Disagreement with DH about breast lift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's like people can't compute a woman has her own feelings and can possibly be self motivated to look nice.

With surgery. Not makeup, not exercise, but actual surgery.

So?

[Anonymous]

It's like people can't compute a woman has her own feelings and can possibly be self motivated to look nice.


With surgery. Not makeup, not exercise, but actual surgery.

There is no way to fix that problem with exercise and surgery. I had surgery that wasn't absolutely medically necessary for a deformity in my upper jaw - it wasn't harming my ability to eat or breathe, but it looked pretty bad. I don't regret it.

[Anonymous]

This isn't really commenting on OP's specific situation, but as a general rule, I find the "looking good for myself" rationale to be generally disingenuous. You don't dress to the nines when you're hanging out at home by yourself. There is still an element of the "looking good for yourself" that depends on being seen by other people.

I mean I guess, but I don't like to wear frumpy, malfitting jeans and a tshirt with holes in the armpit even if I'm in the house alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's like people can't compute a woman has her own feelings and can possibly be self motivated to look nice.

With surgery. Not makeup, not exercise, but actual surgery.

I had surgery because of exercise. Surgery way more invasive than a breast lift. Do you also judge my exercise as a moral failing? Am I an even more morally corrupt because I'm back exercising at a high intensity again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This isn't really commenting on OP's specific situation, but as a general rule, I find the "looking good for myself" rationale to be generally disingenuous. You don't dress to the nines when you're hanging out at home by yourself. There is still an element of the "looking good for yourself" that depends on being seen by other people.

I mean I guess, but I don't like to wear frumpy, malfitting jeans and a tshirt with holes in the armpit even if I'm in the house alone.

Damn, I woke up today and took a shower, blow dried my hair straight and put on some makeup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He said he likes your boobs!

He didn't exactly say that. He said he's still attracted to me overall and the sagging doesn't particularly bother him. I am fairly sure that his position is that he liked them better the way they used to be, but the current situation isn't a deal-breaker in terms of his attraction to me.

I definitely have zero interest in a divorce or pleasing some other person besides DH and myself.

Honestly, OP, it sounds more like you need some therapy to help with your self-image than a breast lift. Can you at least try that first? Because what you wrote is 100% about YOUR self image, not what your DH thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He said he likes your boobs!

He didn't exactly say that. He said he's still attracted to me overall and the sagging doesn't particularly bother him. I am fairly sure that his position is that he liked them better the way they used to be, but the current situation isn't a deal-breaker in terms of his attraction to me.

I definitely have zero interest in a divorce or pleasing some other person besides DH and myself.

Honestly, OP, it sounds more like you need some therapy to help with your self-image than a breast lift. Can you at least try that first? Because what you wrote is 100% about YOUR self image, not what your DH thinks.

Why are people trying to make OP feel even worse about herself. She wants to feel attractive and she is lucky to be able to do that with a quick fix since her breasts seem to be the only thing she wants to change.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, OP, it sounds more like you need some therapy to help with your self-image than a breast lift. Can you at least try that first? Because what you wrote is 100% about YOUR self image, not what your DH thinks.

Yes, unless you are only concerned with what your DH thinks, you definitely need to go to therapy. Any focus on your own views of yourself is a sign of mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's like people can't compute a woman has her own feelings and can possibly be self motivated to look nice.

With surgery. Not makeup, not exercise, but actual surgery.

I had surgery because of exercise. Surgery way more invasive than a breast lift. Do you also judge my exercise as a moral failing? Am I an even more morally corrupt because I'm back exercising at a high intensity again?

You're gonna need to ratchet down the snark to communicate a point. There's surgery you need to fix a problem, and there's getting sliced open on a whim. The latter is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's like people can't compute a woman has her own feelings and can possibly be self motivated to look nice.

With surgery. Not makeup, not exercise, but actual surgery.

I had surgery because of exercise. Surgery way more invasive than a breast lift. Do you also judge my exercise as a moral failing? Am I an even more morally corrupt because I'm back exercising at a high intensity again?

You're gonna need to ratchet down the snark to communicate a point. There's surgery you need to fix a problem, and there's getting sliced open on a whim. The latter is stupid.

