School called me to clean my daughter up because of an accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During music class my daughter had a pee and poop accident. The school called and said that she was too messy and they I would need to come clean her up and honestly it might be best if I we just took her home for her a bath. She in K. I’m really upset that I had to leave work to come get her for what is a very normal accident for a 5yr old. And just to be clear, she had extra clothes in her bag. If this happened often, I would understand, but this is the first time she had a poop accident at school.

The accident is not the big issue. The bolded is. This reminds me of my mother. I vividly remember when she was called to come and get me because I was not feeling well in first grade. She bitched me out and complained the whole way home. First grade. She never attended a school event (ever) complained non-stop about having to buy us clothing, school supplies, and food. Fun times. We were upper middle class.

I NEVER went to her if I had problems. I solved them myself, even huge problems. But not always in a great way. Actually, I never went to anyone for help. I figured if my own mother saw me as a pain in the ass, why would anybody else want to help.

+1 My mother would not even pick me up when I was sick at school. From the age of 8 or 9 I had to walk home on my own and fend for myself until she came home at 6. Trust me OP, kids remember these things.

Agreed. My parents were like this and I remember. When I was a young adult, I didn’t really give much thought to my childhood, I knew it wasn’t the best but I just shrugged and figured plenty of people had it much worse. It was only after I had my own children that I fully came to terms with how horrible my parents were. I’m fairly ambivalent about our relationship now.

As an adult, I feel strongly that when people show you who they are, you should believe them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am not sure who is more crazy. The OP who doesn’t feel like getting her daughter or the teacher who thinks the kid is being sexually abused. WTF? I was a K teacher aid for 2 years and dealt with a bunch of accidents. There was also another kid who ended up with a partial bowel obstruction from holding it in too much. Some kids have anxieties about bathroom issues and others have bathroom issues because of generalized anxiety. But most are nervous and don’t want to ask to go.

Guess what? When teachers are trained to recognize possible signs of abuse, one sign listed is having a bunch of bathroom accidents. If you are a teacher, you know that. You may not put any credence in it. Which is worrisome because if you’ve taught more than a couple years, chances are you have taught a child that was molested and if you keep teaching, you will have several. But they will slip under your radar because you won’t even consider abuse.

+ 1
This is a classic sign. Guaranteed this is just one of the possible reasons why a poop accident may happen, but why would any parent (or teacher) not even give it a thought or research about it, when people are telling them to check it out. In any case, OP's post makes it very clear that she is a neglectful parent and could not give a damn about the emotional trauma and shame her kid must have felt. So if any abuse is happening, the parents don't care.

[Anonymous]

OP had fled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not normal for a NT 5 yo. Do you mean she has had other pee accidents? Really not not normal at all. Is she SN? You might need to add a plan to her IEP if this is a regular occurrence.

Just because the child has a couple of accidents in a new environment that just happens be more stressful and more rigid than she's used to doesn't mean that the kid is SN or needs an IEP. Plenty of K kids have pee accidents. Its not that uncommon as many of you are making it out to be. We don't know what the kid was doing when this happened or what transpired during the day that could have led to this situation. Op, that's definitely you need to do. Pooping one's pants at this age does seem a little out of the ordinary.

Some schools restrict when even K kids can go to the bathroom. That can be too restrictive for some kids, particularly ones on the younger end of the spectrum. Specials Teachers don't know kids as well as homeroom teachers do and may not know that certain kids need to go when they say they need to go and they shouldn't be made to wait. My youngest had a Specials Teacher that didn't like him because she thought that he was a class clown. When he told her he had to go pee, according to the teacher, she didn't let him go because they were about to transition to another class. She didn't that he's one of the kids that when they tell that they have to go, they have already waited too long and really have to go. He had an accident because she wouldn't let him go to the bathroom.

Guess whose responsibility it is to inform specials teachers that your kid is one who waits too long? Yours. You dropped the ball on that one. My son is the same way, and I made sure I emailed every one of the teachers whose rooms he'd be in during the first week of school in K and 1st grade to let them know that he waits too long before he tells an adult he has to go. We didn't have one issue either year. Teachers aren't mind readers. If you want them to know something, you have to actually, you know, tell them...

EVERY kid waits to long to ask. That is not an email that needs to be sent to the PE teacher who sees hundreds of kids every week. LOL

Not true. Some ask to go even if they don’t need to. I always asked as soon as I got a sense of needing to. Kids aren’t monoliths.

