In what nuanced ways did you NOT realize you had white privilege?

[Anonymous]

I got yelled at for singing along to my favorite 2pac song.
Not a racist but why can’t I sing along to my favorite hip hop artists?

[Anonymous]

Until a couple of weeks ago I routinely drove around my nice neighborhood in my nice car without my license, if I wasn’t carrying my purse, always assuming if I got pulled over (not likely) I would show the cop my profile on my firm’s website and it would be fine. This is out of pure laziness of not wanting to carry stuff. I realize it’s obnoxious and now am always bringing my wallet with me because not doing so is using my privilege - even if I don’t get pulled over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got yelled at for singing along to my favorite 2pac song.
Not a racist but why can’t I sing along to my favorite hip hop artists?

What’s that got to do with your privilege you didn’t realize you had?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t driving cross country with my kids and, on a long flat stretch in Kansas, I got pulled over doing 90 in a 65 zone. When the cop came to the window, I rummaged around in the pile of coats and garbage on the passenger seat for my wallet and never though once that he could have pulled a gun on me or hauled me out of the car. I got a ticket for going 75 in a 65 and a kind admonishment to pay attention.

Meant to say “was” driving cross country , obviously. Forgot to mention that I was 6 weeks out from a boob job too, so I had some of that big boob privilege going in addition to the white privilege I was born with.

This is a serious reach. Now you’re just looking for ways to flagellate yourself. Big boob privilege? Please.

I disagree. As a black man, I can say that the chances of me being able to aimlessly rummage around a pile of stuff in my car for my wallet without a cop pulling out his weapon would be low.

Ok but how many white women carry guns and shoot cops, and how many black men do? Prejudice comes from generalizations derived from real statistical differences. I don’t think the prejudice will change until the underlying statistical differences begin to change, sadly.

Nope outside of DCUM the majority of non black people feel that way.

In this country WE ALL have great opportunity, personal responsibility is the key. That goes for every culture.

Agree. This is an uncomfortable fact.

+10000. Until blacks start to change as a community nothing will change, doesn't matter how much people scream in the streets. Unfortunately that means the good black people get stuck being stereotyped with the bad black people but that's who humans work. You know why Indians or Chinese or whoever don't have these issues? Bc when cops or even regular people walking around at night see them -- in their mind they're thinking hmm x% chance this guy is a dr or IT coming home from work, not x% chance this guy has a gun or a warrant out for his arrest or his high so I better be careful. Unfortunate but that's how society works in America if you're not white (which I'm not) -- the behaviors of your community set a perception for your entire community, whether you are engaging in said behavior or not. Not saying it SHOULD be this way, but that's how it IS and no amount of protesting will change that. Maybe consider some focus on education and uplifting your communities and less focus on guns and drugs.

So then you are OK with me lumping you in with the racist white people. Got it.

I'm not white, but yeah lump me in with the racists. We're the only ones how have some common sense on this issue and see some need for personal responsibility. If that's racist, so be it.

Thanks for having the courage to share your unpopular opinion. I agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t driving cross country with my kids and, on a long flat stretch in Kansas, I got pulled over doing 90 in a 65 zone. When the cop came to the window, I rummaged around in the pile of coats and garbage on the passenger seat for my wallet and never though once that he could have pulled a gun on me or hauled me out of the car. I got a ticket for going 75 in a 65 and a kind admonishment to pay attention.

Meant to say “was” driving cross country , obviously. Forgot to mention that I was 6 weeks out from a boob job too, so I had some of that big boob privilege going in addition to the white privilege I was born with.

This is a serious reach. Now you’re just looking for ways to flagellate yourself. Big boob privilege? Please.

I disagree. As a black man, I can say that the chances of me being able to aimlessly rummage around a pile of stuff in my car for my wallet without a cop pulling out his weapon would be low.

Ok but how many white women carry guns and shoot cops, and how many black men do? Prejudice comes from generalizations derived from real statistical differences. I don’t think the prejudice will change until the underlying statistical differences begin to change, sadly.

Agree. This is an uncomfortable fact.

+10000. Until blacks start to change as a community nothing will change, doesn't matter how much people scream in the streets. Unfortunately that means the good black people get stuck being stereotyped with the bad black people but that's who humans work. You know why Indians or Chinese or whoever don't have these issues? Bc when cops or even regular people walking around at night see them -- in their mind they're thinking hmm x% chance this guy is a dr or IT coming home from work, not x% chance this guy has a gun or a warrant out for his arrest or his high so I better be careful. Unfortunate but that's how society works in America if you're not white (which I'm not) -- the behaviors of your community set a perception for your entire community, whether you are engaging in said behavior or not. Not saying it SHOULD be this way, but that's how it IS and no amount of protesting will change that. Maybe consider some focus on education and uplifting your communities and less focus on guns and drugs.[/quote

In this country everyone has great opportunity. It all comes down to personal responsibility and not blaming others.

