21 year old son, overnights with girlfriend

[Anonymous]

I know someone who won't let their kid propose until for 8 years, they are already 22+, graduated, employed, living on their own (separately), and dated 2+ years.

[Anonymous]

God grief. Not everyone is this loose. I didn't sleep over with DH or go on trips with him before marriage. We didn't live together. Yes, we had sex. You don't need to sleep over to have a fulfilling relationship.

Care to elaborate what exactly is 'loose' about sleeping together, as in actually sleeping on the same bed/room? You had sex with your future husband no problem, but were saving the 'sleepover' for marriage? Meh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who won't let their kid propose until for 8 years, they are already 22+, graduated, employed, living on their own (separately), and dated 2+ years.

Tell that adult kid they don’t need permission from mommy to propose or marry, good grief

[Anonymous]

OP your kid isn’t a little baby anymore. Wake up. He’s probably almost 22, right? By 26 expect to start hearing about weddings in his social circle. Lots, but not all, the kids his age are sleeping with their future spouses.

[Anonymous]

This is his best time to find a good life partner OP, don't ruin it for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Because he’s 21.
What are you worried about? Are they having sex? Why, yes; yes they are.
Can they have sex at any time during the day if they don’t spend the night? Yes they can.
Is he asking to do this in your house, where your rules apply? No he isn’t.
Stop trying to control him, you will just make him not want to visit, ever.

I know they are having sex. They can do that and he can go home.

You can’t force your son to live at your house. He’s 21.

I don't want to. He can follow my rules or leave.

My parents has this attitude. I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband). We didn't speak for 7 years. My brother and sister also went long periods of no contact with them.

We have a relationship now, but I can't see the pain in their eyes whenever stories of my 20s comes up and they remember that they missed all of it, all while trying to control me and keep me from the man who would become their son-in-law (who they now love).

My Dad eventually apologized, saying they had a really hard time letting go, and that as painful as it was, that I was right to draw a boundary and live my life on my own terms.

If you're not a troll, save yourself the heartache and lost years. Your son is an adult. Your time making his decisions is over. You can express your opinions, but attempts to control him will drive him away.

And while this girlfriend may or may not be the one, at some point, he will start dating his future spouse/life partner. Consider the relationship you want to have with that person, and understand that overstepping in their relationship early on could set the tone for a really uncomfortable relationship with the woman who will control your access to your grandchildren.

You sound selfish. You could have saved yourself and your parents a lot of heartache if you weren't thinking with your groin. You didn't need to live with your DH. Sounds like you chose sex over your parents. I would never.

She chose her future spouse over her parents. It's a natural transition that adults make.

Do you still live with your parents or your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God grief. Not everyone is this loose. I didn't sleep over with DH or go on trips with him before marriage. We didn't live together. Yes, we had sex. You don't need to sleep over to have a fulfilling relationship.

Married 25 years.

I don't understand how sleeping over is worse than sex without sleeping over though. The latter seems more in line with random hook-ups, while the former is more common in an exclusive relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God grief. Not everyone is this loose. I didn't sleep over with DH or go on trips with him before marriage. We didn't live together. Yes, we had sex. You don't need to sleep over to have a fulfilling relationship.

Married 25 years.

I don't understand how sleeping over is worse than sex without sleeping over though. The latter seems more in line with random hook-ups, while the former is more common in an exclusive relationship.

+1. What a very weird take. "I let him screw me of course, but no way did we do a weekend away! I'm not a whole! Just bend me over for a few minutes and I'm out of there. Purity!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God grief. Not everyone is this loose. I didn't sleep over with DH or go on trips with him before marriage. We didn't live together. Yes, we had sex. You don't need to sleep over to have a fulfilling relationship.

Married 25 years.

I don't understand how sleeping over is worse than sex without sleeping over though. The latter seems more in line with random hook-ups, while the former is more common in an exclusive relationship.

+1. What a very weird take. "I let him screw me of course, but no way did we do a weekend away! I'm not a whole! Just bend me over for a few minutes and I'm out of there. Purity!"

*whore

[Anonymous]

this is def a troll post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being unreasonable, yes. And exactly how do you plan to stop it?

I can't stop it but I won't be giving him use of my car to go there.

If he won't follow our rules, he can support himself.

+ 1,000 - You are correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being unreasonable, yes. And exactly how do you plan to stop it?

I can't stop it but I won't be giving him use of my car to go there.

If he won't follow our rules, he can support himself.

+ 1,000 - You are correct.

This young woman might be OP’s son’s future wife. He’s not a child anymore.

[Anonymous]

Aside from the posts where people talk about their uncles and cousins molesting them as children and their mothers doing nothing about it, this is genuinely the most shocking thread I have read on DCUM. That a mother would tell an adult family member that they don't have permission to propose is just - completely insane.

[Anonymous]

I think many parents are afraid of not being the center of gravity for their adult children. They want to protect their family unit by delaying formation of nee units. Its not intentional or they can't see their selfishness from rosy filter of good intentions.

[Anonymous]

OP, would you rather AC had sex with you instead?