Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work

[Anonymous]

Here is how I look at my situation:

My wife stays at home -- we've got three young kids (the oldest just started school). And man, it is GREAT, and I'm thankful she's willing to do it. I couldn't. It is constant attention to schedules and activities and the hearts and minds of the little ones. She cooks healthy food, keeps the house reasonably clean, does the laundry, pays the bills, and keeps up the social connections.

I'm thankful that the raising of the kids is not in the hands of some minimum wage preschool workers or uneducated nanny. I'm thankful she is constantly teaching the kids about the world, about morals, about important concepts that will make them more successful and happy teens and adults. I'm thankful that because she does all she does during the day, we have time to connect as a couple when I'm home from work. We have a great marriage and a peaceful, happy, intellectual family. When I hear and read about the hustle of two working parents, it sounds soul crushing. Why would any resent that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to be 40 and starting at an entry level position.

You're right. Much harder than sitting home, not contributing your fair share.

It really shouldn't be THAT hard, if you were interested in helping your family, had a career before (you have a shorter curve on learning and understanding the politics in most offices). Not to mention, you have the motivation of having an entry leveL job that won't likely be sucking all your soul and time.

I think being insensitive to the reality that you are 40 doing the jub that most 25 year Olds are working is very hard on your self esteem. You are never going to get somebody on board to working with insensitivity.

Most people think they are "helping" their family by taking the burden off the husband.

I am not advocating for aSAHM to stay at home after kids go to school but thinking it is not a big deal from being a lwyer to a govt secretary, for the benefits, is insensitive$

Most entry level jobs are soul sucking and long hours, it those with connections, experience, etc that have more leave and cush jobs.

Men need to start taking on the household duties to show they are a team instead of acting like this is not a team effort. Get a job, it's not that hard... not a good approach.

Women need to keep their jobs even when they have infants, to force their husbands to do the housework and kid stuff. It doesn't benefit the family if one spouse gives up a good paying job because the other spouse won't do his or her share at home.

So your only way to manipulate your husband into helping you is to thrust your baby into daycare right away?

Sounds like you married poorly. My husband is a great dad and husband - because I married a great man- not someone I need to mother more than I need to mother my babies.

It sure helps if your spouse understands from the get go that there's no division of labor based solely on gender, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is how I look at my situation:

My wife stays at home -- we've got three young kids (the oldest just started school). And man, it is GREAT, and I'm thankful she's willing to do it. I couldn't. It is constant attention to schedules and activities and the hearts and minds of the little ones. She cooks healthy food, keeps the house reasonably clean, does the laundry, pays the bills, and keeps up the social connections.

I'm thankful that the raising of the kids is not in the hands of some minimum wage preschool workers or uneducated nanny. I'm thankful she is constantly teaching the kids about the world, about morals, about important concepts that will make them more successful and happy teens and adults. I'm thankful that because she does all she does during the day, we have time to connect as a couple when I'm home from work. We have a great marriage and a peaceful, happy, intellectual family. When I hear and read about the hustle of two working parents, it sounds soul crushing. Why would any resent that?

Says the guy earning $200+/year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is how I look at my situation:

My wife stays at home -- we've got three young kids (the oldest just started school). And man, it is GREAT, and I'm thankful she's willing to do it. I couldn't. It is constant attention to schedules and activities and the hearts and minds of the little ones. She cooks healthy food, keeps the house reasonably clean, does the laundry, pays the bills, and keeps up the social connections.

I'm thankful that the raising of the kids is not in the hands of some minimum wage preschool workers or uneducated nanny. I'm thankful she is constantly teaching the kids about the world, about morals, about important concepts that will make them more successful and happy teens and adults. I'm thankful that because she does all she does during the day, we have time to connect as a couple when I'm home from work. We have a great marriage and a peaceful, happy, intellectual family. When I hear and read about the hustle of two working parents, it sounds soul crushing. Why would any resent that?

Ahhh ... the irony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DHs who resent their SAH wives are ones who are low earners and need the additional income.

Agreed. I bring a trust fund to the table and my husband is a high earner. Our three kids are in early elementary school. I'm happy keeping our home running smoothly and cooking healthy meals, allowing the kids to be active in sports, and to enjoy our low key relaxed summers. Anyone who would judge us for being happy with how our family runs has their own issues.

What mutual interests do you and your husband share, other than your children?

Are you implying that couples who have different careers have mutual interests automatically? How silly.

