DC’s friend broke something expensive - WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn’t do anything wrong but stuff happens with 10 year olds. I’d fix it yourself. If it was worth millions, you wouldn’t expect them to sell their house to fix it. File an insurance claim if it’s that expensive.

This. Without knowing the turntable it's hard to be certain, but you should have been able to protect this better. If this really was a $1000+ *turntable*, then you had an obligation to do so if you're going to invite people over.

And/or get an accidental damage insurance plan.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for the OP's child. She's not going to have any friends to play with after word gets around about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for the OP's child. She's not going to have any friends to play with after word gets around about this.

DP here. Absolutely not ture, because OP's kid is not a destructive little AH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for the OP's child. She's not going to have any friends to play with after word gets around about this.

DP here. Absolutely not ture, because OP's kid is not a destructive little AH.

*not true

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe people are so blasé about a 10 year old opening something at someone else’s house and breaking it. Sure, kids do stupid things, but this should have been a BIG DEAL in this kid’s family with major consequences to ensure he never does something like that again. I’m imagining if I had done something like that at age 10 I would have been asked to help contribute to the cost of repairs through chores and babysitting. Do you get the sense that this family is just defending their kid and letting it slide? If so I’d probably be too annoyed to want to stay friends with the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for the OP's child. She's not going to have any friends to play with after word gets around about this.

The reverse, actually. No one wants their home damaged by a 10 year old who can't control themselves. I know a few kids like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am astounded that you have thousands of dollars worth of expensive hobby equipment yet… live in an apartment

God I love when DCUMers accidentally expose how provincial they are

Not at all. OP, are you living in a $3m 2bd/1ba on the UES with all your junk out in the living room?

It’s a stereo system in the main living space, sweetheart. Learn to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So weird to put out so many details but then be annoyingly vague on what the object is. Obviously with this obfuscation the other people would still recognize the story.

Eff it. It was part of his stereo. He’s a big music collector. We all live in apartments, we’ve all been over before and the kid deliberately opened the turntable case and ruined something. It wasn’t because of roughhousing.

How about sending them the quote and splitting 50/50 if it’s higher than his estimate?

[Anonymous]

I've been in a situation like this as the parent of the child who broke the item. My 6 yo broke a tv screen at a friend's house. A total freak accident that happened when the children were unsupervised in the basement. As soon as the mother told me, I immediately offered to replace the TV. Of course it turned out to be a $2500 TV, but I felt that I had no option but to just replace since I offered. It especially burned since the tv was not brand new, so they ended up getting a newer, better model TV on us, but my child is the one who broke the TV, even though they were playing a rough game, unsupervised at the behest of their children...

I still have some resentment about it, given that we don't let children play unsupervised around anything valuable in our house. The replacement cost was not nothing for us, and this family is far wealthier. Additionally, the children of these friends touch everything when they come over to our house, even after being told no do not touch (and this particularly touchy kid is 4 yrs older than our kid and should know better).

The family is in our greater school friend group, so we also decided to suck it up and pay because we didn't want to cause any drama, and it turned out that the expensive TV family is now looked down upon by the rest of the group because all were horrified that they accepted our offer to replace. DH and I were not the ones who told others. We just replaced it quietly and moved on because we were somewhat embarrassed. The broken TV dad was the one who mentioned to others. Everyone knows how much disposable income this family has because the dad brags a bit and talks about money far more than most.

Long winded story OP, but, you might want to just pay to replace yourself if there is the chance that others will judge and you suffer social consequences for being viewed as cheap by your friend group. If you have the money to replace, and it is not a huge burden, is it worth the potential social cost?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on the fence. On the one hand, I would be tempted to go with Lesson Learned.
On the other, I think kid shouldn't get away with playing with it, though did he know he shouldn't.

If i could afford it I would either take what is offered or not have said anything.

I did ask. While this is awkward, I’m not unhappy I did that - I was gracious and I care about my husband. I really don’t see how this one is lesson learned, I guess because DH has been pretty clear that the force taken to create the damage done was purposeful, and the kids aren’t super little anymore, and the parent was present.

