Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

I know this is what you have to say to justify your choices, but.... in 2024, there are a LOT of people who are biglaw partners and very good, very involved parents. I took a step back to part time for 7 years when DS was young. Now I work 2000 hours a year and make seven figures and I am around DS -all- the time. As long as you have enough work, no biglaw partners are going into the office more than 1 day a week anymore. We are also all high achievers and very organized. Not everyone can manage their lives like we do. But many of us really do have something that is very close to "having it all".

I’m not trying to be mean. I know people like you. I really do. A lot of them. You manage a lot, so much, and that’s awesome, but something has to give. The moms I know like that are not on top of their kids’ stuff as much as they think they are. They miss things. Some are important, so aren’t. For instance, if I send out an evite to one of my kids’ birthdays, the big career moms are always the last to respond. They don’t get around to it, unless their kids remind them. Obviously, that’s not very important, but it’s annoying to their children. But other stuff is way, way more important. We had a very bad situation at our private a few years back. The stay at home moms were so on top of it. The big career parents ignored it altogether. I won’t go into details, but I was simply shocked how blasé the working moms were. I’m sure they tell themselves it got handled, but I’ll bet their kids feel differently. You cannot delegate parenting. If you do, it shows.

Something always has to give. Always.

It’s not enough for the kid to go to the birthday party, their mother (not father) cannot be the last RSVP.

Yes definitely sounds like it’s worth staying home for that. You are a caricature.

It’s a simple illustration of how they are flaky and do not pay attention to detail. I could come up with a million more examples, but that’s the first one that came to mind. Please don’t get nasty because an observant person can easily spot the many areas where you are lacking as a parent.

You seem to think these details matter. Did the kid rsvp and attend the party on time with present? That’s the only detail that matters. The rest is made up to make yourself feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

Some people are not able to manage both. Really it’s okay. Clearly you should not be balancing both with your negative attitude. You just see problems. You _have- to think that no BigLaw partner could be a good parent. Easiest way to justify not wanting to stay in BigLaw or that you were never going to make partner anyway.

Lol, I’m not a lawyer. It’s just what I’ve seen, knowing many, many lawyers. I have friends who are doctors who work part time. They manage both. Lawyers, never, unless they’re in-house. Same goes for investment banking. I have never seen anyone, male or female, manage both a BigLaw/investment banking career and being a good parent.
It does not happen.

Walk around NYC in the late morning, watch the nannies jabbering away on their phones, while walking dirty looking children in their strollers. Those kids do not look well taken care of (and yes, I can tell they are with their nannies because of obvious racial differences). The kids have messy hair, dirty fingers and cheeks. They keep trying to talk to their nannies, but the nannies don’t care. It’s pretty heartbreaking. But I am positive that their parents think everything is perfect.

Stop kidding yourself about how well you manage. There is always a price. You should know that; it’s basic microeconomics.

So you never worked at BigLaw? Your husband never worked at BigLaw? And you sure have a lot of opinions on the parenting of people you “know” in these careers. Sure lady. Lol. Here is a news flash. Lots of SAHM have kids with dirty hair and nails, unhappy children, etc. inattentive parents are inattentive whether they work or stay home.

Also you are posting on a DC board. Life does look different here.

PP, I do know what I am talking about because I was a legal assistant in BigLaw. After seeing what I saw, I opted out of going to law school (even though I had excellent credentials). All of the partners I met were horrible parents. Most of them went out of their way to purposefully work on holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, because they couldn’t bare being with their families. I’m sorry, but that is how it was. I chose to get a masters in something else. (I do work, but if money were not an issue, I would not.)

I don’t know know a single SAHM who isn’t on top of her kids being well manicured. Not one. The SAHMs I know volunteer at school and organize a million different things. There kids often times seem more talkative and confident and better adjusted. That’s how I see. I wish I could be a stay at home mom.

Well don’t leave us hanging - what your big career that you gave up to stay at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their husbands aren’t checked out of family life the same way it sounds like your husband is. So they have more help.

OP here. Men aren't as helpful around the house, at least not in my experience. They might cook or clean from time to time, but they're not as involved with their children and women are.