Mine used to ask if she was bored, if she was anxious, if she was frustrated, any time she needed a break from a stressful or overwhelming situation. I can't tell you how many teachers over the years have suggested at the first conference that she might have an issue that needed to be checked out by a doctor, not realizing it wasn't actually about peeing. I considered letting them know about the tendency right off the bat, but especially as she got older I didn't want to embarrass her if we didn't have to.

One great teacher really understood, and helped her work out ways to first try to manage those feelings in place, then if she really needed it, to signal the teacher without disrupting the class that she wanted to take a short break. Once she felt understood, and had some control over her situation, things settled down considerably. I think she still uses those techniques to manage stress and frustration today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am not sure who is more crazy. The OP who doesn’t feel like getting her daughter or the teacher who thinks the kid is being sexually abused. WTF? I was a K teacher aid for 2 years and dealt with a bunch of accidents. There was also another kid who ended up with a partial bowel obstruction from holding it in too much. Some kids have anxieties about bathroom issues and others have bathroom issues because of generalized anxiety. But most are nervous and don’t want to ask to go.

Guess what? When teachers are trained to recognize possible signs of abuse, one sign listed is having a bunch of bathroom accidents. If you are a teacher, you know that. You may not put any credence in it. Which is worrisome because if you’ve taught more than a couple years, chances are you have taught a child that was molested and if you keep teaching, you will have several. But they will slip under your radar because you won’t even consider abuse.

So when someone has an accident in K, the teachers call in suspected child abuse? No, they don’t. They know the signs, but they know it is rare. As a parent and a teacher and a wife of a doctor. This is how you handle it.

Medical issues? Constipation causes peeing accidents (pressing on bladder)!It also causes diarrhea (moving around stoppage) or massive uncontrollable bowel functions if any passes. A partial BO can cause retching, vomiting, stomach pains, and bladder bowel issues. Many kids get constipated because they aren’t drinking and moving as much as they did in preschool and summer. A simple stomach bug could be the issue too

Mental health issues? Fearful of bathrooms, nervous in class, anxiety of peeing alone or near other students. Unable to take pants off ( don’t get me started on kids with one piece pant jumper, overalls, buttoned pants, etc... ) Anxiety makes kids forget they have to go. Some kids don’t like to raise their hand. I can see the potty dance. They don’t want to miss recess or something special in school. They flat out forget to ask. This also leads to cobstipation. Some kids just won’t poop in school - ever.

Trauma. If this were an older child or further into the school year, I may go there after ruling out other stuff. But this child is brand new to any type of schooling, it is her first year, and the school year is only 6 weeks in. My gut is telling me constipation due to bathroom anxieties and dehydration. A terrible but common combo for young K students. Most young kids get the constipations and BO’s in early Fall. It takes a few weeks for the affects to start showing.

That is the order a normal teacher goes thru. Anyone who jumps to sexually abused on a child with no former accidents, no former schooling, and only 6 weeks in, is ridiculous. Have some common sense and be compassionate to the child and family. Not judgey immediately, which is exactly what you all are doing to the mom.

[Anonymous]

Two very unrelated comments -

Teachers are mandated reporters and are required by law to report any potential or suspected abuse or neglect. I would’ve considered reporting in this case.

Second, I hope your child is in this class - https://www.instagram.com/p/B3dH6a0nnKG/?igshid=126g4vem4dcj8

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am not sure who is more crazy. The OP who doesn’t feel like getting her daughter or the teacher who thinks the kid is being sexually abused. WTF? I was a K teacher aid for 2 years and dealt with a bunch of accidents. There was also another kid who ended up with a partial bowel obstruction from holding it in too much. Some kids have anxieties about bathroom issues and others have bathroom issues because of generalized anxiety. But most are nervous and don’t want to ask to go.

Guess what? When teachers are trained to recognize possible signs of abuse, one sign listed is having a bunch of bathroom accidents. If you are a teacher, you know that. You may not put any credence in it. Which is worrisome because if you’ve taught more than a couple years, chances are you have taught a child that was molested and if you keep teaching, you will have several. But they will slip under your radar because you won’t even consider abuse.

+ 1
This is a classic sign. Guaranteed this is just one of the possible reasons why a poop accident may happen, but why would any parent (or teacher) not even give it a thought or research about it, when people are telling them to check it out. In any case, OP's post makes it very clear that she is a neglectful parent and could not give a damn about the emotional trauma and shame her kid must have felt. So if any abuse is happening, the parents don't care.

Wow. You are a terrible human. And like another poster said. Stop the jumping to sexual abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 5yo and 2 older children. Not one of them has ever had a “pee and poop” accident at school (or anywhere else) but if they did you bet I would leave work and pick them up. OP, please get some help for your daughter and her anxiety and for yourself and your unrealistic expectations about parenting.

