Man wanting to dance with daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here. He was doing it because he wanted to, not because she wanted to. And when she made it clear she didn't want to, he made it clear his desire to do what he wanted with her body (sexual or not) overruled her choices.

That's kind of the definition of "for his pleasure," PP. It sure as hell wasn't for her health.

It is not any more complicated than what this PP states. Period.

Those of you passing this off as something else, and using it as a way to brand "Me Too" as "whiny", are disgusting.

I don't think anyone is defending the other guy's actions. They were out of bounds. The disagreement is whether OP overreacted by responding in a physical manner.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks again for all the responses on both ends of the spectrum

Extremely brief update:

I was at home this weekend and the host showed up at our house out of nowhere. She immediately gave me a big hug. I told her I was sorry and she said she probably wouldn't have handled it that way but that she understand and that lets just forget this ever happened.

I am just happy all of this doesn't have seemed to ruin our friendship!

Thanks for the update. I'd imagine that guest won't be invited to future events, though of course if he shows up, you and a bunch of others will probably have a very close eye on him.

I doubt very much the guest was trying to hit on OP's daughter, which is why OP is questioning whether he overreacted, and why the host is saying they should forget OP's reaction. If it was clear that the guest was hitting on OP's DD, OP wouldn't be questioning his response and apologizing to the host, and the host wouldn't be saying let's forget it happened. If a grown adult clearly hit on my 11 year old DD, I wouldn't question any response I had. And if the host tried to say let's forget that a pedophile hit on my 11 year old, they would get an earful and we would no longer be friend.

Physically grabbing someone else's child who doesn't want to dance, to make them dance with you - there is no planet where this is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here. He was doing it because he wanted to, not because she wanted to. And when she made it clear she didn't want to, he made it clear his desire to do what he wanted with her body (sexual or not) overruled her choices.

That's kind of the definition of "for his pleasure," PP. It sure as hell wasn't for her health.

It is not any more complicated than what this PP states. Period.

Those of you passing this off as something else, and using it as a way to brand "Me Too" as "whiny", are disgusting.

I don't think anyone is defending the other guy's actions. They were out of bounds. The disagreement is whether OP overreacted by responding in a physical manner.

+1

Read the whole thread. People have made excuses for the drunk guy and mocked the me too movement. That’s what happens in a rape culture. Then when they get called out for trying to give the drunk guy a pass, someone else comes along and says it never happened, we must not have understood what people meant when they said the guy was only trying to help her have a little fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here. He was doing it because he wanted to, not because she wanted to. And when she made it clear she didn't want to, he made it clear his desire to do what he wanted with her body (sexual or not) overruled her choices.

That's kind of the definition of "for his pleasure," PP. It sure as hell wasn't for her health.

It is not any more complicated than what this PP states. Period.

Those of you passing this off as something else, and using it as a way to brand "Me Too" as "whiny", are disgusting.

I don't think anyone is defending the other guy's actions. They were out of bounds. The disagreement is whether OP overreacted by responding in a physical manner.

+1

Read the whole thread. People have made excuses for the drunk guy and mocked the me too movement. That’s what happens in a rape culture. Then when they get called out for trying to give the drunk guy a pass, someone else comes along and says it never happened, we must not have understood what people meant when they said the guy was only trying to help her have a little fun.

+1 The fact that anyone tried to make OP feel like she overreacted is indicative of a problem. What if OP was a guy? Protective dad probably would have been given more benefit of the doubt for being able to correctly interpret another guys intentions.

OP did not OVERreact. She REACTED and RESPONDED to a threat. The threat was an adult using their status to manipulate her daughter and make her feel like SHE DOESNT HAVE CONTROL in a place where she should feel safe.

This guy would have gotten a big reaction from me too as well as a specific confrontation on just what he thinks he is doing and to explain himself right away. Not because I would think he deserves a chance to explain to himself, but because I would want to make him say out loud what the hell he was thinking so I could tell him exactly what I saw and why it was not ok.

I would have had the exact same reaction were it a woman. Noone restricts my child physically and tells them THEY are in any kind of control. It is without doubt an inexcusable offense with no legitimate explanation. Its the combination of the grab and the threat to not let go unless the child complies that is the offense here.

OP I think its clear that you have made a choice and you made the right choice. Part of making the right choice means living with the fact that other people will not agree.

To hell with those "friends" who don't get this. Those are not friends.

Do not let these people make you second guess your instinctive reaction to the CLEAR OFFENSE which is of a very serious nature because of the attempt to normalize what in another context would be an assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here. He was doing it because he wanted to, not because she wanted to. And when she made it clear she didn't want to, he made it clear his desire to do what he wanted with her body (sexual or not) overruled her choices.

That's kind of the definition of "for his pleasure," PP. It sure as hell wasn't for her health.

It is not any more complicated than what this PP states. Period.

Those of you passing this off as something else, and using it as a way to brand "Me Too" as "whiny", are disgusting.

I don't think anyone is defending the other guy's actions. They were out of bounds. The disagreement is whether OP overreacted by responding in a physical manner.

+1

Read the whole thread. People have made excuses for the drunk guy and mocked the me too movement. That’s what happens in a rape culture. Then when they get called out for trying to give the drunk guy a pass, someone else comes along and says it never happened, we must not have understood what people meant when they said the guy was only trying to help her have a little fun.

+1 The fact that anyone tried to make OP feel like she overreacted is indicative of a problem. What if OP was a guy? Protective dad probably would have been given more benefit of the doubt for being able to correctly interpret another guys intentions.

OP did not OVERreact. She REACTED and RESPONDED to a threat. The threat was an adult using their status to manipulate her daughter and make her feel like SHE DOESNT HAVE CONTROL in a place where she should feel safe.

