Your dogs are NOT members of the family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are a public venue, Aunt's emotional support papers mean didly squat.

This. I am laughing. I actually strongly support dogs for the disabled and deep in the throes of depression, my DD was recommended one. BUT, private residences and parties aren’t subject to ADA or Fair Housing laws. You are well within your rights to bar dogs from your party - especially as you are doing it as an accommodation for a person with a health disability (allergies).

That said, sometimes there is another way to solve a problem - can you set up some local dog sitters just like someone planning a wedding might set up a kids playroom and sitter? I bet some local kids with a fenced in backyard wouldn’t mind supervising 2-3 dogs while you have your party.

Just like the people who say freedom of speech applies to private homes. No, it applies to public property. I don’t want a bigoted jerk relatives ranting in my living room. Nor do I want allergens.

[Anonymous]

OP your story is great! It stuck in my mind and now I wonder if MIL was trying to have big family get together and promised all these distant relatives to do whatever they wanted. Some behind the scenes machinations

[Anonymous]

Good job, OP.
Thanks for the update!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are a public venue, Aunt's emotional support papers mean didly squat.

Unless the papers are from the ADA they mean squat! Those support animal certificates are not service animal certificates. Only service animals are legally protected. (FYI, per ADA guidelines, only dogs and mini horses can be service animals, so cats are not legally protected in a public space if a shop owner kicks them out.)

They are relevant for housing purposes, per the Fair Housing Act.

Not for visitors, you dolt.

I agree. Do people really think they can force themselves on people in their private homes? No one has a right to someone else's property. Disability or no. The Fair Housing Act has nothing to do with guests visiting other peoples homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We got back from vacation late last night. I think we are officially done hosting anything for this side of the family. One and done. The event itself turned out fine and was relatively dog drama free but the days right before were ridiculous.

I don't always constantly check my personal email throughout the day. I started getting texts from SIL telling me to look at my email now. Hamster dog aunt sent an email to the entire group telling people to be hold on, she had spoken to Cindy (MIL) and she thinks everything is going to be OK now, dogs are welcomed! Aggressive cousin with dog that eats through her walls if left alone, quickly had responded "O thank god! Cindy you are the best! We all love you so much "' . Next dog expert dude chimes in "Well that makes sense.". I was livid. DH and I sent back a clarifying email that the event was not at Cindy's house, it was at our house and dogs were not allowed. Since X, Y and Z seem to be having such a hard time accepting this we think it is better for everyone if you do not attend." This was met with silence.

MIL who stayed with us last weekend was a royal PITA. She denied ever telling hamster aunt that we would allow dogs but did say she would talk to us. MIL loves to be fawned over. DH and I are 100% sure that she did give in to hamster aunt and now won't admit it. She ended up whining all weekend about how mortified she was that we disinvited the 3 obnoxious relatives. She argued with SIL all weekend over whether allergies were real until the event. She kept telling us that it was not too late to apologize, let the dogs come and just give the niece a few extra doses of allergy medicine. We almost kicked her out. The event was filled with relatives relieved not to be dealing with dogs and MIL just lapped up all the positive attention about not having the dogs. I overheard her to talking to one relative and telling them "Well yes it was difficult standing up to Larla but sometimes you just have to be strong for your family."For a brief second, I thought she was complimenting us. Her next sentence was about how SHE had to keep encouraging us to not to allow the dogs for the sake of the other family members. She just wished we would have been more tactful. I almost threw up on her.

A funny side story is that cat aunt (who hates hamster dog aunt) told hamster aunt that her cat was welcome. She warned hamster aunt that she was going to let her huge hamster dog eating cat roam free at our house and would not intervene this time if it attacked hamster dog. This explains why MIL was babbling on earlier in the weekend about how if you are OK having cats then dogs should be there too. It made no sense at the time but after cat aunt told us about her threat I'm guessing that hamster aunt also complained about this to MIL.

There was one relative who did show up with a dog. He was another one of these relatives with a really distant connection. He was included in the family events years ago and never got taken off their list. He randomly shows up at events. My cousins stopped him at the door. He genuinely seemed surprised that dogs were not allowed and was apologetic. He said that he never reads invitations very closely and just jotted down the address and time. He said he missed all the other emails. We went with the ignorance is no defense and told him he could yelp doggie daycare's in the area. He left which is 100% fine with me.

