Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I saw the furor on FB, NPR, and this forum. I was pretty surprised that 99% of people had a negative view of the article.
 
Don't you think all parents overall have good intentions towards their kids? But they lose their temper, take it too far, and kids may not always turn out as they thought they would.
 
I would think what she did that one time on the piano was a litte harsh but all parents are harsh at times. Some might take out a belt, spank, scream irrationally, but she was trying to get the girl to realize that if she tried hard enough she could get something.
In my old neighborhood kids would get in trouble because they didn't clean the house or mow the lawn. They would be grounded for such things.
 
I thought the stereotype and harshness was to make a point not necessarily that she tortured her kids every day for their whole life. I'm sure she took them out for ice cream, shot the breeze with them and obviously they did have toys.
I took her tone to be humorous where others took it as all seriousness.
 
Also, I don't believe every book or garbage article is a scientific treatise.
 

I agree.

I heard the author's interview on NPR as well. I don't have a negative view of her at all. Though I could never be as extreme, I think we could learn a lot from her. I also really like her point that hardwork and respect used to be strong American Values.

[Anonymous]

I lost respect for Amy Chau after I read the article. It is not about having good intentions about raising your child. She point blank states that Chinese mothers are superior, and that "many Chinese secretly believe that they care more about their children and are willing to sacrifice much more for them than Westerners, who seem perfectly content to let their children turn out badly".
She's racist, pura and simple. Us 'western moms' coddle our children and let them be lazy as long as they are happy. Really? This from an educated writer? And she doesn't even touch the fact that Asian-Americans have a higher suicide rate than their western counterparts due to the pressure to be successful or else be disowned.
There's plenty of western children that are happy and successful. My parents praised my straight As, let me have and go to sleepovers, participate in whatever sport and play whatever instrument. So I never played at Carnegie Hall (but was on the Colorado Youth Orchestra), I had 1400 SATs, scholarships, and now have 2 Masters and a nice job. No one made me practice practice practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

To the pp who said EQ is more important than IQ. That is simply not true. While you are more likely to succeed with a high IQ + EQ, you can definitely be successful with high IQ and low EQ. The reverse is simply not true. Also, for rhose that saying high expectations are damaging to children, that is also ridiculous. If you do not expect THE BEST and MOST out of your children and encourage and expect them to be the best at everything they do, who else will? I also think that once in a while it is OK to show your dissappointment as long as they know you love them.

Just my 2 cents.

An example of a successful person with a low IQ and high EQ = George W. Bush
Not the sharpest tool in the box, yet someone you wanted to have a beer with. And he became President

I'm not fan of G. Bush, but he doesn't exactly have a low IQ. On his SAT's, President GW Bush scored 566 verbal and 640 math, for a
total of 1206 (from http://members.shaw.ca/delajara/SATIQ.html ). The Bell Curve author Murray estimates a 1206 SAT equates to about 125 IQ.


How's yours? Oops, I forgot. Anonymous forum, I'm sure you'll come back quoting something in the 99th percentile.

[Anonymous]

Is this the product of this "superior" style of parenting? http://www.fredericknewspost.com/sections/news/display.htm?storyID=115202

Says he moved back in after college...maybe he wasn't succeeding enough for his mother, and he snapped. Very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Here's your answer. Do you want your child to be a Steve Jobs or working for a Steve Jobs coding software?


Well, not everyone can be Steve Jobs, but many Chinese Americans have started similar companies: Steven Chen co-founded YouTube, Jerry Yang co-founded Yahoo, and Charles Wang founded Computer Associates!

Just to show how wrong you are, check out this list of accomplished Chinese Americans. Some of my favorite novelists are listed here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Chinese_Americans#Business

Well, Bette Bao Lord is on this list and I once went to hear here speak. She remarked on how driven was her childhood and when she got older, she had to screw up all her courage to tell her parents that she did not want to be a doctor or for that matter, any "-ist", like scientist, internist, chemist, pianist, etc. She wanted to be a writer. It was incredibly disappointing to her parents and she struggled in the relationship because she wanted to be a writer and that was not one of the acceptable professions.

