10yo embarrased by hairy legs and wants to shave. i am at a loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, my daughter is 13 and still doesn't shave. Most of her friends don't either. Why does a 10yr old care? I find that sad. She is just a kid.

I am the mother of a daughter that is pale and has dark hair. My guess is that your little girl doesn't have to endure the relentless teasing of kids because of this issue. If she did, you might be a little more open minded about it.
She is just a kid, but body hair comes in differently on different people. The reason a 10 year old cares is because the teasing can be brutal and if it can help her project a positive body image for herself, why should you find it sad?

+1 you tell 'em

Sorry but having a positive body image doesn't come with make-up, shaving, nose jobs, botox etc.... If you are teaching that, you are the problem.

YOU don't get to decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Waxing kids? Only the vain moms in DC do this. Maybe NY or LA too. 10 people!

+1

I was playing barbies at 10. Now we have 4th graders waxing, concealer, lip gloss, worried about what other people think of them.

Meh. I was playing with Barbies AND shaving my legs at 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, PP. Your kids are still of a single digit age. You are probably in for some surprises.

5.5 and 3, and she knows it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the first impression you're talking about includes having to have shaven legs and wear makeup, and the male equivalent for my son, then I hope they'll decide that's the wrong place for them. But that will be their life and their choice.

What job are they going to get if they refuse to wear make up and put on your best clothes? Your first impression is given long before you open your mouth. Its so funny- you keep saying that it will be their choice but the philosophy you're describing will effectively eliminate most career choices for them.

New PP, and honestly who gives 2 shits?! Really, do any of these PPs give a flying fart that this PP with a very specific world view might be limiting her child's career choices or whatever else people seem to prattle on about? I don't. I only really care if someone is being abused. If you think this is even in the realm of abuse or neglect, get out of your pretty little hole, because it's not. And this is from a woman who has probably $600+/1 in makeup and hair products on her bathroom counter. I could give 2 craps if PPs kids become CEOs of IBs or if they have no skills beyond living on a commune in rural GA. Why the need to fight them? To show them they are "wrong"?

These are seriously privileged problems!

You're right- its not abuse or neglect. Its a silly internet argument. I was just trying to point out the frivolity that the mother of a kindergartener truly believes she understands what raising teens is like. She specifically said they watch the kids interests and teach accordingly yet she's willfully ignoring the development of some basic socialization skills. Seriously- mommy's going to protect them from every little bully and social expectation and then throw them to the wolves when they're 18? Yeah, that'll go great...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the first impression you're talking about includes having to have shaven legs and wear makeup, and the male equivalent for my son, then I hope they'll decide that's the wrong place for them. But that will be their life and their choice.

What job are they going to get if they refuse to wear make up and put on your best clothes? Your first impression is given long before you open your mouth. Its so funny- you keep saying that it will be their choice but the philosophy you're describing will effectively eliminate most career choices for them.

Putting on makeup and putting on your best clothes are two very different things. Of course my children wear clean clothes (except for messy play), and I'm teaching them that there are different situations and different behaviours.

As I said, once they're adults, it will be their life and their choice. If my daughter wants to doll herself up with makeup everyday because job x is the thing that makes them the most happy, that will be her choice. But she damn well will know *why* women are expected to wear makeup, a certain kind of clothes and so on. What she chooses to do with that knowledge it's her business once she is a grown woman. Is that so hard to understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, PP. Your kids are still of a single digit age. You are probably in for some surprises.

+1

Especially if she has strong opinions about raising a 10 year old. I'm not saying BTDT parents know everything but I'm pretty sure the mother of a 5 year old doesn't have a clue about middle school and high school peer pressure.

+2

PP you have NO idea what you are in for - I had a feeling your kids were little.

PP here - no one has any idea what one is in for in life. We could all be killed or maimed in a car crash tomorrow. We can just do what we think our best in the present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can only imagine how exhausting it must be to be your child. Enjoy their rebellion. I'm not saying that to be snarky either, just a view from the outside looking in.

