Teen is all over his sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's doing stuff like this in public this family's sense of what is normal is totally off. All of them. And he's used to getting whatever he wants. And his mom enforces that they share a room (not normal) even when sharing a vacation house with another family.

It would not surprise me at all if genital touching of some sort is happening.

Op said the mother doesn’t say no to her boy.

I'm well aware. I think we're in agreement.

[Anonymous]

OP I am so glad you are going to call. I'm a former social worker. A CPS call just means that you have a suspicion, not that you have 100% proof. Everything you have said indicates an alarming situation and at this point the professionals need to help figure out what is going on and to get the family the help they need.

No, the signs of abuse are not necessarily obvious, especially at this age. A pediatrician is unlikely to see any signs unless there is obvious physical trauma, like bruises and cuts. Kids can be touched and fondled and even raped without obvious signs. Kids can go for years hiding terrible secrets. And the abuser is most often a relative or someone close in their circle, often someone nobody would suspect. I once knew of a case of a physician who sexually abused her own son. It only came to light when the son bragged to school friends that he wasn't a virgin. People could not believe this respected professional had a horrible secret life at home, and the kid was seriously messed up for life.

It's normal to worry about the repercussions of making the call. But this kid needs help, and you'll have to take the chance that it means the end of the friendship, in exchange for helping a child who cannot help herself right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:as someone who is currently dealing with the CPS..... I hope OP is correct that it merits getting them involved

What exactly would you do under these circumstances?
Chat with the mother who allows her boy to assault her daughter?

I can imagine a scenario where giving your sister "kiss attacks" is meant to be playful and not some form of crazy sex abuse, but if OP is considering calling CPS, maybe it looks very bad and her judgment is similar to mine.

I would be careful with such a strong accusation, but I am not sure what I would do if I were in her shoes either

But yes, right now I am dealing with a CPS situation that is total BS and it is not fun at all, so I would be careful about wishing that on someone else

I've seen your thread. Your kid getting the iron burn will get resolved, file will be closed, and you'll get on with your life. (Had a friend whose infant broke an arm. Similar encounter with CPS. Totally resolved and no lasting issues.Sorry it's a hassle, but we need systems to keep kids safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am so glad you are going to call. I'm a former social worker. A CPS call just means that you have a suspicion, not that you have 100% proof. Everything you have said indicates an alarming situation and at this point the professionals need to help figure out what is going on and to get the family the help they need.

No, the signs of abuse are not necessarily obvious, especially at this age. A pediatrician is unlikely to see any signs unless there is obvious physical trauma, like bruises and cuts. Kids can be touched and fondled and even raped without obvious signs. Kids can go for years hiding terrible secrets. And the abuser is most often a relative or someone close in their circle, often someone nobody would suspect. I once knew of a case of a physician who sexually abused her own son. It only came to light when the son bragged to school friends that he wasn't a virgin. People could not believe this respected professional had a horrible secret life at home, and the kid was seriously messed up for life.

It's normal to worry about the repercussions of making the call. But this kid needs help, and you'll have to take the chance that it means the end of the friendship, in exchange for helping a child who cannot help herself right now.

Thank you so much for posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posed a while back -- I am not convinced penetration has occurred. But, his behavior is inappropriate.

There is a lot of sexual abuse that is not rape.

Unwanted kissing (particularly on the mouth)
Unwanted touching (particularly in the bathing-suit areas)
Threatening (I will do something to you)
etc.

OP says touching....there is touching to annoy people -- kids are good at that. Like on the back or arm.

And lying on top is wrestling. Siblings sometime wrestle.

But, clearly she is saying no -- she as a right to say no. He is not respecting that.

So to me the questions on actions are:
1) is behavior sexual, or is it adults sexualizing children playing? (I do not know)
2) Is he touching her in her privates?
3) Is he getting off sexually on it?

Frankly a 13 yo sharing a room with a 10 yo of the opposite sex is a bad situation and can lead to a lot of sexual frustration.

(When I was a young teen, I did not really understand the privacy issues with masturbation).

Or more to the point, a sexually abusive boy in a private room with his victim all night, every night - can easily lead to rape. His parents are ok with his forcible kissing her.
I hope the victim has relatives or other caring adults who can protect her from her monster brother.

I said this because I think the mother is enmeshed with her boy, and can’t be helped until she admits to her toxic relationship with him. It’s surprisingly common. You hear about it all the time from daughters-in-law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:as someone who is currently dealing with the CPS..... I hope OP is correct that it merits getting them involved

What exactly would you do under these circumstances?
Chat with the mother who allows her boy to assault her daughter?

I can imagine a scenario where giving your sister "kiss attacks" is meant to be playful and not some form of crazy sex abuse, but if OP is considering calling CPS, maybe it looks very bad and her judgment is similar to mine.

