Raising older teens is challenging

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is developing an eating disorder. I am completely freaked out.

PP, check out this site they are really awesome.

http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/?forum=136439#gsc.tab=0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16 year-terrible grades, terrible (nonexistent?) study skills, blames everyone but himself for anything that goes wrong. Very oppositional!! Many tears (privately of course) have been shed over this boy. However, there has been some improvement in his attitude over the last few months.

I have this same issue with my mere 10 year old. He is the most challenging person I've ever dealt with and each day is packed with oppositional behavior. He's been like this since he was a toddler and as he's gotten older his "rage" and attitude get worse.

I worry about how he will turn out and what I'm going to do when he's a teenager. This is how I'm told the teenage years are, but if it's already like that now I don't know what it's going to be like when he is even more independent.

My younger son isn't like this at all nor are any of the other little boys I know.

Parents of teens, did your younger kids act this way too or did it only manifest in the preteen/teen years?

My son was and is like yours. I worried at 2, at 5, at 10,etc. We are now at 13 and it's pretty bad. Just started therapy, likely to see psychiatrist soon too. It's really hard and I know how you feel. My son is the most challenging person I have ever dealt with and can bring out the worst in me. I hate it as I love him and want to reach him, but it's very very hard.

My oppositional 18 year old DD probably uses weed daily. Just tired of fighting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kicked out of friend group. Has friends, but no close ones to share those special senior year events with. Puts on a good front, but can tell it hurts.

This one breaks my heart. What happened? Do you know? Probably not. ;-(

Happened to mine, wish I had been proactive and had DD talk to therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've got El Chapo over here. He would smoke pot 24 hours a day if he could. He's 17 and goes to college next year. Pray for me.

I have that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is developing an eating disorder. I am completely freaked out.

PP, check out this site they are really awesome.

http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/?forum=136439#gsc.tab=0

thanks. Honestly, though, reading there just freaks me out even more. Especially because he is 18--we can't make him comply with treatment. I think we've caught it early, but it takes so long to find appropriate practitioners and who knows what will happen and how this will go. I'm wondering if he'll be able to go to college; we can't send him away if this isn't under control, and there is so little time left. I am terrified, and despairing, and completely bewildered. How has this happened? I can't sleep, I can't eat. His eating disorder is giving me one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Heroin Mom here. (Has a ring to it, doesn't it?)

Part private, part public. Could have been a factor but dunno--two user friends were from an extremely competitive private.

Adolescence was very unkind to DC. A most unfortunate confluence of mental and physical health problems.

Not a helicopter Mom. There was no TV at all during the week. Kids did not have video games, Gameboy, etc. Intact family, ate dinner together. Weekends were filled with outdoor outings, museum trips, etc. Admit to no spanking.

But none of these things are a guarantee a child with challenges like mine won't fall off the edge come adolescence.

Recovered and very active in anti-drug outreach. Would be Ivy Mom, if you have rehabilitation questions, ask away. It can get better.

Np, and don't have teens, but this just scares me. You did most everything right.
We have no control

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is developing an eating disorder. I am completely freaked out.

PP, check out this site they are really awesome.

http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/?forum=136439#gsc.tab=0

thanks. Honestly, though, reading there just freaks me out even more. Especially because he is 18--we can't make him comply with treatment. I think we've caught it early, but it takes so long to find appropriate practitioners and who knows what will happen and how this will go. I'm wondering if he'll be able to go to college; we can't send him away if this isn't under control, and there is so little time left. I am terrified, and despairing, and completely bewildered. How has this happened? I can't sleep, I can't eat. His eating disorder is giving me one.

There are a lot of people on that site who have gotten young adult children to comply with treatment. Even though he's 18, you probably still have leverage with him (paying for college, using your cars, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is developing an eating disorder. I am completely freaked out.

