MIL buying items on my baby registry for herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s instincts aren’t wrong.

This behavior is ONLY helpful if OP and her husband have already decided that they plan frequent and lengthy visits with MIL, use MIL for babysitting and child care, and plan to leave the baby there. It sounds like OP and her husband haven’t made those decisions yet but MIL is presuming she’s going to be hosting the baby frequently. It’s the presumptuous behavior and if MIL has already shown herself to be overstepping, whiny, demanding or whatever would be a very bad sign.

The things that would be helpful for short, non weekly visits would be a pack and play, high chair and child proofing the house. MIL doesn’t need a crib, changing station, car seat, second set of clothes, diapers, bottles, bouncy seat, swing, stroller etc.

OP and her husband should have a conversation with MIL to figure out what her intentions/expectations are with outfitting a nursery at her house. OP and her husband then need to start thinking what will work best for them and their baby.

Helpful hint: you don't need to plan out an unborn baby's life before it is even born. Part of being a good parent is being flexible. OP has no idea how this is all going to play out.

So wouldn’t you then think that OP’s MIL is already planning how her unborn grand baby’s life is going to be. What if OP has a boundary stomping MIL and doesn’t want her baby at her MIL’s home?

No. I don't that at all. Are you always this negative? The glass is half empty? MIL has probably gotten advice from her friends who are grandparents that readying a home for a grandchild is a good idea. Beats having a MIL with a house full of sharp edges breakable tchotchke, unprotected pools, dangerous stairs, and many other problems. So she bought a high chair. Oh no! Time to panic.

The PP’s point just flew over your head, must be age related cognitive decline. You chide the DIL for not being flexible in waiting to see what is useful but see no problem in granny trampling ahead and outfitting her house making plans for the baby to stay there. It would be far more logical for granny to wait and see how often her son and family want to come to their house and what they need.

Granny bought the stuff on sale. Sales don't last forever. I don't really care what goes on at my MILs house. She could have bought all the things but if I wasn't planning to take the baby there, then so what? As it is I haven't visited my MILs house in about 10 years. She visits us only.

who are kidding, there’s always sales somewhere. If granny cared about saving money, she wouldn’t be so presumptuous and ask OP before she bought items for her home.

Ask her… what? If she, the grandmother, wants a high chair?

Granny is using the high chair for herself? I think not. She could’ve asked OP does she have any intent of coming over often. Then she can see if it’s necessary to buy items of her own from the registry.

This c10000

Maybe OP can answer these questions for herself, instead of her spokespeople on here. For all we know she asked her son and he said "great idea!"

^ she being MIL asked her own son. She doesn't need specifically her DILs permission to buy baby stuff for her own house. Whether or not OP will deign to bring her baby there or not. If she wastes her own money who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

Give me a break. For all we know this is the first of many grandchildren to come with OPs DHs other siblings. MIL isn't going to steal the baby in plain sight.

No one said “steal the baby” except for you.

The risk here is the suggestion that MIL is building a fantasy of what the grandchild will be doing, and then OP is going to have to deal with her disappointment while she’s postpartum with a newborn and MIL is sulking that her brand new bassinet is empty.

Again unless we know the scale of what MIL is doing I don’t think we can say for sure, but if she’s completely duplicating the registry? OPs husband should have a word.

This X1000. If she is building a nursery that’s a very bad sign. Below are some of the things that the just excited boomer women have pulled in our extended family.

1. Wants to be in the delivery room or at least waiting at the hospital and able to see the baby within hours of it being born.wants to keep visiting at the hospital.
2. Wants to feed the baby formula while OP is trying to breast feed.
3. Ignores DIL when DIL isn’t comfortable breast feeding around her.
4. Wants to take the newborn back to her house so DIL /son can rest but they don’t want the baby to leave the house.
5. Wants to show the newborn off to her friends. Has zero concern for newborn catching something.
6. Doesn’t follow safe sleep medical rules.
7. Tries to extend every visit because everything is at her house.
8, Gets upset when son and DIL hire a nanny or babysitter.
9. Makes passive aggressive comments about how she knows better and her son survived.
10. Wants to go to pediatrician visits, expects to be in the loop on everything.