Aggressive cousin stayed home stewing with wall eating dog. No idea what dog expert dude did. (For clarity the PP was correct that I mistyped. He is not grandmother's cousin's wife husband. He is grandmother's cousin's daughter's husband.) I'm sure hamster dog aunt took her dog somewhere else inappropriate with her fake ESA I'll sue you if you deny my dog access papers.

At the end of the evening after most people had left, aggressive cousin sends out an email announcing that she is hosting Thanksgiving. She adds that this will be an inclusive event and all human and fur relatives are invited. She then added that if anyone is an animal hater then it may simply be best if they did not attend. This will create more email drama because two other relatives always fight about which one of them is going to host Thanksgiving. Cousin has never been in the hosting competition for major events. We are going on a short vacation and have no intention of attending an extended family Thanksgiving trip this year so they can all duke it out.

Well your mother-in-law is a real piece of work. As is the rest of your crazy family.

[Anonymous]

I hate crazy dog people. You decided to have a pet, not the rest of us. It does not need to go everywhere you go. When your dog passes, stop equating it to a child. Those of us with child loss can't get a new one the next weekend. Stop it. And people who can't grocery shop without the emotional support of a dog probably shouldn't leave the house ever if it's that hard. Your BS anxiety to get emotional support papers doesn't trump my child's right to breathe & be free from hives. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your story is great! It stuck in my mind and now I wonder if MIL was trying to have big family get together and promised all these distant relatives to do whatever they wanted. Some behind the scenes machinations

Is that "mashinations" or "mackinations"? (e.g. are you right or are you wrong?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your story is great! It stuck in my mind and now I wonder if MIL was trying to have big family get together and promised all these distant relatives to do whatever they wanted. Some behind the scenes machinations

Is that "mashinations" or "mackinations"? (e.g. are you right or are you wrong?)

Machinations is correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agreed to host an upcoming extended in-law family get together at our house. Its a backyard party with grilling to celebrate five summer birthdays. Easy right.

My niece is very allergic to dogs. When SIL/BIL and their family visit I board my dog and vacuum the entire house, wash down the baseboards, dust off everything, change the air filters, and keep all the windows open. We have hardwoods and no fabric window coverings so it works and SIL is very appreciative. At other family events, several family members bring their dogs and it is very difficult for my niece. SIL is thrilled it is at our house and thanked me for sending our dog to doggie daycare for the day etc.

In the invitation I included that we would be boarding our dog and not having dogs at this event. Now the relatives who always bring their dogs are insisting that they get to bring their dogs. My cousin's wife simply responded to the email invitation with including her dog's name on the RSVP. I wrote to her telling her we wouldn't be hosting dogs and she is now mortally offended and whiny. She whined that it was too much of hardship to board her dog and that he has been welcome at other family events. At the same time, a different cousin writes to me begging me not to let that cousin's dog come to our house or they will not be going. The dog is a shepherd, husky, retriever mix that is big, not well trained, jumpy and nips. It jumped scratched and nipped her kid at one of the last events and her kids are afraid of it. I let her know that I told the other cousin not to bring the dog. She is happy but the other cousin is mad sending snotty notes.

The next dog owner is an aunt. She has informed me that she is bringing her dog. She next informs me that my allergic niece can simply stay outside because her dog is an indoor only dog and never sets foot outside. She will be bringing a playpen and pee pads to set up in her home just like she does at other events. She attached her what I'm sure is fake certificate that her dog is an emotional support animal so legally I can not bar her dog access to my home. I responded absolutely not. If she can not be away from her dog then she'll just have to miss this event.

Now the third dog owner is writing to me. He expects to bring his two huge dogs. He has apparently paired up with the cousin and was trying to explain to me that her dog will behave better with his dogs present due to pack behavior. I said no.

The three of them have now combined forces and sent an email to everyone saying how sad it is that some family members are being excluded from this event. They are responding back and forth agreeing with each other and going on how animals are family members too. I am getting email sent just to me not to the whole group from several others encouraging me not to give in and that they hate those dogs. Previous hosts are hoping this sticks because one of the dogs seems to have a pattern of pooping on outdoor rugs. None of them are brave enough to respond to all so the email invitation thread appears to be a dogs can come petition from the dog owners.