It took sometime, but they finally accepted it. And then she published her books and became fairly well-known. One day she did tell her mom that she finally reached their dream of become an "ist": a NOVELIST!

Her message is that you can learn a lot from your parents, but in the end you need to be free to go your own way.

And to the Asian mom who is worried about the first, second, third generation: I'm 4th generation Italian. Let me tell you that it can also work the other way: each generation builds for success. But not it crazy, strict parents don't allow for creative, fun and joy. There is something to be said for "La Doce Vita".

[Anonymous]

"And to the Asian mom who is worried about the first, second, third generation: I'm 4th generation Italian. Let me tell you that it can also work the other way: each generation builds for success. But not it crazy, strict parents don't allow for creative, fun and joy. There is something to be said for "La Doce Vita". "

Huh? Must be the generation that didn't learn how to write.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost respect for Amy Chau after I read the article. It is not about having good intentions about raising your child. She point blank states that Chinese mothers are superior, and that "many Chinese secretly believe that they care more about their children and are willing to sacrifice much more for them than Westerners, who seem perfectly content to let their children turn out badly".
She's racist, pura and simple. Us 'western moms' coddle our children and let them be lazy as long as they are happy. Really? This from an educated writer? And she doesn't even touch the fact that Asian-Americans have a higher suicide rate than their western counterparts due to the pressure to be successful or else be disowned.
There's plenty of western children that are happy and successful. My parents praised my straight As, let me have and go to sleepovers, participate in whatever sport and play whatever instrument. So I never played at Carnegie Hall (but was on the Colorado Youth Orchestra), I had 1400 SATs, scholarships, and now have 2 Masters and a nice job. No one made me practice practice practice.

If this were facebook I would "Like" this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"And to the Asian mom who is worried about the first, second, third generation: I'm 4th generation Italian. Let me tell you that it can also work the other way: each generation builds for success. But not it crazy, strict parents don't allow for creative, fun and joy. There is something to be said for "La Doce Vita". "

Huh? Must be the generation that didn't learn how to write.

And YOU must be from the generation that didn't learn how to read, or learn any class. One typo and you can't understand/need to jump to insult PP? You're a real piece of work!

PP, I hear you and agree 100% -- many families build success over generations, so long as they don't burn their kids out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this the product of this "superior" style of parenting? http://www.fredericknewspost.com/sections/news/display.htm?storyID=115202

Says he moved back in after college...maybe he wasn't succeeding enough for his mother, and he snapped. Very sad.

This is why you don't terrorize your kids unless they fit your narrow definition of success.

[Anonymous]

Smug.racist.shit. Notice.the.bitch.married.a.Jew?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this the product of this "superior" style of parenting? http://www.fredericknewspost.com/sections/news/display.htm?storyID=115202

Says he moved back in after college...maybe he wasn't succeeding enough for his mother, and he snapped. Very sad.

This is why you don't terrorize your kids unless they fit your narrow definition of success.

This is a stupid anecdote. We don't know anything about the kind of parenting style went on in this house. There are a lot of Asian family members with mental illness, but these incidents are not necessarily a result of strict parenting. Asian families are less likely to seek psychological help when needed because of the stigma attached to it, because there is little understanding of Asian cultural expectations in the predominantly white field of counseling, and because there might not have been the financial resources available for this kind of help.

White boys, Hispanic boys, and Black boys have killed family members and friends. But when an Asian kid does this, people point to Asian-style parenting pressures, when they know nothing about the topic.

[Anonymous]

I thought she came across as mean-spirited, controlling, and self-righteous in the WSJ article. Then I read an article on sfgate saying that the WSJ article was a slice-and-dice that misrepresented her book, that it was about how she learned to parent differently -- less like a Tiger Mother. And I heard her on Tell Me More yesterday, supposedly trying to clarify her position.

The WSJ article may have oversimplified, but Amy Chua continues to generalize and oversimplify, so IMO, she doesn't get to cry "foul"

From the Chronicle article:
"And yet, I would never go all the way to the Western ideal of unlimited choice."