You need a new thread so we can tell you how bat sh** you sound too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s instincts aren’t wrong.

This behavior is ONLY helpful if OP and her husband have already decided that they plan frequent and lengthy visits with MIL, use MIL for babysitting and child care, and plan to leave the baby there. It sounds like OP and her husband haven’t made those decisions yet but MIL is presuming she’s going to be hosting the baby frequently. It’s the presumptuous behavior and if MIL has already shown herself to be overstepping, whiny, demanding or whatever would be a very bad sign.

The things that would be helpful for short, non weekly visits would be a pack and play, high chair and child proofing the house. MIL doesn’t need a crib, changing station, car seat, second set of clothes, diapers, bottles, bouncy seat, swing, stroller etc.

OP and her husband should have a conversation with MIL to figure out what her intentions/expectations are with outfitting a nursery at her house. OP and her husband then need to start thinking what will work best for them and their baby.

Helpful hint: you don't need to plan out an unborn baby's life before it is even born. Part of being a good parent is being flexible. OP has no idea how this is all going to play out.

So wouldn’t you then think that OP’s MIL is already planning how her unborn grand baby’s life is going to be. What if OP has a boundary stomping MIL and doesn’t want her baby at her MIL’s home?

No. I don't that at all. Are you always this negative? The glass is half empty? MIL has probably gotten advice from her friends who are grandparents that readying a home for a grandchild is a good idea. Beats having a MIL with a house full of sharp edges breakable tchotchke, unprotected pools, dangerous stairs, and many other problems. So she bought a high chair. Oh no! Time to panic.

The PP’s point just flew over your head, must be age related cognitive decline. You chide the DIL for not being flexible in waiting to see what is useful but see no problem in granny trampling ahead and outfitting her house making plans for the baby to stay there. It would be far more logical for granny to wait and see how often her son and family want to come to their house and what they need.

Granny bought the stuff on sale. Sales don't last forever. I don't really care what goes on at my MILs house. She could have bought all the things but if I wasn't planning to take the baby there, then so what? As it is I haven't visited my MILs house in about 10 years. She visits us only.

who are kidding, there’s always sales somewhere. If granny cared about saving money, she wouldn’t be so presumptuous and ask OP before she bought items for her home.

Ask her… what? If she, the grandmother, wants a high chair?

Granny is using the high chair for herself? I think not. She could’ve asked OP does she have any intent of coming over often. Then she can see if it’s necessary to buy items of her own from the registry.

This c10000

Maybe OP can answer these questions for herself, instead of her spokespeople on here. For all we know she asked her son and he said "great idea!"

^ she being MIL asked her own son. She doesn't need specifically her DILs permission to buy baby stuff for her own house. Whether or not OP will deign to bring her baby there or not. If she wastes her own money who cares?

I don’t think it’s a big deal for her to waste money (if she has it). I think it’s a big deal if she expects the kids to use the stuff she’s buying and hasn’t discussed it with the child’s parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s instincts aren’t wrong.

This behavior is ONLY helpful if OP and her husband have already decided that they plan frequent and lengthy visits with MIL, use MIL for babysitting and child care, and plan to leave the baby there. It sounds like OP and her husband haven’t made those decisions yet but MIL is presuming she’s going to be hosting the baby frequently. It’s the presumptuous behavior and if MIL has already shown herself to be overstepping, whiny, demanding or whatever would be a very bad sign.

The things that would be helpful for short, non weekly visits would be a pack and play, high chair and child proofing the house. MIL doesn’t need a crib, changing station, car seat, second set of clothes, diapers, bottles, bouncy seat, swing, stroller etc.

