ so it wasn't the most obvious friend group when you were 25. Day to day the only blacks and hispanics you'd see would be the people working at Pret or Sbux.

PP: You probably noticed the first sentence of my comment. Of course it's possible. I am Black. I attended NYU and Yale. I had white friends. I had black friends. I had Jewish friends. I had Christian friends. I had Hindu friends. I had Asian friends. I had straight friends and gay friends. I had black friends who were immigrants. I even had a few friends who worked in finance and many friends who are lawyers. But none of this is what my comment is about. My comment is about how media selectively represents diverse environments. And I am inviting anyone who is interested to wonder why that might be.

As a more personal aside, I worked and studied and played hard when I lived in NYC. Since you worked in finance, I'm guessing that you're not joking when you say that you worked 24/7. I just want to say that the NYC that I lived in was vibrant and complex and wonderful and diverse in many ways -- and I hope that you got to enjoy it while you lived there.

[Anonymous]

I have not read all the previous responses, but the first time I really and truly saw it and recognized it as it was happening was when I was in my early 30s. I - white gal - went shopping with a black girlfriend in a nice area of town. We were both Mary Tyler Moore types - well-mannered, well-dressed, well-educated "single gals on the go" with excellent credit and money in the bank.

My friend and I walked into a small shop where three white gals were shopping together. As soon as they saw us, they grabbed their purses and tried to move as far away from us as the space would allow. It was shocking and unmistakable and the first time anything like that had happened to me.

Of course, over 20 years of friendship with that black friend (and others) I've gotten a much broader glimpse into the big and small ways that privilege (and discrimination) shows itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprisingly tv sitcoms like "Friends" and "Seinfeld" were set it NYC. Yet the cast never had any black or Hispanic friends. Ever. Not even a token black or Hispanic date, since they were all single. They did have a lesbian couple.

I lived in NYC as a single white person during that time period.

There were black clubs like Bentleys, Spanish Clubs like Tropicana, Greek Clubs in Astoria, Guido Clubs in Brooklyn, Irish off the boat bars etc.

Nearly all my friends were white. All my friends lived in a Manhattan. How it was. I had black friends from work or go to game with. But coffee shops and bars full of white girls from Long Island not their think.

We even had Jewish white clubs

NP: I don't think anyone is questioning that it is POSSIBLE to live an almost exclusively white life in NYC during this time period -- I think the "surprise" is that multiple people must have made multiple decisions for two long-running TV shows to reflect this. NYC is an extremely diverse city. It takes willfulness and work to create long-running shows that ignore this characteristic diversity. So, while it is possible -- as you point out -- to lead an ethnically or racially segregated life in NYC, it also makes sense to wonder why and how the decisions to reflect and market this were made

Single Black person who lived and worked in Manhattan for 15 years.

Um it's possible to live an exclusively white life in NYC NOW let alone in the 90s. I lived there from 2005-2015 in Manhattan. Worked in finance, lived in midtown. Not one single black friend from that time in my life. Where would I have met them? I worked 24-7 so the deepest friendships came from work not from hobbies or anything like that; and then there were some friends from college/b school that you'd hang with. No black friends from college/b school as there were minimal #s in both of my ivy schools and those that were there while nice ONLY ever hung out with each other unless they were forced to work on a group project with others; they'd never socially hang out or live outside their black group. In 10 yrs at work in NYC finance had exactly 3 black coworkers. Liked all of them but 1 was very quiet and kept to himself -- would almost never come out for drinks with us etc. and when he did he was politely distant; IDK if he felt uncomfortable or what but no one was gonna ask - hey are we being racist - bc we weren't; he ultimately left the firm after a 3-4 yr stint. The other 2 ended up dating and marrying each other so they ONLY ever wanted to hang out with each other to the point where they'd even sit together during dumb lunch meetings and it felt pretty clear they didn't want other around; they both also left within 5 yrs. Outside of that no blacks in the professional ranks -- not suggesting you couldn't be friends with secretaries but they all tended to be age 50+ so it wasn't the most obvious friend group when you were 25. Day to day the only blacks and hispanics you'd see would be the people working at Pret or Sbux.

