Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

[Anonymous]

"I'm also saying that counseling is dominated by white people who know little about Asian immigrant culture and the specific challenges they face. Unless you live in SF or LA, it is very, very hard to find counseling that Asian immigrant families are comfortable using. "

With superior mothering, is their a need for counseling?

[Anonymous]

Wow, it's really too bad that this book seems to have inspired a lot of stereotyping and generalizations about Chinese parenting. As a Chinese American daughter of immigrant parents, I have definitely seen a few examples of very strict parenting. But I don't believe this type of parenting to be pervasive in the Chinese American community. Then again, I have an incredible mother who loves me unconditionally, communicated with me non-stop from day 1 about all kinds of issues and always emphasized the importance of happiness and emotional well-being while also encouraging me in my academic and other interests (e.g., piano -- in my teens, I asked my parents if I could start taking lessons because I really wanted to learn). While always loving and supportive, her parenting style was relatively laid back, and she definitely let me make my own decisions and direct my own life, even at a young age. She never pushed me too hard academically, but I was pretty self-motivated and ended up going the Ivy league/law school route. I'm an attorney now and she's very proud of me, but I think she'd still be happy if I'd taken a different path.

Anyway, I do think the book has inspired some interesting discussion re parenting generally, and how best to strike a balance between encouraging achievement and encouraging happiness and balance. On a personal level, it makes me even more grateful for my mother, whom I believe to be truly extraordinary, and hopeful that I will be half as good a parent as she is.

[Anonymous]

I posted an article in a separate thread, linked below, that suggests WSJ exaggerated the negatives of the book and the actual purpose of Chua's book from the get-go. It's a great read and will give you perhaps a different perspective on the book and Chua's parenting. After reading it I have changed my tune and am about to buy the book on my Kindle. I still think she was pretty hard on her kids at times, and I'm pretty sure (from reading this article), she would agree with us.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/144738.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, it's really too bad that this book seems to have inspired a lot of stereotyping and generalizations about Chinese parenting. As a Chinese American daughter of immigrant parents, I have definitely seen a few examples of very strict parenting. But I don't believe this type of parenting to be pervasive in the Chinese American community. Then again, I have an incredible mother who loves me unconditionally, communicated with me non-stop from day 1 about all kinds of issues and always emphasized the importance of happiness and emotional well-being while also encouraging me in my academic and other interests (e.g., piano -- in my teens, I asked my parents if I could start taking lessons because I really wanted to learn). While always loving and supportive, her parenting style was relatively laid back, and she definitely let me make my own decisions and direct my own life, even at a young age. She never pushed me too hard academically, but I was pretty self-motivated and ended up going the Ivy league/law school route. I'm an attorney now and she's very proud of me, but I think she'd still be happy if I'd taken a different path.

Anyway, I do think the book has inspired some interesting discussion re parenting generally, and how best to strike a balance between encouraging achievement and encouraging happiness and balance. On a personal level, it makes me even more grateful for my mother, whom I believe to be truly extraordinary, and hopeful that I will be half as good a parent as she is.

You can blame the author for that, for setting up a false dichotomy between Chinese and "Western" parenting.

[Anonymous]

I read her respons - http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/01/13/the-tiger-mother-responds-to-readers/ . She states that "I don’t believe, by the way, that Chinese parenting is superior—a splashy headline, but I didn’t choose it" She tries to pawn off the responsibility her article generated. An educated writer that had no say in the title of her piece? I don't believe it. She knew the title and agreed to it, whether or not she made it up herself. She wrote the article - it is not just snippets from her book. She published it as a way to garner atention and sales for her book.
She does state that the book is much more than the article, and the she backed up slightly from the strict immigrant model.
I believe she really thinks the "Chinese mother" model is superior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read her respons - http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/01/13/the-tiger-mother-responds-to-readers/ . She states that "I don’t believe, by the way, that Chinese parenting is superior—a splashy headline, but I didn’t choose it" She tries to pawn off the responsibility her article generated. An educated writer that had no say in the title of her piece? I don't believe it. She knew the title and agreed to it, whether or not she made it up herself. She wrote the article - it is not just snippets from her book. She published it as a way to garner atention and sales for her book.
She does state that the book is much more than the article, and the she backed up slightly from the strict immigrant model.
I believe she really thinks the "Chinese mother" model is superior.

Yes, and so what?

We all have judgments about which parenting style is superior, and we parent according to what we personally believe is best for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read her respons - http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/01/13/the-tiger-mother-responds-to-readers/ . She states that "I don’t believe, by the way, that Chinese parenting is superior—a splashy headline, but I didn’t choose it" She tries to pawn off the responsibility her article generated. An educated writer that had no say in the title of her piece? I don't believe it. She knew the title and agreed to it, whether or not she made it up herself. She wrote the article - it is not just snippets from her book. She published it as a way to garner atention and sales for her book.
She does state that the book is much more than the article, and the she backed up slightly from the strict immigrant model.
I believe she really thinks the "Chinese mother" model is superior.