My DH does almost all our cooking and is very involved with the kids (coaching sports, watching them on his own while I’m traveling, etc.) plus is handy at fixing things. I know lots of dads like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

I know this is what you have to say to justify your choices, but.... in 2024, there are a LOT of people who are biglaw partners and very good, very involved parents. I took a step back to part time for 7 years when DS was young. Now I work 2000 hours a year and make seven figures and I am around DS -all- the time. As long as you have enough work, no biglaw partners are going into the office more than 1 day a week anymore. We are also all high achievers and very organized. Not everyone can manage their lives like we do. But many of us really do have something that is very close to "having it all".

I’m not trying to be mean. I know people like you. I really do. A lot of them. You manage a lot, so much, and that’s awesome, but something has to give. The moms I know like that are not on top of their kids’ stuff as much as they think they are. They miss things. Some are important, so aren’t. For instance, if I send out an evite to one of my kids’ birthdays, the big career moms are always the last to respond. They don’t get around to it, unless their kids remind them. Obviously, that’s not very important, but it’s annoying to their children. But other stuff is way, way more important. We had a very bad situation at our private a few years back. The stay at home moms were so on top of it. The big career parents ignored it altogether. I won’t go into details, but I was simply shocked how blasé the working moms were. I’m sure they tell themselves it got handled, but I’ll bet their kids feel differently. You cannot delegate parenting. If you do, it shows.

Something always has to give. Always.

It’s not enough for the kid to go to the birthday party, their mother (not father) cannot be the last RSVP.

Yes definitely sounds like it’s worth staying home for that. You are a caricature.

It’s a simple illustration of how they are flaky and do not pay attention to detail. I could come up with a million more examples, but that’s the first one that came to mind. Please don’t get nasty because an observant person can easily spot the many areas where you are lacking as a parent.

You seem to think these details matter. Did the kid rsvp and attend the party on time with present? That’s the only detail that matters. The rest is made up to make yourself feel better.

Yes, for me being polite and thorough matters. Rsvping late or not at all and the. showing up at a party with or without a gift is very rude. I pay attention into detail. That might mean I don’t do as much, but what I do, I do well. I am gobsmacked at all of the people who think that so little effort, is good enough.

In the evite example, it takes less than five minutes to check your calendar and see if you can go to an event. How wish washy do you have to be if you can’t respond to one on time? And then you’re going around telling me you manage it all and have it all? Seriously? That makes me think you do a little bit of everything and nothing well. I know so many people like that. They have their hands in a million jars and they do nothing well. But they sure are proud of themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

Some people are not able to manage both. Really it’s okay. Clearly you should not be balancing both with your negative attitude. You just see problems. You _have- to think that no BigLaw partner could be a good parent. Easiest way to justify not wanting to stay in BigLaw or that you were never going to make partner anyway.

Lol, I’m not a lawyer. It’s just what I’ve seen, knowing many, many lawyers. I have friends who are doctors who work part time. They manage both. Lawyers, never, unless they’re in-house. Same goes for investment banking. I have never seen anyone, male or female, manage both a BigLaw/investment banking career and being a good parent.
It does not happen.

Walk around NYC in the late morning, watch the nannies jabbering away on their phones, while walking dirty looking children in their strollers. Those kids do not look well taken care of (and yes, I can tell they are with their nannies because of obvious racial differences). The kids have messy hair, dirty fingers and cheeks. They keep trying to talk to their nannies, but the nannies don’t care. It’s pretty heartbreaking. But I am positive that their parents think everything is perfect.

Stop kidding yourself about how well you manage. There is always a price. You should know that; it’s basic microeconomics.

So you never worked at BigLaw? Your husband never worked at BigLaw? And you sure have a lot of opinions on the parenting of people you “know” in these careers. Sure lady. Lol. Here is a news flash. Lots of SAHM have kids with dirty hair and nails, unhappy children, etc. inattentive parents are inattentive whether they work or stay home.

Also you are posting on a DC board. Life does look different here.

PP, I do know what I am talking about because I was a legal assistant in BigLaw. After seeing what I saw, I opted out of going to law school (even though I had excellent credentials). All of the partners I met were horrible parents. Most of them went out of their way to purposefully work on holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, because they couldn’t bare being with their families. I’m sorry, but that is how it was. I chose to get a masters in something else. (I do work, but if money were not an issue, I would not.)