OP and her husband should have a conversation with MIL to figure out what her intentions/expectations are with outfitting a nursery at her house. OP and her husband then need to start thinking what will work best for them and their baby.

Helpful hint: you don't need to plan out an unborn baby's life before it is even born. Part of being a good parent is being flexible. OP has no idea how this is all going to play out.

So wouldn’t you then think that OP’s MIL is already planning how her unborn grand baby’s life is going to be. What if OP has a boundary stomping MIL and doesn’t want her baby at her MIL’s home?

No. I don't that at all. Are you always this negative? The glass is half empty? MIL has probably gotten advice from her friends who are grandparents that readying a home for a grandchild is a good idea. Beats having a MIL with a house full of sharp edges breakable tchotchke, unprotected pools, dangerous stairs, and many other problems. So she bought a high chair. Oh no! Time to panic.

The PP’s point just flew over your head, must be age related cognitive decline. You chide the DIL for not being flexible in waiting to see what is useful but see no problem in granny trampling ahead and outfitting her house making plans for the baby to stay there. It would be far more logical for granny to wait and see how often her son and family want to come to their house and what they need.

Granny bought the stuff on sale. Sales don't last forever. I don't really care what goes on at my MILs house. She could have bought all the things but if I wasn't planning to take the baby there, then so what? As it is I haven't visited my MILs house in about 10 years. She visits us only.

who are kidding, there’s always sales somewhere. If granny cared about saving money, she wouldn’t be so presumptuous and ask OP before she bought items for her home.

Ask her… what? If she, the grandmother, wants a high chair?

Granny is using the high chair for herself? I think not. She could’ve asked OP does she have any intent of coming over often. Then she can see if it’s necessary to buy items of her own from the registry.

This c10000

Maybe OP can answer these questions for herself, instead of her spokespeople on here. For all we know she asked her son and he said "great idea!"

^ she being MIL asked her own son. She doesn't need specifically her DILs permission to buy baby stuff for her own house. Whether or not OP will deign to bring her baby there or not. If she wastes her own money who cares?

I don’t think it’s a big deal for her to waste money (if she has it). I think it’s a big deal if she expects the kids to use the stuff she’s buying and hasn’t discussed it with the child’s parents.

It's a big deal? It's not though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

Give me a break. For all we know this is the first of many grandchildren to come with OPs DHs other siblings. MIL isn't going to steal the baby in plain sight.

No one said “steal the baby” except for you.

The risk here is the suggestion that MIL is building a fantasy of what the grandchild will be doing, and then OP is going to have to deal with her disappointment while she’s postpartum with a newborn and MIL is sulking that her brand new bassinet is empty.

Again unless we know the scale of what MIL is doing I don’t think we can say for sure, but if she’s completely duplicating the registry? OPs husband should have a word.

This X1000. If she is building a nursery that’s a very bad sign. Below are some of the things that the just excited boomer women have pulled in our extended family.

1. Wants to be in the delivery room or at least waiting at the hospital and able to see the baby within hours of it being born.wants to keep visiting at the hospital.
2. Wants to feed the baby formula while OP is trying to breast feed.
3. Ignores DIL when DIL isn’t comfortable breast feeding around her.
4. Wants to take the newborn back to her house so DIL /son can rest but they don’t want the baby to leave the house.
5. Wants to show the newborn off to her friends. Has zero concern for newborn catching something.
6. Doesn’t follow safe sleep medical rules.
7. Tries to extend every visit because everything is at her house.
8, Gets upset when son and DIL hire a nanny or babysitter.
9. Makes passive aggressive comments about how she knows better and her son survived.
10. Wants to go to pediatrician visits, expects to be in the loop on everything.

You sound like a complete nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

I’m getting the feeling that there is 1 granny posting over and over again. Probably the one convinced that DCURBAN moms poisons millennials to stand up to boomers.

The poster who said it’s a matter of scale is dead on. MIL buying a pack n play and high chair, excellent. MIL outfitting a second nursery with crib and all the other stuff is crazy overstepping.

