Niece called me hysterical. Teen pregnancy, brother kicked her out

[Anonymous]

Is she still under your brother's health insurance? How are you handling doctor's visits?

[Anonymous]

Has the father been identified?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you spoken with your brother about them providing financial support for her, so you don't have to take on that financial burden?

Yes, that's part of why we sought out a lawyer's advice. How to set up some sort of child support, health insurance, her college fund, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you spoken with your brother about them providing financial support for her, so you don't have to take on that financial burden?

Yes, that's part of why we sought out a lawyer's advice. How to set up some sort of child support, health insurance, her college fund, etc.

GOOD, I'm really glad to hear that. Has your brother said he would offer financial support, or do you think you may need to go through the courts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has the father been identified?

Not beyond a first name. Niece was drunk. It was a one night stand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you spoken with your brother about them providing financial support for her, so you don't have to take on that financial burden?

Yes, that's part of why we sought out a lawyer's advice. How to set up some sort of child support, health insurance, her college fund, etc.

GOOD, I'm really glad to hear that. Has your brother said he would offer financial support, or do you think you may need to go through the courts?

Oh, I'm fairly certain this will be court-ordered. Thank god the attorney got a thing from court freezing all Niece's bank accounts - she has one that has monetary gifts from relatives for her entire life, her college account, etc. My brother was like "I can't believe you think she'll actually go to college! She's a welfare girl now."

[Anonymous]

If your niece continues down the path of keeping her baby, you and your DH need to talk seriously about what role you would ever be willing to play because I am fearful that she'll look to you to be surrogate parents when the time comes. It will be difficult to say no, but if you're going to say no, determine that now. What a difficult situation.

You say she is lonesome for friends. Do you think having her live at a home for teen mothers might actually be better for her? She'd have other girls with her who are going through the same thing, there would be supports (such as counseling--therapy, career counseling, support group discussions, etc.). Her giving her a lovely home and if that is what feels right for you family, then more power to you, but I wonder if a different environment might also be useful. It's lovely of you to make your porch into a room, but I also think that signals to your niece that she will likely be able to stay long-term. Is that what you intend? Do you worry about the effect this will all have on your marriage and children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you spoken with your brother about them providing financial support for her, so you don't have to take on that financial burden?

Yes, that's part of why we sought out a lawyer's advice. How to set up some sort of child support, health insurance, her college fund, etc.

GOOD, I'm really glad to hear that. Has your brother said he would offer financial support, or do you think you may need to go through the courts?

Oh, I'm fairly certain this will be court-ordered. Thank god the attorney got a thing from court freezing all Niece's bank accounts - she has one that has monetary gifts from relatives for her entire life, her college account, etc. My brother was like "I can't believe you think she'll actually go to college! She's a welfare girl now."

Wow.

OP, I'm going to add to the "You're amazing" PPs. You and your DH are doing a wonderful thing. I cannot even imagine the rage I'd feel if one of my siblings had this attitude about their child.

How are your parents handling all this? You mentioned that your mom had a talk with your niece and your dad was helping convert the porch, are they able to help in other ways or financially as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has the father been identified?

Not beyond a first name. Niece was drunk. It was a one night stand.

Could back fire adoption proceedings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you spoken with your brother about them providing financial support for her, so you don't have to take on that financial burden?

Yes, that's part of why we sought out a lawyer's advice. How to set up some sort of child support, health insurance, her college fund, etc.

GOOD, I'm really glad to hear that. Has your brother said he would offer financial support, or do you think you may need to go through the courts?

Oh, I'm fairly certain this will be court-ordered. Thank god the attorney got a thing from court freezing all Niece's bank accounts - she has one that has monetary gifts from relatives for her entire life, her college account, etc. My brother was like "I can't believe you think she'll actually go to college! She's a welfare girl now."

Oh, my, your brother truly is an ass. You and your husband, and the grandparents sound amazing. Good luck to all of you!

[Anonymous]

Your brother is an asshole.

That said, welfare benefits could help her fund college, if she keeps her baby. It's not the worst option open to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your niece continues down the path of keeping her baby, you and your DH need to talk seriously about what role you would ever be willing to play because I am fearful that she'll look to you to be surrogate parents when the time comes. It will be difficult to say no, but if you're going to say no, determine that now. What a difficult situation.

You say she is lonesome for friends. Do you think having her live at a home for teen mothers might actually be better for her? She'd have other girls with her who are going through the same thing, there would be supports (such as counseling--therapy, career counseling, support group discussions, etc.). Her giving her a lovely home and if that is what feels right for you family, then more power to you, but I wonder if a different environment might also be useful. It's lovely of you to make your porch into a room, but I also think that signals to your niece that she will likely be able to stay long-term. Is that what you intend? Do you worry about the effect this will all have on your marriage and children?

We talked with her about different living options. It would actually be much easier if she lived with my parents, for space reasons, but my mother and father are unwilling. She emphatically and repeatedly did not want to go to a group home for young mothers. DH and I had several long talks privately and agreed we will help her long-term and in what ways. I am not worried about this negatively affecting our marriage. We are a bit worried about our children, but Niece has been given very clear rules she has to follow to stay here. She does not know this but she will get ONE screwup.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP that asked for an update and I'm glad you did. This is going to be one of those threads that I'll be thinking of in the months to come and I hope you don't mind continuing to post. What a shitty thing for your brother and his wife to do. You and your DH are so very kind to be stepping into the void. As a PP noted, this abandonment will have repercussions for a long time - and not just for your niece but also for her siblings. We've always told our kids that we love them no matter what. It's hard for me to believe that other parents don't feel the same way. I'd be angry and upset if my kid were pregnant like this (or got a girl pregnant) but I'd never kick them out.

This may sound odd but given the extreme reaction of your brother, is there any chance he could be the father? I know, I know, it's out there but so is his reaction. If he's capable of kicking his DD out like that, well, I can imagine other things he's capable of. Perhaps this is part of your niece's trauma. Is she still seeing the counselor?

[Anonymous]

Hoping all goes well for your niece and your family. I pray she considers adoption. It would be a great gift to her child and a blessing for the new parents. I respect her choice either way. Just think she and the baby will have a better chance with adoption. Signed- BTDT

[Anonymous]

Ditto to 20:44---a child can grow up to respect a birthmom who realized that she was unable to parent as a teen, and sought to look out for her child's interest. The sense of loss generated when a teen mom attempts to parent, but then basically discards the child to the care of relatives (or foster care) is far more damaging to a child. I know, because my DD's birthmom gave birth to her at 15, attempted to "play house" with the dad, and then my daughter was taken into foster care at age 5. Good luck to your niece---I hope she focuses on the best interests of her child---first and foremost.