I don’t know know a single SAHM who isn’t on top of her kids being well manicured. Not one. The SAHMs I know volunteer at school and organize a million different things. There kids often times seem more talkative and confident and better adjusted. That’s how I see. I wish I could be a stay at home mom.

Well don’t leave us hanging - what your big career that you gave up to stay at home?

Reading comprehension helps. I said I work (in fundraising). I wish I were a stay at home mom. (Also, I had a 170 LSAT, but truly did not want to go to law school because of the work life balance.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

I know this is what you have to say to justify your choices, but.... in 2024, there are a LOT of people who are biglaw partners and very good, very involved parents. I took a step back to part time for 7 years when DS was young. Now I work 2000 hours a year and make seven figures and I am around DS -all- the time. As long as you have enough work, no biglaw partners are going into the office more than 1 day a week anymore. We are also all high achievers and very organized. Not everyone can manage their lives like we do. But many of us really do have something that is very close to "having it all".

I’m not trying to be mean. I know people like you. I really do. A lot of them. You manage a lot, so much, and that’s awesome, but something has to give. The moms I know like that are not on top of their kids’ stuff as much as they think they are. They miss things. Some are important, so aren’t. For instance, if I send out an evite to one of my kids’ birthdays, the big career moms are always the last to respond. They don’t get around to it, unless their kids remind them. Obviously, that’s not very important, but it’s annoying to their children. But other stuff is way, way more important. We had a very bad situation at our private a few years back. The stay at home moms were so on top of it. The big career parents ignored it altogether. I won’t go into details, but I was simply shocked how blasé the working moms were. I’m sure they tell themselves it got handled, but I’ll bet their kids feel differently. You cannot delegate parenting. If you do, it shows.

Something always has to give. Always.

It’s not enough for the kid to go to the birthday party, their mother (not father) cannot be the last RSVP.

Yes definitely sounds like it’s worth staying home for that. You are a caricature.

It’s a simple illustration of how they are flaky and do not pay attention to detail. I could come up with a million more examples, but that’s the first one that came to mind. Please don’t get nasty because an observant person can easily spot the many areas where you are lacking as a parent.

You seem to think these details matter. Did the kid rsvp and attend the party on time with present? That’s the only detail that matters. The rest is made up to make yourself feel better.

Yes, for me being polite and thorough matters. Rsvping late or not at all and the. showing up at a party with or without a gift is very rude. I pay attention into detail. That might mean I don’t do as much, but what I do, I do well. I am gobsmacked at all of the people who think that so little effort, is good enough.

In the evite example, it takes less than five minutes to check your calendar and see if you can go to an event. How wish washy do you have to be if you can’t respond to one on time? And then you’re going around telling me you manage it all and have it all? Seriously? That makes me think you do a little bit of everything and nothing well. I know so many people like that. They have their hands in a million jars and they do nothing well. But they sure are proud of themselves.

I’m glad you have finally admitted that you are pretty limited in what you can accomplish. Most of us reading along figured that out a long time ago. It’s probably why you have such a bee in your bonnet about working mothers. They can do more than you. Being the first RSVP doesn’t make the list:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

I know this is what you have to say to justify your choices, but.... in 2024, there are a LOT of people who are biglaw partners and very good, very involved parents. I took a step back to part time for 7 years when DS was young. Now I work 2000 hours a year and make seven figures and I am around DS -all- the time. As long as you have enough work, no biglaw partners are going into the office more than 1 day a week anymore. We are also all high achievers and very organized. Not everyone can manage their lives like we do. But many of us really do have something that is very close to "having it all".

I’m not trying to be mean. I know people like you. I really do. A lot of them. You manage a lot, so much, and that’s awesome, but something has to give. The moms I know like that are not on top of their kids’ stuff as much as they think they are. They miss things. Some are important, so aren’t. For instance, if I send out an evite to one of my kids’ birthdays, the big career moms are always the last to respond. They don’t get around to it, unless their kids remind them. Obviously, that’s not very important, but it’s annoying to their children. But other stuff is way, way more important. We had a very bad situation at our private a few years back. The stay at home moms were so on top of it. The big career parents ignored it altogether. I won’t go into details, but I was simply shocked how blasé the working moms were. I’m sure they tell themselves it got handled, but I’ll bet their kids feel differently. You cannot delegate parenting. If you do, it shows.