On Tell Me More, she ended by saying that there was this concept of Asian parenting and this concept of Western parenting -- as though it was just out there, floating in the ether. That seemed either intellectually sloppy or intellectually dishonest. She chose to use those categories, to base her book on them, and to continue to rely on them as she promotes her book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this the product of this "superior" style of parenting? http://www.fredericknewspost.com/sections/news/display.htm?storyID=115202

Says he moved back in after college...maybe he wasn't succeeding enough for his mother, and he snapped. Very sad.

This is why you don't terrorize your kids unless they fit your narrow definition of success.

This is a stupid anecdote. We don't know anything about the kind of parenting style went on in this house. There are a lot of Asian family members with mental illness, but these incidents are not necessarily a result of strict parenting. Asian families are less likely to seek psychological help when needed because of the stigma attached to it, because there is little understanding of Asian cultural expectations in the predominantly white field of counseling, and because there might not have been the financial resources available for this kind of help.

White boys, Hispanic boys, and Black boys have killed family members and friends. But when an Asian kid does this, people point to Asian-style parenting pressures, when they know nothing about the topic.

So, what you're basically saying is: Chinese mothers are definitely not superior. (Because they won't get counseling based on cultural bias)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this the product of this "superior" style of parenting? http://www.fredericknewspost.com/sections/news/display.htm?storyID=115202

Says he moved back in after college...maybe he wasn't succeeding enough for his mother, and he snapped. Very sad.

This is why you don't terrorize your kids unless they fit your narrow definition of success.

This is a stupid anecdote. We don't know anything about the kind of parenting style went on in this house. There are a lot of Asian family members with mental illness, but these incidents are not necessarily a result of strict parenting. Asian families are less likely to seek psychological help when needed because of the stigma attached to it, because there is little understanding of Asian cultural expectations in the predominantly white field of counseling, and because there might not have been the financial resources available for this kind of help.

White boys, Hispanic boys, and Black boys have killed family members and friends. But when an Asian kid does this, people point to Asian-style parenting pressures, when they know nothing about the topic.

So, what you're basically saying is: Chinese mothers are definitely not superior. (Because they won't get counseling based on cultural bias)

No, I'm saying that this anecdote proves nothing about "Chinese" mothering.

I'm also saying that counseling is dominated by white people who know little about Asian immigrant culture and the specific challenges they face. Unless you live in SF or LA, it is very, very hard to find counseling that Asian immigrant families are comfortable using.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this the product of this "superior" style of parenting? http://www.fredericknewspost.com/sections/news/display.htm?storyID=115202

Says he moved back in after college...maybe he wasn't succeeding enough for his mother, and he snapped. Very sad.

This is why you don't terrorize your kids unless they fit your narrow definition of success.

This is a stupid anecdote. We don't know anything about the kind of parenting style went on in this house. There are a lot of Asian family members with mental illness, but these incidents are not necessarily a result of strict parenting. Asian families are less likely to seek psychological help when needed because of the stigma attached to it, because there is little understanding of Asian cultural expectations in the predominantly white field of counseling, and because there might not have been the financial resources available for this kind of help.

White boys, Hispanic boys, and Black boys have killed family members and friends. But when an Asian kid does this, people point to Asian-style parenting pressures, when they know nothing about the topic.

So, what you're basically saying is: Chinese mothers are definitely not superior. (Because they won't get counseling based on cultural bias)

No, I'm saying that this anecdote proves nothing about "Chinese" mothering.

I'm also saying that counseling is dominated by white people who know little about Asian immigrant culture and the specific challenges they face. Unless you live in SF or LA, it is very, very hard to find counseling that Asian immigrant families are comfortable using.

Lady, I'm Asian (not Chinese, a lot of Asian cultures really dislike them because of historical and current political strife with the Chinese, though, and find them calling themselves superior very irritating). Counseling may be dominated by white people, but that's no excuse to say Asians shouldn't be less culturally biased against it, or that they can lean on the excuse of "it's not our culture" when they should be going to counseling.