[Anonymous]

So nobody has privilege is what y'all saying?
Lol okay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read all the previous responses, but the first time I really and truly saw it and recognized it as it was happening was when I was in my early 30s. I - white gal - went shopping with a black girlfriend in a nice area of town. We were both Mary Tyler Moore types - well-mannered, well-dressed, well-educated "single gals on the go" with excellent credit and money in the bank.

My friend and I walked into a small shop where three white gals were shopping together. As soon as they saw us, they grabbed their purses and tried to move as far away from us as the space would allow. It was shocking and unmistakable and the first time anything like that had happened to me.

Of course, over 20 years of friendship with that black friend (and others) I've gotten a much broader glimpse into the big and small ways that privilege (and discrimination) shows itself.

I'm positive it happened but I just cannot imagine it or why. I cannot imagine being in a small store shopping and a black woman comes in with her white friend or by herself or with her black friends and they clearly belong in terms of look and attire just like everyone else in the shop and I suddenly clutch my purse or leave?? I mean I'd assume they were there to . . . shop?? I always felt like you looked for people who looked out of place in an area before you got nervous -- not out of place bc of color but bc they were a creepy man leering in a lingerie shop or a family with 5 unruly kids and strollers in a shop with breakable glassware or whatever.

I'm a Black woman. For most of my life I have accurately looked very nerdy. I'm the kind of person that tells a cashier things like: "I think you've given me Six dollars too much." And I have been followed by security guards, and repeatedly asked if I "need help" -- while sales associates follow me around the store. The other thing that has happened multiple times is that -- and it has always been white women who do this -- I have been asked if I work there, or I have been asked to help them. This has happened to me even when I've been wearing a winter coat and clutching bags. Despite this, I still love to shop. And I have practiced asking: "Why do you think I work here?" after having this happen 20 too many times.

So what? Happened to me, too. The floor girl at Saks took an YSL purse that I was looking to buy out of my hands with a sour expression on her face. I took a purse back and told her that if she does it again she will have problems. That fixed her facial expression real quick)))
Just couple of weeks ago I was been told by a sales guy that I don't have enough funds for a type of flooring that was interested in. There is bright side to it, I enjoyed calling a guy an a*hole looking straight him in the eye )))
You can't fix every jerk out there but you can call them every name that's in your dictionary. Victims, use this advantage to a full extend )))

Few times when I answered the door of my own house I've been looked at and asked ''can I speak with the home owner?''. They assumed that I am a housekeeper or something.

This type of things roll off of me like a water off of a goose. Yeh , I am an immigrant. To some people I by default can't have nice things ))))

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t driving cross country with my kids and, on a long flat stretch in Kansas, I got pulled over doing 90 in a 65 zone. When the cop came to the window, I rummaged around in the pile of coats and garbage on the passenger seat for my wallet and never though once that he could have pulled a gun on me or hauled me out of the car. I got a ticket for going 75 in a 65 and a kind admonishment to pay attention.

Meant to say “was” driving cross country , obviously. Forgot to mention that I was 6 weeks out from a boob job too, so I had some of that big boob privilege going in addition to the white privilege I was born with.

This is a serious reach. Now you’re just looking for ways to flagellate yourself. Big boob privilege? Please.

I disagree. As a black man, I can say that the chances of me being able to aimlessly rummage around a pile of stuff in my car for my wallet without a cop pulling out his weapon would be low.

Ok but how many white women carry guns and shoot cops, and how many black men do? Prejudice comes from generalizations derived from real statistical differences. I don’t think the prejudice will change until the underlying statistical differences begin to change, sadly.

Agree. This is an uncomfortable fact.

+10000. Until blacks start to change as a community nothing will change, doesn't matter how much people scream in the streets. Unfortunately that means the good black people get stuck being stereotyped with the bad black people but that's who humans work. You know why Indians or Chinese or whoever don't have these issues? Bc when cops or even regular people walking around at night see them -- in their mind they're thinking hmm x% chance this guy is a dr or IT coming home from work, not x% chance this guy has a gun or a warrant out for his arrest or his high so I better be careful. Unfortunate but that's how society works in America if you're not white (which I'm not) -- the behaviors of your community set a perception for your entire community, whether you are engaging in said behavior or not. Not saying it SHOULD be this way, but that's how it IS and no amount of protesting will change that. Maybe consider some focus on education and uplifting your communities and less focus on guns and drugs.

I completely agree with this. I want to see us come together to face this uncomfortable reality in our community. Other black people feel this way, and I've had many conversations with my friends about this. But we dare not voice our opinion to a lot of other black people. Instant Uncle Toms, insert whatever other name.