MIL is thinking that we should give in to keep the peace. DH and I now never want to see any of these dogs or their owners again. Another aunt who has a cat (and is not pushing to bring the cat) has warned me that one of them will show up with the dog anyway and we will have to be prepared to turn them away at the door. She thinks we might want to cancel and just say someone is sick. I'm not going to cancel and have no problem telling anyone who shows up with a dog that they can't come in.

Do the people in your extended family view their dogs as entitled to attend everything? Are these people just nuts?

I think these people are rude and crazy. I would never do this. I don't bring my dog to other people's homes unless they specifically tell me to. But, my dog is part of my family, so I would never do what you did for ONE person to come over to my house for a huge party. It sucks for her, but she can't expect everyone to just board their dogs when she is invited to a party. There are things for her take for the short time she would be there to make it tolerable for her to attend.

[Anonymous]

Just tell everyone no dogs allowed. They can stay at a hotel if they don't like it or just not come. Dogs are not welcome. If someone brings a dog tell them the dog can't come inside. I'm glad you are strong and are not going to cave in. These people sound wacky- telling you that legally you have to let their emotional support dog in your house??? lol. Please let us know how it goes. Dogs are part of the family but not as important as a human family member.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agreed to host an upcoming extended in-law family get together at our house. Its a backyard party with grilling to celebrate five summer birthdays. Easy right.

My niece is very allergic to dogs. When SIL/BIL and their family visit I board my dog and vacuum the entire house, wash down the baseboards, dust off everything, change the air filters, and keep all the windows open. We have hardwoods and no fabric window coverings so it works and SIL is very appreciative. At other family events, several family members bring their dogs and it is very difficult for my niece. SIL is thrilled it is at our house and thanked me for sending our dog to doggie daycare for the day etc.

In the invitation I included that we would be boarding our dog and not having dogs at this event. Now the relatives who always bring their dogs are insisting that they get to bring their dogs. My cousin's wife simply responded to the email invitation with including her dog's name on the RSVP. I wrote to her telling her we wouldn't be hosting dogs and she is now mortally offended and whiny. She whined that it was too much of hardship to board her dog and that he has been welcome at other family events. At the same time, a different cousin writes to me begging me not to let that cousin's dog come to our house or they will not be going. The dog is a shepherd, husky, retriever mix that is big, not well trained, jumpy and nips. It jumped scratched and nipped her kid at one of the last events and her kids are afraid of it. I let her know that I told the other cousin not to bring the dog. She is happy but the other cousin is mad sending snotty notes.

The next dog owner is an aunt. She has informed me that she is bringing her dog. She next informs me that my allergic niece can simply stay outside because her dog is an indoor only dog and never sets foot outside. She will be bringing a playpen and pee pads to set up in her home just like she does at other events. She attached her what I'm sure is fake certificate that her dog is an emotional support animal so legally I can not bar her dog access to my home. I responded absolutely not. If she can not be away from her dog then she'll just have to miss this event.

Now the third dog owner is writing to me. He expects to bring his two huge dogs. He has apparently paired up with the cousin and was trying to explain to me that her dog will behave better with his dogs present due to pack behavior. I said no.

The three of them have now combined forces and sent an email to everyone saying how sad it is that some family members are being excluded from this event. They are responding back and forth agreeing with each other and going on how animals are family members too. I am getting email sent just to me not to the whole group from several others encouraging me not to give in and that they hate those dogs. Previous hosts are hoping this sticks because one of the dogs seems to have a pattern of pooping on outdoor rugs. None of them are brave enough to respond to all so the email invitation thread appears to be a dogs can come petition from the dog owners.

MIL is thinking that we should give in to keep the peace. DH and I now never want to see any of these dogs or their owners again. Another aunt who has a cat (and is not pushing to bring the cat) has warned me that one of them will show up with the dog anyway and we will have to be prepared to turn them away at the door. She thinks we might want to cancel and just say someone is sick. I'm not going to cancel and have no problem telling anyone who shows up with a dog that they can't come in.

Do the people in your extended family view their dogs as entitled to attend everything? Are these people just nuts?

I think these people are rude and crazy. I would never do this. I don't bring my dog to other people's homes unless they specifically tell me to. But, my dog is part of my family, so I would never do what you did for ONE person to come over to my house for a huge party. It sucks for her, but she can't expect everyone to just board their dogs when she is invited to a party. There are things for her take for the short time she would be there to make it tolerable for her to attend.