Did you tell them you expected reimbursement? You must do that otherwise you leave a grey area. If your husband believes it was done maliciously then demand payment. If they refuse, and you’re as rich as you say, sue them.

Yes. We discussed repair and replacement and that’s when she went to her husband who gave her the lower estimate. I’m not accusing anyone of malice and we’d obviously never sue, but I just wanted to get some feedback because I feel awkward. We’d tabled this over the holidays and DH told me the ultimate replacement cost today.

I'm not sure you should get a new item on your friend's dime. Fixing the damage is one thing, getting a new one is another. For example, I have a very expensive camera but it's now several years old. I have been looking at a new one and the current model is much nicer than mine. Asking someone to buy that one for me puts me in a better position, which seems ridiculous for someone else to cover the cost of.

I agree with this. If the repair cost is around the amount they offered, I don't think it's cool to go back and ask for a total replacement just in case the repair doesn't work. Even though it IS their kid's fault, it sounds like they are making a reasonable offer here, albeit not your ideal solution.

This, unless you want to permanently alter the friendship over thie incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been in a situation like this as the parent of the child who broke the item. My 6 yo broke a tv screen at a friend's house. A total freak accident that happened when the children were unsupervised in the basement. As soon as the mother told me, I immediately offered to replace the TV. Of course it turned out to be a $2500 TV, but I felt that I had no option but to just replace since I offered. It especially burned since the tv was not brand new, so they ended up getting a newer, better model TV on us, but my child is the one who broke the TV, even though they were playing a rough game, unsupervised at the behest of their children...

I still have some resentment about it, given that we don't let children play unsupervised around anything valuable in our house. The replacement cost was not nothing for us, and this family is far wealthier. Additionally, the children of these friends touch everything when they come over to our house, even after being told no do not touch (and this particularly touchy kid is 4 yrs older than our kid and should know better).

The family is in our greater school friend group, so we also decided to suck it up and pay because we didn't want to cause any drama, and it turned out that the expensive TV family is now looked down upon by the rest of the group because all were horrified that they accepted our offer to replace. DH and I were not the ones who told others. We just replaced it quietly and moved on because we were somewhat embarrassed. The broken TV dad was the one who mentioned to others. Everyone knows how much disposable income this family has because the dad brags a bit and talks about money far more than most.

Long winded story OP, but, you might want to just pay to replace yourself if there is the chance that others will judge and you suffer social consequences for being viewed as cheap by your friend group. If you have the money to replace, and it is not a huge burden, is it worth the potential social cost?

Right, but in this case, the family with the child who broke something is wealthier. It's the opposite of your situation, and people aren't going to necessarily feel the same about it.

[Anonymous]

This thread is insane.

If the OP posted that her child had broken an expensive stereo item, this board would be out with torches and pitchforks if she did not immediately offer to pay full freight for the broken item.

But now because it’s someone else’s child, she’s irresponsible for having a stereo in the living room and shouldn’t have expensive things because she has children and lives in an apartment.

Talk about double standards.

[Anonymous]

You cannot expect a friend to pay over a thousand dollars in damages to a household item. Just no. That is what insurance is for. They can split or cover your deductible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is insane.

If the OP posted that her child had broken an expensive stereo item, this board would be out with torches and pitchforks if she did not immediately offer to pay full freight for the broken item.

But now because it’s someone else’s child, she’s irresponsible for having a stereo in the living room and shouldn’t have expensive things because she has children and lives in an apartment.

Talk about double standards.

Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is insane.

If the OP posted that her child had broken an expensive stereo item, this board would be out with torches and pitchforks if she did not immediately offer to pay full freight for the broken item.

But now because it’s someone else’s child, she’s irresponsible for having a stereo in the living room and shouldn’t have expensive things because she has children and lives in an apartment. This isn’t a double standard at all.

Talk about double standards.

OP’s friend did offer. Many of us are saying she shouldn’t accept or at the very least should accept a contribution towards a repair not a replacement.