Closed Adoption and found the birth mother

[Anonymous]

https://www.bostonglobe.com/opinion/editorials/2016/05/23/adoptees-have-right-access-their-identity/g1nMZFHuLLXlBla8AhF7IN/story.html

[Anonymous]

What exactly is the OP sister looking for from this?

She already has a family. She has her adoptive parents and sibling(s). The birth family doesn't want to know her. Just because she's a blood relative means diddly squat. I have blood relatives I haven't seen in decades and have no desire to see, despite that there is no family animosity whatsoever. The OP's sister probably has this fantasy of finding an entire loving family waiting for her after all these years and embracing her warmly and inviting her to family dinners and holidays and becoming best friends. The reality: no, it ain't happening. And based on their reaction, her presence in that family is very unwelcome and most likely because of unpleasant circumstances surrounding the pregnancy. She will never be one of them. End of story. She needs to get on with life and celebrate her real family, which are her adoptive parents and siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone: the following states permit Adoptees to get their birth certificate when they are 18:
Hawaii
Ohio
Oregon
New Hampshire
Alabama
Alaska
Colorado
Rhode Island
Kansas
Maine

Plus most of Europe, the UK, Australia Canada and others.

More and more governments are recognizing the rights of adoptees to their own documents trumps birth parents secrecy.

Ancestry or 23 n Me or whatever makes the paperwork moot. It is a new game now.

DNA now has changed all this. We are no longer needing the paperwork. It is that easy.

The point is that courts and governments are making the determination that adoptees have rights to their own paperwork. That finding out about yourself is a right above the wishes of the birth parent. The point is that adoptees should have the chance to find out who they are. Whether they get that through a birth certificate or ancestry.com is moot.

Having access to paperwork, and unfettered access to people are two different things, IMHO.

[Anonymous]

Overwhelmingly, research and laws have supported the adoptees rights to information. Laws have changed in most states, and, at this point, they don't even need to change due to DNA methods. Also, the laws were in place to protect the ADOPTIVE parents, not the birth parents, which many here do not realize. Most birth parents want to know, and there is a plethora of resesrch to support that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7970730

So you want legislation passed? Guess what it hasn’t so it is still not yet your right.

I think you are vastly forgetting the needs of others who can’t give you the identity and medical answers you seek. Please seek counseling to help fill this void in your life. Said with love from another adoptee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7970730

So you want legislation passed? Guess what it hasn’t so it is still not yet your right.

I think you are vastly forgetting the needs of others who can’t give you the identity and medical answers you seek. Please seek counseling to help fill this void in your life. Said with love from another adoptee.

Who are you addressing in the second person? No horse in this game, BTW, again. Secondly, yes, laws have already been overturned in most states. The point here us that laws and DNA have changed the dynamic. It is no longer up for debate.

[Anonymous]

All of this is pretty interesting. I have a great family but if someone came up to me and said they were my half sibling I absolutely would not want to know. Family is who you were raised with and not some random love child of my parents. I'd be angry and would wonder what they want from my family.

Also, are illegitimate children considered heirs? Would my parent's inheritance have to be split with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of this is pretty interesting. I have a great family but if someone came up to me and said they were my half sibling I absolutely would not want to know. Family is who you were raised with and not some random love child of my parents. I'd be angry and would wonder what they want from my family.

Also, are illegitimate children considered heirs? Would my parent's inheritance have to be split with them?

Ah...no. They have no claims to inheritance. So why would you be angry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7970730

So you want legislation passed? Guess what it hasn’t so it is still not yet your right.

I think you are vastly forgetting the needs of others who can’t give you the identity and medical answers you seek. Please seek counseling to help fill this void in your life. Said with love from another adoptee.

Who are you addressing in the second person? No horse in this game, BTW, again. Secondly, yes, laws have already been overturned in most states. The point here us that laws and DNA have changed the dynamic. It is no longer up for debate.

Then why are you posting here if you have no horse in this game? Shouldn’t this thread be for those who can advise OP and other PPs from personal experience?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7970730

So you want legislation passed? Guess what it hasn’t so it is still not yet your right.

I think you are vastly forgetting the needs of others who can’t give you the identity and medical answers you seek. Please seek counseling to help fill this void in your life. Said with love from another adoptee.

What's that now? https://chronicleofsocialchange.org/adoption/adoptees-gaining-ground-in-the-fight-to-open-birth-records

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this is pretty interesting. I have a great family but if someone came up to me and said they were my half sibling I absolutely would not want to know. Family is who you were raised with and not some random love child of my parents. I'd be angry and would wonder what they want from my family.

Also, are illegitimate children considered heirs? Would my parent's inheritance have to be split with them?

Ah...no. They have no claims to inheritance. So why would you be angry?

Because I want to think of my parents how I remember them and wouldn't want to know about an affair or whatnot.

What makes them have no claim to inheritance? The fact that they were adopted by someone else?

[Anonymous]

My brothers girlfriend gave up a child about 15 years ago. She was 15 at the time. I wonder what will happen in a few years but my horrible racist mom definitely would not be kind to the child if she was contacted (child was mixed race). I don’t know if my brother had told his wife but I’d assume so. I still do not know how accepting they’d be as they are trump supporters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Overwhelmingly, research and laws have supported the adoptees rights to information. Laws have changed in most states, and, at this point, they don't even need to change due to DNA methods. Also, the laws were in place to protect the ADOPTIVE parents, not the birth parents, which many here do not realize. Most birth parents want to know, and there is a plethora of resesrch to support that.

There is a difference between “knowing” and having your life and decision blown up in your face. I think it’s human nature to wonder if you made the right decision, even 18 years later. Putting a child up for adoption isn’t something I think ANYONE takes lightly, and there needs to be some consideration that it’s a complicated decision, and a personal decision. No one should be able to decide 20year later that absolutely everyone in the birth family needs to know, save for the person or people that made that difficult choice.

These adoptees are taking down everyone in their path, instead of going to the source of their perceived pain, which is their parents. There is no need to involve anyone else, but they feel they have a right to do whatever they want, by whatever means. A closed adoption infers a lot of things, so it’s not like the message isn’t already out there that this was a complicated decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brothers girlfriend gave up a child about 15 years ago. She was 15 at the time. I wonder what will happen in a few years but my horrible racist mom definitely would not be kind to the child if she was contacted (child was mixed race). I don’t know if my brother had told his wife but I’d assume so. I still do not know how accepting they’d be as they are trump supporters.

Also what would she want from us? We don’t have any known medical stuff on our side (except maybe some mental issues bc trumpers). If we don’t have info nor want a relationship what else is there? Money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this is pretty interesting. I have a great family but if someone came up to me and said they were my half sibling I absolutely would not want to know. Family is who you were raised with and not some random love child of my parents. I'd be angry and would wonder what they want from my family.

Also, are illegitimate children considered heirs? Would my parent's inheritance have to be split with them?

Ah...no. They have no claims to inheritance. So why would you be angry?

Because I want to think of my parents how I remember them and wouldn't want to know about an affair or whatnot.

What makes them have no claim to inheritance? The fact that they were adopted by someone else?

Yes. A legal adoption negates any claim...it is akin to a divorce as such. So no, no possibility of a claim whatsoever. It is probably the reason siblings are so worried, but, no.