Nope, I'm a millennial and I think OP is nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my shower isn’t yet so I haven’t been gifted any items. I find it weird that she would buy these items for herself and not buy items for my household first. I guess I’m here to ask if I am in the right to find this weird or it’s no big deal.

OP, this is a big deal - meaning that YOU need to relax and stand down. You seem ready to pounce at this woman who from what you described is doing a wonderful thing. She is respecting YOUR wishes and choices in baby items and is obviously excited to be a grandparent. So far, OP, it looks like you won the grandparent lottery yet you seem to see malice in her respectful and sweet actions. The problem here is you OP. Your MIL sounds great!

No this isn’t a great MIL at all. She isn’t buying this stuff expecting that it won’t get used. She fully expects the baby to be over there a lot using it. This is rude. A great MIL would ask the parents whether it would be helpful if she also bought some things for her house when they visit. This would be the lottery not an old woman who is already acting entitled to the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

Give me a break. For all we know this is the first of many grandchildren to come with OPs DHs other siblings. MIL isn't going to steal the baby in plain sight.

No one said “steal the baby” except for you.

The risk here is the suggestion that MIL is building a fantasy of what the grandchild will be doing, and then OP is going to have to deal with her disappointment while she’s postpartum with a newborn and MIL is sulking that her brand new bassinet is empty.

Again unless we know the scale of what MIL is doing I don’t think we can say for sure, but if she’s completely duplicating the registry? OPs husband should have a word.

This X1000. If she is building a nursery that’s a very bad sign. Below are some of the things that the just excited boomer women have pulled in our extended family.

1. Wants to be in the delivery room or at least waiting at the hospital and able to see the baby within hours of it being born.wants to keep visiting at the hospital.
2. Wants to feed the baby formula while OP is trying to breast feed.
3. Ignores DIL when DIL isn’t comfortable breast feeding around her.
4. Wants to take the newborn back to her house so DIL /son can rest but they don’t want the baby to leave the house.
5. Wants to show the newborn off to her friends. Has zero concern for newborn catching something.
6. Doesn’t follow safe sleep medical rules.
7. Tries to extend every visit because everything is at her house.
8, Gets upset when son and DIL hire a nanny or babysitter.
9. Makes passive aggressive comments about how she knows better and her son survived.
10. Wants to go to pediatrician visits, expects to be in the loop on everything.

You sound like a complete nightmare.

So you think those 10 examples are all perfectly OK for a MIL to do? You’re the nightmare monster in law!

[Anonymous]

Friends - OP isn't upset that granny bought the things for her own house, she's upset that granny DIDN'T buy the things for OP's HOUSE. That is literally what this thread is about. It's not about boundaries, it's about OP being pissed that granny didn't buy her things for her house. OP is entitled and selfish. Her kid's going to turn out the same way. Poor grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my shower isn’t yet so I haven’t been gifted any items. I find it weird that she would buy these items for herself and not buy items for my household first. I guess I’m here to ask if I am in the right to find this weird or it’s no big deal.

OP, this is a big deal - meaning that YOU need to relax and stand down. You seem ready to pounce at this woman who from what you described is doing a wonderful thing. She is respecting YOUR wishes and choices in baby items and is obviously excited to be a grandparent. So far, OP, it looks like you won the grandparent lottery yet you seem to see malice in her respectful and sweet actions. The problem here is you OP. Your MIL sounds great!

No this isn’t a great MIL at all. She isn’t buying this stuff expecting that it won’t get used. She fully expects the baby to be over there a lot using it. This is rude. A great MIL would ask the parents whether it would be helpful if she also bought some things for her house when they visit. This would be the lottery not an old woman who is already acting entitled to the baby.

You wouldn't know a great MIL if she slapped you in the face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

I’m getting the feeling that there is 1 granny posting over and over again. Probably the one convinced that DCURBAN moms poisons millennials to stand up to boomers.

