MIL buying items on my baby registry for herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s been a trend among boomers of throwing grandma showers. The grandma is celebrated and given baby registry items to outfit her home. My cousins MIL did this and even stranger invited her and her mother. They declined and MIL was irked.

Point being that your MIL has probably caught wind from other boomers to do something self absorbed like outfit her house for someone else’s baby.

Someone else's baby? Like her son's baby? Y'all act like this person is a stranger in your lives.

Her sons baby still isn’t hers…and I cannot imagine anything in worse taste than a grandma shower

Worse than planning your own shower? Or your mom planning it? There's plenty of tackiness to be found in all baby showers. Let's not even talk about the games. People should just provide for their own babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s been a trend among boomers of throwing grandma showers. The grandma is celebrated and given baby registry items to outfit her home. My cousins MIL did this and even stranger invited her and her mother. They declined and MIL was irked.

Point being that your MIL has probably caught wind from other boomers to do something self absorbed like outfit her house for someone else’s baby.

Have never heard of this “trend.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s been a trend among boomers of throwing grandma showers. The grandma is celebrated and given baby registry items to outfit her home. My cousins MIL did this and even stranger invited her and her mother. They declined and MIL was irked.

Point being that your MIL has probably caught wind from other boomers to do something self absorbed like outfit her house for someone else’s baby.

Someone else's baby? Like her son's baby? Y'all act like this person is a stranger in your lives.

Her sons baby still isn’t hers…and I cannot imagine anything in worse taste than a grandma shower

She's planning for a guest to visit her home. Isn't that what most people do? Buy things their guests may need or want? Where's the foul?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think she wants to be ready for when you bring the baby over for a family visit on the weekends. It's very handy for a grandparent to have a pack'n'play for naps, a few bibs, a high chair etc. That way you don't have to bring everything.

this

[Anonymous]

This thread is really bringing out the shrewish DILs from hell. I mean moreso than usual.

I'm also glad to see a number of DILs who clearly do not fall into that category and see OP's complaint for the petty whining that it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi all,

How would you take it if your MIL is buying items off your registry for her home only. She doesn’t mention buying any gifts for you to use. I will be a stay at home mom also so my baby wouldn’t be staying at her home that long and I live close to her. I also never mentioned having her look after my baby and if I happen to decide to go back to work, I would hire a nanny.

Thanks for all your responses.

So? This way you know she has what you need when you visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the problem? She's just trying to have the same setup as yours, for the baby.
Is she not allowed to do that?

It’s weird and presumes she’s going to have the child more than op wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my shower isn’t yet so I haven’t been gifted any items. I find it weird that she would buy these items for herself and not buy items for my household first. I guess I’m here to ask if I am in the right to find this weird or it’s no big deal.

You’re wrong.

No she isn’t. It’s bizarre that she is buying items op hasn’t gotten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the problem? She's just trying to have the same setup as yours, for the baby.
Is she not allowed to do that?

It’s weird and presumes she’s going to have the child more than op wants.

Again, OP is whining because she didn't get the gifts first. And also doesn't understand why a baby might need things when she lives so close. That makes zero sense to anyone who has actually had a baby before. Since you speak for OP can you tell us how she came to find out about these gifts at MILs house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok OP, apparently I'm the only one on DCUM who thinks this is utterly bizarre. Are you SURE she's not buying them as gifts for you?

You aren’t alone in being bothered by this but then I had a rude, boundary stomping narcissist of a mil. She had a grandma shower for herself but people didn’t know the gifts were for her. I heard remarks later about not sending thank you notes. I asked the person who told me to let people know we didn’t get a single thing that all the gifts were mils. The alcoholic never got to use a single item.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP’s instincts aren’t wrong.

This behavior is ONLY helpful if OP and her husband have already decided that they plan frequent and lengthy visits with MIL, use MIL for babysitting and child care, and plan to leave the baby there. It sounds like OP and her husband haven’t made those decisions yet but MIL is presuming she’s going to be hosting the baby frequently. It’s the presumptuous behavior and if MIL has already shown herself to be overstepping, whiny, demanding or whatever would be a very bad sign.

The things that would be helpful for short, non weekly visits would be a pack and play, high chair and child proofing the house. MIL doesn’t need a crib, changing station, car seat, second set of clothes, diapers, bottles, bouncy seat, swing, stroller etc.

OP and her husband should have a conversation with MIL to figure out what her intentions/expectations are with outfitting a nursery at her house. OP and her husband then need to start thinking what will work best for them and their baby.

I bought a crib, rocker, diaper pail, car seat, high chair and toys last year when my first grandchild was born. I assume he will not be the last and my DD and her husband frequently use our home for weekend getaways, even if we aren’t there. I try to make life easier for my kids, but would find YOUR attitude to be very presumptuous. Adults don’t police what other adults buy. You control your child, that’s it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s been a trend among boomers of throwing grandma showers. The grandma is celebrated and given baby registry items to outfit her home. My cousins MIL did this and even stranger invited her and her mother. They declined and MIL was irked.

Point being that your MIL has probably caught wind from other boomers to do something self absorbed like outfit her house for someone else’s baby.

Fake news, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the problem? She's just trying to have the same setup as yours, for the baby.
Is she not allowed to do that?

It’s weird and presumes she’s going to have the child more than op wants.

Or it's nice that baby will have a place to sit at the table or relax when her parents are visiting grandma. I would have loved if mY ILs had bought stuff for my baby to use when we visited - we ended up buying a pack and play, high chair, and even some toys to keep at their house to make things easier when we came over for dinner or a quick visit. Heck, the kids are 8 and 10 and they still keep some stuff over there.

Anyway, OP never even came back to tell us what specifically grandma bought. I'm guessing it was literally a pack and play, baby swing/bouncer, and a high chair. All the things that would be useful for a short visit, and here meanwhile, OP thinks grandma is going to try to kidnap her child and keep it for a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my shower isn’t yet so I haven’t been gifted any items. I find it weird that she would buy these items for herself and not buy items for my household first. I guess I’m here to ask if I am in the right to find this weird or it’s no big deal.

You’re wrong.

No she isn’t. It’s bizarre that she is buying items op hasn’t gotten.

Um, OP has not even had her baby shower yet. She'll get these things. Why should she expect her mother in law to buy them all for her? Doesn't she have other family and friends who will buy her gifts for her baby shower? It's just a bizarre, entitled thing to expect that MIL is going to buy her everything off her baby registry and isn't allowed to buy some extras for her home when OP is going to get all this stuff given to her at her baby shower by other people. For all OP knows, MIL is going to give her $1000 to use to close out her registry with the 10% discount. Geez you psycho entitled snots!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the problem? She's just trying to have the same setup as yours, for the baby.
Is she not allowed to do that?

It’s weird and presumes she’s going to have the child more than op wants.

Unless the MIL is a really poor caregiver, OP should *want* her to spend plenty of time with her child. A loving grandparent taking care of a grandchild to give the parents a break is a total win-win-win situation.