PP: You probably noticed the first sentence of my comment. Of course it's possible. I am Black. I attended NYU and Yale. I had white friends. I had black friends. I had Jewish friends. I had Christian friends. I had Hindu friends. I had Asian friends. I had straight friends and gay friends. I had black friends who were immigrants. I even had a few friends who worked in finance and many friends who are lawyers. But none of this is what my comment is about. My comment is about how media selectively represents diverse environments. And I am inviting anyone who is interested to wonder why that might be.

As a more personal aside, I worked and studied and played hard when I lived in NYC. Since you worked in finance, I'm guessing that you're not joking when you say that you worked 24/7. I just want to say that the NYC that I lived in was vibrant and complex and wonderful and diverse in many ways -- and I hope that you got to enjoy it while you lived there.

Def liked living there but did not really "explore" it beyond the superficial ways. Sure there were lots of weekends spent wandering the neighborhoods and the street festivals etc. but the fact that I left there with 100% finance friends and not a single friend in say theater or media or whatever -- who undoubtedly would have brought a different viewpoint and level of diversity to my life -- makes me feel now that I didn't get 100% out of it when I lived there bc it was very much go to work, come home and crash, and keep making $$$$. I'm very glad I did it but I'd advise a junior banker moving there to do it a bit differently ESP if they know they don't want to stay forever and only have x years to get what they can out of the experience bc it really is an experience you can't replicate anywhere else in the US. I think mine is the NYC experience of a lot of people (not all) in finance, biglaw etc. -- it is so much about work and $$ that you ignore how awesome an experience it is to be able to live there whether for 2 yrs or 10 yrs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not read all the previous responses, but the first time I really and truly saw it and recognized it as it was happening was when I was in my early 30s. I - white gal - went shopping with a black girlfriend in a nice area of town. We were both Mary Tyler Moore types - well-mannered, well-dressed, well-educated "single gals on the go" with excellent credit and money in the bank.

My friend and I walked into a small shop where three white gals were shopping together. As soon as they saw us, they grabbed their purses and tried to move as far away from us as the space would allow. It was shocking and unmistakable and the first time anything like that had happened to me.

Of course, over 20 years of friendship with that black friend (and others) I've gotten a much broader glimpse into the big and small ways that privilege (and discrimination) shows itself.

I'm positive it happened but I just cannot imagine it or why. I cannot imagine being in a small store shopping and a black woman comes in with her white friend or by herself or with her black friends and they clearly belong in terms of look and attire just like everyone else in the shop and I suddenly clutch my purse or leave?? I mean I'd assume they were there to . . . shop?? I always felt like you looked for people who looked out of place in an area before you got nervous -- not out of place bc of color but bc they were a creepy man leering in a lingerie shop or a family with 5 unruly kids and strollers in a shop with breakable glassware or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t driving cross country with my kids and, on a long flat stretch in Kansas, I got pulled over doing 90 in a 65 zone. When the cop came to the window, I rummaged around in the pile of coats and garbage on the passenger seat for my wallet and never though once that he could have pulled a gun on me or hauled me out of the car. I got a ticket for going 75 in a 65 and a kind admonishment to pay attention.

Meant to say “was” driving cross country , obviously. Forgot to mention that I was 6 weeks out from a boob job too, so I had some of that big boob privilege going in addition to the white privilege I was born with.

This is a serious reach. Now you’re just looking for ways to flagellate yourself. Big boob privilege? Please.

I disagree. As a black man, I can say that the chances of me being able to aimlessly rummage around a pile of stuff in my car for my wallet without a cop pulling out his weapon would be low.

Ok but how many white women carry guns and shoot cops, and how many black men do? Prejudice comes from generalizations derived from real statistical differences. I don’t think the prejudice will change until the underlying statistical differences begin to change, sadly.

Agree. This is an uncomfortable fact.