THIS + 1,000,000

I wonder what that PP is rebelling against herself. Because I'll bet dollars-to-donuts that her daughter will rebel and do a complete 180 as soon as she gets the chance. Used, non-name brand clothes- that is NOT going to make middle school and high school any easier at all. Seriously. You're welcome to make whatever choices you want for your family, obviously we all have different ways of raising our kids, there's no single instruction manual.

Let me put it this way- YOU are a social outlier. This can't be a revelation for you, you probably enjoy being smarter and different than all of us sheep who blindly follow social norms. But you are making YOUR DAUGHTER a social outlier as well. And goddamn, that's a rough way to grow up.

Up to this point, both my son and my daughter are happy, well-adjusted children. We avoid peer-orientation (to use a fundie expression, tho we're not extremely religious and we're not Christians), as much as possible. If a mean kid who teases and bullies shows up in their social circle, we take action and the little teaser/bully is weeded out or learns to leave our children alone, and we take great care to build up our children, to let them know that the people doing the teasing are wrong, not them.

Are you for real?? Seriously are there people like you out there or are you doing some type of internet parody?

No parody. We are "for real", as you say, tho I can't get why it disturbs/affects you so much.

[Anonymous]

So the discussion here is interesting, but I'm at a real loss here on one very simple issue: if a 10 year old (or almost-10, i.e., fourth grader) wants to shave her legs and is embarrassed by them, will she likely be the 'first' in her class to shave or are there others out there who have already started. FWIW, DC is a competitive gymnast who also dives: her legs are 'on display' a lot.

My concern is that if she's the first to shave, she may get as much teasing as she's nervous about getting RE the abundant hair on her legs.

TIA: we have recently moved and I don't have a strong circle of friends I can consult here, nor do I want to scope out my daughter's peers' legs.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, PP. Your kids are still of a single digit age. You are probably in for some surprises.

5.5 and 3, and she knows it all.

No, I don't. I'm bringing up my kids according to my values and my husband's. Like every other family does. But as those values are different from yours, you don't like that and you insult me. Not very mature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the first impression you're talking about includes having to have shaven legs and wear makeup, and the male equivalent for my son, then I hope they'll decide that's the wrong place for them. But that will be their life and their choice.

What job are they going to get if they refuse to wear make up and put on your best clothes? Your first impression is given long before you open your mouth. Its so funny- you keep saying that it will be their choice but the philosophy you're describing will effectively eliminate most career choices for them.

New PP, and honestly who gives 2 shits?! Really, do any of these PPs give a flying fart that this PP with a very specific world view might be limiting her child's career choices or whatever else people seem to prattle on about? I don't. I only really care if someone is being abused. If you think this is even in the realm of abuse or neglect, get out of your pretty little hole, because it's not. And this is from a woman who has probably $600+/1 in makeup and hair products on her bathroom counter. I could give 2 craps if PPs kids become CEOs of IBs or if they have no skills beyond living on a commune in rural GA. Why the need to fight them? To show them they are "wrong"?

These are seriously privileged problems!

You're right- its not abuse or neglect. Its a silly internet argument. I was just trying to point out the frivolity that the mother of a kindergartener truly believes she understands what raising teens is like. She specifically said they watch the kids interests and teach accordingly yet she's willfully ignoring the development of some basic socialization skills. Seriously- mommy's going to protect them from every little bully and social expectation and then throw them to the wolves when they're 18? Yeah, that'll go great...

You're willfully misunderstanding. I'm done with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the discussion here is interesting, but I'm at a real loss here on one very simple issue: if a 10 year old (or almost-10, i.e., fourth grader) wants to shave her legs and is embarrassed by them, will she likely be the 'first' in her class to shave or are there others out there who have already started. FWIW, DC is a competitive gymnast who also dives: her legs are 'on display' a lot.

My concern is that if she's the first to shave, she may get as much teasing as she's nervous about getting RE the abundant hair on her legs.

TIA: we have recently moved and I don't have a strong circle of friends I can consult here, nor do I want to scope out my daughter's peers' legs.....

Have you read the thread? She will not be the first to shave, because many others also started shaving at 10.

