Your dogs are NOT members of the family
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Anonymous
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I agreed to host an upcoming extended in-law family get together at our house. Its a backyard party with grilling to celebrate five summer birthdays. Easy right.
My niece is very allergic to dogs. When SIL/BIL and their family visit I board my dog and vacuum the entire house, wash down the baseboards, dust off everything, change the air filters, and keep all the windows open. We have hardwoods and no fabric window coverings so it works and SIL is very appreciative. At other family events, several family members bring their dogs and it is very difficult for my niece. SIL is thrilled it is at our house and thanked me for sending our dog to doggie daycare for the day etc. In the invitation I included that we would be boarding our dog and not having dogs at this event. Now the relatives who always bring their dogs are insisting that they get to bring their dogs. My cousin's wife simply responded to the email invitation with including her dog's name on the RSVP. I wrote to her telling her we wouldn't be hosting dogs and she is now mortally offended and whiny. She whined that it was too much of hardship to board her dog and that he has been welcome at other family events. At the same time, a different cousin writes to me begging me not to let that cousin's dog come to our house or they will not be going. The dog is a shepherd, husky, retriever mix that is big, not well trained, jumpy and nips. It jumped scratched and nipped her kid at one of the last events and her kids are afraid of it. I let her know that I told the other cousin not to bring the dog. She is happy but the other cousin is mad sending snotty notes. The next dog owner is an aunt. She has informed me that she is bringing her dog. She next informs me that my allergic niece can simply stay outside because her dog is an indoor only dog and never sets foot outside. She will be bringing a playpen and pee pads to set up in her home just like she does at other events. She attached her what I'm sure is fake certificate that her dog is an emotional support animal so legally I can not bar her dog access to my home. I responded absolutely not. If she can not be away from her dog then she'll just have to miss this event. Now the third dog owner is writing to me. He expects to bring his two huge dogs. He has apparently paired up with the cousin and was trying to explain to me that her dog will behave better with his dogs present due to pack behavior. I said no. The three of them have now combined forces and sent an email to everyone saying how sad it is that some family members are being excluded from this event. They are responding back and forth agreeing with each other and going on how animals are family members too. I am getting email sent just to me not to the whole group from several others encouraging me not to give in and that they hate those dogs. Previous hosts are hoping this sticks because one of the dogs seems to have a pattern of pooping on outdoor rugs. None of them are brave enough to respond to all so the email invitation thread appears to be a dogs can come petition from the dog owners. MIL is thinking that we should give in to keep the peace. DH and I now never want to see any of these dogs or their owners again. Another aunt who has a cat (and is not pushing to bring the cat) has warned me that one of them will show up with the dog anyway and we will have to be prepared to turn them away at the door. She thinks we might want to cancel and just say someone is sick. I'm not going to cancel and have no problem telling anyone who shows up with a dog that they can't come in. Do the people in your extended family view their dogs as entitled to attend everything? Are these people just nuts? |
Anonymous
| My German Shepherds are absolutely a part of our family. When we visit family, we board them. You need to hold the line, OP. It is incredibly rude for people to even ask if they can bring a dog to your home. Exceptions for true service dogs, of course. |
Anonymous
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These people are extremely nuts. That's crazy behavior, it's incredibly rude to you as a host to even push back once on the reasonable rules you're setting for your own house, and the fact that they don't care about a child getting sick (she can stay outside???) is pathological.
I wouldn't cancel but I might uninvite them, or at least reply all with a note that the next person to complain about the dog thing is no longer welcome. Sincerely, A Dog Lover |
Anonymous
| That's insane. I consider my dog family, but no way in hell would I bring her to someone's house if they didn't expressly invite her. She's a doodle, so my allergies don't act up as much with her, but other people's dogs would aggravate my allergies and asthma. I wouldn't even think to bring her with us! |
Anonymous
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Wow. All of the people who are insisting on bringing their dogs are totally out of line and disrespectful!!!!
My BIL always wants to bring his dog to everything, but also understands if we say no. Good for you for staying strong. |
Anonymous
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Yes, your family members are nuts. I would never (ever) allow someone to bring their dog to my house and place 'pee pads' in play pen. That's horrifying.
I think the issue is that you are dog owners, so they just assume that you're okay with bringing dogs. I've been to lots of parties where the hosts are dog lovers, and other people just bring their dogs, too. I think there would be an issue if suddenly they said "sorry, no dogs." Even if it was for a good reason. I would say (very clearly) - "Susie is very allergic to dogs, and I've gone through a lot of trouble to board Fido and clean the entire house so that she can be comfortable. I'm sorry, but we can't allow dogs at the house this time. I hope you can understand where we're coming from and will still be able to join us. We'll see Muffy at the next family gathering." |
Anonymous
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1. I view my dogs as members of my family, so don't agree with that sentiment.
2. I don't take them where they are not wanted or invited, and never would take them to your place in these circumstances. Don't give in. |
Anonymous
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If aunt with support dog shows up with the dog, and insists that you are required to permit the dog, then announce to the whole party that the event is now cancelled and everyone must leave.
That will get some other relatives speaking up.... |
Anonymous
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Yeah, our dog is a member of our family, but those family members of yours are nuts and rude. Not everyone gets invited to everything. Human versus non-human is a reasonable line to draw. (We have a running joke in our family that the dog is silently calling us fur-ists because we discriminate amongst the family members based on who has fur....the non-furry kids get pizza, bed, trip to disney; furry child gets dog food, crate, and a stay at the boarding facility.)
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Anonymous
It’s not fair to Allergic Suzie to put all the blame on her when other people don’t want the dogs there either. |
Anonymous
| I mean, leave your pets at home unless welcomed. That’s not a common thing? Call the family, call them animals. The truth is, they’re a pet. |
Anonymous
| Unless you are a public venue, Aunt's emotional support papers mean didly squat. |
Anonymous
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Oh, well, OP, guess you're going to just have to turn your house into a giant kennel and move all the actual humans to a hotel?
Tangent: There was a SCOTUS decision involving drug dogs on someone's steps without a warrant, Scalia I think wrote the (correct) decision that this was a 4th amendment violation. The weird part was that some justices (don't recall if this was in written concurrences/dissents or during oral arguments) had the notion that it was perfectly normal for a person to bring their pooch along when knocking at someone's door, stranger or friend, which seemed to me completely outlandish. I'm an extremely casual person and still know better. Tell those people you are sorry but you cannot put your niece at risk but will completely understand if they are unable to come. |
Anonymous
| Can you merge this with the cat wedding? |
Anonymous
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It seem rude to insist on bringing dog when pets are not invited. You can have all and any reason not to invite pets and this is your right. I would think that your niece with allergy is a very noble cause for you to support not to have dogs but
also for the sake of your own family, if you choose not to have dogs over that is your right. Some dogs are very territorial and can start having issues with the smell of visiting dogs. It can lead to host of problems. I would stand my ground. After all they don't need to come if they are that touchy. I would never bring a dog unless specifically invited with a dog or seeing an invitation that welcomes dogs. |