Reply to I realized my marriage was over at the dinner table

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Reply to "I realized my marriage was over at the dinner table"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP I'm proud - and jealous - of you. I too am counting the days - I'm staying with a husband who has anger and patience issues until our son goes to college. I have MS that is quite advanced and I know if we were to divorce, he'd get DS full time because he's physically and financially better off to be her caregiver whereas I can barely care for myself and it's only going to get worse.

So I stay because I fear how bad it could get if no one was there to intervene when DH loses his temper at DS, who is a wonderful but challenging kid. And I stay because I need someone to take care of me.

DH is not an evil guy - he's gone to therapy, parenting classes, he's even on medication, and he loves us both. There are just some people who don't have the talent or the wiring or whatever to be patient enough when suddenly they become a single father responsible for caring for a son with ADHD and a disabled wife. It's not what he signed up for, but he's doing it every day when some others might just bolt.

So sometimes he loses it and screams at his wife that she's an ungrateful fucking bitch (IFO DS). Or he yells at DS because he is "being a fucking asshole" when DS takes too long tying his shoes.

No family in town or really anywhere that could help me if I left. Don't have enough money to leave and hire enough caregivers for us both. (Already paying tons of $ for caregivers to help us part time now, and it's only a fraction of what full time help would cost - and yet the respite care and house cleaners and sitters don't seem to be relieving him enough so he could have the energy to manage his anger).

So what would you do - stay and be emotionally abused so that I can try to shield my son? Or leave my son behind just to save myself? I can't even write it because I could never leave DS to face it alone.

And yet it kills me - in college I used to volunteer at a domestic violence NGO, working with women to get them out of abusive situations. But still I stay

What would you do?
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