I would be careful with such a strong accusation, but I am not sure what I would do if I were in her shoes either

But yes, right now I am dealing with a CPS situation that is total BS and it is not fun at all, so I would be careful about wishing that on someone else

I've seen your thread. Your kid getting the iron burn will get resolved, file will be closed, and you'll get on with your life. (Had a friend whose infant broke an arm. Similar encounter with CPS. Totally resolved and no lasting issues.Sorry it's a hassle, but we need systems to keep kids safe.

yeah, fair enough

but back to this thread, I missed some posts that represent the smoking gun to show that this brother is raping his sister, please let me know

this is wildly inappropriate behavior from what I have read so far, but I wouldn't go so far as to assume there is stuff going on related to sexual organs

[Anonymous]

if I*

[Anonymous]

and yes, do people generally trust the CPS to verify if the suspicion was valid or not? if so, then I agree no harm in calling

you are right that I might have a different view on things after my case is indeed closed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and yes, do people generally trust the CPS to verify if the suspicion was valid or not? if so, then I agree no harm in calling

you are right that I might have a different view on things after my case is indeed closed

There is harm in calling if unfounded. Like there is harm in calling police on a black man walking through your neighborhood. He could legitimately get shot. Similar here- if this is a family of color, that girl is getting removed from the home “pre emptively”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and yes, do people generally trust the CPS to verify if the suspicion was valid or not? if so, then I agree no harm in calling

you are right that I might have a different view on things after my case is indeed closed

There is harm in calling if unfounded. Like there is harm in calling police on a black man walking through your neighborhood. He could legitimately get shot. Similar here- if this is a family of color, that girl is getting removed from the home “pre emptively”

This is not unfounded, though.

Worrying too much about protecting adults is how Jeffrey Epstein got away sexual abuse, soliciting sex from minors, rape, etc, even after he had gone to jail for it. I really can't believe this thread.

[Anonymous]

Since you say this has been going on for years, it is quite possible the boy is being sexually abused as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and yes, do people generally trust the CPS to verify if the suspicion was valid or not? if so, then I agree no harm in calling

you are right that I might have a different view on things after my case is indeed closed

There is harm in calling if unfounded. Like there is harm in calling police on a black man walking through your neighborhood. He could legitimately get shot. Similar here- if this is a family of color, that girl is getting removed from the home “pre emptively”

This is not unfounded, though.

Worrying too much about protecting adults is how Jeffrey Epstein got away sexual abuse, soliciting sex from minors, rape, etc, even after he had gone to jail for it. I really can't believe this thread.

Adults?? I’m worried about THE GIRL. Being removed from her home for a few days “in case your brother is raping you”. You can’t see how that would destroy her trust, her views on sexuality, her life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and yes, do people generally trust the CPS to verify if the suspicion was valid or not? if so, then I agree no harm in calling

you are right that I might have a different view on things after my case is indeed closed

There is harm in calling if unfounded. Like there is harm in calling police on a black man walking through your neighborhood. He could legitimately get shot. Similar here- if this is a family of color, that girl is getting removed from the home “pre emptively”

This is not unfounded, though.

Worrying too much about protecting adults is how Jeffrey Epstein got away sexual abuse, soliciting sex from minors, rape, etc, even after he had gone to jail for it. I really can't believe this thread.

You don't know if it's unfounded or not. It could be just a bad/weird sibling relationship, of which there are plenty. It's unfounded unless the girl is being sexually abused, and you have no idea if she is or not (and no, carrying her around the pool or wrestling her doesn't count even if it seems icky to us)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and yes, do people generally trust the CPS to verify if the suspicion was valid or not? if so, then I agree no harm in calling

you are right that I might have a different view on things after my case is indeed closed

There is harm in calling if unfounded. Like there is harm in calling police on a black man walking through your neighborhood. He could legitimately get shot. Similar here- if this is a family of color, that girl is getting removed from the home “pre emptively”

This is not unfounded, though.

Worrying too much about protecting adults is how Jeffrey Epstein got away sexual abuse, soliciting sex from minors, rape, etc, even after he had gone to jail for it. I really can't believe this thread.

You don't know if it's unfounded or not. It could be just a bad/weird sibling relationship, of which there are plenty. It's unfounded unless the girl is being sexually abused, and you have no idea if she is or not (and no, carrying her around the pool or wrestling her doesn't count even if it seems icky to us)

I think we're up to a count of 3 social workers saying that OP should call, and I trust their opinion on what merits a call more than yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and yes, do people generally trust the CPS to verify if the suspicion was valid or not? if so, then I agree no harm in calling

you are right that I might have a different view on things after my case is indeed closed

There is harm in calling if unfounded. Like there is harm in calling police on a black man walking through your neighborhood. He could legitimately get shot. Similar here- if this is a family of color, that girl is getting removed from the home “pre emptively”

This is not unfounded, though.

Worrying too much about protecting adults is how Jeffrey Epstein got away sexual abuse, soliciting sex from minors, rape, etc, even after he had gone to jail for it. I really can't believe this thread.

Adults?? I’m worried about THE GIRL. Being removed from her home for a few days “in case your brother is raping you”. You can’t see how that would destroy her trust, her views on sexuality, her life?

The girl who does not initiate anything with her brother, but can't get her brother - who is much larger and 3 yrs older - to stop grabbing her, picking her up, holding on to her, lying on her and kissing her? That girl? The one who says no, but the parents think that the kids will work it out between themselves?

She already can't trust her parents. She already is in a bad situation. Heaven forbid she gets time away from him. Heaven forbid she gets a reprieve from that hell. Can you imagine having to live that way?