Something always has to give. Always.

It’s not enough for the kid to go to the birthday party, their mother (not father) cannot be the last RSVP.

Yes definitely sounds like it’s worth staying home for that. You are a caricature.

It’s a simple illustration of how they are flaky and do not pay attention to detail. I could come up with a million more examples, but that’s the first one that came to mind. Please don’t get nasty because an observant person can easily spot the many areas where you are lacking as a parent.

You seem to think these details matter. Did the kid rsvp and attend the party on time with present? That’s the only detail that matters. The rest is made up to make yourself feel better.

Yes, for me being polite and thorough matters. Rsvping late or not at all and the. showing up at a party with or without a gift is very rude. I pay attention into detail. That might mean I don’t do as much, but what I do, I do well. I am gobsmacked at all of the people who think that so little effort, is good enough.

In the evite example, it takes less than five minutes to check your calendar and see if you can go to an event. How wish washy do you have to be if you can’t respond to one on time? And then you’re going around telling me you manage it all and have it all? Seriously? That makes me think you do a little bit of everything and nothing well. I know so many people like that. They have their hands in a million jars and they do nothing well. But they sure are proud of themselves.

I’m glad you have finally admitted that you are pretty limited in what you can accomplish. Most of us reading along figured that out a long time ago. It’s probably why you have such a bee in your bonnet about working mothers. They can do more than you. Being the first RSVP doesn’t make the list:

Well, obviously reading comprehension isn’t your strong suit. I am a working mother! I just wish I were a SAHM! Anyway, I have to work in the morning, don’t you have a Big Career to attend to?

[Anonymous]

As a woman, you’re very dependent on your husband if you don’t earn money, and he can wind up with a lot of control in the relationship. If he starts engaging in habits you don’t like, but you haven’t had a job in 10 years and might not be that employable anymore, how do you fix your marriage?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

I know this is what you have to say to justify your choices, but.... in 2024, there are a LOT of people who are biglaw partners and very good, very involved parents. I took a step back to part time for 7 years when DS was young. Now I work 2000 hours a year and make seven figures and I am around DS -all- the time. As long as you have enough work, no biglaw partners are going into the office more than 1 day a week anymore. We are also all high achievers and very organized. Not everyone can manage their lives like we do. But many of us really do have something that is very close to "having it all".

I’m not trying to be mean. I know people like you. I really do. A lot of them. You manage a lot, so much, and that’s awesome, but something has to give. The moms I know like that are not on top of their kids’ stuff as much as they think they are. They miss things. Some are important, so aren’t. For instance, if I send out an evite to one of my kids’ birthdays, the big career moms are always the last to respond. They don’t get around to it, unless their kids remind them. Obviously, that’s not very important, but it’s annoying to their children. But other stuff is way, way more important. We had a very bad situation at our private a few years back. The stay at home moms were so on top of it. The big career parents ignored it altogether. I won’t go into details, but I was simply shocked how blasé the working moms were. I’m sure they tell themselves it got handled, but I’ll bet their kids feel differently. You cannot delegate parenting. If you do, it shows.

Something always has to give. Always.

It’s not enough for the kid to go to the birthday party, their mother (not father) cannot be the last RSVP.

Yes definitely sounds like it’s worth staying home for that. You are a caricature.

It’s a simple illustration of how they are flaky and do not pay attention to detail. I could come up with a million more examples, but that’s the first one that came to mind. Please don’t get nasty because an observant person can easily spot the many areas where you are lacking as a parent.

You seem to think these details matter. Did the kid rsvp and attend the party on time with present? That’s the only detail that matters. The rest is made up to make yourself feel better.

Yes, for me being polite and thorough matters. Rsvping late or not at all and the. showing up at a party with or without a gift is very rude. I pay attention into detail. That might mean I don’t do as much, but what I do, I do well. I am gobsmacked at all of the people who think that so little effort, is good enough.

