Do you wish you had your children younger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can the debate be just about older vs. younger moms without taking anything else into consideration? I mean, how many of you would choose to be a young mom with a crappy DH? I'm an "in-between" mom as I had first at 30 and having my second at 32. But, I choose my husband first and if it had taken waiting until I was 40 to meet him, then so be it. If I had married my bf from my 20's, I sure as hell would be feeling like a much older mom because I'd likely be going through a divorce! It's all relative.

Why are you only attributing crappy husbands to young Moms? Based on the Relationship boards here, plenty of older Moms have crappy husbands. The only difference is that younger Moms seem more likely to opt for divorce while older Moms suffer hoping to drag the marriage out until the kids leave the home.

[Anonymous]

I knew a woman who had 3 kids, each 10 years apart.
One at 18, another at 28, and the last at 38

Yes, they all had the same dad

So she got to be one of the chosen few who was also the young mother, and the old mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew a woman who had 3 kids, each 10 years apart.
One at 18, another at 28, and the last at 38

Yes, they all had the same dad

So she got to be one of the chosen few who was also the young mother, and the old mother

As a 48 year old mother, 38 doesn't sound so old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can the debate be just about older vs. younger moms without taking anything else into consideration? I mean, how many of you would choose to be a young mom with a crappy DH? I'm an "in-between" mom as I had first at 30 and having my second at 32. But, I choose my husband first and if it had taken waiting until I was 40 to meet him, then so be it. If I had married my bf from my 20's, I sure as hell would be feeling like a much older mom because I'd likely be going through a divorce! It's all relative.

Why are you only attributing crappy husbands to young Moms? Based on the Relationship boards here, plenty of older Moms have crappy husbands. The only difference is that younger Moms seem more likely to opt for divorce while older Moms suffer hoping to drag the marriage out until the kids leave the home.

I wasn't attributing crappy husbands to young moms at all! My point was simply that it's all relative.

[Anonymous]

Had my DC at 39. Would have loved to had kids earlier but meet DH till I was 36. I had other serious relationships but it didn't lead to marriage thankfully. I say thankfully because I surely would have gotten divorced or been miserable by now if I ended up w them. DH is an amazing person, father and husband. I'm grateful I met him in time to have a child w him. And yes, I did get to establish my career while I wen through this journey to find my partner. I wasn't avoiding having a spouse /kids by any means...it's just the way life worked out so I might as well look at the bright side of Waiting. DC will likely be my only and if I was younger I'd probably have one more. We may adopt, we will see. But I don't dwell and focus On my blessings. I'm lucky life has given me what I wanted all along, a loving partner and a wOnderful child...and the patience, wisdom and means to be The kind of parent I wish I'd had. So Please those of you saying horrible things about those Of us who didn't have kids till later, try to have some perspective and empathy before lashing out. We all have a different journey, respect that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too old and you'll never see grandkids

This is not and never has been important to me. Much more important to have a lot of money in the bank and career well underway before I had kids.

Being rich is more important to you than meeting your grandkids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too old and you'll never see grandkids

This is not and never has been important to me. Much more important to have a lot of money in the bank and career well underway before I had kids.

Being rich is more important to you than meeting your grandkids?

Why do people bring up meeting your grandkids as the reason you should have kids young? It's ridiculous! My Mom had me young and passed away 1 week before my DS turned a year old. I am pregnant again and she will never meet this child. She only had a year with my first. I have a friend who is in the same situation as me, except she lost both of her parents before she had kids.

What is important before having kids is a stable home, where the child/children will be healthy, happy and receive lots of love. A 45 year old mother can provide that just as well as a 25 year old mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't wish I were younger -- I had my three in my 30's. My issue is my DH who's much older than me. He's going to be 70 by the time the last one is off to college. I just worry that won't leave us many years to enjoy being empty nesters, let alone grandparents. Ah well, you can't always time these things.

Were you aware of DH's age when you married him?

