Oooops…MIL accidentally left me a voicemail

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It still isn’t clear why OPs view was that MIL and SIL didn’t want to host and were insistent that OP host every single family event when their actions and what they said now show that isn’t the case. Someone misunderstood the conversations about hosting and clearly MiLs feelings were hurt before OPs were.

MIL clearly wants to host and this seems to be an issue between MIL and SIL with SIL taking it away from MIL for some reason. OP probably knows more than she’s letting on to make herself into the victim.

SIL got to get out of a) work b) the risk of disappointing ppl c) the surefire snark that would come her way from MIL if she hosted and did not do it quite right AND make OP the bad guy at the same time to MIL.
MIL made the call/snark but SIL was pulling a lot of strings.

Sounds like MIL has never done anything but be a gracious guest. But she clearly wants to host and resents not being able to. Sounds like this all worked out for the best. The only loser is SIL.

Sounds like you didn’t READ THE OP or subsequent clarification that yes, MIL/FIL do have a part in the holiday hosting rotation. Go back and read the original post, slowly and carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the update. If I were in that situation I would still go to Tgiving wherever it is because I do care about my kids spending time with their cousins. That is just me though.

I don’t think OP and her DH were thinking of boycotting the event.

OP here. Yes, we are still attending wherever it is held, especially so kids can see cousins. We will contribute to the same extent that MIL/FIL and SIL/BIL do when they visit us: a side dish, a pie, etc.

You continue to handle this with class. This is the way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It still isn’t clear why OPs view was that MIL and SIL didn’t want to host and were insistent that OP host every single family event when their actions and what they said now show that isn’t the case. Someone misunderstood the conversations about hosting and clearly MiLs feelings were hurt before OPs were.

MIL clearly wants to host and this seems to be an issue between MIL and SIL with SIL taking it away from MIL for some reason. OP probably knows more than she’s letting on to make herself into the victim.

SIL got to get out of a) work b) the risk of disappointing ppl c) the surefire snark that would come her way from MIL if she hosted and did not do it quite right AND make OP the bad guy at the same time to MIL.
MIL made the call/snark but SIL was pulling a lot of strings.

Sounds like MIL has never done anything but be a gracious guest. But she clearly wants to host and resents not being able to. Sounds like this all worked out for the best. The only loser is SIL.

It still isn’t clear though why MIL would vent to SIL about OP hosting if MIL had insisted that OP host and had told OP that she doesn’t want to host and that OP has to host everything.

Anyways yes, now MIL can host if that is what she wanted and OP and SIL had taken that from her (intentionally or not). I wonder if OP assumed that since she has the bigger house that she was the family superhost and would always be the one to host. I can see MIL being both appreciative and hurt in that scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not about attending -- it's about Op making this mistake into a defining moment re: your family relationships.

Actually, it was about MIL choosing snark and gossip over honest and direct communication. If my MIL ever said something to me like, “I know why it makes sense to have Thanksgiving at your house this year, but I really miss hosting,” we could find a way to work together on that. Or MIL could have kept her complex feelings to herself instead of turning them into a gossip-fest, when truly no one is at fault when circumstances and logistics dictate who hosts for a certain holiday. So the “defining moment” is when MIL took her rather understandable feelings and chose to gossip and snark instead of dealing with them in a more productive way.

It was a mistake for which she apologized. No, this doesn’t need to be a defining moment for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It still isn’t clear why OPs view was that MIL and SIL didn’t want to host and were insistent that OP host every single family event when their actions and what they said now show that isn’t the case. Someone misunderstood the conversations about hosting and clearly MiLs feelings were hurt before OPs were.

MIL clearly wants to host and this seems to be an issue between MIL and SIL with SIL taking it away from MIL for some reason. OP probably knows more than she’s letting on to make herself into the victim.

SIL got to get out of a) work b) the risk of disappointing ppl c) the surefire snark that would come her way from MIL if she hosted and did not do it quite right AND make OP the bad guy at the same time to MIL.
MIL made the call/snark but SIL was pulling a lot of strings.

Sounds like MIL has never done anything but be a gracious guest. But she clearly wants to host and resents not being able to. Sounds like this all worked out for the best. The only loser is SIL.

Sounds like you didn’t READ THE OP or subsequent clarification that yes, MIL/FIL do have a part in the holiday hosting rotation. Go back and read the original post, slowly and carefully.

Oops here you go since you can’t read well:

MIL and I get along well, and we had a nice chat

I’m truly mystified as I get along with both SIL and MIL,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It still isn’t clear why OPs view was that MIL and SIL didn’t want to host and were insistent that OP host every single family event when their actions and what they said now show that isn’t the case. Someone misunderstood the conversations about hosting and clearly MiLs feelings were hurt before OPs were.

