Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both Chinese mothers I know shipped their newborns to their parents in China who raised them for a year.
If that's what you call superior....

my american co-worker hired someone to be with the kids while thyre awake. she leaves before they wake up and comes back after they're in bed. not too different.

Exactly the point that 19:39 is trying to make. Not much difference in either case.

[Anonymous]

Apparently, the daughters are on Facebook. One of the comments linked to a page with their names.

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:_yi_ZnnXeHsJ:www.facebook.com/ModCloth%3Fv%3Dfeed%26story_fbid%3D164860795746+Sophia+Chua-Rubenfeld&cd=8&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

[Anonymous]

Actually, the article states that it's not true for all Chinese parents. It's just an example of immigrant parents who pushes their kids to take advantage of opportunities that they did not have in the old country.

I knew a family from Nigeria whose parents were driven and expected their kids to get straight A's. And they did! You may not agree with their approach, but this occurs in many immigrant families.

Here's a youtube video lampooning the 'Asian Mother'.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXGUZcTgmBg

[Anonymous]

My parents were like this, although not quite this bad. I do have a lot of resentment about not being able to do things as a kid. I did well enough to get into a great college, but totally partied my way through, since I was so excited to be out of the house. Pulled it together towards the end of school and have done well since then.

I do wish I had a different childhood, but honestly, I probably wouldn't have gone to as good of a college. Which really doesn't matter, but I did meet my husband there. That's what I think about when someone talks about how much fun prom was (since I wasn't allowed to go). DS definitely won't have this kind of childhood! Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Out of curiosity, what is so special about the violin and the piano specifically?

[Anonymous]

I thought it was fascinating. It's certainly going to get a lot of attention.

Chinese mothers are a bit like many first-generation immigrants - and they're also a bit like 1950s parents. I wonder if we've gotten a LITTLE too soft these days. (I'm the worst offender myself.)

She's also set up the same model for success as Malcolm Gladwell. Success begets praise, which begets more hard work and practice, which begets more success. A perfect circle. Only she does it by pushing her children mercilessly. We do it by redshirting!

And they both agree about practice. Success is all about practice. Talent and intelligence are virtually meaningless.

I enjoyed it even though I won't raise my own children that way.

[Anonymous]

These kids sound like they'd make great soldiers taking orders and doing what they are told to do. No room for creativity. Japan used to be like this and they have a very high suicide rate. Face it, not everyone can be an outlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, what is so special about the violin and the piano specifically?

Nothing really. It's just that some see it as a symbol for Western prestige and high class. Many come from class-conscience societies where it is hard to move up the social ladder. In America, no one knows or cares that your family was a servant class. It's all erased when you step off the plane.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like my childhood. I was expected to get straight As, I played the violin and piano, I was expected to work nearly full-time at my father's medical practice. I remember starting college and thinking, "finally I can get some sleep." I was chronically exhausted and depressed, and I had low self-esteem. In my late 30s I finally realized this year that nothing I do will ever please my parents or make them proud of me. We no longer have any relationship at all, not even the bad one we used to have. I hope they one day regret their decisions, but I doubt they will. They will always see me as ungrateful and a loser, even though most people see me as being successful and on top of things. Now that I'm a mother I take every precaution to not push my daughter in this way. I am determined for her to be happy and choose her own path in life.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the different parenting styles is because when you are given an opportunity for a better life when you have nothing, you will do anything to make the most of that. But when you already have some things, you may not see the need to strive in the way someone who doesn't have as much might.

[Anonymous]

I do think there is a point here that Americans have gone too far the other way - scared to push their children to perform well because of fears about their "self-esteem" etc. Even universities here have clearly dumbed down at the undergraduate level, driven by fear of student evaluations etc, leading to grade inflation etc.

I also have no doubt that these methods produce results. But there clearly is also a cost - not least to the parents. There is no way I am going to spend hours every day working on test prep with my kids. But of course the kids pay the real price - it tends to produce very socially inept teenagers and young adults.

I also wonder about how effective this is going to be in the long term. I am sure it is good for turning out competent engineers or accountants or lawyers, but it certainly also stifles creativity. Look at a country like Singapore - very impressive economically, but ultimately you don't get any creativity or innovation from a place like that - they are never going to invent the next i-pod or dance music or anything. It is all a bit 20th-century.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think there is a point here that Americans have gone too far the other way - scared to push their children to perform well because of fears about their "self-esteem" etc. Even universities here have clearly dumbed down at the undergraduate level, driven by fear of student evaluations etc, leading to grade inflation etc.

I also have no doubt that these methods produce results. But there clearly is also a cost - not least to the parents. There is no way I am going to spend hours every day working on test prep with my kids. But of course the kids pay the real price - it tends to produce very socially inept teenagers and young adults.

I also wonder about how effective this is going to be in the long term. I am sure it is good for turning out competent engineers or accountants or lawyers, but it certainly also stifles creativity. Look at a country like Singapore - very impressive economically, but ultimately you don't get any creativity or innovation from a place like that - they are never going to invent the next i-pod or dance music or anything. It is all a bit 20th-century.

Exactly. They will always be able to improve upon the inventions created here but may never be able to be the first to create it.

[Anonymous]

The part about the mother forcing her kicking and screaming 7 yr old to learn a piece of music on the piano, w/ no bathroom breaks, sounds insane. I am Chinese, and I am horrified by her. Superior, my ass.

[Anonymous]

It seems oddly arbitrary to put a huge emphasis on piano and violin and at the same time deride participation in sports. Discipline and mastery of a skill can be practiced in almost anything. The fact that they chose two activities to the exclusion of so many others is really troubling.

[Anonymous]

I find it interesting that the author is married to someone from a different race. I would think the whole superiority complex would involve marrying another Chinese person.