+10000. Until blacks start to change as a community nothing will change, doesn't matter how much people scream in the streets. Unfortunately that means the good black people get stuck being stereotyped with the bad black people but that's who humans work. You know why Indians or Chinese or whoever don't have these issues? Bc when cops or even regular people walking around at night see them -- in their mind they're thinking hmm x% chance this guy is a dr or IT coming home from work, not x% chance this guy has a gun or a warrant out for his arrest or his high so I better be careful. Unfortunate but that's how society works in America if you're not white (which I'm not) -- the behaviors of your community set a perception for your entire community, whether you are engaging in said behavior or not. Not saying it SHOULD be this way, but that's how it IS and no amount of protesting will change that. Maybe consider some focus on education and uplifting your communities and less focus on guns and drugs.

So on that same note, should we now stereotype white teenage boys as mass shooters? They have (pretty much - nothing's absolute) exclusively committed mass shootings and almost ALWAYS are kept alive after they destroy so many lives (unless they kill themselves). Why is that? If stereotypes make someone deserving of worse treatment, why are teenage white boys not shot on the spot when encountered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t driving cross country with my kids and, on a long flat stretch in Kansas, I got pulled over doing 90 in a 65 zone. When the cop came to the window, I rummaged around in the pile of coats and garbage on the passenger seat for my wallet and never though once that he could have pulled a gun on me or hauled me out of the car. I got a ticket for going 75 in a 65 and a kind admonishment to pay attention.

Meant to say “was” driving cross country , obviously. Forgot to mention that I was 6 weeks out from a boob job too, so I had some of that big boob privilege going in addition to the white privilege I was born with.

This is a serious reach. Now you’re just looking for ways to flagellate yourself. Big boob privilege? Please.

I disagree. As a black man, I can say that the chances of me being able to aimlessly rummage around a pile of stuff in my car for my wallet without a cop pulling out his weapon would be low.

Ok but how many white women carry guns and shoot cops, and how many black men do? Prejudice comes from generalizations derived from real statistical differences. I don’t think the prejudice will change until the underlying statistical differences begin to change, sadly.

Agree. This is an uncomfortable fact.

+10000. Until blacks start to change as a community nothing will change, doesn't matter how much people scream in the streets. Unfortunately that means the good black people get stuck being stereotyped with the bad black people but that's who humans work. You know why Indians or Chinese or whoever don't have these issues? Bc when cops or even regular people walking around at night see them -- in their mind they're thinking hmm x% chance this guy is a dr or IT coming home from work, not x% chance this guy has a gun or a warrant out for his arrest or his high so I better be careful. Unfortunate but that's how society works in America if you're not white (which I'm not) -- the behaviors of your community set a perception for your entire community, whether you are engaging in said behavior or not. Not saying it SHOULD be this way, but that's how it IS and no amount of protesting will change that. Maybe consider some focus on education and uplifting your communities and less focus on guns and drugs.

So then you are OK with me lumping you in with the racist white people. Got it.

I'm not white, but yeah lump me in with the racists. We're the only ones how have some common sense on this issue and see some need for personal responsibility. If that's racist, so be it.

Thanks for having the courage to share your unpopular opinion. I agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t driving cross country with my kids and, on a long flat stretch in Kansas, I got pulled over doing 90 in a 65 zone. When the cop came to the window, I rummaged around in the pile of coats and garbage on the passenger seat for my wallet and never though once that he could have pulled a gun on me or hauled me out of the car. I got a ticket for going 75 in a 65 and a kind admonishment to pay attention.

Meant to say “was” driving cross country , obviously. Forgot to mention that I was 6 weeks out from a boob job too, so I had some of that big boob privilege going in addition to the white privilege I was born with.

This is a serious reach. Now you’re just looking for ways to flagellate yourself. Big boob privilege? Please.

I disagree. As a black man, I can say that the chances of me being able to aimlessly rummage around a pile of stuff in my car for my wallet without a cop pulling out his weapon would be low.

