my husband is a terrible gift giver and it bums me out each year

[Anonymous]

Op can you help him? Have someone close to him and you (your mom or sister) tell him what you are really hoping for this birthday/ anniversary/Christmas?

[Anonymous]

Just tell him you really want jewelry- be specific. Find the piece you want and tell him it's at X store/website and that's what you want and if he gets you anything other than that you'll be disappointed. Not the most romantic but sounds like that's what he needs. FWIW gift-giving got way too stressful here as well (for both of us) so we decided to save out money, put in the effort in a great card, and enjoy a fun/nice night out together instead. So much easier and no more stress for b-days, Valentine's Day, etc. The only time we give gifts is at Hanukkah/Christmas and it is usually something we need (this year I got a LL Bean parka I have been wanting, last year I got boots).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are just much more likely to be disappointed by their men than vice versa. It's just how it is.

Which is why men shouldn't get married.

Agreed, but if we followed your advice, there wouldn't be any men for women to marry. Men cave to the pressure - she wants a wedding, a home, and a baby and she wants it YESTERDAY.

Exactly, which is why men shouldn't get married. It's really not that difficult to understand.

[Anonymous]

I agree. I don't want "big" things. I want something meaningful. Something that shows me that he listens and pays attention to what I like. No, I don't need another robe either...he bought me one for my birthday and for xmas (why??) No, I don't want a gift card. Show me that you listen to me, pay attention to what my likes/dislikes are. *sigh*

[Anonymous]

On the other hand my ex was great at gift-buying. Instantly picked up on things I noticed that I liked, things I needed but didn't know existed, things I didn't think we could afford so I just pined away for them.

However, he also yelled at me every day, criticized constantly, silent treatment at other times, and ended up throwing stuff at me.

So, you know, just keep it in perspective. I know crappy gift-buying makes you feel unappreciated but maybe he shows his appreciation of you in different ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are just much more likely to be disappointed by their men than vice versa. It's just how it is.

Which is why men shouldn't get married.

Agreed, but if we followed your advice, there wouldn't be any men for women to marry. Men cave to the pressure - she wants a wedding, a home, and a baby and she wants it YESTERDAY.

Exactly, which is why men shouldn't get married. It's really not that difficult to understand.

Married men live longer. I think men absolutely should get married. But they should wait longer, marry younger, and be very very careful about marrying someone who is actually a decent fit. If she wants a wedding, a house, a baby yesterday, and you don't, it's not a good fit. There are plenty of reasonable women to choose from, so think with you other head for a change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are just much more likely to be disappointed by their men than vice versa. It's just how it is.

Which is why men shouldn't get married.

Agreed, but if we followed your advice, there wouldn't be any men for women to marry. Men cave to the pressure - she wants a wedding, a home, and a baby and she wants it YESTERDAY.

Exactly, which is why men shouldn't get married. It's really not that difficult to understand.

Don't worry, you're in no danger of finding a woman to marry, so there's no need to worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I don't want "big" things. I want something meaningful. Something that shows me that he listens and pays attention to what I like. No, I don't need another robe either...he bought me one for my birthday and for xmas (why??) No, I don't want a gift card. Show me that you listen to me, pay attention to what my likes/dislikes are. *sigh*

Can't he show you he listens to you without having to get you something you will find "meaningful?"

DW here, and husband and I don't exchange gifts of any kind, ever. That's what works for us. I would never ask him to choose an object for me that I would like, because that is a losing battle. But I have no doubt he listens to me and knows who I am.

[Anonymous]

Whats wrong with the vacuum is that she doesn't want it. end of story. he is her husband and she has known him for years and has had children for him and he should know her better.

A vacuum says "Make me a sandwich and clean my house."

I wouldn't even get my mom a vacuum let alone my wife or girlfriend its a pretty terrible gift.

A gift that isn't thoughtful or meaningful can be hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Yes - I completely understand! Every Christmas I tell myself not to be disappointed when I get something crappy or nothing at all, but I still am. I was feeling guilty about letting it get to me so much but then I read about the 5 Love Languages, one of which is giving gifts. It helped me to realise that my disappointment has nothing to do with being materialistic (like you, I just want to know that he's put some thought into me), but because one of my primary love languages is giving and receiving gifts and when this is not reciprocated it can make me feel unloved. It's quite interesting- check out this link - https://www.stellarcc.com/2012/07/02/love-languages-part-three-do-you-know-how-to-give-gifts/

That said, not really sure what to do about it other than telling him how you feel and why and hoping he will understand. Otherwise, like others suggested, give him a list, be specific or buy something lovely for yourself to wrap. It can be really hard when you have different love languages. My husband's is touch and while this doesn't come naturally to me, I try to make an effort to be more affectionate because I can see it's how he knows he's loved. Can feel like we're on a different planet at times!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I don't want "big" things. I want something meaningful. Something that shows me that he listens and pays attention to what I like. No, I don't need another robe either...he bought me one for my birthday and for xmas (why??) No, I don't want a gift card. Show me that you listen to me, pay attention to what my likes/dislikes are. *sigh*

Yeah thats why i bought my wife a vibrator. She would insist i take a bath before we become intimate otherwise she felt "icky"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are apparently in some kind of arms race. I had taken to buying myself things and just for laughs having them engraved or personalized. Got myself a mug that said "best wife ever" with "Love, your honey" on the back. He just unwrapped a hunting knife which he had engraved with "Love, your wife" on the handle. Said he learned it from me. (No, it never would have occurred to me to buy him an engraved hunting knife.) The problem is that he thought to get himself a Valentine's Day gift from me, but I have been too busy, lazy, to get myself anything from him. And it's too late to have anything engraved, anyway!

This is hilarious!

[Anonymous]

In my experience women are the worst gift givers. Give a gift of christian louboutin and in return get a wall mounted sing fish?

[Anonymous]

Mine is a wonderful gift giver but pretty much unavailable in every other way. I'd take the gift of a husband who shows some intimacy or appreciation the rest of the year.

[Anonymous]

My wife and I are in an inverse arms race....it has become a joke to see who can get the worst gift. It started when she got me shampoo for my birthday.

This year, she got me a snow shovel. I got her a gift card for a coffee shop with $0.50 on it. Had to talk to the owner to get one that small.