Because of our set up we are able to enjoy our mutual interests (travel, skiing, golf, hiking, good food and wine etc) without having to coordinate two work schedules or constant childcare/nannies. We get to include our children in our interests when we choose. That flexibility is worth way more than the $180k I used to make. We simply don't need it and I don't understand why I should take a job from someone who does need it- especially when we mutually enjoy our lives just as they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is how I look at my situation:

My wife stays at home -- we've got three young kids (the oldest just started school). And man, it is GREAT, and I'm thankful she's willing to do it. I couldn't. It is constant attention to schedules and activities and the hearts and minds of the little ones. She cooks healthy food, keeps the house reasonably clean, does the laundry, pays the bills, and keeps up the social connections.

I'm thankful that the raising of the kids is not in the hands of some minimum wage preschool workers or uneducated nanny. I'm thankful she is constantly teaching the kids about the world, about morals, about important concepts that will make them more successful and happy teens and adults. I'm thankful that because she does all she does during the day, we have time to connect as a couple when I'm home from work. We have a great marriage and a peaceful, happy, intellectual family. When I hear and read about the hustle of two working parents, it sounds soul crushing. Why would any resent that?

Because the 0-5 years last a short while, while earning potential lost is often gone forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to be 40 and starting at an entry level position.

You're right. Much harder than sitting home, not contributing your fair share.

It really shouldn't be THAT hard, if you were interested in helping your family, had a career before (you have a shorter curve on learning and understanding the politics in most offices). Not to mention, you have the motivation of having an entry leveL job that won't likely be sucking all your soul and time.

I think being insensitive to the reality that you are 40 doing the jub that most 25 year Olds are working is very hard on your self esteem. You are never going to get somebody on board to working with insensitivity.

Most people think they are "helping" their family by taking the burden off the husband.

I am not advocating for aSAHM to stay at home after kids go to school but thinking it is not a big deal from being a lwyer to a govt secretary, for the benefits, is insensitive$

Most entry level jobs are soul sucking and long hours, it those with connections, experience, etc that have more leave and cush jobs.

Men need to start taking on the household duties to show they are a team instead of acting like this is not a team effort. Get a job, it's not that hard... not a good approach.

Women need to keep their jobs even when they have infants, to force their husbands to do the housework and kid stuff. It doesn't benefit the family if one spouse gives up a good paying job because the other spouse won't do his or her share at home.

So your only way to manipulate your husband into helping you is to thrust your baby into daycare right away?

Sounds like you married poorly. My husband is a great dad and husband - because I married a great man- not someone I need to mother more than I need to mother my babies.

It sure helps if your spouse understands from the get go that there's no division of labor based solely on gender, yes.

Agreed! We loved our time as DINK's and now still divide labor equally - just differently.

I managed to do that without having to manipulate him with a daycare baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is how I look at my situation:

My wife stays at home -- we've got three young kids (the oldest just started school). And man, it is GREAT, and I'm thankful she's willing to do it. I couldn't. It is constant attention to schedules and activities and the hearts and minds of the little ones. She cooks healthy food, keeps the house reasonably clean, does the laundry, pays the bills, and keeps up the social connections.

I'm thankful that the raising of the kids is not in the hands of some minimum wage preschool workers or uneducated nanny. I'm thankful she is constantly teaching the kids about the world, about morals, about important concepts that will make them more successful and happy teens and adults. I'm thankful that because she does all she does during the day, we have time to connect as a couple when I'm home from work. We have a great marriage and a peaceful, happy, intellectual family. When I hear and read about the hustle of two working parents, it sounds soul crushing. Why would any resent that?

Ahhh ... the irony.

How is that ironic? Do you think it is immoral that I'd rather have my children spend their formative years being cared for by someone who loves them deeply, is extremely well educated and intelligent, and thoughtful? If you need two working parents to get by, then so be it. But if you think that your children get care as good from their preschool or the nanny you found from some website or listserv, that either speaks to your delusion or the lack of better options at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is how I look at my situation:

My wife stays at home -- we've got three young kids (the oldest just started school). And man, it is GREAT, and I'm thankful she's willing to do it. I couldn't. It is constant attention to schedules and activities and the hearts and minds of the little ones. She cooks healthy food, keeps the house reasonably clean, does the laundry, pays the bills, and keeps up the social connections.

I'm thankful that the raising of the kids is not in the hands of some minimum wage preschool workers or uneducated nanny. I'm thankful she is constantly teaching the kids about the world, about morals, about important concepts that will make them more successful and happy teens and adults. I'm thankful that because she does all she does during the day, we have time to connect as a couple when I'm home from work. We have a great marriage and a peaceful, happy, intellectual family. When I hear and read about the hustle of two working parents, it sounds soul crushing. Why would any resent that?

Ahhh ... the irony.