Ok but how many white women carry guns and shoot cops, and how many black men do? Prejudice comes from generalizations derived from real statistical differences. I don’t think the prejudice will change until the underlying statistical differences begin to change, sadly.

Agree. This is an uncomfortable fact.

+10000. Until blacks start to change as a community nothing will change, doesn't matter how much people scream in the streets. Unfortunately that means the good black people get stuck being stereotyped with the bad black people but that's who humans work. You know why Indians or Chinese or whoever don't have these issues? Bc when cops or even regular people walking around at night see them -- in their mind they're thinking hmm x% chance this guy is a dr or IT coming home from work, not x% chance this guy has a gun or a warrant out for his arrest or his high so I better be careful. Unfortunate but that's how society works in America if you're not white (which I'm not) -- the behaviors of your community set a perception for your entire community, whether you are engaging in said behavior or not. Not saying it SHOULD be this way, but that's how it IS and no amount of protesting will change that. Maybe consider some focus on education and uplifting your communities and less focus on guns and drugs.

I completely agree with this. I want to see us come together to face this uncomfortable reality in our community. Other black people feel this way, and I've had many conversations with my friends about this. But we dare not voice our opinion to a lot of other black people. Instant Uncle Toms, insert whatever other name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me , my patients trust me more. It probably took me about 6 months into my career before a co-worker was complaining about it. It never occurred to me that those of another race would face difficulty, especially with the elderly population. Now it is something I notice and holy crap it is so prevalent.

I trust Indian doctors more than white doctors. They are more studious and take school more seriously. They are less materialistic.

I don’t as they are way less educated. In India you don’t even need a college degree to be a doctor. They go straight from HS to Medical School.

It’s the same in Europe. Does that mean you find European doctors less educated?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Single Black person who lived and worked in Manhattan for 15 years.

Um it's possible to live an exclusively white life in NYC NOW let alone in the 90s. I lived there from 2005-2015 in Manhattan. Worked in finance, lived in midtown. Not one single black friend from that time in my life. Where would I have met them? I worked 24-7 so the deepest friendships came from work not from hobbies or anything like that; and then there were some friends from college/b school that you'd hang with. No black friends from college/b school as there were minimal #s in both of my ivy schools and those that were there while nice ONLY ever hung out with each other unless they were forced to work on a group project with others; they'd never socially hang out or live outside their black group. In 10 yrs at work in NYC finance had exactly 3 black coworkers. Liked all of them but 1 was very quiet and kept to himself -- would almost never come out for drinks with us etc. and when he did he was politely distant; IDK if he felt uncomfortable or what but no one was gonna ask - hey are we being racist - bc we weren't; he ultimately left the firm after a 3-4 yr stint. The other 2 ended up dating and marrying each other so they ONLY ever wanted to hang out with each other to the point where they'd even sit together during dumb lunch meetings and it felt pretty clear they didn't want other around; they both also left within 5 yrs. Outside of that no blacks in the professional ranks -- not suggesting you couldn't be friends with secretaries but they all tended to be age 50+ so it wasn't the most obvious friend group when you were 25. Day to day the only blacks and hispanics you'd see would be the people working at Pret or Sbux.

PP: You probably noticed the first sentence of my comment. Of course it's possible. I am Black. I attended NYU and Yale. I had white friends. I had black friends. I had Jewish friends. I had Christian friends. I had Hindu friends. I had Asian friends. I had straight friends and gay friends. I had black friends who were immigrants. I even had a few friends who worked in finance and many friends who are lawyers. But none of this is what my comment is about. My comment is about how media selectively represents diverse environments. And I am inviting anyone who is interested to wonder why that might be.

As a more personal aside, I worked and studied and played hard when I lived in NYC. Since you worked in finance, I'm guessing that you're not joking when you say that you worked 24/7. I just want to say that the NYC that I lived in was vibrant and complex and wonderful and diverse in many ways -- and I hope that you got to enjoy it while you lived there.