This guy would have gotten a big reaction from me too as well as a specific confrontation on just what he thinks he is doing and to explain himself right away. Not because I would think he deserves a chance to explain to himself, but because I would want to make him say out loud what the hell he was thinking so I could tell him exactly what I saw and why it was not ok.

I would have had the exact same reaction were it a woman. Noone restricts my child physically and tells them THEY are in any kind of control. It is without doubt an inexcusable offense with no legitimate explanation. Its the combination of the grab and the threat to not let go unless the child complies that is the offense here.

OP I think its clear that you have made a choice and you made the right choice. Part of making the right choice means living with the fact that other people will not agree.

To hell with those "friends" who don't get this. Those are not friends.

Do not let these people make you second guess your instinctive reaction to the CLEAR OFFENSE which is of a very serious nature because of the attempt to normalize what in another context would be an assault.

OP was the Dad

[Anonymous]

OP feels awkward b/c he pushed another guest to the ground in someone else's home. I can see why he's apologizing even if he was mostly in the right. (I say "mostly" only because, if he'd had the opportunity for thought/advanced planning, he probably would have managed the situation w/o getting physical. That said, he didn't have time to think/plan and not having the 100% optimal reaction doesn't mean it wasn't a totally understandable and acceptable reaction.) Also, the host didn't hear the guest and, based on OP's account, the guest's behavior is so weird/out of line, host might think that there was some kind of misunderstanding. I know, on some level, that if I were the host and creepy guest were my friend, I'd initially assume some sort of miscommunication...

All that said, OP you did nothing wrong and I'm glad everything has worked out fine. Guest may have been a creep. Guest may just be socially extremely awkward. Guest may just have been awkward and drunk. Whatever the explanation, he was way WAY out of line and your response was fine.

[Anonymous]

When I was about 16 years old I was with my parents when some old guy (like 70 years) asked me to dance. I think my parents vaguely knew him. Anyway, I said no, but they made me dance with him, “c’mon, we are right here. It’s ok!” I think I even started crying. I wish they had stood up for me like you did for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was about 16 years old I was with my parents when some old guy (like 70 years) asked me to dance. I think my parents vaguely knew him. Anyway, I said no, but they made me dance with him, “c’mon, we are right here. It’s ok!” I think I even started crying. I wish they had stood up for me like you did for your daughter.

By pushing a 70yo man to the ground for trying to get you to dance? You wish that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been where you are....When my DD was 11 or 12, a man who appeared to be in his mid 50's made a pass at her. Not at a party, but a coffee shop. I said, excuse me, but she is just a kid. He did not respond appropriately. I got in his face. Owner comes by and asks what is going on (I am a regular at the shop). I told him. Offender was banned (turns out he was also making harassing comments to the baristas).

I think your scenario is different than OP's. While the drunk guy completely overstepped boundaries, I doubt he was actually "hitting on" OP's DD in front of OP, her dad, and a room full of other people he knew. OP sounds like he has anger management issues. He could have completely defended his DD and set the guy staight without being physical. As a teen, I would not have wanted to see my dad react in that way. OP should talk to his DD and get her perspective.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you acted appropriately of course depends on what precisely you did. All the people saying you were fine are making a lot of assumptions. That you may have lost friends indicates that you may have overreacted. Frankly, the absence of details in your post also suggests that you think you overreacted.

I don’t think I did... Let me just come out and say it. I basically pushed the guy away from her forcefully and said are you nuts?

i would have done worse. It stall too much. I would have berated and shamed him and then left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was about 16 years old I was with my parents when some old guy (like 70 years) asked me to dance. I think my parents vaguely knew him. Anyway, I said no, but they made me dance with him, “c’mon, we are right here. It’s ok!” I think I even started crying. I wish they had stood up for me like you did for your daughter.

your parents abandoned you. I’m sorry. Inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was about 16 years old I was with my parents when some old guy (like 70 years) asked me to dance. I think my parents vaguely knew him. Anyway, I said no, but they made me dance with him, “c’mon, we are right here. It’s ok!” I think I even started crying. I wish they had stood up for me like you did for your daughter.

By pushing a 70yo man to the ground for trying to get you to dance? You wish that?

She said "stood up" for her, not "pushing the guy" to the ground. You have problem with reading comprehension?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was about 16 years old I was with my parents when some old guy (like 70 years) asked me to dance. I think my parents vaguely knew him. Anyway, I said no, but they made me dance with him, “c’mon, we are right here. It’s ok!” I think I even started crying. I wish they had stood up for me like you did for your daughter.

By pushing a 70yo man to the ground for trying to get you to dance? You wish that?

She said "stood up" for her, not "pushing the guy" to the ground. You have problem with reading comprehension?

And maybe I missed it but I don’t remember OP saying he pushed the guy to the ground. I remember him saying it was a forceful push away from his dd.

[Anonymous]

And maybe I missed it but I don’t remember OP saying he pushed the guy to the ground. I remember him saying it was a forceful push away from his dd.

Yes, you missed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was about 16 years old I was with my parents when some old guy (like 70 years) asked me to dance. I think my parents vaguely knew him. Anyway, I said no, but they made me dance with him, “c’mon, we are right here. It’s ok!” I think I even started crying. I wish they had stood up for me like you did for your daughter.

By pushing a 70yo man to the ground for trying to get you to dance? You wish that?

You’re a sicko. They should not have forced their minor daughter to dance with a man, that was just wrong.
And if he persisted and put his ha SS on her - a good swift kick would have been warranted.
PP I’ll bet you’re partly sad that YOU didn’t kick the guy and stalk off too. But your parents were super weird and inappropriate.