How is that ironic? Do you think it is immoral that I'd rather have my children spend their formative years being cared for by someone who loves them deeply, is extremely well educated and intelligent, and thoughtful? If you need two working parents to get by, then so be it. But if you think that your children get care as good from their preschool or the nanny you found from some website or listserv, that either speaks to your delusion or the lack of better options at home.

Immoral? Nah, just elitist and myopic. It's not about money – I guarantee I could buy and sell you. It is the idea that someone who is not been afforded the same educational and life opportunities as you and your wife - and gasp! May be a different race – is somehow ill-equipped to teach morals and worldly behavior. Unless the worldview you want to promote is "don't let those poor brown hands touch my kid!"

[Anonymous]

So much black and white thinking when the world is various shades of gray. Everyone has different circumstances and thus makes different decisions. I would hope that the vast majority of us figure out what works best with what choices that are available to each of us.

Life isn't about absolutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much black and white thinking when the world is various shades of gray. Everyone has different circumstances and thus makes different decisions. I would hope that the vast majority of us figure out what works best with what choices that are available to each of us.

Life isn't about absolutes.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is how I look at my situation:

My wife stays at home -- we've got three young kids (the oldest just started school). And man, it is GREAT, and I'm thankful she's willing to do it. I couldn't. It is constant attention to schedules and activities and the hearts and minds of the little ones. She cooks healthy food, keeps the house reasonably clean, does the laundry, pays the bills, and keeps up the social connections.

I'm thankful that the raising of the kids is not in the hands of some minimum wage preschool workers or uneducated nanny. I'm thankful she is constantly teaching the kids about the world, about morals, about important concepts that will make them more successful and happy teens and adults. I'm thankful that because she does all she does during the day, we have time to connect as a couple when I'm home from work. We have a great marriage and a peaceful, happy, intellectual family. When I hear and read about the hustle of two working parents, it sounds soul crushing. Why would any resent that?

Ahhh ... the irony.

How is that ironic? Do you think it is immoral that I'd rather have my children spend their formative years being cared for by someone who loves them deeply, is extremely well educated and intelligent, and thoughtful? If you need two working parents to get by, then so be it. But if you think that your children get care as good from their preschool or the nanny you found from some website or listserv, that either speaks to your delusion or the lack of better options at home.

Immoral? Nah, just elitist and myopic. It's not about money – I guarantee I could buy and sell you. It is the idea that someone who is not been afforded the same educational and life opportunities as you and your wife - and gasp! May be a different race – is somehow ill-equipped to teach morals and worldly behavior. Unless the worldview you want to promote is "don't let those poor brown hands touch my kid!"

Someone calling someone elitist while simultaneously saying "I could buy and sell you". If you represent working women I'm glad to be on the intelligent other side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is for husbands only with SAHMs who really preferred their wives were working. I'm assuming you were okay with the arrangement before but what changed your mind?

I never changed my mind. My wife just decided to stop working. Then she got pregnant, had a kid, sayed home till school age by plan. Now, she continues to SAH, even though the child is 16.

How does someone just stop working? I really can't imagine. Did she just refuse? Did this not infuriate you??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is how I look at my situation:

My wife stays at home -- we've got three young kids (the oldest just started school). And man, it is GREAT, and I'm thankful she's willing to do it. I couldn't. It is constant attention to schedules and activities and the hearts and minds of the little ones. She cooks healthy food, keeps the house reasonably clean, does the laundry, pays the bills, and keeps up the social connections.

I'm thankful that the raising of the kids is not in the hands of some minimum wage preschool workers or uneducated nanny. I'm thankful she is constantly teaching the kids about the world, about morals, about important concepts that will make them more successful and happy teens and adults. I'm thankful that because she does all she does during the day, we have time to connect as a couple when I'm home from work. We have a great marriage and a peaceful, happy, intellectual family. When I hear and read about the hustle of two working parents, it sounds soul crushing. Why would any resent that?

Because the 0-5 years last a short while, while earning potential lost is often gone forever.

A. You don't need to resent this on behalf of someone else.
B. Some of us don't GAF about lost earning potential. I don't need more money! I already have more than I need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is for husbands only with SAHMs who really preferred their wives were working. I'm assuming you were okay with the arrangement before but what changed your mind?

I never changed my mind. My wife just decided to stop working. Then she got pregnant, had a kid, sayed home till school age by plan. Now, she continues to SAH, even though the child is 16.

How does someone just stop working? I really can't imagine. Did she just refuse? Did this not infuriate you??

How did this go on for 16 YEARS?? 16 months, maybe. But 16 freakin' YEARS?? Buddy, that's on you.