Def liked living there but did not really "explore" it beyond the superficial ways. Sure there were lots of weekends spent wandering the neighborhoods and the street festivals etc. but the fact that I left there with 100% finance friends and not a single friend in say theater or media or whatever -- who undoubtedly would have brought a different viewpoint and level of diversity to my life -- makes me feel now that I didn't get 100% out of it when I lived there bc it was very much go to work, come home and crash, and keep making $$$$. I'm very glad I did it but I'd advise a junior banker moving there to do it a bit differently ESP if they know they don't want to stay forever and only have x years to get what they can out of the experience bc it really is an experience you can't replicate anywhere else in the US. I think mine is the NYC experience of a lot of people (not all) in finance, biglaw etc. -- it is so much about work and $$ that you ignore how awesome an experience it is to be able to live there whether for 2 yrs or 10 yrs.


I'm glad that you got to enjoy some of it! And Your NYC experience was very different from mine. I got my doctorate at NYU -- so many of my friends were academics and students - from law school and med school to architecture and even museum studies. I lived in the Village, in Chelsea, and on the UWS -- so while I was surrounded by academics, I also had writers and an artist among my many roommates over the years, and, both in these neighborhoods and at jobs. met people from a wide variety of backgrounds. I have a close friend in finance -- and I got a tiny taste of life on that scale too. I think what I treasure about my NYC years is how very much at home I felt there, and how everyone I met gave me a deeper sense of what the world is like beyond my own personal experiences. I really miss living there! Thanks much for sharing your experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read all the previous responses, but the first time I really and truly saw it and recognized it as it was happening was when I was in my early 30s. I - white gal - went shopping with a black girlfriend in a nice area of town. We were both Mary Tyler Moore types - well-mannered, well-dressed, well-educated "single gals on the go" with excellent credit and money in the bank.

My friend and I walked into a small shop where three white gals were shopping together. As soon as they saw us, they grabbed their purses and tried to move as far away from us as the space would allow. It was shocking and unmistakable and the first time anything like that had happened to me.

Of course, over 20 years of friendship with that black friend (and others) I've gotten a much broader glimpse into the big and small ways that privilege (and discrimination) shows itself.

I'm positive it happened but I just cannot imagine it or why. I cannot imagine being in a small store shopping and a black woman comes in with her white friend or by herself or with her black friends and they clearly belong in terms of look and attire just like everyone else in the shop and I suddenly clutch my purse or leave?? I mean I'd assume they were there to . . . shop?? I always felt like you looked for people who looked out of place in an area before you got nervous -- not out of place bc of color but bc they were a creepy man leering in a lingerie shop or a family with 5 unruly kids and strollers in a shop with breakable glassware or whatever.

I'm a Black woman. For most of my life I have accurately looked very nerdy. I'm the kind of person that tells a cashier things like: "I think you've given me Six dollars too much." And I have been followed by security guards, and repeatedly asked if I "need help" -- while sales associates follow me around the store. The other thing that has happened multiple times is that -- and it has always been white women who do this -- I have been asked if I work there, or I have been asked to help them. This has happened to me even when I've been wearing a winter coat and clutching bags. Despite this, I still love to shop. And I have practiced asking: "Why do you think I work here?" after having this happen 20 too many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t driving cross country with my kids and, on a long flat stretch in Kansas, I got pulled over doing 90 in a 65 zone. When the cop came to the window, I rummaged around in the pile of coats and garbage on the passenger seat for my wallet and never though once that he could have pulled a gun on me or hauled me out of the car. I got a ticket for going 75 in a 65 and a kind admonishment to pay attention.

Meant to say “was” driving cross country , obviously. Forgot to mention that I was 6 weeks out from a boob job too, so I had some of that big boob privilege going in addition to the white privilege I was born with.

This is a serious reach. Now you’re just looking for ways to flagellate yourself. Big boob privilege? Please.

I disagree. As a black man, I can say that the chances of me being able to aimlessly rummage around a pile of stuff in my car for my wallet without a cop pulling out his weapon would be low.