Of course! But when we got married I couldn't fully appreciate how the age difference might affect things 25-30 years down the road. You are correct in your implication that I made this choice, and I don't regret my choice overall. Just this particular aspect of things, the age difference.

I'm in the same boat, and I don't regret my choice either. I'd rather have less time with this man I adore than more time with someone else who isn't as good a fit for me. There are tradeoffs everywhere in life, you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too old and you'll never see grandkids

This is not and never has been important to me. Much more important to have a lot of money in the bank and career well underway before I had kids.

Being rich is more important to you than meeting your grandkids?

Financially secure. Yes. Wasn't close to the two grandparents I had. Plus, who in their right mind marries and has kids at 25 because that's the age they'd like to become a parent? Many of us don't meet the right guy until we're older. I wasn't focused on finding a life mate in college, I was focused on my studies and then later my work.

[Anonymous]

"What is important before having kids is a stable home, where the child/children will be healthy, happy and receive lots of love. A 45 year old mother can provide that just as well as a 25 year old mother. "

Actually, I'd say the 45 year old mother is usually in a better position.

[Anonymous]

Why are you older mom's so insecure? If you're happy with your choices, then why put down younger moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"What is important before having kids is a stable home, where the child/children will be healthy, happy and receive lots of love. A 45 year old mother can provide that just as well as a 25 year old mother. "

Actually, I'd say the 45 year old mother is usually in a better position.

Yup, 45 year old mothers are sooooo much more capable of loving and taking care of their kids than the 25 year old mothers. Give me a fucking break. Pat yourself on the back because you can afford to put them in private school from pre-K through college, or because you already have $1 million cash set aside. Don't denigrate younger mothers by saying you are more capable of loving your kids at 45 than they are of loving theirs at 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you older mom's so insecure? If you're happy with your choices, then why put down younger moms.

I was going to say the same thing--but for the other team. i guess depending which side of the spectrum you fall you take the comments differently.

I don't give a crap when somebody else has their kids. It doesn't effect me in any, way, shape or form. I don't assume anything about anyone based on age alone. We all ended up with kids at a particular place in team for many different reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you older mom's so insecure? If you're happy with your choices, then why put down younger moms.

I was going to say the same thing--but for the other team. i guess depending which side of the spectrum you fall you take the comments differently.

I don't give a crap when somebody else has their kids. It doesn't effect me in any, way, shape or form. I don't assume anything about anyone based on age alone. We all ended up with kids at a particular place in team for many different reasons.

place in 'time'. don't know where 'team' came from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you older mom's so insecure? If you're happy with your choices, then why put down younger moms.

I think - in fairness - there is a lot of putting down running both ways...

NP here. I actually feel like I "timed" things pretty well. I consider myself very lucky. DH and I met at 22 yo, right after graduating from college. Got married 3 years later (at 25 yo) and got pregnant at 29 yo. We got to spend our 20s together - travelling, working on our careers, having fun. We had already bought a great first home before we had our first and felt that we were in good places in our careers (such that we continue to do well even though we need to make more sacrifices at work to deal with the kids). I had my kids at 30, 32 and 35 (just barely).

I think if we'd had kids much earlier, we wouldn't be able to as successfully balance our careers and children. We both worked pretty hard during our 20s and established ourselves so that we had more flexibility later on.

But we also had our kids young enough that 2 of our 3 kids will be in college by the time we turn 50. Our baby will have another year or so in HS, but I imagine I won't want to see her leave.

And then, after all 3 kids are in college, my DH and I will still be in our young 50s. Still working, but probably starting to wind down a little. And young enough, I hope, to get to see our grandchildren grow.

My parents had me pretty late as well, and our in their early 70s but in great shape. My DH's parents were a good 8-10 years younger than my parents, but honestly aren't in nearly the same shape.

I do think that parents who have their kids a bit later may actually take better care of themselves. Older parents are very aware of their age, and probably make a bit smarter decisions in terms of exercise and diet. Of course, this is totally ancedotal and not backed up by anything other than my opinion, but I certainly see that being the case very frequently.