Spoken like a person who doesn't suffer from extreme dog allergies. Let's just drug the kid up, maybe even have her get shots, so we don't inconvenience the dog owners!

What OP did was exceedingly kind and generous because she wanted to make her niece feel welcome and it allows niece to stay the weekend with them. From an earlier post by OP:

I don't mind boarding our dog. His doggie daycare/boarding place is better outfitted than our gym. He'll be fine. Its fun for the kids to have SIL/BIL and cousins stay with us. I also joke that it is the only reason our house gets really cleaned thoroughly so we're not put out accommodating niece's allergies.

I highly doubt OP being gracious and empathetic person will result in niece growing up thinking everyone will deep clean their homes and board their dogs for every party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We got back from vacation late last night. I think we are officially done hosting anything for this side of the family. One and done. The event itself turned out fine and was relatively dog drama free but the days right before were ridiculous.

I don't always constantly check my personal email throughout the day. I started getting texts from SIL telling me to look at my email now. Hamster dog aunt sent an email to the entire group telling people to be hold on, she had spoken to Cindy (MIL) and she thinks everything is going to be OK now, dogs are welcomed! Aggressive cousin with dog that eats through her walls if left alone, quickly had responded "O thank god! Cindy you are the best! We all love you so much "' . Next dog expert dude chimes in "Well that makes sense.". I was livid. DH and I sent back a clarifying email that the event was not at Cindy's house, it was at our house and dogs were not allowed. Since X, Y and Z seem to be having such a hard time accepting this we think it is better for everyone if you do not attend." This was met with silence.

MIL who stayed with us last weekend was a royal PITA. She denied ever telling hamster aunt that we would allow dogs but did say she would talk to us. MIL loves to be fawned over. DH and I are 100% sure that she did give in to hamster aunt and now won't admit it. She ended up whining all weekend about how mortified she was that we disinvited the 3 obnoxious relatives. She argued with SIL all weekend over whether allergies were real until the event. She kept telling us that it was not too late to apologize, let the dogs come and just give the niece a few extra doses of allergy medicine. We almost kicked her out. The event was filled with relatives relieved not to be dealing with dogs and MIL just lapped up all the positive attention about not having the dogs. I overheard her to talking to one relative and telling them "Well yes it was difficult standing up to Larla but sometimes you just have to be strong for your family."For a brief second, I thought she was complimenting us. Her next sentence was about how SHE had to keep encouraging us to not to allow the dogs for the sake of the other family members. She just wished we would have been more tactful. I almost threw up on her.

A funny side story is that cat aunt (who hates hamster dog aunt) told hamster aunt that her cat was welcome. She warned hamster aunt that she was going to let her huge hamster dog eating cat roam free at our house and would not intervene this time if it attacked hamster dog. This explains why MIL was babbling on earlier in the weekend about how if you are OK having cats then dogs should be there too. It made no sense at the time but after cat aunt told us about her threat I'm guessing that hamster aunt also complained about this to MIL.

There was one relative who did show up with a dog. He was another one of these relatives with a really distant connection. He was included in the family events years ago and never got taken off their list. He randomly shows up at events. My cousins stopped him at the door. He genuinely seemed surprised that dogs were not allowed and was apologetic. He said that he never reads invitations very closely and just jotted down the address and time. He said he missed all the other emails. We went with the ignorance is no defense and told him he could yelp doggie daycare's in the area. He left which is 100% fine with me.

Aggressive cousin stayed home stewing with wall eating dog. No idea what dog expert dude did. (For clarity the PP was correct that I mistyped. He is not grandmother's cousin's wife husband. He is grandmother's cousin's daughter's husband.) I'm sure hamster dog aunt took her dog somewhere else inappropriate with her fake ESA I'll sue you if you deny my dog access papers.

At the end of the evening after most people had left, aggressive cousin sends out an email announcing that she is hosting Thanksgiving. She adds that this will be an inclusive event and all human and fur relatives are invited. She then added that if anyone is an animal hater then it may simply be best if they did not attend. This will create more email drama because two other relatives always fight about which one of them is going to host Thanksgiving. Cousin has never been in the hosting competition for major events. We are going on a short vacation and have no intention of attending an extended family Thanksgiving trip this year so they can all duke it out.