Actually my surgery was a result of my doing exercise that was not necessary and was driven by vanity. Had I been exercising for health, such as walking and light weight lifting, I would not have needed surgery.

My vanity based exercising is no less immoral than her wanting to fix her boobs with a far less invasive surgery than my rotator cuff surgery. As a matter of fact, i could have elected not to have surgery and managed with medication and then stopped lifting weights. I'm sure in time ill need work done on my knees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He said he likes your boobs!

He didn't exactly say that. He said he's still attracted to me overall and the sagging doesn't particularly bother him. I am fairly sure that his position is that he liked them better the way they used to be, but the current situation isn't a deal-breaker in terms of his attraction to me.

I definitely have zero interest in a divorce or pleasing some other person besides DH and myself.

Honestly, OP, it sounds more like you need some therapy to help with your self-image than a breast lift. Can you at least try that first? Because what you wrote is 100% about YOUR self image, not what your DH thinks.

Why are people trying to make OP feel even worse about herself. She wants to feel attractive and she is lucky to be able to do that with a quick fix since her breasts seem to be the only thing she wants to change.

Because wanting to feel sexy again is clearly a moral failing.

OP needs to ignore the haters and do what will make her feel good. The surgery is not dangerous. It is routine and thousands of women do it and live to tell the tale. Their lives do not crumble into ruins and their families do not collapse. If a woman feels sexy, she's gonna want to have more sex and that is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I showed DH this thread and he got a kick out of it. For what it is worth, I earn slightly (but not much) more than half of our HHI. I am also worried about how exactly I would explain the situation to our kids, who are both boys. I'm not sure what decision I will make in the end.

How old are your boys? I recently had a breast augmentation and didn't tell my boys anything other than that I had surgery and they needed to be gentle for awhile while hugging me and do some extra chores around the house since I couldn't lift anything above ten pounds. They have no idea. They also don't know Dad got a vasectomy, they just know he had a surgery and sat on the couch watching tv for a couple days. Boys are surprisingly oblivious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 33 and getting Botox and fillers somewhat regularly. When time comes I will be happy to intervene with more invasive procedures. I am lucky to not need boob job, nose job or tummy tuck (maybe after baby number 3???) I feel better (I look really good from what friends and family say), my husband is really happy and proud and my kids are proud to have such a pretty mom. Win-win for everyone!

Also, I come from a family where looking good is important (men and women) so I value it a lot.

What would happen if someone had an accident and was horribly scared for life even with surgery? I think we all want to look good, but a family valuing looking good seems superficial, and a therapy waiting to happen.

You act like valuing beauty automatically rules out valuing ANYTHING else.

Oh, *I* am acting like valuing beauty rules out valuing anything else, and not that PP who posted how her family values looking good? Okaaaay.

Yes. That PP didn't say her family values nothing else, and you're acting as if she did.

But it's important enough for her to get plastic surgery. That is placing a pretty high value on looking good. Therefore, other values must be lower on the totem pole.

what? that makes no sense whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I showed DH this thread and he got a kick out of it. For what it is worth, I earn slightly (but not much) more than half of our HHI. I am also worried about how exactly I would explain the situation to our kids, who are both boys. I'm not sure what decision I will make in the end.

How old are your boys? I recently had a breast augmentation and didn't tell my boys anything other than that I had surgery and they needed to be gentle for awhile while hugging me and do some extra chores around the house since I couldn't lift anything above ten pounds. They have no idea. They also don't know Dad got a vasectomy, they just know he had a surgery and sat on the couch watching tv for a couple days. Boys are surprisingly oblivious.

Why the need to explain anything to children? This is grown up business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I showed DH this thread and he got a kick out of it. For what it is worth, I earn slightly (but not much) more than half of our HHI. I am also worried about how exactly I would explain the situation to our kids, who are both boys. I'm not sure what decision I will make in the end.

How old are your boys? I recently had a breast augmentation and didn't tell my boys anything other than that I had surgery and they needed to be gentle for awhile while hugging me and do some extra chores around the house since I couldn't lift anything above ten pounds. They have no idea. They also don't know Dad got a vasectomy, they just know he had a surgery and sat on the couch watching tv for a couple days. Boys are surprisingly oblivious.

Why the need to explain anything to children? This is grown up business.

They'll wonder where Mom went and why Dad is picking them up from school ?