In the evite example, it takes less than five minutes to check your calendar and see if you can go to an event. How wish washy do you have to be if you can’t respond to one on time? And then you’re going around telling me you manage it all and have it all? Seriously? That makes me think you do a little bit of everything and nothing well. I know so many people like that. They have their hands in a million jars and they do nothing well. But they sure are proud of themselves.

I’m glad you have finally admitted that you are pretty limited in what you can accomplish. Most of us reading along figured that out a long time ago. It’s probably why you have such a bee in your bonnet about working mothers. They can do more than you. Being the first RSVP doesn’t make the list:

Well, obviously reading comprehension isn’t your strong suit. I am a working mother! I just wish I were a SAHM! Anyway, I have to work in the morning, don’t you have a Big Career to attend to?

We’re not the only ones posting, so whatever. But the SAHMs were on top of the private school issue, not you I guess.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

Some people are not able to manage both. Really it’s okay. Clearly you should not be balancing both with your negative attitude. You just see problems. You _have- to think that no BigLaw partner could be a good parent. Easiest way to justify not wanting to stay in BigLaw or that you were never going to make partner anyway.

Lol, I’m not a lawyer. It’s just what I’ve seen, knowing many, many lawyers. I have friends who are doctors who work part time. They manage both. Lawyers, never, unless they’re in-house. Same goes for investment banking. I have never seen anyone, male or female, manage both a BigLaw/investment banking career and being a good parent.
It does not happen.

Walk around NYC in the late morning, watch the nannies jabbering away on their phones, while walking dirty looking children in their strollers. Those kids do not look well taken care of (and yes, I can tell they are with their nannies because of obvious racial differences). The kids have messy hair, dirty fingers and cheeks. They keep trying to talk to their nannies, but the nannies don’t care. It’s pretty heartbreaking. But I am positive that their parents think everything is perfect.

Stop kidding yourself about how well you manage. There is always a price. You should know that; it’s basic microeconomics.

So you never worked at BigLaw? Your husband never worked at BigLaw? And you sure have a lot of opinions on the parenting of people you “know” in these careers. Sure lady. Lol. Here is a news flash. Lots of SAHM have kids with dirty hair and nails, unhappy children, etc. inattentive parents are inattentive whether they work or stay home.

Also you are posting on a DC board. Life does look different here.

PP, I do know what I am talking about because I was a legal assistant in BigLaw. After seeing what I saw, I opted out of going to law school (even though I had excellent credentials). All of the partners I met were horrible parents. Most of them went out of their way to purposefully work on holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, because they couldn’t bare being with their families. I’m sorry, but that is how it was. I chose to get a masters in something else. (I do work, but if money were not an issue, I would not.)

I don’t know know a single SAHM who isn’t on top of her kids being well manicured. Not one. The SAHMs I know volunteer at school and organize a million different things. There kids often times seem more talkative and confident and better adjusted. That’s how I see. I wish I could be a stay at home mom.

Lady you are an absolute nutcase. You were a secretary 20 years ago who couldn't get into law school and has been a sahm the whole time. You are exhibit A of people who were never going to be able to manage a job and kids.

And her priority is kids being "well-manicured" wtf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

I know this is what you have to say to justify your choices, but.... in 2024, there are a LOT of people who are biglaw partners and very good, very involved parents. I took a step back to part time for 7 years when DS was young. Now I work 2000 hours a year and make seven figures and I am around DS -all- the time. As long as you have enough work, no biglaw partners are going into the office more than 1 day a week anymore. We are also all high achievers and very organized. Not everyone can manage their lives like we do. But many of us really do have something that is very close to "having it all".

I’m not trying to be mean. I know people like you. I really do. A lot of them. You manage a lot, so much, and that’s awesome, but something has to give. The moms I know like that are not on top of their kids’ stuff as much as they think they are. They miss things. Some are important, so aren’t. For instance, if I send out an evite to one of my kids’ birthdays, the big career moms are always the last to respond. They don’t get around to it, unless their kids remind them. Obviously, that’s not very important, but it’s annoying to their children. But other stuff is way, way more important. We had a very bad situation at our private a few years back. The stay at home moms were so on top of it. The big career parents ignored it altogether. I won’t go into details, but I was simply shocked how blasé the working moms were. I’m sure they tell themselves it got handled, but I’ll bet their kids feel differently. You cannot delegate parenting. If you do, it shows.