Ok but how many white women carry guns and shoot cops, and how many black men do? Prejudice comes from generalizations derived from real statistical differences. I don’t think the prejudice will change until the underlying statistical differences begin to change, sadly.

Agree. This is an uncomfortable fact.

+10000. Until blacks start to change as a community nothing will change, doesn't matter how much people scream in the streets. Unfortunately that means the good black people get stuck being stereotyped with the bad black people but that's who humans work. You know why Indians or Chinese or whoever don't have these issues? Bc when cops or even regular people walking around at night see them -- in their mind they're thinking hmm x% chance this guy is a dr or IT coming home from work, not x% chance this guy has a gun or a warrant out for his arrest or his high so I better be careful. Unfortunate but that's how society works in America if you're not white (which I'm not) -- the behaviors of your community set a perception for your entire community, whether you are engaging in said behavior or not. Not saying it SHOULD be this way, but that's how it IS and no amount of protesting will change that. Maybe consider some focus on education and uplifting your communities and less focus on guns and drugs.

Correction: Until society starts to respect Blacks as individuals whose individual lives matter and not as a collective of violent criminals nothing will change.

What’s the argument that’s always made when it comes to cops? That they’re not all bad just a few bad apples so show em some respect and appreciation for the good that they do. Well the same argument applies to Blacks. They’re not all bad just a few bad apples so show em some respect and appreciation for the good that they do.

I don’t care what assumptions about Blacks the stats support, it’s not cool at all to pass judgment on an entire group of 40+ million people....the vast majority of which are hard-working, law-abiding, decent human beings whose lives do matter...just because its 2 million of em get mixed up in crime and violence.

How in the hell do you sound trying to justify treating that 95% of good people like shit because of what 5% of em get caught up in? How the hell do you sound saying that until Blacks do something about that 5% that it’s okay to keep treating them all like shit? That’s awful.

Every race and religion and ethnicity and culture and class in this mixing pot country of ours has their fair share of bad people and their share of negative beliefs/stereotypes associated with their group as a result. But no other race or religion or ethnicity or culture or class has to deal with their very lives being devalued as a result of those bad members of their group and the negative beliefs/stereotypes that are associated with them.

No other race or religion or ethnicity or culture or class has to contend with the finality of death as a result of the few bad members of their group and the negative beliefs/stereotypes that are associated with them. I have yet to see a Catholic priest or an awkward loner pulled aside and put in a chokehold or have a gun drawn on them for no reason despite their heinous and dangerous reputations as pedophiles and serial killers. And if you think child molestation and mass murder aren’t serious or violent crimes or worthy of the public and the police considering them a danger to the public you are a sick f%ck.

Maybe the homeless are similarly devalued as individuals and in constant immediate danger...maybe. But still even a white homeless guy has a certain privilege that provides protection in a confrontation with the police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t driving cross country with my kids and, on a long flat stretch in Kansas, I got pulled over doing 90 in a 65 zone. When the cop came to the window, I rummaged around in the pile of coats and garbage on the passenger seat for my wallet and never though once that he could have pulled a gun on me or hauled me out of the car. I got a ticket for going 75 in a 65 and a kind admonishment to pay attention.

Meant to say “was” driving cross country , obviously. Forgot to mention that I was 6 weeks out from a boob job too, so I had some of that big boob privilege going in addition to the white privilege I was born with.

This is a serious reach. Now you’re just looking for ways to flagellate yourself. Big boob privilege? Please.

I disagree. As a black man, I can say that the chances of me being able to aimlessly rummage around a pile of stuff in my car for my wallet without a cop pulling out his weapon would be low.

Ok but how many white women carry guns and shoot cops, and how many black men do? Prejudice comes from generalizations derived from real statistical differences. I don’t think the prejudice will change until the underlying statistical differences begin to change, sadly.

Agree. This is an uncomfortable fact.