PP, check out this site they are really awesome.

http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/?forum=136439#gsc.tab=0

thanks. Honestly, though, reading there just freaks me out even more. Especially because he is 18--we can't make him comply with treatment. I think we've caught it early, but it takes so long to find appropriate practitioners and who knows what will happen and how this will go. I'm wondering if he'll be able to go to college; we can't send him away if this isn't under control, and there is so little time left. I am terrified, and despairing, and completely bewildered. How has this happened? I can't sleep, I can't eat. His eating disorder is giving me one.

There are a lot of people on that site who have gotten young adult children to comply with treatment. Even though he's 18, you probably still have leverage with him (paying for college, using your cars, etc.).

To PP with DS with eating disorder. If this developed suddenly, there is a chance this is PANDAS. Did he have strep or something akin prior to this beginning? It may be an outside chance, but this would be much more amenable to medication and so it is worth exploring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is developing an eating disorder. I am completely freaked out.

PP, check out this site they are really awesome.

http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/?forum=136439#gsc.tab=0

thanks. Honestly, though, reading there just freaks me out even more. Especially because he is 18--we can't make him comply with treatment. I think we've caught it early, but it takes so long to find appropriate practitioners and who knows what will happen and how this will go. I'm wondering if he'll be able to go to college; we can't send him away if this isn't under control, and there is so little time left. I am terrified, and despairing, and completely bewildered. How has this happened? I can't sleep, I can't eat. His eating disorder is giving me one.

There are a lot of people on that site who have gotten young adult children to comply with treatment. Even though he's 18, you probably still have leverage with him (paying for college, using your cars, etc.).

To PP with DS with eating disorder. If this developed suddenly, there is a chance this is PANDAS. Did he have strep or something akin prior to this beginning? It may be an outside chance, but this would be much more amenable to medication and so it is worth exploring.

No, but the onset of his generalized anxiety/OCD was sudden and within 2 weeks of a strep infection, when he was 9. Unfortunately, it has never entirely gone away. So far, he's managed without medication, but I think he needs to try the meds now. I am hopeful that this is more about OCD than it is about an entrenched ED, since he was the one who alerted us to the problem (told us that he had become obsessed with counting calories and avoiding highly caloric foods, that it was making him crazy and starting to get out of control and that he thought he had lost too much weight). Hopeful, because I think perhaps OCD might be easier to treat than an ED, but maybe I am fooling myself.

[Anonymous]

PP if your DS came down with OCD after strep when he was 9, there is even greater chance to suppose the ED is OCD driven and strep may be the culprit. An OCD like ED is frequently associated with PANDAS, often in the form of of an aversion to, say, certain textures of food. There is some evidence that PANDAS outbreaks in teenagers more often take the form of an ED like disorder.

This is what I would do: Get a strep culture for your DS and also have the ASO and anti-DNASE B titers done. If one of these is positive, see if you can get antibiotics prescribed for your DS to see if that helps. Steroid sometimes help as well.

Call someone like Charles Mansueto at the Behavior Therapy Center and explain the situation to him and see if they can help with CBT. Make an appointment now with Dr. Beth Latimer in Georgetown. She is the go to PANDAS person in this area. There is a long waiting list but many come from out of town to see her, so frequently there are cancellations. Ask to be put on the cancellation list, but don't rely on that. Call up every week to see if there are cancellations.

If this is PANDAS OCD behavior, it often can be more treatable than a pure ED. Further, the usual ED treatments often aren't that effective if it is actually PANDAS. I would also suggest that you go to Latitudes.org and register on the PANDAS forum. There are some very knowledgeable people on there, many in this area, who could give you some good advice on how to get treatment.

As for the OCD never entirely going away after your DS was 9. I had a DS in this position. He was treated very late for PANDAS as not much was available at the time. He did get SSRIs for OCD, but they did not help and for him caused side effects we could not live with. He was diagnosed at the NIH but not accepted into their trial because he was deemed too chronic, which was definitely the case. CBT at BTC (a year and a half!--ugh) basically took care of it until he got strep again as a college freshman. The manifestations that time were quite different from what they were when he was a child. It took a long course of antibiotics to bring the OCD to acceptable levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP if your DS came down with OCD after strep when he was 9, there is even greater chance to suppose the ED is OCD driven and strep may be the culprit. An OCD like ED is frequently associated with PANDAS, often in the form of of an aversion to, say, certain textures of food. There is some evidence that PANDAS outbreaks in teenagers more often take the form of an ED like disorder.