Something always has to give. Always.

Did any Dads care? Your post was so funny it made me laugh out loud. Yes, working moms and dads at your school had more to care about than private school tempest in a teapot.

The working parents did not care. The SAHMs did. I guess I am sexist because I don’t see many men who excellent fathers or grandfathers, but I see many women who are excellent mothers and grandmothers. I’ve always assumed it was because men are more selfish and women are more selfless. I don’t think many men have it in them the way that many women do.

I am sorry that you are in a community where the men and women have such poor standards for fatherhood. I could see how that affects your world view. But it’s 2024, there are a lot of excellent fathers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a boss once who was a lawyer (in hose GC of a global company) and super successful. Wife was also a lawyer, and she stopped working and stayed home with their 2 kids. I saw her advising him on several occasions and this I think makes sense bc he was able to be twice as effective as another person but likely pulled down 5x the income due to his success as they would have individually. Smart couple.

If his success was due to her advising him, then she would have been able to pull much more if she kept working and he stayed home.

Like Einsteins wife who helped him not lose his own head tons of times.
So many ASD inventors had brilliant wives who had to keep all the trains in the track plus quality check and do their work when they got too tired to function.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I had what would be considered a rather prestigious finance job and quit to stay at home and be with my kids, close to 20 years ago. Here is my take.

Finances: I was sort of in a unicorn situation where I had family money and would have been fine if we got divorced, DH also had plenty of savings/family money, enough for us to be comfortable even if something happened to him. Me brining in my income (which was significant) wouldn't have made a significant difference in our lives. I could've also gone back to work if after a year or two I regretted the decision.

Personal: I was well educated, great at my job, and loved it. However, I would've rarely seen my baby if I'd kept working. Working remotely or part time was not an option. Times were different, this was in the early 2000s. I think if I'd been a few years younger, I would've gone this route. I worried about not feeling fulfilled, honestly, I didn't love all the aspects of taking care of small children. However, it was not all about me. I was doing what I felt was best for my family. We did not have any family around to help. AT. ALL. This was big and I think people underestimate how helpful it is to have someone who is around, even just once or twice a year, or in true emergencies. DH's job was very demanding and he wasn't around either. For posters that say DH pitched in cooking dinner every night, did laundry on weekends, etc., not everyone's job affords these options. I could hire whatever help I wanted to help me, and basically had a blank check. Many people bad or mediocre, some were good, and a few were excellent. It was really hard to find the excellent ones who were available all the hours I would've needed to have kept working myself.
Also, it turned out my kids had some learning disabilities and other challenges. That can completely change the situation too.

Men who work see their kids rarely as well, and many women also have demanding jobs, but you never see men asked to justify their jobs. That's the issue with OP.

DH didn't have an issue seeing the baby, soon to be kids, here and there... some days for 5-10 minutes, some days not at all. In fact, he preferred it that way. I don't know how to say it other than that he didn't have a whole lot of interest in the kids when they were young. While I was never asked to "justify" staying home or not, I, on the other hand, felt like my heart would've been ripped out of my chest if I'd only seen our baby 10-15 minutes each morning/night. I stayed home, he worked all the time. It worked for everyone.

Also... Remember you are in this for the long game... although DH did very little kid stuff or traditional housework when the kids were young... Fast forward 16 years... we had a wild teenage boy. DH took over with then, I was way out of my league while DH knew exactly what to do. I don't know what I would've done without him. As DS is now in college, DH is a much better mentor with career stuff/life stuff for a 20-something year old young man than I could ever be.

You are a parent for life, not just the baby toddler years... there are stages... and they never end. For those of you with little kids, or even school-aged kids, this can be hard to see.

I honestly think this gets to the heart of a lot of it. Many women like OP are married to men who just aren’t good fathers. They don’t care if they see their kids. They are content to give distanced advice to teens and young adults. It’s more like a professional relationship than a parenting relationship.