Yes, and so what?

We all have judgments about which parenting style is superior, and we parent according to what we personally believe is best for us.

most of us don't write racist books or WSJ articles about it, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An educated writer that had no say in the title of her piece? I don't believe it. She knew the title and agreed to it, whether or not she made it up herself.

I've written op/ed and feature-type pieces for the WSJ and had no say when it came to the title. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An educated writer that had no say in the title of her piece? I don't believe it. She knew the title and agreed to it, whether or not she made it up herself.

I've written op/ed and feature-type pieces for the WSJ and had no say when it came to the title. It happens.

When you write a crazy, over-the-top article on parenting, they will give it a crazy, over-the-top title. If her article had been reasonable in tone, I doubt it would have been titled thus.

Not to mention, I am sure her publisher was involved in the title, and she probably was as well. This is a multi-page feature article that's part of the promotion for her book, after all.

[Anonymous]

Upon reading that article, I think the author incorrectly assumes that all parents who don't put intense pressue on their kids are afraid of hurting the child's self esteem. For me, that isn't the case. It is simply an issue of wanting my son to take responsibility for his own life and actions. I want him to do well, and will encourage him and help him in any way that he needs, but if he's going to choose study less and get a "B" instead of an "A", then he is going to have to live with the consequences of that. I refuse to invest all of my emotional energy trying to force him into the "most accomplished child" mode.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Upon reading that article, I think the author incorrectly assumes that all parents who don't put intense pressue on their kids are afraid of hurting the child's self esteem. For me, that isn't the case. It is simply an issue of wanting my son to take responsibility for his own life and actions. I want him to do well, and will encourage him and help him in any way that he needs, but if he's going to choose study less and get a "B" instead of an "A", then he is going to have to live with the consequences of that. I refuse to invest all of my emotional energy trying to force him into the "most accomplished child" mode.

A-MEN! I heard her on the radio, and she was talking about how Asian parents were trying to instill self-motivation, which shows that she has no idea what the term means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Upon reading that article, I think the author incorrectly assumes that all parents who don't put intense pressue on their kids are afraid of hurting the child's self esteem. For me, that isn't the case. It is simply an issue of wanting my son to take responsibility for his own life and actions. I want him to do well, and will encourage him and help him in any way that he needs, but if he's going to choose study less and get a "B" instead of an "A", then he is going to have to live with the consequences of that. I refuse to invest all of my emotional energy trying to force him into the "most accomplished child" mode.

I know...doesn't she have anything better to do than live her kids' lives for them every. Minute. Of. Every. Day!? I would love to know whether she has any hobbies and interests besides being an apparent dictator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Upon reading that article, I think the author incorrectly assumes that all parents who don't put intense pressue on their kids are afraid of hurting the child's self esteem. For me, that isn't the case. It is simply an issue of wanting my son to take responsibility for his own life and actions. I want him to do well, and will encourage him and help him in any way that he needs, but if he's going to choose study less and get a "B" instead of an "A", then he is going to have to live with the consequences of that. I refuse to invest all of my emotional energy trying to force him into the "most accomplished child" mode.

I know...doesn't she have anything better to do than live her kids' lives for them every. Minute. Of. Every. Day!? I would love to know whether she has any hobbies and interests besides being an apparent dictator.

Agree. She sounds like a complete narcissist, and frankly, an unfit mother.

[Anonymous]

Extremes of most kinds usually too effective.

minus the extremes what I think is true is that alot of kids DO need more discipline. I needed less than my siblings. We were different people.

I definitely think that a quite a number of parents do not teach their kids "to go through" the tough times. Everything needs to be "fun, new and exciting."

Not in a brutal way, I think it is important to teach kids many lessons with activites:
-go through and learn from the tough times.. yeah, maybe I am not progressing at the rate of someone else, I still can progress
-it is not always "fun." It is does hard work and practice
-there are benefits to sticking with something you are "not the best at."

Society is so much a go- go go place now through technology, seasons sports for little kids. Its "fun" but there is something to be learned by an ongoing relationship with an activity.

I have found that kids don't know what will make them successful and happy. I've seen kids who would benefit greatly from a certain activity but the parents let the child choose. Kids don't know what will benefit them.

I was talking with a friend who was saying that alot of younger adults don't really know how to "work." Alot of life is not "exciting." Its can be rather mundane.. Most kids of a certain strata will be fine, parents are educated, they'll go to really good schools etc etc. But alot of kids do need more structure.

[Anonymous]

This too shall pass. Chinese are a fad, like the Japanese were in the 80s.