This is what I would do: Get a strep culture for your DS and also have the ASO and anti-DNASE B titers done. If one of these is positive, see if you can get antibiotics prescribed for your DS to see if that helps. Steroid sometimes help as well.

Call someone like Charles Mansueto at the Behavior Therapy Center and explain the situation to him and see if they can help with CBT. Make an appointment now with Dr. Beth Latimer in Georgetown. She is the go to PANDAS person in this area. There is a long waiting list but many come from out of town to see her, so frequently there are cancellations. Ask to be put on the cancellation list, but don't rely on that. Call up every week to see if there are cancellations.

If this is PANDAS OCD behavior, it often can be more treatable than a pure ED. Further, the usual ED treatments often aren't that effective if it is actually PANDAS. I would also suggest that you go to Latitudes.org and register on the PANDAS forum. There are some very knowledgeable people on there, many in this area, who could give you some good advice on how to get treatment.

As for the OCD never entirely going away after your DS was 9. I had a DS in this position. He was treated very late for PANDAS as not much was available at the time. He did get SSRIs for OCD, but they did not help and for him caused side effects we could not live with. He was diagnosed at the NIH but not accepted into their trial because he was deemed too chronic, which was definitely the case. CBT at BTC (a year and a half!--ugh) basically took care of it until he got strep again as a college freshman. The manifestations that time were quite different from what they were when he was a child. It took a long course of antibiotics to bring the OCD to acceptable levels.

Thank you so much. I will definitely look into this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years would I have thought my kid would be into pot, but he is.

Ditto, heroin.

Sorry if it's too personal of a question, but how did your kid get money for heroin? Isn't it a very expensive habit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years would I have thought my kid would be into pot, but he is.

Ditto, heroin.

Sorry if it's too personal of a question, but how did your kid get money for heroin? Isn't it a very expensive habit?

Heroin is an expensive habit if you are hardened addict. You could be shooting up five or more times a day spending $100 to $150. But at the outset, usage may not be so great. Say once a month, maybe two times a month. At $20 a shot, that's about $40 a month and well within reach for most teens. It is very rare to get hooked when you have it so sporadically. Even once a week is a level where most will not get addicted.

But it is dangerous. You do that for a while and think you are the unique person who doesn't get addicted. So at some point you up it to two, three times a week and bam! you start having withdrawal symptoms. You also are vulnerable to overdosing because you are not in the game enough to really gauge your tolerance and a packet that is more potent than what you've used before causes you to overdose.

My DC did overdose and I had to call 911. Things were good for a while after that, and then there were slip ups. I instituted biweekly drug tests at set times, with set in advance consequences for failing (attendance at an outpatient rehab). The previous approach I used of random drug tests and nothing but vague threats for not passing was useless.

I researched the rehab in advance and spoke to the people who ran it in person, getting a commitment DC could come in when ready. After four to five months of things going well, I went on a long business trip and DC had cash (very, very bad for kids with drug problems--always gave money in the form of gift cards) from relatives for a birthday. DC went on a drug binge and before I could test after returning admitted needing help as addiction had set in. This period of addiction lasted about two weeks; all the rest was sporadic use spread over perhaps two years.

We began at home detox immediately as DC didn't want to be on a locked ward. I had previously researched the steps for at home detox. Took DC to the rehab the next day, but it was agreed DC had to finish detox before beginning the program. Attendance at the rehab lasted about week, until the rehab said they couldn't handle one of DC's medical conditions (do not wish to be more specific). So DC did with NA meetings--often three a day. DC is doing very well, is over two years drug free, and remains a very active NA member.

[Anonymous]

I want to add my thanks to you all for sharing your stories. Best of luck to us all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous

This thread is scaring the $&!t out of me. Signed, mother of an adorably well-behaved 5 yo

How is this a helpful addition to the thread, PP?
Go MYOB.