Well your mother-in-law is a real piece of work. As is the rest of your crazy family.

LOL! Thanks for the update OP, what a crazy bunch! Would you create a separate thread about this other upcoming drama?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agreed to host an upcoming extended in-law family get together at our house. Its a backyard party with grilling to celebrate five summer birthdays. Easy right.

My niece is very allergic to dogs. When SIL/BIL and their family visit I board my dog and vacuum the entire house, wash down the baseboards, dust off everything, change the air filters, and keep all the windows open. We have hardwoods and no fabric window coverings so it works and SIL is very appreciative. At other family events, several family members bring their dogs and it is very difficult for my niece. SIL is thrilled it is at our house and thanked me for sending our dog to doggie daycare for the day etc.

In the invitation I included that we would be boarding our dog and not having dogs at this event. Now the relatives who always bring their dogs are insisting that they get to bring their dogs. My cousin's wife simply responded to the email invitation with including her dog's name on the RSVP. I wrote to her telling her we wouldn't be hosting dogs and she is now mortally offended and whiny. She whined that it was too much of hardship to board her dog and that he has been welcome at other family events. At the same time, a different cousin writes to me begging me not to let that cousin's dog come to our house or they will not be going. The dog is a shepherd, husky, retriever mix that is big, not well trained, jumpy and nips. It jumped scratched and nipped her kid at one of the last events and her kids are afraid of it. I let her know that I told the other cousin not to bring the dog. She is happy but the other cousin is mad sending snotty notes.

The next dog owner is an aunt. She has informed me that she is bringing her dog. She next informs me that my allergic niece can simply stay outside because her dog is an indoor only dog and never sets foot outside. She will be bringing a playpen and pee pads to set up in her home just like she does at other events. She attached her what I'm sure is fake certificate that her dog is an emotional support animal so legally I can not bar her dog access to my home. I responded absolutely not. If she can not be away from her dog then she'll just have to miss this event.

Now the third dog owner is writing to me. He expects to bring his two huge dogs. He has apparently paired up with the cousin and was trying to explain to me that her dog will behave better with his dogs present due to pack behavior. I said no.

The three of them have now combined forces and sent an email to everyone saying how sad it is that some family members are being excluded from this event. They are responding back and forth agreeing with each other and going on how animals are family members too. I am getting email sent just to me not to the whole group from several others encouraging me not to give in and that they hate those dogs. Previous hosts are hoping this sticks because one of the dogs seems to have a pattern of pooping on outdoor rugs. None of them are brave enough to respond to all so the email invitation thread appears to be a dogs can come petition from the dog owners.

MIL is thinking that we should give in to keep the peace. DH and I now never want to see any of these dogs or their owners again. Another aunt who has a cat (and is not pushing to bring the cat) has warned me that one of them will show up with the dog anyway and we will have to be prepared to turn them away at the door. She thinks we might want to cancel and just say someone is sick. I'm not going to cancel and have no problem telling anyone who shows up with a dog that they can't come in.

Do the people in your extended family view their dogs as entitled to attend everything? Are these people just nuts?

I think these people are rude and crazy. I would never do this. I don't bring my dog to other people's homes unless they specifically tell me to. But, my dog is part of my family, so I would never do what you did for ONE person to come over to my house for a huge party. It sucks for her, but she can't expect everyone to just board their dogs when she is invited to a party. There are things for her take for the short time she would be there to make it tolerable for her to attend.

What? A child, OP's niece, can't expect *other guests* to not bring their dogs to a get-together? That's bananas.

[Anonymous]

On the updside, I imagine this has solidified your relationship with your SIL! Good for you for holding firm--and deciding never to host an extended family gathering again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your story is great! It stuck in my mind and now I wonder if MIL was trying to have big family get together and promised all these distant relatives to do whatever they wanted. Some behind the scenes machinations

Is that "mashinations" or "mackinations"? (e.g. are you right or are you wrong?)

Machinations is correct.

Both are correct and used more in different regions (mashinations is the British pronunciation but used as the default in several parts of the US; mackinations is the US version used in most of the US).

It was an inside joke about the thread by the woman who says her husband mispronounces words all the time and it drives her nuts and this regional difference was the one example she provided.