+10000. Until blacks start to change as a community nothing will change, doesn't matter how much people scream in the streets. Unfortunately that means the good black people get stuck being stereotyped with the bad black people but that's who humans work. You know why Indians or Chinese or whoever don't have these issues? Bc when cops or even regular people walking around at night see them -- in their mind they're thinking hmm x% chance this guy is a dr or IT coming home from work, not x% chance this guy has a gun or a warrant out for his arrest or his high so I better be careful. Unfortunate but that's how society works in America if you're not white (which I'm not) -- the behaviors of your community set a perception for your entire community, whether you are engaging in said behavior or not. Not saying it SHOULD be this way, but that's how it IS and no amount of protesting will change that. Maybe consider some focus on education and uplifting your communities and less focus on guns and drugs.

Correction: Until society starts to respect Blacks as individuals whose individual lives matter and not as a collective of violent criminals nothing will change.

What’s the argument that’s always made when it comes to cops? That they’re not all bad just a few bad apples so show em some respect and appreciation for the good that they do. Well the same argument applies to Blacks. They’re not all bad just a few bad apples so show em some respect and appreciation for the good that they do.

I don’t care what assumptions about Blacks the stats support, it’s not cool at all to pass judgment on an entire group of 40+ million people....the vast majority of which are hard-working, law-abiding, decent human beings whose lives do matter...just because its 2 million of em get mixed up in crime and violence.

How in the hell do you sound trying to justify treating that 95% of good people like shit because of what 5% of em get caught up in? How the hell do you sound saying that until Blacks do something about that 5% that it’s okay to keep treating them all like shit? That’s awful.

Every race and religion and ethnicity and culture and class in this mixing pot country of ours has their fair share of bad people and their share of negative beliefs/stereotypes associated with their group as a result. But no other race or religion or ethnicity or culture or class has to deal with their very lives being devalued as a result of those bad members of their group and the negative beliefs/stereotypes that are associated with them.

No other race or religion or ethnicity or culture or class has to contend with the finality of death as a result of the few bad members of their group and the negative beliefs/stereotypes that are associated with them. I have yet to see a Catholic priest or an awkward loner pulled aside and put in a chokehold or have a gun drawn on them for no reason despite their heinous and dangerous reputations as pedophiles and serial killers. And if you think child molestation and mass murder aren’t serious or violent crimes or worthy of the public and the police considering them a danger to the public you are a sick f%ck.

Maybe the homeless are similarly devalued as individuals and in constant immediate danger...maybe. But still even a white homeless guy has a certain privilege that provides protection in a confrontation with the police.

So very well said. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t driving cross country with my kids and, on a long flat stretch in Kansas, I got pulled over doing 90 in a 65 zone. When the cop came to the window, I rummaged around in the pile of coats and garbage on the passenger seat for my wallet and never though once that he could have pulled a gun on me or hauled me out of the car. I got a ticket for going 75 in a 65 and a kind admonishment to pay attention.

Meant to say “was” driving cross country , obviously. Forgot to mention that I was 6 weeks out from a boob job too, so I had some of that big boob privilege going in addition to the white privilege I was born with.

This is a serious reach. Now you’re just looking for ways to flagellate yourself. Big boob privilege? Please.

I disagree. As a black man, I can say that the chances of me being able to aimlessly rummage around a pile of stuff in my car for my wallet without a cop pulling out his weapon would be low.

Ok but how many white women carry guns and shoot cops, and how many black men do? Prejudice comes from generalizations derived from real statistical differences. I don’t think the prejudice will change until the underlying statistical differences begin to change, sadly.

Agree. This is an uncomfortable fact.

+10000. Until blacks start to change as a community nothing will change, doesn't matter how much people scream in the streets. Unfortunately that means the good black people get stuck being stereotyped with the bad black people but that's who humans work. You know why Indians or Chinese or whoever don't have these issues? Bc when cops or even regular people walking around at night see them -- in their mind they're thinking hmm x% chance this guy is a dr or IT coming home from work, not x% chance this guy has a gun or a warrant out for his arrest or his high so I better be careful. Unfortunate but that's how society works in America if you're not white (which I'm not) -- the behaviors of your community set a perception for your entire community, whether you are engaging in said behavior or not. Not saying it SHOULD be this way, but that's how it IS and no amount of protesting will change that. Maybe consider some focus on education and uplifting your communities and less focus on guns and drugs.