Wow none of your kids has ever had an accident??

I have 3 and none of mine has at school either but at 3yo they all had at least one.

My kids never had accidents either. We trained super early though. Both were out of diapers by around 2yrs old. One needed an overnight though. The other would get out of her toddler bed and pee at night.

Oh good God, PP. How many times a month do you tell people how early your children were potty trained? I can feel how self-satisfied you are with this short, but oddly detailed story. At some point you should really start to take pride in other, more important things. You're like a 29 year old who frequently mentions that you attended an Ivy. Ha!!

[Anonymous]

Wow! I have a child with constipation and accidents. It is a Medical issue, diagnosed by more than one doctor. I would be really pissed if a teacher called in child abuse after one accident! I understand for some kids that can be a sign, but as another poster stated, there can be MANY reasons for a child to have an accident at school! These include constipation and anxiety. Please stop jumping to conclusions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am not sure who is more crazy. The OP who doesn’t feel like getting her daughter or the teacher who thinks the kid is being sexually abused. WTF? I was a K teacher aid for 2 years and dealt with a bunch of accidents. There was also another kid who ended up with a partial bowel obstruction from holding it in too much. Some kids have anxieties about bathroom issues and others have bathroom issues because of generalized anxiety. But most are nervous and don’t want to ask to go.

Guess what? When teachers are trained to recognize possible signs of abuse, one sign listed is having a bunch of bathroom accidents. If you are a teacher, you know that. You may not put any credence in it. Which is worrisome because if you’ve taught more than a couple years, chances are you have taught a child that was molested and if you keep teaching, you will have several. But they will slip under your radar because you won’t even consider abuse.

So when someone has an accident in K, the teachers call in suspected child abuse? No, they don’t. They know the signs, but they know it is rare. As a parent and a teacher and a wife of a doctor. This is how you handle it.

Medical issues? Constipation causes peeing accidents (pressing on bladder)!It also causes diarrhea (moving around stoppage) or massive uncontrollable bowel functions if any passes. A partial BO can cause retching, vomiting, stomach pains, and bladder bowel issues. Many kids get constipated because they aren’t drinking and moving as much as they did in preschool and summer. A simple stomach bug could be the issue too

Mental health issues? Fearful of bathrooms, nervous in class, anxiety of peeing alone or near other students. Unable to take pants off ( don’t get me started on kids with one piece pant jumper, overalls, buttoned pants, etc... ) Anxiety makes kids forget they have to go. Some kids don’t like to raise their hand. I can see the potty dance. They don’t want to miss recess or something special in school. They flat out forget to ask. This also leads to cobstipation. Some kids just won’t poop in school - ever.

Trauma. If this were an older child or further into the school year, I may go there after ruling out other stuff. But this child is brand new to any type of schooling, it is her first year, and the school year is only 6 weeks in. My gut is telling me constipation due to bathroom anxieties and dehydration. A terrible but common combo for young K students. Most young kids get the constipations and BO’s in early Fall. It takes a few weeks for the affects to start showing.

That is the order a normal teacher goes thru. Anyone who jumps to sexually abused on a child with no former accidents, no former schooling, and only 6 weeks in, is ridiculous. Have some common sense and be compassionate to the child and family. Not judgey immediately, which is exactly what you all are doing to the mom.

All this!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! I have a child with constipation and accidents. It is a Medical issue, diagnosed by more than one doctor. I would be really pissed if a teacher called in child abuse after one accident! I understand for some kids that can be a sign, but as another poster stated, there can be MANY reasons for a child to have an accident at school! These include constipation and anxiety. Please stop jumping to conclusions.

Pee accidents can happen. Poop accidents are not at all usual at the age of 5 years. Either it is medical or it is physiological. We have already established that the OP could not give a rat's ass about the mental well being of her poor child. Case closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am not sure who is more crazy. The OP who doesn’t feel like getting her daughter or the teacher who thinks the kid is being sexually abused. WTF? I was a K teacher aid for 2 years and dealt with a bunch of accidents. There was also another kid who ended up with a partial bowel obstruction from holding it in too much. Some kids have anxieties about bathroom issues and others have bathroom issues because of generalized anxiety. But most are nervous and don’t want to ask to go.

Guess what? When teachers are trained to recognize possible signs of abuse, one sign listed is having a bunch of bathroom accidents. If you are a teacher, you know that. You may not put any credence in it. Which is worrisome because if you’ve taught more than a couple years, chances are you have taught a child that was molested and if you keep teaching, you will have several. But they will slip under your radar because you won’t even consider abuse.