Yep AA here and my family and I say this. Granted we say it very quietly among just my, my sister's, and my 1 cousin's nuclear families. All of us are engineers, drs. and accountants -- several ivy degrees, the rest top 10. We've really grinded our way to the "top" -- not that we are top -- we are MC/UMC. Yet you don't say this in front of other black families even our extended families bc omg you're Uncle Tom. Except my extended family CHOSE not to pursue a higher education, they CHOSE to go job to job without making any kind of career, CHOSE to have multiple kids with multiple mothers and not marry any of them and thus paying multiple child support payments on small non white collar salaries.

WTF are you talking about?
What does any of that have to do with privilege?
The brother two houses down from me is a higher-up at some insurance conglomerate making six figures and pushing an S-Class Coupe.
Has he been killed? No...not yet at least.
But does he CHOSE to be pulled over and harassed all those times when he gets behind the wheel of that car?
He’s got the money and the class and the amenities and the education but that doesn’t give him immunity.
No. He’s Black. That’s the gist of it. And that’s not a CHOICE he made that’s not a “fault” he should bear responsibility for.

Michael Vick was a millionaire and looked like a model during his trial with his perfect haircut and designer suits. But he is an animal abuser that killed <> 40 dogs in unbelievably sadistic way and his layer's defense line was that for where he is from fighting and killing innocent dogs was a norm.
Police officers don't go by fancy cars. Sorry.
I feel for a good people that have to suffer the consequences of some behaving criminally. But that's the way it is and always will be. Fancy car doesn't correlate with the behavior of the person driving it - any race or color, by the way. It just doesn't work this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t driving cross country with my kids and, on a long flat stretch in Kansas, I got pulled over doing 90 in a 65 zone. When the cop came to the window, I rummaged around in the pile of coats and garbage on the passenger seat for my wallet and never though once that he could have pulled a gun on me or hauled me out of the car. I got a ticket for going 75 in a 65 and a kind admonishment to pay attention.

Meant to say “was” driving cross country , obviously. Forgot to mention that I was 6 weeks out from a boob job too, so I had some of that big boob privilege going in addition to the white privilege I was born with.

This is a serious reach. Now you’re just looking for ways to flagellate yourself. Big boob privilege? Please.

I disagree. As a black man, I can say that the chances of me being able to aimlessly rummage around a pile of stuff in my car for my wallet without a cop pulling out his weapon would be low.

Ok but how many white women carry guns and shoot cops, and how many black men do? Prejudice comes from generalizations derived from real statistical differences. I don’t think the prejudice will change until the underlying statistical differences begin to change, sadly.

Agree. This is an uncomfortable fact.

+10000. Until blacks start to change as a community nothing will change, doesn't matter how much people scream in the streets. Unfortunately that means the good black people get stuck being stereotyped with the bad black people but that's who humans work. You know why Indians or Chinese or whoever don't have these issues? Bc when cops or even regular people walking around at night see them -- in their mind they're thinking hmm x% chance this guy is a dr or IT coming home from work, not x% chance this guy has a gun or a warrant out for his arrest or his high so I better be careful. Unfortunate but that's how society works in America if you're not white (which I'm not) -- the behaviors of your community set a perception for your entire community, whether you are engaging in said behavior or not. Not saying it SHOULD be this way, but that's how it IS and no amount of protesting will change that. Maybe consider some focus on education and uplifting your communities and less focus on guns and drugs.

Correction: Until society starts to respect Blacks as individuals whose individual lives matter and not as a collective of violent criminals nothing will change.

What’s the argument that’s always made when it comes to cops? That they’re not all bad just a few bad apples so show em some respect and appreciation for the good that they do. Well the same argument applies to Blacks. They’re not all bad just a few bad apples so show em some respect and appreciation for the good that they do.

I don’t care what assumptions about Blacks the stats support, it’s not cool at all to pass judgment on an entire group of 40+ million people....the vast majority of which are hard-working, law-abiding, decent human beings whose lives do matter...just because its 2 million of em get mixed up in crime and violence.

How in the hell do you sound trying to justify treating that 95% of good people like shit because of what 5% of em get caught up in? How the hell do you sound saying that until Blacks do something about that 5% that it’s okay to keep treating them all like shit? That’s awful.

Every race and religion and ethnicity and culture and class in this mixing pot country of ours has their fair share of bad people and their share of negative beliefs/stereotypes associated with their group as a result. But no other race or religion or ethnicity or culture or class has to deal with their very lives being devalued as a result of those bad members of their group and the negative beliefs/stereotypes that are associated with them.