The poster who said it’s a matter of scale is dead on. MIL buying a pack n play and high chair, excellent. MIL outfitting a second nursery with crib and all the other stuff is crazy overstepping.

Nope, I'm a millennial and I think OP is nuts.

+1 also a millennial also think OP sounds nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this thread has gone the way OP had intended. Most of the reasonable posters are showing support for instead of bashing the MIL

Um, no. Plenty of people disagree with you. Myself included.

So, the people disagreeing think that MIL isn't allowed to purchase things for her own home? Who would agree with that nonsense? A few crazies do not make a majority.

There’s a difference between being “allowed” and it being a red flag. Of course she’s allowed. That doesn’t mean it’s not a warning sign of some hefty expectations depending—again— on the scale of what she’s doing.

Someone with an entire nursery in their home set up for my unborn child would set off every parenting instinct to keep the kid away from them. Someone on hand with a thing of wipes in the brand I use when my kid needs an urgent change is my favorite person on earth in that moment.

Give me a break. For all we know this is the first of many grandchildren to come with OPs DHs other siblings. MIL isn't going to steal the baby in plain sight.

No one said “steal the baby” except for you.

The risk here is the suggestion that MIL is building a fantasy of what the grandchild will be doing, and then OP is going to have to deal with her disappointment while she’s postpartum with a newborn and MIL is sulking that her brand new bassinet is empty.

Again unless we know the scale of what MIL is doing I don’t think we can say for sure, but if she’s completely duplicating the registry? OPs husband should have a word.

This X1000. If she is building a nursery that’s a very bad sign. Below are some of the things that the just excited boomer women have pulled in our extended family.

1. Wants to be in the delivery room or at least waiting at the hospital and able to see the baby within hours of it being born.wants to keep visiting at the hospital.
2. Wants to feed the baby formula while OP is trying to breast feed.
3. Ignores DIL when DIL isn’t comfortable breast feeding around her.
4. Wants to take the newborn back to her house so DIL /son can rest but they don’t want the baby to leave the house.
5. Wants to show the newborn off to her friends. Has zero concern for newborn catching something.
6. Doesn’t follow safe sleep medical rules.
7. Tries to extend every visit because everything is at her house.
8, Gets upset when son and DIL hire a nanny or babysitter.
9. Makes passive aggressive comments about how she knows better and her son survived.
10. Wants to go to pediatrician visits, expects to be in the loop on everything.

You sound like a complete nightmare.

So you think those 10 examples are all perfectly OK for a MIL to do? You’re the nightmare monster in law!

Nobody cares about your bizarre characterization of a fictional evil MIL. Unless OP comes back its ridiculous to go so wildly off topic with your paranoia.

[Anonymous]

There’s been a trend among boomers of throwing grandma showers. The grandma is celebrated and given baby registry items to outfit her home. My cousins MIL did this and even stranger invited her and her mother. They declined and MIL was irked.

Point being that your MIL has probably caught wind from other boomers to do something self absorbed like outfit her house for someone else’s baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s been a trend among boomers of throwing grandma showers. The grandma is celebrated and given baby registry items to outfit her home. My cousins MIL did this and even stranger invited her and her mother. They declined and MIL was irked.

Point being that your MIL has probably caught wind from other boomers to do something self absorbed like outfit her house for someone else’s baby.

Someone else's baby? Like her son's baby? Y'all act like this person is a stranger in your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s been a trend among boomers of throwing grandma showers. The grandma is celebrated and given baby registry items to outfit her home. My cousins MIL did this and even stranger invited her and her mother. They declined and MIL was irked.

Point being that your MIL has probably caught wind from other boomers to do something self absorbed like outfit her house for someone else’s baby.

Someone else's baby? Like her son's baby? Y'all act like this person is a stranger in your lives.

Her sons baby still isn’t hers…and I cannot imagine anything in worse taste than a grandma shower