If that’s the kind of father in the house, women basically end up forced to stay home. The mom is forced out of her job because the father is checked out and uninterested in being a parent.

It’s a sad situation and not good for kids, but you can hardly blame the women. They are doing the best they can.

Not untrue. Two involved, active parent actually parenting will always be better than one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

Some people are not able to manage both. Really it’s okay. Clearly you should not be balancing both with your negative attitude. You just see problems. You _have- to think that no BigLaw partner could be a good parent. Easiest way to justify not wanting to stay in BigLaw or that you were never going to make partner anyway.

Lol, I’m not a lawyer. It’s just what I’ve seen, knowing many, many lawyers. I have friends who are doctors who work part time. They manage both. Lawyers, never, unless they’re in-house. Same goes for investment banking. I have never seen anyone, male or female, manage both a BigLaw/investment banking career and being a good parent.
It does not happen.

Walk around NYC in the late morning, watch the nannies jabbering away on their phones, while walking dirty looking children in their strollers. Those kids do not look well taken care of (and yes, I can tell they are with their nannies because of obvious racial differences). The kids have messy hair, dirty fingers and cheeks. They keep trying to talk to their nannies, but the nannies don’t care. It’s pretty heartbreaking. But I am positive that their parents think everything is perfect.

Stop kidding yourself about how well you manage. There is always a price. You should know that; it’s basic microeconomics.

Disagree.
I worked for Jennifer Nason and Julie Richardson back in the day and they were excellent mothers, mentors and bankers at JPM. And one had a special needs child. The other always had women’s events at her brownstone. I’m still in touch with them 20+ years later and many other working moms 10-30 years older than me. And 10-25 years younger than me. Love it!
DC is a great place to live and work, tons of interesting dual income couples and families. Even with four kids!
I notice lots of WAH dads and moms too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like working. It gives them an identity and purpose apart from family life. It’s also empowering to earn money yourself. None of this disappears when children are born.

And if you grow apart later, it’s good to have a current skill set in case you have to support yourself again one day. It happens.

I understand this. I liked my job too and it gave me a sense of purpose, but I had to re-prioritize my goals ad staying in the workforce made it difficult for me to have to do everything.

This will sound much meaner over a post than if we were speaking. But I don’t mean it in a mean way. OP, everyone comes to the table with different skills and strengths and talents. Some women who stayed in the workforce had stronger skills in the workplace and homefront which allowed manage both more easily than you were able to.

NP, this is such an obnoxious viewpoint. My doctor mom would say the same thing. But after being raised by a go-getter, do it all-er, who felt vastly superior to stay at home mom’s, I chose to be a stay at home mom myself. My mom didn’t do it all, she just thought she did. I’m the one who suffered from her ambition and narcissism and chose not to inflict my children with the same. Get over yourself, you’re not managing as well as you think you are, unless you’re part time or your spouse stays with the kids. Nannies are not parents.

+100 found that incredibly obnoxious as well. Stronger skills on the homefront? If you're that smug it's unlikely you have the skills you think you do.

NP but it’s true. Some women are just scattered and disorganized. They have good degrees and everything, but maybe a neurological condition comes up and they are unable to handle things.

You sound so smug and delusional. Neurological conditions? There are only so many hours in the day. You can’t be a good parent and a good BigLaw partner at the same time. Something has to give. You’re delegating and delegating. Sure, a lady can clean your toilets well enough, but a nanny/au pair is not going to love your kid the way a parent does.

Some people, men and women, value parenting more than they value boardrooms. It’s okay to make the choices you’ve made, but don’t kid yourself that they don’t come at a huge cost, one way or another.

I know nothing about BigLaw but in many fields (law, medicine, finance) there are jobs where you can work and be a good parent at the same time. Many who opt out do seem scatterbrained and overwhelmed, but I am not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg (ie, did they drop out bc of neurological conditions, or did the lifestyle cause them to mentally degenerate)

Agree. The working families I know have at least one partner with solid executive functioning skills at home and at work. They are adaptable and optimize everything they see, thus when they’re home they are present and not working or flipping out at their phone or emails.