No other race or religion or ethnicity or culture or class has to contend with the finality of death as a result of the few bad members of their group and the negative beliefs/stereotypes that are associated with them. I have yet to see a Catholic priest or an awkward loner pulled aside and put in a chokehold or have a gun drawn on them for no reason despite their heinous and dangerous reputations as pedophiles and serial killers. And if you think child molestation and mass murder aren’t serious or violent crimes or worthy of the public and the police considering them a danger to the public you are a sick f%ck.

Maybe the homeless are similarly devalued as individuals and in constant immediate danger...maybe. But still even a white homeless guy has a certain privilege that provides protection in a confrontation with the police.

Most people don't go around treating black people like shit. You have a very negative view of people. It's as if you are looking for the worst in people.

Of course people pre-judge other people. Everyone does it, and you do it to. It's a condition that humans suffer from.

As far as cops murdering people. It is rare, as almost all officer involved shootings are justified. 95% of those shot are in possession of a firearm. There will always be shootings that are sketchy, but those are the exception.

You obviously don't understand the law. Laws are written that allow officers to justifiably kill people for no other reason than the officer was scared. Officers have wide latitude for using deadly force and it is applied unfairly. That's why people are protesting!

All these people can become police officers and deal with criminals. I would like to see them in action ))

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Of course people pre-judge other people. Everyone does it, and you do it to. It's a condition that humans suffer from.

We don't "suffer from" pre-judging others. It's served us very well throughout thousands of years of evolution. If we hear from our tribe that a particular color/type of plant/animal has a much greater chance of being dangerous than other animals/plants, we'd stay away from it. Only the most stupid people would disregard those warnings, and they'd usually die out before they had a chance to reproduce. It's natural selection.

Black men are always going to be "pre-judged" until the underlying statistics change. If the people raging and rioting and protesting about racism put that energy into convincing black youth that it's NOT okay to mug people, carry around firearms, vandalize and terrorize their communities, then we could start to turn this country around. It might take another generation, if we're honest about it, but it could really happen.

Instead, they demand that people ignore statistics and facts and thousands of years of natural selection. You can make all the demands you want, but many women are always going to cross the street when a black man is coming, and taxi drivers are always going to hesitate to pick up a black man, until the facts change. I'm not risking my life so that the black people who aren't criminals can feel better, although I really do feel badly for them because I know that many of them are judged for things that they didn't personally do. It would be much better if I didn't need to make that decision, but the decision is easy.

And please, nobody claim that crime statistics are higher because police target them. Black people would be the first to acknowledge that there's a much greater chance of things being stolen or someone being mugged in certain areas, and it has nothing to do with the police. If anything, I think honest black people would acknowledge the fact that a ton of crime goes unreported in those areas, so the real statistics are probably far worse than the official records indicate.

Congratulations you are a racist. Please wear your badge publicly.

Counterproductive labeling. Typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Until a couple of weeks ago I routinely drove around my nice neighborhood in my nice car without my license, if I wasn’t carrying my purse, always assuming if I got pulled over (not likely) I would show the cop my profile on my firm’s website and it would be fine. This is out of pure laziness of not wanting to carry stuff. I realize it’s obnoxious and now am always bringing my wallet with me because not doing so is using my privilege - even if I don’t get pulled over.

Can’t tell you how bad that sounds. So many things are bad with that.

—one who works in a firm with a profile too

[Anonymous]

I'm a white woman.

Once I went to an open house for a townhouse on Dupont Circle with XDH and the real estate agent eyed us with disdain and told us we couldn't afford it. We didn't even get in the door.

Recently my tax accountant had to subcontract to a specialized tax accountant for my complicated tax issues.

Julia Roberts moment, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a white woman.

Once I went to an open house for a townhouse on Dupont Circle with XDH and the real estate agent eyed us with disdain and told us we couldn't afford it. We didn't even get in the door.

Recently my tax accountant had to subcontract to a specialized tax accountant for my complicated tax issues.

Julia Roberts moment, I guess.

Congrats baby! Love that movie. Good for you 👍

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the bus. Older black men will let me get on before them, and they will offer me a seat.

All of the black men I know are exceedingly polite and considerate to me, a white woman.

I’ve also noticed this and it makes me uncomfortable that they are so deferential. I feel like I’m unwillingly participating in some ugly legacy that has taught them to fear white women.

It really stands out because the average white guy is so rude.

I have also noticed this. I'd like to think that it's because older black men of that generation were just raised to be very polite, but I suspect it's more that they fear being falsly accused at eyeing white women or worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really freaks me out as a POC when I see white people open packages and eat things or give things to their kids to eat or to play with in stores BEFORE they pay for them. Doing that could so easily get me arrested.

Thank you for pointing this out. I do that with all kinds of things and even fruit (then tell the cashier to charge us an extra banana). Will stop:

I am white and was raised and still am UMC. I have seen people doing this. It seems low-brow to me.
But regardless, I would be worried about doing it.