Correction: Until society starts to respect Blacks as individuals whose individual lives matter and not as a collective of violent criminals nothing will change.

What’s the argument that’s always made when it comes to cops? That they’re not all bad just a few bad apples so show em some respect and appreciation for the good that they do. Well the same argument applies to Blacks. They’re not all bad just a few bad apples so show em some respect and appreciation for the good that they do.

I don’t care what assumptions about Blacks the stats support, it’s not cool at all to pass judgment on an entire group of 40+ million people....the vast majority of which are hard-working, law-abiding, decent human beings whose lives do matter...just because its 2 million of em get mixed up in crime and violence.

How in the hell do you sound trying to justify treating that 95% of good people like shit because of what 5% of em get caught up in? How the hell do you sound saying that until Blacks do something about that 5% that it’s okay to keep treating them all like shit? That’s awful.

Every race and religion and ethnicity and culture and class in this mixing pot country of ours has their fair share of bad people and their share of negative beliefs/stereotypes associated with their group as a result. But no other race or religion or ethnicity or culture or class has to deal with their very lives being devalued as a result of those bad members of their group and the negative beliefs/stereotypes that are associated with them.

No other race or religion or ethnicity or culture or class has to contend with the finality of death as a result of the few bad members of their group and the negative beliefs/stereotypes that are associated with them. I have yet to see a Catholic priest or an awkward loner pulled aside and put in a chokehold or have a gun drawn on them for no reason despite their heinous and dangerous reputations as pedophiles and serial killers. And if you think child molestation and mass murder aren’t serious or violent crimes or worthy of the public and the police considering them a danger to the public you are a sick f%ck.

Maybe the homeless are similarly devalued as individuals and in constant immediate danger...maybe. But still even a white homeless guy has a certain privilege that provides protection in a confrontation with the police.

I screenshot your post to share with others, if that is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read all the previous responses, but the first time I really and truly saw it and recognized it as it was happening was when I was in my early 30s. I - white gal - went shopping with a black girlfriend in a nice area of town. We were both Mary Tyler Moore types - well-mannered, well-dressed, well-educated "single gals on the go" with excellent credit and money in the bank.

My friend and I walked into a small shop where three white gals were shopping together. As soon as they saw us, they grabbed their purses and tried to move as far away from us as the space would allow. It was shocking and unmistakable and the first time anything like that had happened to me.

Of course, over 20 years of friendship with that black friend (and others) I've gotten a much broader glimpse into the big and small ways that privilege (and discrimination) shows itself.

I'm positive it happened but I just cannot imagine it or why. I cannot imagine being in a small store shopping and a black woman comes in with her white friend or by herself or with her black friends and they clearly belong in terms of look and attire just like everyone else in the shop and I suddenly clutch my purse or leave?? I mean I'd assume they were there to . . . shop?? I always felt like you looked for people who looked out of place in an area before you got nervous -- not out of place bc of color but bc they were a creepy man leering in a lingerie shop or a family with 5 unruly kids and strollers in a shop with breakable glassware or whatever.

I'm a Black woman. For most of my life I have accurately looked very nerdy. I'm the kind of person that tells a cashier things like: "I think you've given me Six dollars too much." And I have been followed by security guards, and repeatedly asked if I "need help" -- while sales associates follow me around the store. The other thing that has happened multiple times is that -- and it has always been white women who do this -- I have been asked if I work there, or I have been asked to help them. This has happened to me even when I've been wearing a winter coat and clutching bags. Despite this, I still love to shop. And I have practiced asking: "Why do you think I work here?" after having this happen 20 too many times.

I'm the MTM pp and I just want to say I'm sorry that happens to you. Totally sucks.