MIL clearly wants to host and this seems to be an issue between MIL and SIL with SIL taking it away from MIL for some reason. OP probably knows more than she’s letting on to make herself into the victim.

SIL got to get out of a) work b) the risk of disappointing ppl c) the surefire snark that would come her way from MIL if she hosted and did not do it quite right AND make OP the bad guy at the same time to MIL.
MIL made the call/snark but SIL was pulling a lot of strings.

Sounds like MIL has never done anything but be a gracious guest. But she clearly wants to host and resents not being able to. Sounds like this all worked out for the best. The only loser is SIL.

It still isn’t clear though why MIL would vent to SIL about OP hosting if MIL had insisted that OP host and had told OP that she doesn’t want to host and that OP has to host everything.

Anyways yes, now MIL can host if that is what she wanted and OP and SIL had taken that from her (intentionally or not). I wonder if OP assumed that since she has the bigger house that she was the family superhost and would always be the one to host. I can see MIL being both appreciative and hurt in that scenario.

You are expecting people to be logical. Have you met people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It still isn’t clear why OPs view was that MIL and SIL didn’t want to host and were insistent that OP host every single family event when their actions and what they said now show that isn’t the case. Someone misunderstood the conversations about hosting and clearly MiLs feelings were hurt before OPs were.

MIL clearly wants to host and this seems to be an issue between MIL and SIL with SIL taking it away from MIL for some reason. OP probably knows more than she’s letting on to make herself into the victim.

SIL got to get out of a) work b) the risk of disappointing ppl c) the surefire snark that would come her way from MIL if she hosted and did not do it quite right AND make OP the bad guy at the same time to MIL.
MIL made the call/snark but SIL was pulling a lot of strings.

Sounds like MIL has never done anything but be a gracious guest. But she clearly wants to host and resents not being able to. Sounds like this all worked out for the best. The only loser is SIL.

Sounds like you didn’t READ THE OP or subsequent clarification that yes, MIL/FIL do have a part in the holiday hosting rotation. Go back and read the original post, slowly and carefully.

If you read OPs subsequent posts, she says that MIL and SIL had it good for a very long time with never hosting and she talks about all the effort she (OP and DH) went to to host all these years. And now she is upset that MIL did want to host as she had understood they wanted her to always host. So she is going to show up for her kids sake but nothing more as her nose is bent out of shape that MIL is hosting rather than appreciating Op hosting everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It still isn’t clear why OPs view was that MIL and SIL didn’t want to host and were insistent that OP host every single family event when their actions and what they said now show that isn’t the case. Someone misunderstood the conversations about hosting and clearly MiLs feelings were hurt before OPs were.

MIL clearly wants to host and this seems to be an issue between MIL and SIL with SIL taking it away from MIL for some reason. OP probably knows more than she’s letting on to make herself into the victim.

SIL got to get out of a) work b) the risk of disappointing ppl c) the surefire snark that would come her way from MIL if she hosted and did not do it quite right AND make OP the bad guy at the same time to MIL.
MIL made the call/snark but SIL was pulling a lot of strings.

Sounds like MIL has never done anything but be a gracious guest. But she clearly wants to host and resents not being able to. Sounds like this all worked out for the best. The only loser is SIL.

It still isn’t clear though why MIL would vent to SIL about OP hosting if MIL had insisted that OP host and had told OP that she doesn’t want to host and that OP has to host everything.

Anyways yes, now MIL can host if that is what she wanted and OP and SIL had taken that from her (intentionally or not). I wonder if OP assumed that since she has the bigger house that she was the family superhost and would always be the one to host. I can see MIL being both appreciative and hurt in that scenario.

MIL didn’t insist OP host. SIL decided. MIL is complaining to SIL that she doesn’t get to do it. She clearly thinks she’s the best and there are obviously some issues with the family, lots of people, picky vegans, and she probably recognizes it’s a tall order. Again, MIL is getting what she wants so problem solved. OP said she wanted an apology and got it. What else is there to discuss?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks for the update. If I were in that situation I would still go to Tgiving wherever it is because I do care about my kids spending time with their cousins. That is just me though.[/quote]

I don’t think OP and her DH were thinking of boycotting the event. [/quote]

OP here. Yes, we are still attending wherever it is held, especially so kids can see cousins. We will contribute to the same extent that MIL/FIL and SIL/BIL do when they visit us: a side dish, a pie, etc. [/quote]

You continue to handle this with class. This is the way to go.[/quote]

+1. The joke will be on MIL and SIL when they have to figure out accommodations for the visitors, plan, prepare and execute TG along with the cleanup. OP and DH get a well-deserved four day weekend to relax with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It still isn’t clear why OPs view was that MIL and SIL didn’t want to host and were insistent that OP host every single family event when their actions and what they said now show that isn’t the case. Someone misunderstood the conversations about hosting and clearly MiLs feelings were hurt before OPs were.