[Anonymous]

This is insane. Mom let your daughter shave her legs. There is no "official" time to start this. The problem is all yours.

[Anonymous]

I really, really don't get how not shaving your legs can be a value....except of the most superficial kind. Mom, let her shave her legs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can only imagine how exhausting it must be to be your child. Enjoy their rebellion. I'm not saying that to be snarky either, just a view from the outside looking in.

THIS + 1,000,000

I wonder what that PP is rebelling against herself. Because I'll bet dollars-to-donuts that her daughter will rebel and do a complete 180 as soon as she gets the chance. Used, non-name brand clothes- that is NOT going to make middle school and high school any easier at all. Seriously. You're welcome to make whatever choices you want for your family, obviously we all have different ways of raising our kids, there's no single instruction manual.

Let me put it this way- YOU are a social outlier. This can't be a revelation for you, you probably enjoy being smarter and different than all of us sheep who blindly follow social norms. But you are making YOUR DAUGHTER a social outlier as well. And goddamn, that's a rough way to grow up.

Up to this point, both my son and my daughter are happy, well-adjusted children. We avoid peer-orientation (to use a fundie expression, tho we're not extremely religious and we're not Christians), as much as possible. If a mean kid who teases and bullies shows up in their social circle, we take action and the little teaser/bully is weeded out or learns to leave our children alone, and we take great care to build up our children, to let them know that the people doing the teasing are wrong, not them.

Are you planning on sending your child to a public middle and high school? Your ability to control and monitor their social circle will end at some point. The fact that you are referencing "little teasers" gives me some insight. You appear to think of them as little kids, mine are 15 and 17. Its not about teasing and bullying, per se. Peer interactions between older kids is much more complicated. Not sure how you're going to "weed out" a majority of a high school class. IMO- your approach will encourage your kids to isolate themselves from a majority of their peers.

I'm curious how you will handle them getting a job, making a good first impression, and fitting in society as a whole.

It just seems like you're making everything a battle. Did your parents share a similar mindset, fighting against societal norms, or have you adopted a mindset and lifestyle that is contrary to how they raised you? I'm genuinely interested.

My son is 5.5, my daughter is three. So, up to this point, they are little kids, and they meet little teasers now and then. We teach them that teasing is wrong, and as a matter of fact, teasing on their part gets them some of the most severe consequences in the book.

I hope to be able to homeschool my children through high school. That may or may not be possible, according to various factors, but that's our family's hope and goal.

They will be equipped with skills for getting a job they like and makes them happy, whatever that might be. My husband and I watch closely to understand what their interests are, and we provide them plenty of opportunities to build on these interest and explore new ones. Their good first impression will be based on manners, kindness, and skills such as being personable people. If the first impression you're talking about includes having to have shaven legs and wear makeup, and the male equivalent for my son, then I hope they'll decide that's the wrong place for them. But that will be their life and their choice.

I am not rebelling about anything much. My mother raised me with awareness of a lot of things, for other things (e.g. going Vegan), I had to find my own ways because they weren't on her radar. I am comfortable with whom I am.

I don't make everything into a battle. Our family just has strong key values that don't get thrown out of the window because of matters of vanity and the like. I was very lucky in finding a man who shares my fundamental values and is on the same page as I am as house rules go.

Needle scratch.....

OP, let you daughter shave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really, really don't get how not shaving your legs can be a value....except of the most superficial kind. Mom, let her shave her legs!

I'm getting pretty tired of this going round and round, but I'll try to summarize it for you:

Not shaving means, for me:

- not adopting the patriarchal rule that your body is never ever ok as it is, especially if you're a woman, and you need to work on adapting it to ever-moving goalposts,
- not falling into the lie that hairs are ugly or undesirable,
- having one less shallow thing filling my head, thus being able to think about important things in life
- not falling into the traps that advertisers carefully prepare, i.e. you'll be happy once you'll buy our product (in this case, shaving products/devices)
- saving money that can be devoted to more important personal/family financial goals
- more time for whatever the heck I feel like doing, instead of using it for shaving.