So when someone has an accident in K, the teachers call in suspected child abuse? No, they don’t. They know the signs, but they know it is rare. As a parent and a teacher and a wife of a doctor. This is how you handle it.

Medical issues? Constipation causes peeing accidents (pressing on bladder)!It also causes diarrhea (moving around stoppage) or massive uncontrollable bowel functions if any passes. A partial BO can cause retching, vomiting, stomach pains, and bladder bowel issues. Many kids get constipated because they aren’t drinking and moving as much as they did in preschool and summer. A simple stomach bug could be the issue too

Mental health issues? Fearful of bathrooms, nervous in class, anxiety of peeing alone or near other students. Unable to take pants off ( don’t get me started on kids with one piece pant jumper, overalls, buttoned pants, etc... ) Anxiety makes kids forget they have to go. Some kids don’t like to raise their hand. I can see the potty dance. They don’t want to miss recess or something special in school. They flat out forget to ask. This also leads to cobstipation. Some kids just won’t poop in school - ever.

Trauma. If this were an older child or further into the school year, I may go there after ruling out other stuff. But this child is brand new to any type of schooling, it is her first year, and the school year is only 6 weeks in. My gut is telling me constipation due to bathroom anxieties and dehydration. A terrible but common combo for young K students. Most young kids get the constipations and BO’s in early Fall. It takes a few weeks for the affects to start showing.

That is the order a normal teacher goes thru. Anyone who jumps to sexually abused on a child with no former accidents, no former schooling, and only 6 weeks in, is ridiculous. Have some common sense and be compassionate to the child and family. Not judgey immediately, which is exactly what you all are doing to the mom.

All this!!!!!

6 weeks into the school year - the OP's child has had 3 peeing accidents and 1 poop accident so bad that the school is telling the parent to give the child a bath. This is a neglectful and horrible parent. I wonder if this is OP's biological child.

[Anonymous]

I also taught, although only one year in K and it really isn't that abnormal for the occasional accident to happen. Developmentally it is still in the realm of normal and no one is going to bat an eye at the occasional, random accident. K can be a big adjustment with new people and new routines and new spaces and K age kids don't really know how to advocate for themselves or even how to fully make sense of their environment and the unspoken or even spoken rules.

We asked all parents to provide an extra set of clothes to keep at school for K kids. These come in handy - in case of accidents but also for the kid who falls in the mud puddle or the kid who rips their clothes on the play structure etc. We also however where not allowed to physically help a child in the bathroom. I would talk them through cleaning themselves up a bit, and I would give them the extra clothes while waiting for the parent to arrive (if it was poop). Kids often want their parents after a poop accident anyways because they are confused and embarrassed and need help getting fully cleaned up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. People on this board clearly have not been around a lot of kids in school. One time accidents like this are not common but not unusual. It happened to my one kid in K. An explosion like yours. This kid has been regular since he was a baby. But the class kept getting worked up all day, and he was afraid to ask to go to the bathroom. Classroom misbehavior made (and still makes) him very anxious. He usually didn’t go outside designated times. He HATED the school bathrooms, so he avoided them to the extent possible. He held everything until he couldn’t. It was a BIG mess. Awful. Embarrassing. He had never had a problem before or since. I never had problems as a child, but Thankfully, I was aware of incidents when I was in my school days (a couple — yes more than one going as far as SIXTH grade). The older ones weren’t explosions per se but kids were sent home. One was a relative and another I knew from overhearing a discussion my mom had with s neighbor. Last year I ran a school program right after school. I took over the specials room after a kindergarten class, and yep, the teacher and I cleaned up messes a couple of times. (The janitorial staff took too long to come before my students arrived.)

All this is to say ... your child is not alone. If this is a regular problem, look into it further. My other kid was a withholder — which was waaay bad. If it’s a one time thing, move on.

Finally a rational thinker. +1000

Former elementary teacher and admin this. This times a million. A rare accident like this is totally normal.

But...according to Mom she's had three accidents. And she's only been in school for two months (at most). That doesn't meet the definition of rare, IMO, nor normal.

-kindergarten teacher

[Anonymous]

It's clearly anxiety. Her Ker also "doesn't like stairs"? One kid is teasing her, another kid is pushing past her, she's having accidents regularly? This is just an overprotected, very anxious kid who likely acts very young for her age and is coping badly with a transition that her mom didn't prepare her for at all. Parenting fail. Get it together and this will all be fine in a month.

But, yes, the school should have called you. And, no, this isn't someone else's job.