MIL clearly wants to host and this seems to be an issue between MIL and SIL with SIL taking it away from MIL for some reason. OP probably knows more than she’s letting on to make herself into the victim.

SIL got to get out of a) work b) the risk of disappointing ppl c) the surefire snark that would come her way from MIL if she hosted and did not do it quite right AND make OP the bad guy at the same time to MIL.
MIL made the call/snark but SIL was pulling a lot of strings.

Sounds like MIL has never done anything but be a gracious guest. But she clearly wants to host and resents not being able to. Sounds like this all worked out for the best. The only loser is SIL.

It still isn’t clear though why MIL would vent to SIL about OP hosting if MIL had insisted that OP host and had told OP that she doesn’t want to host and that OP has to host everything.

Anyways yes, now MIL can host if that is what she wanted and OP and SIL had taken that from her (intentionally or not). I wonder if OP assumed that since she has the bigger house that she was the family superhost and would always be the one to host. I can see MIL being both appreciative and hurt in that scenario.

MIL didn’t insist OP host. SIL decided. MIL is complaining to SIL that she doesn’t get to do it. She clearly thinks she’s the best and there are obviously some issues with the family, lots of people, picky vegans, and she probably recognizes it’s a tall order. Again, MIL is getting what she wants so problem solved. OP said she wanted an apology and got it. What else is there to discuss?

Wanting a turn to host her family for a holiday doesn’t mean she thinks she is the best. It is different experience being a host and a guest, and many people enjoy hosting, even if they don’t have the biggest house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the update. If I were in that situation I would still go to Tgiving wherever it is because I do care about my kids spending time with their cousins. That is just me though.

I don’t think OP and her DH were thinking of boycotting the event.

OP here. Yes, we are still attending wherever it is held, especially so kids can see cousins. We will contribute to the same extent that MIL/FIL and SIL/BIL do when they visit us: a side dish, a pie, etc.

If I were you I would contribute MORE than they typically do (like, two pies instead of one) just to heap coals of fire on their head! Still a lot less work than having to host yourself. Congratulations on divesting yourself of that responsibility!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That makes sense. A lot of moms like to host their kids for holidays. To have the house filled with family. To cook for their kids. Especially if that was something they did and a way they showed they cared and something they were appreciated for when the kids were young. Especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Maybe there was some misunderstanding on your end as you didn't realize that she still wanted to host her fmaily for meals and the lines had gotten crossed and she didn't necessarily want you to host everything.

Glad you worked it out.

In that case MIL could have used her words like a big girl instead of being catty behind OP’s back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the update. If I were in that situation I would still go to Tgiving wherever it is because I do care about my kids spending time with their cousins. That is just me though.

I don’t think OP and her DH were thinking of boycotting the event.

OP here. Yes, we are still attending wherever it is held, especially so kids can see cousins. We will contribute to the same extent that MIL/FIL and SIL/BIL do when they visit us: a side dish, a pie, etc.

If I were you I would contribute MORE than they typically do (like, two pies instead of one) just to heap coals of fire on their head! Still a lot less work than having to host yourself. Congratulations on divesting yourself of that responsibility!

I’d bring 2 Costco pumpkin pies.

[Anonymous]

I would try back and say you have decided you will have other plans for Tday and hope she and the SIL have a nice time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not about attending -- it's about Op making this mistake into a defining moment re: your family relationships.

Actually, it was about MIL choosing snark and gossip over honest and direct communication. If my MIL ever said something to me like, “I know why it makes sense to have Thanksgiving at your house this year, but I really miss hosting,” we could find a way to work together on that. Or MIL could have kept her complex feelings to herself instead of turning them into a gossip-fest, when truly no one is at fault when circumstances and logistics dictate who hosts for a certain holiday. So the “defining moment” is when MIL took her rather understandable feelings and chose to gossip and snark instead of dealing with them in a more productive way.

It was a mistake for which she apologized. No, this doesn’t need to be a defining moment for anyone.

She eventually apologized, when it was clear she wasn’t going to get away with it with an emoji. Yikes…